Tag Archives: Trauma

My 7th Post of the Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! This is my seventh post of the day. That is a lot of posts in one day. My depression and PTSD symptoms are acting up and I am not sure why they are. To help combat the increased depression and PTSD symptoms, I have been relying on my coping skills. The two main coping skills that I have been using today is artwork and my cat, Billie. The type of artwork I have doing is coloring. I love to color. As I have colored, my cat, Billie has been in my lap or lying next to me. I love my cat, Billie so very much and I am lucky to have him in my life.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

There is Nothing Better Than the Love of a Cat

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am dealing with a combination of depression, PTSD and grief regarding both of my parents’ death. Since I am dealing with so much right now with the grief of losing my parent, increased depression and PTSD I am grateful for my cat, Billie. I am grateful for Billie’s unconditional love that he gives me. Human’s including myself don’t deserve the love of animals especially their pets. I know I don’t deserve Billie’s unconditional love, and I am so very grateful for his love.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Concussion + Fire Alarm + Anger = A Headache

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Right now, I am dealing with a major headache on top of dealing with symptoms from my PTSD. I have a headache because I have concussion and on top of that a neighbor keeps pulling the fire alarm which doesn’t help the headache. Loud noises like a fire alarm are not helpful for a concussion or headache.

Anyway, my anger is fuming at the moment because one of my neighbors keeps pulling the fire alarm pull stations. I am not the only person who is angry over this situation and there is nothing my neighbors and I can do about the neighbor pulling the fire alarm. It is angering me because I keep having to put my cat, Billie in his carrier to evacuate. My cat, Billie and the other animals in the building including the humans should not have to deal with a neighbor pulling the fire alarm for no reason at all. It is also angering me because it triggers my PTSD as I have been in two fires when I was a child. I am sure if my cat, Billie could talk human he would say it angers him as well.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post except that I hope my headache goes away. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Family Drama + PTSD = A Sh!tty Trauma Response

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am currently dealing with some shitty and intense trauma response due to family drama and PTSD symptoms. I am pretty sure the family drama with my aunt is what caused the PTSD symptoms and ultimately the trauma response that I had.

This will be a long post due to it being a long story. As I have posted before, my mom died two days before Thanksgiving Day here in the United States. It’s been extremely challenging for me for many reasons. Sadly, I posted an angry and pain filled post on my Facebook wall under my given name which started some family drama. I apologized many times to many people in my life especially my family. I know I hurt many people and most understand and have forgiven me or at least started to forgive me in their own time and own way except one aunt. That one aunt is the person I offered to pay for their train ticket from Seattle to where my mom’s funeral is going to be which is Olympia at the end of this month. I offered to pay for her train ticket due to her having car issues as well as having some financial issues and wanted to be helpful. My aunt lives in the Bremerton area and could easily take the ferry from Bremerton to Seattle and take the train. So, I have to text back and forth with her a handful of times regarding tickets which leads to the drama this evening.

I texted my aunt about the train tickets close to 8:30 this evening Seattle time. She informed me that she doesn’t need me to pay for her tickets and is unsure if she is going to take the train if she does she will pay for her own. She also stated that she doesn’t respond to phone calls or text after 7:30 unless it is urgent. I texted an apology and let her know that I usually text people after 8:00 due to peoples bedtime routines and that I won’t do it again. She then texted me to next her again tonight which I wasn’t going to do nor will I do now that I know her boundaries. Anyway, this aunt then calls me up and screams at me and has mentioned every thing I have done wrong in her eyes that she heard through the “grapevine” or witnessed yet she hasn’t been in my life very much for various reasons. She brought up so painful shit that I experienced which caused some anger in me as well as an anxiety attack or two. I ended up hanging up on her and blocking her phone number temporarily for my own sanity.

Since my aunt caused so much anger I did what my therapist had suggested and wrote out my anger. I wrote my anger and anxiety in my journal I bought myself for Christmas. So, I wrote six pages in my journal regarding my anger and trauma response regarding my aunt calling and screaming at me. After journaling I reached out to some of my natural support system of friends like my therapist suggested in therapy. I reached out to two friends who were happy to talk with me and I am so grateful for their listening ear.

After journaling and talking with two friends I of course cuddled with my cat, Billie and as I am writing this particular blog post Billie my cat is still cuddling with me. I think after I am done with this particular blog post I will color as I love to color.

I know my mom wouldn’t want all this drama after her death or regarding her funeral. I just wish she was still alive. I miss my mom so very much. I hope she knew how much I loved her even though we didn’t get along at times.

I do not have much more to write about or discuss in this particular blog post except to say I am sorry for posting about my family drama and my anger. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Brief Life Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It has been a little over a month since I last blogged. I haven’t blogged for various reasons and the main reason is because my PTSD symptoms have been challenging to deal with. Despite dealing with challenging PTSD symptoms, I could have at least written a one or two paragraph blog post.

One of the ways I have been coping with the increase of PTSD symptoms is doing various forms of art. I have been doing my normal form of art which is coloring. I have also been doing some rock painting but sadly, I need more rocks and paint so that is on hold for now. The type of art that I have been focusing on is diamond art also known as diamond painting. I had bought me a lot of diamond painting/art when I was working and realized now that I am not working and haven’t worked for nine months that I now have time to do them. I am working on my first one and I am enjoying it so far. I hope to post pictures in an upcoming post.

I do not have much more to write in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated on my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Tough Couple of Nights

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is just barely after five o’clock in the morning here in Seattle. It’s been a tough couple nights due to suddenly remembering something horrific from my childhood a couple of nights ago. On the good note about this is when I remembered, Junior was with me and then the next day which was yesterday, I had therapy.

Therapy is not meant to be easy but yesterday was tough but my therapist was compassionate and empathetic as always. She listened and gave me some suggestions to help take care of myself. My therapist makes talking about tough shit safe to talk about even when it feels unsafe due to PTSD symptoms.

Due to those PTSD symptoms, I had a couple of challenging nights and lack of sleep. Junior helped me Wednesday but was unable to help last night (Thursday) due to working. Sadly, he is unavailable today and tonight due to work as well. He is a firefighter and works twenty-four hour shifts and is doing an overtime shift today. Anyway, last night I had the help of a couple of friends via phone as well as my cat, Billie. I am grateful for my natural support system.

I do not have anything else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Tough Start to the Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It has been a tough start to the day for me. I woke up a couple of hours ago due to a nightmare. It was a screaming nightmare and the reason why I know is because I am over at Junior’s house with my cat, Billie, and Junior informed me it was a screaming nightmare. Nightmares suck and I don’t envy PTSD on anyone including my worst enemy.

Junior is worried about my increased PTSD symptoms as he is worried it could affect the pregnancy. Hell, I am even more worried as I am that one that is pregnant. I just don’t want the PTSD to affect my pregnancy in any way. Having PTSD and being pregnant is not easy and I am grateful to have Junior and his love in my life.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Nightmares Suck Sh!t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is way too early to be awake. I am awake due to a stupid nightmare. A nightmare that was a screaming nightmare and the only reason why I know this is because a neighbor called the police and they showed up to make sure I am okay. I informed the police that I am in fact okay and that I had a nightmare. They understood and left. I know the police were just doing their job but when your trauma related nightmare involved a police officer and the police show up, it doesn’t really help the PTSD. Again, it is not the police officers fault that a neighbor called nor is it my neighbors fault for making sure I was okay due to my screaming while having a nightmare. I just wish my nightmare wasn’t a screaming one.

On that note, my cat, Billie, is helping a great deal. He is currently laying in my lap purring as I write this particular blog post. I love my cat so very much and can’t imagine my life without him. He is such an amazing cat that loves to spend as much time in my lap as he can get. I am glad he is able to help me self regulate especially after a nightmare.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World.

Just Another Post About Therapy

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I had therapy today and it was a virtual appointment as it has been for the last year due to me working. My next appointment will be an in person appointment which I am thrilled about. My therapist and I will attempt to make a more set schedule for in person appointments now that I am not currently working.

My therapist and I of course discussed being pregnant. We discussed how being pregnant most likely will trigger my PTSD due to having the OBGYN checking me down below the belt on the monthly basis while pregnant. We discussed the things I could do to help me if I get triggered by getting examined by the OBGYN.

We also discussed a hard traumatic event that happened to me when I was a child. My therapist validated this experience and reiterated that I am not the monster despite me feeling like a monster. My therapist is really awesome and I am grateful that she is a safe person to talk with and that she makes therapy a safe place.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Update on First OBGYN Appointment

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I just wanted to inform you of what the OBGYN said yesterday in my first appointment with her. Junior did attend the appointment with me as he is the father. My OBGYN is as sweet as can be as well as very direct. She informed me of the risk to myself and the fetus due to being in my mid forties and that many people deliver “healthy babies” at my age.

My OBGYN discussed a lot of the risk of having a baby at my age but also stated she deals with high risk pregnancies. She also deals with many folks with an extensive trauma history like mine and understands fully how traumatic it can be having someone look below the belt several times during the nine months of pregnancy and during delivery. She was honest with me stating there is a high possibility of me having a c-section due to all the scarring down below the belt from the severe trauma I experienced throughout my life.

We also discussed a great deal about my mental health challenges and how I am at “greater risk” for postpartum depression. We talked about staying on most of my psych meds and continuing to seek treatment from my mental health treatment team. I let the OBGYN that I had no plans of stopping treatment with my mental health team and that I was glad to hear we were on the same page regarding meds. The only meds the OBGYN wants me to not take until I see my psychiatric nurse practitioner which are the Ativan and the Ambien. Both of these meds are PRN’s for me as well as controlled substances which can put the baby at greater harm. I am pretty sure my psychiatric nurse practitioner will agree with the OBGYN and myself regarding not taking the Ativan and Ambien as she is pretty knowledgeable with this kind of stuff.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!