Feeling Down

Good Evening, World!!! The weather is sorta of yucky here in Seattle which is not unusual for this time of year. Even though the weather could be a lot more yuckier it still is not helping with my depression symptoms. Since it has been cloudy most of the day and it is getting darker earlier, I have had my happy light on most of the day which has been quite helpful.

Something I have been doing most of the day is some form of arts and crafts project while listening to a podcast. I am listening to a podcast about philosophy. The philosophy podcast that I am listening to is called Philosophize This. I really enjoy listening to this podcast. As I listened to the podcast I did some artwork as well as some crafting. The artwork I did was coloring. The crafting I did was some cross stitching.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it were not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Noon Time Ramblings

Good Afternoon, Word!!! I am worried about going back to work tomorrow. One of the reasons is because I will be turning in my resignation as my job is not the right fit for me at the moment even though I love my job. Another reason is because I will be receiving a corrective action plan (CAP) on a couple of things that revolve around my annual review that was done three and half months early. Normally, I would just own up to whatever the CAP is about but I have been asking every time, I have supervision what I can work on and didn’t really receive feedback with the exception of my issues with adaptability. I am not going to argue about my issues with adaptability as this is something I have had issues with since I was a kid due to a disability.

Since I am so worried about work tomorrow, I have been attempting to distract myself from this particular worry. I have been doing some artwork. Specifically, I have been coloring. I have been coloring as I listen to music. It seems like that listening to music as I color is quite soothing for me.

Not only have I been coloring as I listen to music, I have been reading. I am reading a horror book as it is one of my favorite genres as well as it being Halloween time. I am reading Pet Cemetery by Stephen King. So far I am enjoying the book.

I do not have anything else to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Plans

Sunday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice via the Calm App
  • Read the Seattle Times
  • Cuddle with my cat, Billie
  • Work on Step 1
  • Art (color)
  • Read
  • Work on a workbook (TBD)
  • Dinner with my family

Monday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice via the Calm App
  • Read the Seattle Times
  • Breakfast with grandpa
  • Work
  • Read

Tuesday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice via the Calm App
  • Read the Seattle Times
  • Work
  • Read
  • Art (color)
  • Work on Step 1
  • Work on a workbook (TBD)

Wednesday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice via the Calm App
  • Read the Seattle Times
  • Work
  • Read
  • Art (color)
  • Attend a twelve step meeting

Thursday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice via the Calm App
  • Read the Seattle Times
  • Work
  • Art (color)
  • Meeting with sponsor
  • Read
  • Work on workbook (TBD)

Friday

  • Mindfulness meditation via the Calm App
  • Read the Seattle Times
  • Work on Step 1
  • Art (color)
  • Work on a workbook (TBD)
  • Attend a twelve step meeting
  • Read

Saturday

  • Mindfulness meditation via the Calm App
  • Read the Seattle times
  • Go to the U-District Farmers Market with friends
  • Work on a workbook (TBD)
  • Read
  • Attend a twelve step meeting
  • Lunch with friends
  • Art (color)
  • Work on Step 1

1:00am Ramblings

Good Morning, World!!! It is one o’clock in the morning here in Seattle. Right now, sleep is not an issue as I have been too intrigued with what I have been doing all night. In fact I am enjoying what I have been doing tonight and I am grateful to be enjoying what I am doing.

I have been listening to music as I have been doing some arts and crafts. The music I am listening to is from my childhood memories playlist. The artwork I am doing is coloring. I am coloring a large poster I bought from Stuff2Color.com. I am also doing crafts. The crafts I am doing is cross stitching. I am doing a cross stitch that teaches kids how to do it. I know I have done it before and enjoyed it. I am enjoying it now.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom heart for reading my blog. Peace Out!!!

Too Awake to Sleep

Good Morning, World!!! I am way too wake to sleep or as other people would say, I am wide awake. I am wide awake partly because of insomnia and the other reason is because I ended up taking a late nap that lasted about three hours. Yes, I have attempted to sleep but I am unable to.

Since I am unable to sleep, I have been keeping myself busy. I have attended two online twelve step meetings. Ironically, both meetings focused on step one. I say ironically because my sponsor and I started doing step work together and I am working on step one. I really enjoy attending the twelve step meetings as they are quite helpful for me and my recovery.

Attending online twelve step meetings and working on step is not the only way I have been working on my recovery. The other way I have been working on my recovery is doing recovery based and skills based workbooks. Doing workbooks helps me build upon the skills I already have and reinforce the skills that I already have.

I have also done other stuff besides recovery focused stuff. One thing I have been doing is reading. I am currently reading two books but the book I have been reading tonight is Pet Cemetery by Stephen King. Since it was Friday the 13th and Halloween is coming up, I decided to read a horror book. I am really enjoying Pet Cemetery.

Not only have I been reading but I have been doing some artwork. The type of artwork I have been doing is coloring. I really enjoy coloring and I am coloring a giant poster I bought from Stuff2Color.com. As I colored I listened to some music. I listened to my childhood playlist. My childhood play list consist of music that I listened to that brings back happy memories.

I do not have anything else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Another Boring Post

Hello, World!!! It appears to be another typical autumn weather day in Seattle. It started out nice and reached 70 degrees (Fahrenheit). Now it is raining and yucky outside. Of course this is normal for Seattle for this time of year.

I went to the doctor’s again today. It was a follow up to a follow up apartment. I still have a stupid urinary tract infection (UTI). The doctor decided to have me extend me taking more antibiotics for the UTI. While at the doctor’s office I received the flu shot. Now my shoulder hurts which is a normal side effect for receiving the flu shot.

After getting back from the doctor’s office, I spent the rest of the day at home with my cat, Billie. I love being able to spend time with my cat. Not only did I spend time with my cat, I spent the afternoon and evening doing art. Specifically, I colored. As I colored, I also listened to music. I listened to my childhood memories play list as I colored.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it were not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Another Post

Hello, World!!! I don’t know how to feel right now. Depression is hitting me hard tonight but at least I got some sleep in earlier. Even though I only got about four hours of sleep I am grateful for the much needed sleep as I was tired. Hell, I am still tired which is why I am probably slightly depressed.

Depression sucks but at least I know how to help myself. One of the things I have been doing is some step work. Specifically, I am working on step one. I really like the fact that the twelve step program I am in has its own twelve step work book. My sponsor is willing to go at my own pace working on the steps as she knows how challenging doing the steps can be.

Since the steps can be hard to do, I’ve done some self care. One of the forms of self care that I have done is to read. I have decided to switch books to read. I am now reading Abraham Lincoln; Vampire Hunter by Seth Grahame-Smith. So far the book is good but I am only thirty pages into the book.

I also have been doing art work. Specifically, I have been coloring. I have been coloring to some music. As I color I have been listening to my childhood memories playlist on Spotify. I love being able to color as I listen to music.

I do not have much more to talk about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Things to Help Myself with Depression, Today

Good Morning, World!!! I am struggling with some depression at the moment and it sucks. On the plus side my happy light is currently on as I type this and my cat Billie is laying in my lap purring up a storm. My depression is acting up primarily because of the time of year and a recent traumatic event that occurred back in last July.

Having depression sucks but at least it has me self aware of how much doing mindfulness meditation practices really do help. I do mindfulness meditation twice daily which is scheduled and then do some unscheduled if needed.

I am of course planning on going to some online twelve step meetings at some point today because I know how helpful they are and when I go back to work I will not be able to attend as many. On a side note I went to a local twelve step meeting that is still completely online and was able to find a sponsor. I am so excited to have a sponsor as this will be helpful in so many ways.

I am also planning on doing some form of art today. In fact I am planning on coloring a giant poster I bought from Stuff2Color.com. I enjoy the stuff I color from Stuff2Color. As, I color I plan on listening to music. As of right now I will be listening to my recovery playlist or my childhood memories playlist on Spotify. Coloring and listening to music seem to go together for me.

Another thing I most likely will do is to read. I, most likely will read a horror book due to the fact that it helps with my PTSD and it is Halloween time. The book I am reading is Pet Cemetery by Stephen King. Stephen King is an amazing author.

One thing I am going to do today is work on some workbooks to help with my recovery. Focusing on my recovery is key to everything I do in my life. Everything from my personal life to my profession life at work.

Speaking of work, I am looking for a new job due to some bull crap that doesn’t appear to be fair to me at the moment. Plus, it doesn’t appear like it is a good fit for me at the moment. I am going applying for jobs online today.

I do not have much more to discuss in the particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Good Morning, World!!! I have had a sleepless in Seattle type of night and it sucks. It sucks that I haven’t been able to sleep very well as of the last week. I think the reason I could not sleep tonight was mainly due to insomnia and the anxiety related to PTSD I struggle with. The anxiety got so bad because of PTSD that I need to take some anti-anxiety meds.

Meds that helped me do some stuff to help get through the night. Stuff like attending an online twelve step meeting which I have been enjoying immensely. I am glad that this is a healthy and safe thing for me to do. It also gives me the structure I need.

I have also been doing some mindfulness meditation practices to help calm my mind down due to anxiety and severe PTSD symptoms. Mindfulness meditation practice that I do with the help of the Calm App. I find using mindfulness meditation helpful for most if not in all aspects of my life.

After doing mindfulness meditation practice I came to realize that doing some form of art work while listening to my recovery play list from Spotify would be a great idea. It was a great idea as I colored a giant post I bought from Stuff2Color.com. Stuff2Color has amazing things to color. Things that take time and detail which I appreciate.

Another thing I did was read as my cat, Billie, laid on my lap.The book I am reading is Pet Cemetery by Stephen King. I love reading horror books any time of the year but I love to read them when it’s around Halloween especially when the weather is yucky like it is now here in Seattle.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Slightly Struggling

Good Afternoon!!! I am slightly struggling once again despite keeping myself busy. Busy with various things and activities that have been quite helpful this time around. I just wish I was not struggling at the moment as struggling sucks shit.

If you read my last post, you are then aware that I woke up way too freaking early. I am tired as hell and I am seriously thinking about taking a nap. A nap that might not be a good idea as it could prevent me from sleeping tonight which I really do want to sleep tonight.

As I mentioned above I have been keeping myself busy with various things. One of those things was having an unscheduled in person appointment with my therapist. The appointment went well. In fact I admire my therapist a great deal, for many reasons.

After seeing my therapist, I went to the pharmacy to pick up my medicine. I picked up nine prescriptions. Four of those prescriptions are for psych reasons to help with my mental health diagnosis. The other five are for my physical health. One of those five meds is an antibiotic for a bladder which could be one of the reasons why I am slightly struggling.

There is also another reason why I am slightly struggling which is quite normal for me and many others living in Seattle this time of year is the weather. The weather is yucky at the moment but I have seen it much worse here in Seattle. Due to the weather being yucky today and yesterday, I have been using my happy light (or happy lamp) to help with my depression. I also have seasonal affective depressive disorder which is also known as SADD.

Another thing I have been doing to keep myself busy is attending online twelve step meetings. Twelve step meetings which I have found quite helpful for myself. I am so grateful that I started going back to these twelve step meetings.

I also have been doing a great deal of art work. Specifically, I have been coloring a small poster I bought from Stuff2Color.com. I love to buy coloring posters from Stuff2Color because they are very detailed and keep me busy for hours on end. While I colored, I listened to music on Spotify. I have had my recovery play list playing in the background to help me focus on my recovery.

One of the other things I have done to keep myself busy is read. I have been reading Pet Cemetery by Stephen King. Right now I am on a horror book kick. Partly because it is Halloween time and partly because of the weather. As I read my cat, Billie, was laying in my lap. I love my cat so very much.

I do not have anything else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!