Tag Archives: PTSD

Tough Moment = Reading Wonder Woman

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It’s a beautiful sunny, frigid day in Seattle with snow on the ground. As beautiful as it is outside, I am emotionally not doing so well at the moment. I think part of it has to do with not being able to sleep for the last two nights.

As, I struggle to sleep I think I am going to read some Wonder Woman comic books as it is helpful to me. Plus it’s quite enjoyable to read comic books. I am happy that I have a dad that got me collecting Wonder Woman comics as it is something I can do for the rest of my life.

I am going to go and read. Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepless in Frigid Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is one o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. Right now I am having trouble sleeping. I am having trouble sleeping for a multitude of reasons. Actually, two reasons. First is due to the fact I am missing my grandma. Today marks one weeks since she passed away. Second is because of the physical assault that happened the other night.

It hasn’t been the easiest week for me yet somehow I am making it though. I am choosing to focus on my recovery. I am choosing to not harm myself when urges arise. I am choosing to live a life worth living for me.

All I can say right now is that it is freezing outside. It is 27 degrees Fahrenheit outside. I am not a big fan of cold weather. Hot weather I can deal with but not so much the cold weather. Maybe it is because I am from beautiful sunny Southern California.

Thank you for reading. It is appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

PTSD Can Phucking Go To Hell

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! My PTSD is acting up because of the assault that happened last night. I was able to talk to Gilbert earlier about what happened and we came up with a safety as a preventative measure. A preventative measure as just in case I get self harm urges at some point today.

One of the things we came up with was music. I can play my flute or harmonica if it’s before ten o’clock at night. I can also listen to music. As I mentioned before when words fail music speaks and I find this to be true.

Another thing I can do is art. Art has become a very helpful (and healthy) skill to have for me. Art is a way for me to express my emotions in a positive way.

The last thing we came up with was reading as it helps me get out of my head. Gilbert and I discussed reading my book as well as Wonder Woman comic books. We discussed superhero’s and how they relate to recovery.

Thank you for reading. It is appreciated. Peace Out, World!!

Blogging + Wonder Woman = A Life Worth Living

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! So far today hasn’t been the easiest of days for me due to the assault I experienced yesterday evening. I am attempting to use my DBT Skills. One skill I am using right this moment is blogging. Another skill I have been using is reading. I have been reading Wonder Woman comic books.

For me both blogging and reading Wonder Woman comics for me is just two of many things in my life that make my life worth living. A life worth living looks differently to each individual. For me its blogging, Wonder Woman and many other things.

I want to thank you for reading. I am going to go and read more Wonder Woman. Peace Out, World!!!

Tuesday Morning Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! The last six days has not been the easiest for me. First my grandma died and then last night a neighbor was being a jerk and physically attacked me. I naturally called the police and filed a police report as well as went to the hospital. Good thing is that I have now broken bones. Bad news is that my face is swollen and I have bruising on my arms and back.

The doctor gave me some strong pain meds. He and I discussed ways to reduce my pain without meds as I only asked him to prescribe only three. I informed him that I do daily mindfulness and meditation practice twice a day and that I tend to do extra practices when I am in pain and/or have high anxiety. The doctor was impressed that I have non-medicine ways to deal with pain.

As expected and not surprising my PTSD is acting up. It is acting up severely and is an opportunity to use my mindfulness skills. Skill that have been quite helpful for me.

Thank you for reading. It is much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 8: Letter Format

Posted on by Gertie

Dear Abuser,

Normally this where I tell you hi and ask how you are doing however you don’t deserve that type of greeting. This the point in the greeting I tell you how I am doing. I’m angry.

Angry with the fact of the shit I had to endure at your hands and the hands of others. Others that had paid you for me. I am a person, not a commodity. Humans are not merchandise. We are to be respected and not sold.

I was only nine when you raped me for the first time. You ruined my childhood. Do you realize the shit I deal with on the daily basis because of you. The shit you did to me interferes with my sleep, eating, love life and other daily stuff people take for granted. You took that away from me.

You are an asshole and you don’t even deserve this acknowledgement.

Gertie

Tough Moment

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am having a tough moment. A moment that has been due to PTSD and Anxiety with some Depression. A moment that Junior is helping me through. A moment that mindfulness and meditation practice has helped me.

As I have a tough moment I realize that as rough it is right now, I am doing better than I was doing early in January. I think I am doing better than I was because I don’t want to go back to where I was when I first made a decision to be in active recovery. I want to be where I was when I was doing well and working fulltime as a Peer Support Specialist.

Thank you for reading as I think its time to settle in for the night. Have a goodnight and don’t let the bedbugs bite. Peace Out, World!!!.

Friday Morning Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is seven fifteen  in morning in my corner of the world. I didn’t get much sleep last night because two of my neighbors were arguing last night. When they weren’t arguing they were pounding on each other’s doors and just making it miserable for the rest of us who live on my floor.

I personally think I would have gotten more sleep if I my neighbors weren’t being jerks to each other. In fact, my neighbors yelling at each other severely triggered my PTSD. Almost severely enough to where it nearly put me into crisis mode.

Thankfully, I was able to prevent crisis mode by using my DBT Skills. If it weren’t for my skills I don’t know what I would be doing. I put on my headphones and listened to music to drown out my neighbors screaming while I read. Both of these skills helped me most of the night and didn’t put me into crisis mode.

Another skill that helps me is reading the news paper while drinking some hot tea. Like every day, there was only bad news. Apparently, there is suppose to be a storm coming to Seattle. Not sure if it’s going to happen as it appears that anytime a storm is expected it never happens.

Thank you for reading. Happy Friday!!! Peace Out, World!!!

 

 

Thursday Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! As much as I am grieving, I have realized that the pain will take awhile to subside. As much as I want the pain to go away I have been doing a lot of things to distract myself from the pain.

The main thing I have been doing is reading. I have been reading Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I am taking a while to read it but I am enjoying the book. I have been reading Wonder Woman comic books as well. Reading is helping me get out of my head so I don’t have to deal with the pain. The pain of loosing my grandma.

Another thing that has been helpful is the support I am getting from my friends. Friends that have been quite helpful many times especially the last year. In times of loss you realize who your true friends are.

Thank you for reading. Have great night everyone and Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 2: Write A List

Posted on by Gertie

Things I’ve Learned in My Recovery…

  • I’m resilient.
  • I’m stronger than I think I am.
  • There will be bumps in the road.
  • Its okay to do self care.
  • I don’t have to be perfect.
  • When life gives you lemons eat them (or make lemonade), just don’t throw them.
  • Life is worth living even when its painful.
  • The pain won’t last even though it feels like it.
  • Its okay to hit a pillow or stuffed animal but not a brick wall.
  • Giving up is not an option.
  • Recovery is more fun.
  • I always have a choice.