Anxiety That Won’t Go Away

Good Evening, World!!! As I mentioned in an earlier post I didn’t see my therapist today for our session due to anxiety. We did reschedule our appointment for Thursday. He has checked up on me twice today to make I am doing okay. Yes, I am doing okay. Or better than I was.

Better than I was earlier especially since my budget is better than I thought it was going to be. I forgot to include my tax refund I got in my budget.

Even though I had anxiety over my budget my therapist and I figured out that I was having anxiety due to PTSD symptoms. Symptoms that don’t help with my general anxiety symptoms. Symptoms I wish were subsiding but they are not so much.

Thank you so much for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

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Still Awake in Seattle

Good Morning, World!!! It is just after five thirty in the morning and I still haven’t been to sleep. Yes, I have attempted to get to sleep, I just was unable to do so. I even took my Ambien to be able to sleep and still a no go at the oh so elusive sleep.

Despite getting no sleep I have managed to stay busy. I pretty much stayed busy by reading. Reading appears to be one of my go to activities as of lately. I enjoy reading immensely.

Even though I read most of the night, it still didn’t take my anxiety away a hundred percent. I am worried about money like many people around the world are. I am worried that my tax refund check won’t get here in time to pay the rent. I know I am most likely worried about nothing but I am worried.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

SNL + Wonder Woman = Reduced Anxiety

Hello, World!!! At this moment in time I am watching Saturday Night Live (SNL). For me SNL helps me with my anxiety. Tonight the anxiety is involving money and my taxes. I am worried it is going to get lost in the mail. I should have had it directly deposited into my account but I didn’t.

Besides watching SNL, I plan on reading Wonder Woman comic books. Wonder Woman my be a fictional character but she is a sign of strength for me. She is so much of a symbol of strength for me that I am thinking about getting a Wonder Woman tattoo.

I should get going and watch SNL. Have a great night. Peace Out, World!!!

Nothing But Just a Bunch of Ramblings

Good Afternoon, World!!! As I sit here at my laptop, I am worried about my tax refund. I am worried why it hasn’t been approved yet. I know the IRS is busy right now with all the procrastinators but still I would like to know if my refund got approved. I guess I am just worried about the money aspect right now.

I am getting excited about the work shop I will be attending in a couple of hours. I am happy that I was invited to this workshop via private email. A friend invited me to attend it. It is about the implementation of recovery and peer services, to make sure they are going the way the county wants it to go.

I am not only have lunch with the friend who invited me to the workshop today but I am having dinner with another friend. A friend I have known for nearly 23 years. It is always good to spend time with people. People who care about you.

I have been working on two of my workbooks today. I am feeling slightly accomplished that I have been able to do so. Working on the workbooks has be quite beneficial to me and my recovery. Being able to help myself is an amazing feeling.

Thank you for reading. I hope to blog again this evening. Specifically about the workshop I attended. Have a wonderful weekend. Happy Friday. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Weekly Check-In

Good Evening, World!!! I am at a loss on what to say right now even though I have a lot on my mind. A lot on my mind because of everything that happened this past week. Not that any of it was bad. Just a lot happened.

Tuesday, I met with my therapist for our first one on one session. My new therapist appears to be cool. He is recovery minded and is in line with what I want to accomplish in regards to my recovery.

Wednesday, I had my job interview that went okay. In all honesty I won’t be let down if I don’t get the job as I don’t think the job would be a good fit for me to begin with.

Thursday, I met with my new psychiatric nurse practitioner. She appears to be cool. She took me off of the Seroquel as I am on Abilify now. I’m just having even more trouble sleeping now.

I also got my taxes done on Thursday. I am getting more money back than I expected and am thrilled about that. Now I can pay a good portion of my credit card off.

That’s pretty much what I did this week. I mean my depression has been acting up and it sucks shit but all I can do is accept reality and push through it. It’s the only thing I can do right now. I can not let it get to me at the moment as if I do then shit can hit the fan quite quickly.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

An Accomplished Day

Good Afternoon, World!!! I sit here today feeling accomplished. Well, not exactly accomplished in a way others may few accomplished.

I started out the day with having an appointment with my new psychiatric nurse practitioner. She appears to be nice and recovery focused. She took me off of my Seroquel as she believes I don’t need to be on it as I am also on Abilify.

Next thing I did was file my taxes. I am not getting as much back this year as previous year because I didn’t work most of last year. I am okay with that as I am happy with what I am getting back.

The last thing I did was spend about an hour cleaning my apartment. It is nice having a clean place. Having my apartment clean helps my depression.

I wish this feeling of accomplishment was the same sense of accomplishment after a hard days work but I’m okay with it.  Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

 

To Be or Not To Be; Productive

All I want in this life is to be a productive member of society and at this very moment I feel like I am not. Due to the fact that I resigned from a job I love with a passion. Then again, I resigned from a position I love with a passion due to the fact of an extremely unsupportive supervisor. A supervisor who would not allow me the time off to attend much needed appointments for both my mental and physical health. My health and recovery are far too important than being what society views as being a productive member of society. I may not be as productive as I want to be at the moment but I’m working on my recovery. Maybe, me focusing on my recovery is being a productive member of society. All, I know is once I start to stabilize and get back to baseline I will find me another job in the mental health field.

I may not be in a place I want to be in but it appears from my end that I radically accepting that my brother, Jay, isn’t making the wisest of decisions. For instances he signed out of the program he was in and is now homeless. I scared shitless for my brother but Jay, needs to learn things the hard way. As much as I want to go rescue him I can’t. He is 26 years old and a grown man who makes his own decisions. Just like me and everyone else in this world, Jay will need to learn from his mistakes. As much as it hurts me to see that he is homeless and not being responsible for his actions.

As hard it is for me to believe that I’m not cringing with the fact that I am actually using Radical Acceptance in regard to my brother and his life decisions. Jay is a vulnerable adult and I worry about him being homeless yet I’m accepting the fact that he has made his own choices. I can’t live his life for him and hope that I’m not sounding heartless when I say that.

Right now me being a productive member of society is to focus on my recovery. Part of that is to get my shit together. Now that I have my taxes done, I need to fill out some paper work for DSHS. I highly dislike paper work but then again, I don’t know anyone who likes paper work.  Another way I am being productive is making an effort to blog. Blogging is extremely helpful for me and hope it is helpful for those who follow my blog. Of course attending my much needed appointments makes me a productive member of society.

Anyway, enough with being productive. Some days being productive is more difficult than other days.  If blogging and doing my taxes counts as being productive then I guess, I’ve had a productive day and its not even 12 noon yet.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Happy Friday. Peace Out!!!