Tag Archives: Hope

The Not So Interesting Topic of Blogging

Posted on by Gertie

I know I have discussed this multiple times and I am sure you are getting a little tired of me discussing the topic of blogging and getting back into it on the regular basis. So, I’m going to attempt to keep this post short. Note that the word attempt is the key word.

Once again, I decided to sign up for one of the courses WordPress puts on. It’s a five day course focusing on commenting basics. The course is geared toward the person to interact with others on their blogs. In this case that person is me. I realize that part of blogging is making sure I interact with others on their blogs and I have been lacking in that area of blogging. Which is why I am choosing to do the course. Plus, it’s only five days and I know with my work schedule that I would be able to do this.

If you remember a few month back I decided to have Junior my fiancé and the woman I consider a motherly figure, I call Mama Bear write an introduction of themselves because I want them to be able to contribute to my blog. Well, I talked with them again about writing a post once to twice and month and they agreed they would. In fact they both agreed they would post once a week. I am happy that they are willing to post weekly. The links Junior’s and Mama Bears introductions are: https://gertiesjourney.com/2016/05/29/introduction-junior/ and  https://gertiesjourney.com/2016/06/01/introduction-mama-bear/. I hope you take the time to read them.

This leads me to my next idea of making a schedule of posting more regularly. For me having a schedule is key to my recovery and it if having a schedule helps with my recovery it can help with my blog. As of yesterday, Saturday, September 2nd, I will be doing my weekly check-ins on Saturday mornings. Starting Wednesday, September 7th, Mama Bear will be posting on Wednesdays. Starting Friday, September 9th, Junior will posting on Fridays. Starting Sunday, September 11th I will be posting an educational piece on mental illness or a news article or story related to mental illness. Starting Monday, September 12th I will be getting back in my weekly prompts of writing fiction. From my end the only two days that need to be filled in regards to blogging are Tuesdays and Thursdays and I will be figuring out what to do for the remaining two days. At this point in time there will be no rush in figuring out what exactly will be on Tuesday and Thursdays because, I just want to make sure the I get into the groove with the new blogging schedule as well as reminding both Junior and Mama Bear to blog regularly so they can get in the groove of blogging as well.

I just hope I don’t let you my reader down if things don’t go as I plan. The reason for plan of having a regular schedule is because, I don’t want you my reader to get bored with my blog or to loose interest in my blog. I know I have stopped reading blogs because I have lost interest in them. Mainly, due to the fact that they don’t post on the regular basis. So, if I am posting on the regular basis, I hope people won’t loose interest.

Enough about me and my need find ways to keep my blogging active. I hope I didn’t bore you, although I am sure I did. I hope you have a nice and peaceful rest of your Sunday. Peace out, everyone.

Sleepless In Seattle, Once Again

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!! Normally, I would be getting ready for a job I love with a passion however I am not going into work this morning. I am not feeling well. Mainly because I didn’t sleep all that well last night. My insomnia was not helping so much. To make it worse every time I did attempt to fall asleep, my PTSD would rear its ugly head with flashbacks, nightmares and body memories. Too make things worse is I had nightmares about the miscarriages I had. Nightmares that included four faceless babies saying they miss me and love me and then tell me I killed them. Its difficult to sleep after that. I wish my depression symptoms from the grief of losing two sets of twins is setting in once again. Plus the normal PTSD shit that doesn’t help matters much with the nightmares of being abused. Anyway due to the lack of sleep due to grieving over my two miscarriages as well as PTSD shit from my childhood, I have decided to call into work sick today. A job I love with a passion.

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World. I have decided to start doing my weekly check-ins once again and for a multitude of reasons. One of which to keep you the reader up to date on what is going  in the my life and two, to get back in the swing of things of blogging. I have found that if I blog on the regular basis, it keeps my regular readers to want to check-out my blog more often. I have many other reasons why I am stating my weekly check-ins however I am not going to bore you with those reasons.

A great deal has happened this past week so lets just start on Monday since nothing really notable happened Sunday. Monday, I saw my therapist, Diana. Overall, my session with her went well. It went much better than the last session I had with which was back in June. In fact Diana stated that I made “progress” in our session. If I look back on our session I did make some progress. It was an emotionally difficult session with Diana am grateful that I made progress. We discussed some difficult topics that I usually quickly change the subject on and this time I didn’t change the topic which is one of the successes I had in my session.

The success I had in my session with Diana is a major deal but the success I was able to show someone else on Tuesday and Wednesday validated all the work I have done in my recovery. I attended a two day conference on focusing on peers specialist and supportive employment and how the two can interact with each other. So, I ran into another professional at this conference who knew me at my worst. A person who didn’t think I was capable of ever working due to the “severity” of my symptoms at the time.  This person was “shocked as hell” that I was in attendance as well as working as a peer specialist. It felt good being able to prove to someone that I am capable of doing something that they thought I was unable to do. The interaction I had with this person helped me realize that I am a success and how much I am proud of myself for accomplishing.

On the topic accomplishments I have been following the Summer Olympics. Now, the individuals participating in the Olympics have had major accomplishments in their lives to just be able to make it to the Olympics. Yes, many of the Olympians have had difficulties in their lives and you can compare to just about any thing in life. The one thing I am highly disappointed in is that a soccer play on the U.S.A’s woman soccer team was a sore looser and unsportsmanlike. This soccer player made her country (which is my country) look like they are sore losers. Just know we as Americans don’t approve of such unsportsmanlike behavior. The Olympics are suppose to bring the world together and hope that it continue to do so.

The correlation I can see between the Olympics and mental health recovery is hope. And that’s what I want to end this post today with a message hope.  We all need hope! Peace Out!!

Wabbit Hunting

Posted on by Gertie

You wake up one morning and find yourself inside a “Looney Tunes” cartoon 

 with a burning desire to hunt down a certain mischievous bunny, no matter the cost. 

What happens next?

I wake up thinking I’ve lost my mind once again so I wake up Junior and ask him if I am loosing my mind. Junior nods his no as he says “I think we both lost our minds.” At that moment it time the phone rings it’s my brother, Jay who asked “What the hell is going on? I’m in a “Looney Tunes” cartoon.” I then told him that both Junior and myself are in a  “Looney Tunes” cartoon as well.  I invite my brother over so we can discuss the situation of waking in a cartoon.

My brother arrives at my place quite quickly in a panic speaking gibberish. When we were finally able to understand what Jay was saying we realize that the entire world became amerced in a “Looney Tunes” cartoon. The good news of this is that it appears that everyone is loosing their minds. The bad news is that you may not be in the same “Looney Tunes” cartoon as someone who is close to you even if you live with the person.

As Junior, Jay and myself were discussing about how the world was loosing their minds due to being in a “Looney Tunes” cartoon we all realized we wanted to go hunt down a certain bunny. We all came to the consensus that since we wouldn’t think about murdering somebody when the world wasn’t in a cartoon, we wouldn’t do it now since we weren’t a hundred percent positive the mischievous bunny wasn’t really a person in the non cartoon world.

Now on to bigger problems, how do we help ourselves and the rest of the world get out of being in a cartoon. It might be fun for a few days however realistically we all would need to get back to reality. The reality of being human and not a cartoon.

The world was complete chaos for the obvious reason of everyone being in a “Looney Tunes” cartoon. Now it was time to attempt to get everyone in the same episode so maybe just maybe things can get back to whatever the hell normal is and being human again and not a cartoon.

Junior, Jay, myself as well as our friends and family all decided to  share our ideas with local first responders and Politian’s. Surprisingly enough everyone was on board about brining everyone back to reality and out of a cartoon. Fortunately, after two weeks with the world being a “Looney Tunes” cartoon everyone became human again. Only this time there was world peace. Yes, I did say world peace.

Tattoo of Hope

Posted on by Gertie

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Good Morning!! I hope everyone is having a good weekend. If you regularly read my blog you know that I got a new tattoo yesterday. In fact the tattoo I got yesterday evening is pictured above.

I have wanted to get a butterfly tattoo for several years now for several reasons. The main reason is that a butterfly is a sign of hope. Hope that all the struggles one goes through that beauty is on the other side. Think of the caterpillar and the darkness it goes through when it is in a cocoon and out from the cocoon the beauty of the butterfly emerges.

This is how I view recovery. Not just my recovery but other’s recovery. Knowing that the beauty of recovery looks differently  to each person and each person is in recovery from different issues.

For me my recovery is from a mental illness and cutting as well as eating disorders. Granted I have been in recovery from the eating disorders longer than my mental health issues but it is still recovery. I also am in recovery from cutting.

As you can see in the picture, I have scars from the cutting and that the butterfly covers up some of those scars. Scars that may look fresh but are not.  I purposely had the butterfly placed where it is because I wanted to show the beauty of what recovery looks like despite the scars I have, both visible and invisible to the eye.

Thank you for reading. I appreciate each and everyone of you and hope that what I blog about has meaning to someone just like my both my tattoos have meaning to me. Have a great weekend and peace out.

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening or should I say Happy Friday!!! It is finally the end of a long and stressful work week. Don’t get me wrong I love my job it just was a long week at work.

As you may know that this week was suppose to be a “short” week because of the three day weekend but I went into work on Memorial Day to clean up a messy office that I acquired from my predecessors as well as catching up on the all so lovely paper work that is nesasary as peer specialist. Not to mention that the lovely paper work is required by the state and federal government as well as the lovely insurance companies that pay for clients to seek services. Well, back on topic of work and the stress that goes with being a peer specialist. Besides paper work, myself and my colleagues were informed of three client deaths. I of course can’t say anymore about the client deaths due to HIPPA. It is not easy to hear about a clients death especially multiple in a week.

Hearing about the clients deaths brought up my own grief and loss issues. Not just over loosing clients but that of the miscarriages I have dealt with. It is still quite difficult dealing with the miscarriage loss’s. Loosing a child(ren) is the toughest thing a person can deal with. So tough at times that at the moment I rather change the subject.

So let go on to the subject of earlier this evening. After work I went and got my second tattoo. I got a butterfly tattoo. I hope to blog more about it tomorrow with a picture or two. Getting the tattoo was quite relaxing and am grateful that I got it. So far the people who have seen the tattoo like it.

I hope to blog more about my tattoo tomorrow (Saturday) morning. Have a great weekend everyone. Peace out!!

Looking Forward To Tomorrow

Posted on by Gertie

It’s been a long day and continues get longer. I, of coursed worked today and now I am waiting to start a Warm Line shift. I decided that I would fill in for someone who needed to take the day off from their shift. Others have done it for me so I will do it for others. I know I’m going to be tired by the end of my volunteer shift since I worked today as well but I am looking forward to tomorrow.

I am looking forward to tomorrow because at this time tomorrow I will be getting my second tattoo. I am going to be getting a butterfly on my right shoulder. I emailed an idea of the butterfly tattoo I desire to my tattoo artist informing him that the image I sent him was an idea of how I want the butterfly and would like his artistic style to the butterfly as well. From my understanding he is grateful for the idea and is “thrilled” to be able add his own style to the butterfly tattoo I emailed him. It was and is just an idea of how I would like the idea.

The placement of my tattoo will be covering up some scars on my shoulder. Scars that people always assume that are “fresh” when they are not. They just happened to be keloid scars. If you regularly read my blog you know that I have had issues with cutting myself in the height of my mental illness.

It seems that all the tattoo’s I plan on getting including the one I have and the butterfly I am getting tomorrow all have some meaning to me in regards to my mental illness. Most if not all I am going to get will be recovery related. Two or three will help bring awareness to mental illness like the semi-colon tattoo I already have. The butterfly has meaning to me as well and yes it involves my recovery dealing with mental illness. I will share with you the meaning behind it, tomorrow evening or Saturday morning when I do my weekly check in. Hell, I might just do an entire post on just my new tattoo after I get it. Yes, I will put up a picture of it on my blog.

I need to get going. My Warm Line shift is about to start. Have a wonderful evening. I hope to do another post tomorrow evening, weather it’s my weekly check in or about my butterfly tattoo. Peace Out!!!

Introduction: Mama Bear

Posted on by mamabearraine

Hello! Let me introduce myself. I am who Gertie refers to as Mama Bear. As you know, Gertie has asked me to be a contributor to her blog. I will be sharing my personal experience on what it is like to be a support system to someone who struggles  with a mental illness.

I have been asked to also share my experience on what it is like to be a parent of two children who are diagnosed with a mental illness. I may consider Gertie like a daughter, I have four other children. Two of which I had biologically and two of which I adopted. It is my adopted children that have a diagnosed mental illness. Not only will I be sharing my experience of what its like to be the support system of someone who struggles with a mental illness and being the parent of two children with a mental illness, I will be discussing what it is like to be a first responder who deals with the mentally ill.

I have known Gertie for nearly 16 years and have seen her grow. Grow in ways that many of us didn’t think could happen. We didn’t think it could happen because Gertie was so close to death due to multiple suicide attempts that we didn’t think should would make it. Gertie’s will and determination to start recovery and to remain in recovery is what has helped to get to the place she is in now. She is doing awesome. She is following her dreams of being in a romantic relationship with my colleague, Junior as well as working as a Peer Specialist to help show others recovery is possible.

I thank you for reading. I hope to post as often as I am able with being a working mother to four children and a motherly figure Gertie needs.

Mama Bear

Two Years of Blogging

Posted on by Gertie

Today, marks two years since I posted my first blog post. It’s hard to wrap my mind around that it has been two years already. In fact I am surprised with myself that I have stuck with blogging. I thought I would have given up on it for various of reasons. I could have multiple times and didn’t give up.

I could have given up when I miscarried. I could have given up when my mental illness reared it’s ugly head. I could have given up when I didn’t reach the amount of followers I think I should have by a certain time. I didn’t give up.

I didn’t give up because there is still stigma out there regarding mental illness. I didn’t give up because there are people out there still struggling with mental illness that needs to find hope. To find hope that recovery is possible. I didn’t give up because I have found out in the last two years of blogging that blogging helps me and helps me with my recovery. If fact I wasn’t even expecting it to be helpful for me. I didn’t give up because I have found a support system within the blogging community.

The blogging community has a sense of respect for each other that other social media does not. There is very little drama in the blogging community. There is some drama but it’s extremely rare and that is what I like. We all respect each other no matter the topic of our particular blog or post. We may not always agree with each other but we respect each other and our different opinions and point of views. Thank you for allowing me to be apart of an awesome community.

I need to be going. I need to get going and head for work.  Again, thank you for being so kind to me and allowing me to be me. Have a wonderful day and Peace Out!!

Introduction: Junior

Posted on by jjuniorz

Hello! I want to introduce myself; I am Junior. I am Gertie’s fiancé. I was asked by Gertie to be a contributor of her blog from time to time. To share my experience on what it is like to be a partner and loved one of a person who struggles with a mental illness. I am not sure what exactly to say except that I love Gertie with all my heart, soul and mind.

My love for Gertie grows everyday and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Yes, it can be quite challenging at times when Gertie is in the height of a mental health relapse yet I have seen her grow in recovery over the last several years.

I first met Gertie when she had attempted suicide and my engine company as well as a Medic One Unit responded to the 911 call nearly sixteen years ago. Myself and the rest of the crew didn’t think she would make it. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the only time I had responded to Gertie attempting suicide however over the last sixteen years I have seen Gertie grow in strides.

Gertie has been focused on her recovery for quite some time now. She has struggled some and despite her struggles she gets more determined with her recovery as well as more resilient.

As time goes on I will share my experiences with being a partner of someone who struggles with a mental illness and how I take care of myself in the process especially when Gertie is in a mental health relapse. Thankfully, she is not in a relapse at the moment.

I will be sharing my experience as a first responder and how as I first responder I interact with those who have a mental illness and in crisis. I hope to share more with you soon

Junior