Tag Archives: PTSD

Midnight Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I have trouble comprehending why I have such a difficult time at night. Not just with sleep but with the symptoms of anxiety and depression. I am struggling a little bit with depression and anxiety relating to PTSD. Dealing with symptoms this time of night when your natural supports are unavailable for whatever reason can be difficult and challenging for me.

As challenging as it is for me right now, I know what I can do to help myself. I can turn to my coping skills. Coping skills that have helped me a great deal throughout my recovery. Coping skills that will continue to help me even in this moment in time.

One of the things I will do is color. As any type of art has helped me a great deal. In fact I’ll probably end doing some collaging as well because it helps me put words to my emotions.

Another thing I will be doing is a mindfulness and meditation practice as this helps quiet my mind. It puts me in a better head space. A head space that is at least in neutral gear.

Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

An Emergency Room (E.R) Post

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As I type this post, I am sitting in the emergency room (E.R) in pain and typing with one hand as I hit a brick wall. I hit a brick wall because I was feeling high anxiety as well as fear. I was feeling his way because of PTSD symptoms. PTSD symptoms that were and are quite overwhelming.

Symptoms that I will be discussing with my therapist today when I see him. I’ll also be discussing my self harm actions. Actions that need to be discussed as I didn’t reach out to anybody when I first had urges to self harm this morning.

I did attempt to use my DBT skills. First of all I blogged. After posting my last post I ended up reading my book. Both blogging and reading helped but I obviously needed to reach out to somebody and/or needed to use more skills so I wouldn’t have punched a brick wall.

I should get going as I am in the emergency room getting my hand looked at. I’ll post again later. Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World

Early Morning Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is 3:33 in the morning in my neck of the woods. Yes, I realize it is early but at least I got some sleep. I think I got about four hours of sleep. I, did however wake up from a nightmare. A nightmare that scared the shit out of me but thankfully I was able to get the support I needed from a friend.

After talking to my friend, I am now blogging. Pretty much I am blogging about whatever comes to mind at the moment. Hence the reason why my title is what it is.

As mentioned in a previous post, I checked in with my therapist yesterday (Friday). We discussed what I am going to do this weekend. I told him I don’t have much going except cleaning my apartment later on today (Saturday). We discussed a little about what I could for fun over the weekend. I came up with my usual stuff like reading, art and blogging. He encouraged me to do something out of the box for me. So, this is where I get stumped as this means going to the stupid mall or something like that. I informed my therapist that I could call a friend and spend a few hours with them at the mall. Apparently, his first impression of me was correct when he stated “You don’t appear to be a mall type person. Good job with thinking outside of the box with doing something different with a friend.” I told my therapist that he was right that I am not a “mall type person.” He chuckled and we continued to discuss what my weekend plans were. I hope I am not wrong on this but my therapist appears that he is good at what he does. Yeah, he may be a little timid but I think that is his personality.

I think I am going to spend most of the weekend reading. I am hoping to finish my book this weekend. No promises on finishing it but I am getting closer to finishing it. I love reading.

I don’t think I have anything else to ramble on about. Peace Out, World!!!

The Oh So Elusive Thing Called Sleep

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! Once again I am having another night of what looks like of no sleep. Sleep is a major part of my recovery and to living everyday life. I guess that I am getting frustrated that I am not being able to sleep. Sleep is key for me to be stable.

Stable to where I can function as a productive member of society. Society that expects people like myself to work. Hell, I expect me to work because I know I am able to do so however my symptoms are getting the fucking what of being a functioning adult.

Now that I am done venting, I am going to attempt to get some sleep. Thank you so much for reading. Goodnight. Peace Out, World!!!

Monday Evening Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am wanting to blog right now but having some issues at the moment. Part of it is genuine writers block while the other part is due to mental health symptoms. Symptoms that are quite bothersome and annoying as hell.

I did see Gilbert today. We discussed the recent trauma I experienced. We also discussed the art work I did in Art Group today. He really likes the fact that art helps me open up about stuff that I need to discuss to help me with my recovery.

For me finding way to help me with my recovery is quite important to me. That’s why I am grateful that Gilbert is invested in my recovery. I think he is more so at the moment than I am but that is okay with me for now.

Thanks for reading. It’s much appreciated from my end. Peace Out, World!!!

Thin Mints Washing Away My Sorrows

Posted on by Gertie

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Good Evening, World!!! It has been one of them days. No matter what I do, I gain a little ground and then trip over the other shoe that finally dropped. Even though, I am struggling at this particular moment in time, I remember the things that give me hope like what I mentioned in my previous post.

I might be dealing with grief and loss from my grandma’s death as well as a trauma but I’m not harming myself which is a good thing. No, I don’t have urges to self harm but what I’m saying is that with the recent difficulties I am dealing with is that I could have some mental health symptoms that are more difficult than others to deal with.

Right now, I am eating a box of Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies. It is quite soothing for me to treat myself to Thin Mints. Girl Scout cookies are only sold for a limited time once a year.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Saturday Morning Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I haven’t had the best of weeks. I’m just briefly checking in for the moment as I’m having a slightly rough go at it. I didn’t get much sleep again last night except it wasn’t because of insomnia. It was because I experienced yet another trauma. A trauma that I most likely will not discuss with you or at least in the current future.

I think I am going to work on my mindfulness workbook to help me get back into the right state of mind. Something else that will be helpful is to look over my DBT homework that I did last night and isn’t due to Friday.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Anxiety Sucks Sh*t

Posted on by Gertie

I am struggling at the moment with anxiety. Anxiety that appears to be fluctuating quite quickly.  So quickly that I end up freezing. Freezing up so bad that I need to do something to get out of frozen mode.

For me I color. It has proven to be quite helpful for me. Coloring helps me a great deal express my emotions.

I also enjoy reading as it helps me get out of my head. It gets me out of my head enough to refocus my attention on to something else.

Thank you for reading. It’s much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Ugh!!! Someone Pulled The Fire Alarm

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I’m getting frustrated as hell. Someone keeps pulling the pull station and it sets off the fire alarm. I was in the middle of working on one of my workbooks. I am now shaken up by this. It triggers my PTSD as I been in two fires.

Now that I have been triggered, I am going to do some mindfulness and meditation practices. I need to get back to being relaxed so I can sleep tonight.

I hope everyone has a great night. Thank you for reading my blog. Goodnight. Peace Out, World!!!

Just a Rambling or Two

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I was able to get back to sleep after my last post discussing about how I woke up from a nightmare. Nightmares are not my idea of fun and not conducive to one getting sleep.

Right now I am thinking about my grandma and her funeral on Monday.  I miss her so much and its going to be difficult to say goodbye to her on Monday. I just want my grandma back so much. I love her so very much.

I think once I am done blogging I will do The Mindfulness Workbook that I’ve been working on. It’s helping me overcoming fear and embracing compassion. I am enjoying doing this workbook as well the other workbook I am doing.

I think I am going to get going and do my workbook. Thank you very much for reading my blog. It is much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!