Tag Archives: Emotions

Random Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! My therapist called to check up on me as I left him a voicemail last night saying I was struggling. He was concerned as I would be if I were in his shoes. I apologized for concerning him and I wan informed to not apologize for my emotions.

I have been reading a great deal lately. It is something I really enjoy. If you have been reading my blog the last few days you know I am reading Star Wars: Heir To The Empire. It is a book that I am highly enjoying at the moment.

I also didn’t get any sleep last night however I was able to take a nap earlier. I feel like getting some sleep helped me a little bit. Getting sleep always helps.

As many of you know I really enjoy blogging. I am attempting to increase my readership as I have been blogging four years as of May 31st. Its hard to believe that I have been blogging for four years. As I am going to be celebrating four years of blogging I am trying to increase the amount of readers I have. I only have 330ish followers. That is not as many as some of you. At least I know that I am reaching people.

I am waiting to hear back to see if I got the job I interviewed for last week. I feel like if I take the time to interview then they can take the time to let me know if I got the job or not. I know when the right job comes it will come.

Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful day. I hope you all are doing well. Peace out, World!!!

 

Working Through Shit

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am having one of those moments again where I just need to write through shit. Shit that includes PTSD symptoms. PTSD symptoms that are severe at the moment but I know I will get through them.

I should find out some time in the next day or two about how much money I earned with the advertisements on my blog. I get paid through PayPal which will be good for my online purchase and help keep me from using my credit card. I have to earn a minimum of one hundred dollars to be able to access the money I earned which sucks.

I just don’t know why I am having an up and down day today. It sucks shit. Having Depression and PTSD is no fun and wish the emotions that came with them would subside even a little bit.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 5: Hook ‘Em With a Quote

Posted on by Gertie

I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one.

Maya Angelou

This hits close to home for me as I know when I am dealing with any type of pain especially emotional pain that I can be a pain in the ass to others. This is why when I am in any type of pain I have to be acutely aware of how I am doing and what I am doing. The last thing I want to do is when I am in pain is to be a burden to others. Plus, when I am in pain and I am kind to others it can show others the kindness that I have.

 

Midnight Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I have trouble comprehending why I have such a difficult time at night. Not just with sleep but with the symptoms of anxiety and depression. I am struggling a little bit with depression and anxiety relating to PTSD. Dealing with symptoms this time of night when your natural supports are unavailable for whatever reason can be difficult and challenging for me.

As challenging as it is for me right now, I know what I can do to help myself. I can turn to my coping skills. Coping skills that have helped me a great deal throughout my recovery. Coping skills that will continue to help me even in this moment in time.

One of the things I will do is color. As any type of art has helped me a great deal. In fact I’ll probably end doing some collaging as well because it helps me put words to my emotions.

Another thing I will be doing is a mindfulness and meditation practice as this helps quiet my mind. It puts me in a better head space. A head space that is at least in neutral gear.

Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I realized that I didn’t do my weekly check for last week however I know what got in the way and will work on to make sure things don’t get in the way again. Yes, I realize life happens when I won’t be able to blog at time but I know what got in the way and will do may very best to let it not get in the way again.

My birthday was on Wednesday and I went into hang out at the mental health clubhouse before my appointment with Gilbert. Well, I let my emotions get the better of me and had an emotional outburst directed toward another client. A client that was being quite discriminatory toward my gender identity and sexual orientation. This person kept using the wrong pronouns toward me as well. Unfortunately, my emotions got the better of me and I started screaming and yelling at the individual after this person to leave me alone after being asked several times. I got barred for two days and I think it should have been longer. The other individual in the incident got a two day bar as well however it started a day after mine started.

I’m not happy with my behavior and have amped up my mindfulness practice as I feel it will help me. Help me regulate to regulate the emotions that get the best of me. Mindfulness has always helped me regulate my emotions.

Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!

Crying Over My Grandma

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I miss my grandma. In fact I am currently crying because I miss her so much. The funeral just made it so real that she is actually gone, I didn’t want to say goodbye. I love her so much and wish she was still here.

Reality is that she won’t be coming back. Reality is that grief is not going to be an easy thing for me. Grief is scary for me.

I should get going. Thanks for reading. It is much appreciated. Goodnight and Peace Out, World!!!

Today Is The Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Today is the day of my grandma’s funeral. I’m not sure I am doing at this current moment in time however I suspect I’ll become more emotional as the funeral time come closer.

I am looking forward to playing my flute at my grandma’s funeral. There is something about music that brings people together. My grandma always encouraged me to play my flute and never forced me to practice which made me want to practice just for her.

Thank you so very much for reading my blog. It is much appreciated from my end. Peace Out, World!!!

Time With Family

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! This is going to be a short post as today has been an emotional day for me and my family. Junior and I hung out with my family today. This was the first time my family has been together since my grandma passed away on Wednesday (February 14th). We went out to eat and shared stories of my grandma. We laughed. We cried. We ate. It was nice having the support of Junior. Having him there helped me a great deal.

The sad thing about this was my dad didn’t attend as it is “too soon” after the death of my grandma. He is struggling a great deal with my grandma’s death. I just hope that his mental health treatment team is aware of what is going so that my dad can grieve in a healthy way.

Thank you for reading. It is much appreciated. Have a great Sunday. Have a great week and peace out world!!!

Saturday Evening Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I have a great deal on my mind. Mostly stuff regarding my grandma’s death. Grief is not the easiest things to deal with and the pain is pure agony.

Agony that I am attempting my hardest to escape from. I’m escaping from the agony through reading and that appears to helping some. Or at least while I am reading.

I’ve also been doing a two out of three of my workbooks. It is helping me a great deal. It is helping me deal with emotions I need to deal with even if its emotions not related to grief.

Another thing that has been helping me through today is some mindfulness and meditation practices. This has proven the best of help with the agony I am dealing with.

Thank you for reading and Peace Out, World.

Experiences Have A Beginning & An End

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I’m feeling slightly calmer than I was an hour or two of ago. That is because I used the Calm app and did a few pages in my mindfulness workbook. It appears that todays topic in both avenues of my mindfulness was experiences have a beginning and an end. Mainly talking about letting go of emotions. Both the app and the workbook was discussing on how to let go of emotions and they don’t last forever. Even the good emotions.

This is helping me come to terms with both the negative and positive emotions that a coming up for me in my life. Such as my grandma being in hospice and me having job interviews. I’m hoping that with continued mindfulness and meditation practice that I will just be able to let go of emotions or at least be accepting of them.

Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful evening and Peace Out World!!!