It’s Been About A Week

Good Morning!!!! It’s a beautiful day Saturday morning in the region of the United States I live in. Yes, it is still morning where I live. It happens to be 11:49am (pacific time) at the moment or least this is time my cell phone and computer say the time is where I am.

Its been about a week since I last blogged. I am extremely sorry that it has been so long that I have blogged. I’ve been busy with various things that I would love to share with you today.

Lets start with my dad. About two weeks ago my family and I were faced with a difficult decision of the possibility of take my dad off of life support or putting him on a tracheostomy. We had a week to decide and we decided to have he tracheostomy done because he was starting to improve extremely well. In fact I am extremely happy that my family and I made that decision because my dad is now in a care facility that specializes in weaning people off a ventilator. He is now off he ventilator during the day. He is on it at night just in case something happens. He is briefly standing up and sitting. Of course this is with the help of physical therapist. The biggest thing everyone is worried about is his swallowing or the lack there of. I am so happy that my dad is doing so well especially since we (as in my family and I) thought he wasn’t going to make it. I love my dad and I know that he is proud of me.

I know he is proud of me because he told me before all is this happened with his health. He is proud of me because of my new job. My new job is going well. It been nothing but orientations last week and they will continue next week. I really think I am going to enjoy my new job. It’s in the field of my desire even if it’s not the particular job I want. I want to tell you more about it but have to go.

I have to go because I have to finish my laundry and do other chores. I have to go to the stupid post office to mail stuff to social security. Oh how I love sending stuff to social security. NOT!! I have to send stuff to social security because I not only work but have disability benefits due to the mental illness I have. I hope that some day I wont need disability benefits.

Well, it is now officially afternoon. It is 12:09 pm (pacific time). Everyone have a wonderful Saturday afternoon. I hope I have time at some point today to blog more about my job. If not today, tomorrow. Peace Out!!!

Last Day Of Work At The Grocery Store

     Well, it is Saturday, September 6, 2014, 11:19pm (pacific time) and today was my last day being employed at the grocery store I was employed at for 9 1/2 years. I no longer work there because of getting a new job as a Consumer Aide at a local mental health agency that I start on Monday, September 8, 2014. I am not sure how to feel about today being my last day at the grocery store.

     The reason why I am unsure of how I am feeling is because I have a number of different emotions on board at the moment. I am a little sad that today was my last day. A little sad because I was employed at the grocery store for 9 1/2 years and my co-workers and customers have become family to me. I’m going to miss seeing them pretty much everyday. Yes, I will still hang out with my co-workers and about a hand full or so customers because they have become family. I’m also happy that today is was my last day because I know being in the grocery store business isn’t the field I was suppose to be in. Plus corporate was and is just expecting too much from there employees and some of what they expect isn’t always in the job description of the particular job class. I am also a little sad because I started working at the grocery store at the beginning of my recovery process with my mental illness.

     Of course starting my new job on Monday just means I am at a different stage in my recovery. I am at a more stable point of my recovery process. My mental illness is finally at a place where I can let people in and start trusting my natural support system. I’m not saying that I didn’t trust them, I’m saying that I had difficulty asking them for help and letting them in. I am in a good place at the moment even though I had to make a difficult decision in regards to my dads current health crisis. (Side Note: I am happy that I made the decision to have my dad get a tracheotomy.)

      Being in a good place means knowing when I am getting tired. I am really tired and need some sleep. Needing some sleep means I need to end the blog for now. It is 11:35pm (pacific time). Have goodnight and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace out!!!

Getting A Lil Stressed

      It’s another Tuesday evening and I find myself getting a lil stressed. Well, it’s late evening. Some might even consider it night time because its 11:29pm (pacific time). No, I am NOT getting stressed because of what time of day it is.

     I am  getting stressed because of some major changes in my life. All the changes going on in my life are good thing. Yes, change can be good and yes, good change can be stressful.

     The change I am talking about include changes in both in my volunteer jobs and paid employment. One job is ending because I got another employment opportunity. In fact it’s an employment opportunity in field I desire. Because of the new job opportunity I have to resign from a much loved volunteer job. It is policy at my new job that you are not a volunteer. That is why the volunteer job is ending. It so happens that my last day at the homeless shelter is going to be my first evening being as call taker on the Warm Line. It just kind of worked out that way. The Universe has a way of having things work out in weird and funny ways.

     The Universe worked everything out just right for me. Like I said earlier my last day at the homeless shelter will be my first evening at the Warm Line. In fact that happens next Wednesday (September 3rd). Then the last day I am available to work at my current employment is Saturday, September 6th. I am a little nervous about my last day at my current employment at the grocery store. I start my new job as a Consumer Aide on Monday, September 8th. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t apprehensive about how everything is coming together in my life.

      The way everything is coming together is part of why I am little stressed. Things haven’t always come together as smoothly as this current situation in my life. In fact the last year and a half has been pretty much been coming together. Most of my life things haven’t worked out or come together. Yes, the last year and half has come together but that doesn’t I haven’t had my hiccups. I am just a lil fearful of another major hiccup but I need to focus on the good things. Yes, I need to focus on the good things even if they are lil stressful.

     I need to get going and do some stress relief stuff. Plus I am a little tired as well. It is now 11:42pm (pacific time) so I am just going to call it a night after I do some stress relief. Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace out!!!

Monday Cant Get Here Soon Enough

     Its another Sunday evening and I am so looking forward till tomorrow. As most of the world dreads Mondays, I look forward to them. For most of the world it is the start of the work week. For  me Mondays mark my Friday. Hell, for most of the world it’s already Monday. 

     My shift at work today seemed like it was a 12 hour shift instead of a 6 hours shift. The customers just seemed ruder than normal when most of my coworkers seemed to have an attitude problem due to the rudeness of the customers. I just wish people realized how their behavior can effect others. I mean people working at a grocery store are just trying to pay their bills and take care of their families and don’t deserve to be treated like shit. If we treated our customers the way they treat us we wouldn’t have a job anymore or the company would go under. Its not my fault or the fault of the checker’s (cashier) if corporate decides to discontinue an item. In fact its not always corporate that  does it. Sometimes its the manufacture of the product. The employees at a grocery have no control what so ever what item is discontinued. Oh yeah, if you have an expired I.D/Drivers License we can not legally sell you alcohol. Obeying the law doesn’t give anyone the right to hit anyone. Sorry for bitching but seriously please be nice to the employees of the grocery store or supermarket you shop at. You have no idea how an previous customers may have treated us.   

     Tomorrow I also here back from the agency I had an interview with. I am so hoping I get the job because I don’t know how much I can take from customers or corporate. Working 9 years a grocery store can make anyone stress out. I just need a career change and I hope I get the job as a Consumer Aide.  

     On a good note when I got to my boyfriends house after work he had dinner for me. He had barbequed chicken and corn and made freshly squeezed lemonade for me. Plus we strawberry shortcake for dessert. Oh how I love my boyfriend. He knows how to lessen my stress even if he doesn’t realize I am stressed when I show up. I should get go.

     Well, I should get going. I will try to blog again tomorrow. I am hoping to blog everyday. I am really wanting to add more followers to my blog but not sure how. Well, have a good rest of your Sunday everyone. For those of you in this world that its already Monday then have a good Monday. Peace Out.

Wiping Myself Off After A Tough Week

     It’s Saturday which means its the last day of the week and its been one of those weeks. My week has been me getting myself back on my feet and wiping myself after what happened on this past Monday (8/11/2014). But hey that is what recovery is all about. Getting back up and wiping yourself off.

     Part of me wiping myself off was and is going about the activities I do everyday. For me that includes volunteering which I absolutely love to do and going to work which is something I rather not do but do anyway. Recovery is all about doing things in both we want to do and don’t want to do. I may not like working at my current job because I know it’s the career I am not suppose to be in however in has helped me a great deal in my recovery process.

     Speaking of jobs, the person doing the hiring for the Consumer Aide position I interviewed for emailed me yesterday asking me a couple more questions. For the most part in kind of sounds hopeful. He did say he would get back to me this Monday (8/18/2014) of what his decision will be. The emails may have sounded hopeful but a comment he made kind of concerns me. He said that he asked me all those questions because the agency (that I had the interview with) wants to make I have the support I need for the job. I just wanted to email him back saying if I didn’t have the support I wouldn’t have applied for the job but I didn’t email him that. Overall the emails sound like I am at least a high contender for the job. I just hope I am not getting my hopes set to high. I know a Consumer Aide isn’t exactly the position I desire however its a step in the right direction to becoming a Peer Support Specialist. Plus it beats working at a grocery store any day. Trust me working at a grocery store with the same company for the last 9 years is not my idea of my desired career path. At least a Consumer Aide is a step in the desired direction I want to go into.

     Well, another part of my recovery process is blogging. I need to try and blog everyday like I did when I started back in late May. I’ve been slacking a little. Some of it is because I have been busy and some of it has to do with my still struggling a little. Anyway, another part of my recovery process is making sure I eat.

      That means I need to get going because I am needing to eat. I am hungry. I hope to blog again tomorrow. I might not be able to tomorrow because of my work shift but I will try. Have a good day everyone. Peace out.!!

It’s Been A Couple Of Days

     Happy Friday!!! If you are a follower to my blog or a regular reader you are aware that I haven’t blogged in a couple of days. I haven’t blogged for a few reasons. One reason is I wasn’t sure what to blog about another reason I didn’t blog is because I’ve been so busy with life that I exhausted myself and have been too tired to blog.

     Wednesday was the day I had my interview. Thankfully, they didn’t have to reschedule with me again even though it almost got rescheduled again. When I showed up and a couple of the program managers at the agency realized that it was going to be the third time they just interviewed me with anyway even though it wasn’t the right set of interview questions. They felt that if I had rescheduled twice before that the interview should happen anyway. One the interviewers said that if I don’t get the job with program I applied for that they will find the funding for me to have job with there program as a peer and not a consumer aide. So it looks like either way that I might have job. I am hoping that I get the job as a consumer aide.

      I had a listening in shift with the Warm Line on Wednesday and well it was an “unusual day” for calls at the Warm Line. First of all they only received three phone calls that were not hang up calls. Second of all; all three phone calls ended up suicide calls that needed to be transferred to the crisis line. I only listened in on two of those calls. They want me to do another listening in shift so I know what a “typical” shift looks like. A shift usually isn’t so slow nor does it get “crisis” calls. I’m just waiting on when my next listening in shift will be. I guess I will be getting three listening shifts instead of two and that is cool with me. I am looking forward to September when I start being a call taker on the Warm Line.

     Speaking of volunteering, I am looking forward to Wednesday when I volunteer at the homeless shelter. I love my volunteer job at the shelter. The clients at the shelter are known for being difficult to serve because of the severity of their mental illnesses and/or addictions and I love the challenge. If I get the job as a consumer aide I will be a little sad because I cant volunteer and be an employee at the same time with the agency that runs both the shelter and the program I applied and had the interview for. Yes, I want the job however I will miss the clients at the shelter. Again if everything works out the way I hope it does I will be starting the job as a consumer aide the same time I officially will be a call taker on the Warm Line. I know I shouldn’t be getting my hopes up so high but I really want the job even though I will miss volunteer at the shelter.

     As some of you know Fridays are my Mondays and that means I worked today. Today was just a shitty day at work. A day that made me realize I want the hell out of my current employment. Working at grocery store with the same employer for the last 9 years has made me realize that I am meant to be in the mental health field. I don’t like having people yell at me for something I have no control over. Working in a grocery store is NOT my cup of tea.

    Speaking of tea that reminds me that I need to take time out to take care of myself. I am going to go and have a cup of hot tea. Yes, I am having tea on an 80 degree day. Why not? It is a way to take care of myself. I better get going. In all honesty, I hope to blog again tomorrow. Have good weekend everyone. Peace out!!!

Getting Into The Mindset Of Another Days Work

     Its another Sunday morning and I am getting in the mindset of going to work for my shift this afternoon. I am not a big fan of my work shift this afternoon but at least going to work keeps me out of my own head at times. Well most of the time it keeps me out of my head. As much as I don’t like my current employment working at a grocery store for the last 9 years, I cannot deny the fact that it has helped me a great deal in my recovery process. I just hope that I don’t have to unload an entire pallet into our ice cooler again. I am sore from having to do 1 1/2 pallets on Friday and another pallet yesterday. Well at least I got paid for weight lifting. If I have to do another pallet of ice I will be okay with it because it breaks up the monotony of the typical shift.

     Speaking of my shift I should get going because I need to get reading to go to work. I hope to blog tomorrow. I am sorry to have this blog so short but I am sure you my readers it is short since I tend to be so long winded. Again, I hope to blog again tomorrow. Have a wonderful Sunday everyone. Peace out.

Last Day Of Vacation

     Its an absolutely beautiful day in the neighborhood. I spent this Sunday afternoon at a baseball game with my boyfriend. My boyfriend and I saw a lot of his co-workers there its always good to see people I consider family even if they are not blood. I love baseball even if the team I am rooting for looses. I had a blast like I do every time I go to a baseball game. I of course had my hot dog, Pepsi, slice of pizza, and garlic fries like I do at every game I attend. You would think that I would be full after all that food but I wasn’t.

     Apparently, I had enough room in my stomach of mine to have a steak at a barbeque I went to with my boyfriend after the baseball game. The barbeque was at one of my boyfriends co-workers place who happens to have a swimming pool. In fact this particular co-worker of my boyfriends is the person I consider to be my second mom or my other mother. She more of a mom to me than my own mom has ever been to me. So I of course ate the steak and had more food which include corn on the cob, potato salad, 3 pieces of chocolate cake and more Pepsi. It being a nice beautiful sunny warm summer day out, I of course went swimming. I love swimming and according to my boyfriend and our friends I should have been born a fish. Hell, that’s nothing new to me; I was told that all the time when I was growing up.  I enjoy myself even if I was acting like a kid (and a fish) for while.

    I think its okay to act like a kid every once in while especially since I have to go back to work tomorrow and start acting like an adult again. Today is my last day of vacation and I had an absolute blast today. In fact I enjoyed this entire vacation. I have to say that the best part of my vacation was spending time with my little brother. I really don’t want to go back to work tomorrow but its a reality I have to deal with. In fact its a reality a lot of have us have to deal with. I am hoping that I wont have to work at my current employer for much longer.

     The reason why I am hoping to not be working at my current employer much longer is because I have a job interview this Wednesday. I am really hoping I get the job I am interviewing for because nine years working at a grocery store is just getting to be too much for me. I am grateful for my current employer and being employed at the grocery store has helped a great deal with my recovery process.

      My recovery process has been a journey. That journey has not been easy. In fact today marks 999 days since I was last discharged from a psych ward. This is the longest I have been out of an inpatient unit or hospital regarding the mental illness I struggled with since forever and a day. The first time I was hospitalized for psych reasons I was only a teenager so 999 days out of the hospital is a good thing. I will be blogging more about my recovery process and being out of the hospital for so long tomorrow.

       Speaking of tomorrow I need to get going and make sure I have everything ready to go to work for tomorrow. I don’t even know if that last sentence made sense. Anyway, I will blog again tomorrow and I will be blogging about my recovery process. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your Sunday. Peace out!!!

Everything From Hiking to Intimacy to Blogging & Other Such Things

     It’s still Saturday and it has been an amazing one at that. My boyfriend and I went hiking and had a picnic in the woods. It was romantic having a picnic in the forest. This wasn’t the first time we had a picnic in the woods. Being out in nature with the person you love tends to bring you closer together.

     Being closer to my boyfriend is always a good thing especially when it comes to intimacy (sex). When we got back to his place after hiking we became intimate. It feels so good to be able to trust someone enough be intimate with. See, when you have suffered severe childhood abuse and other traumas you tend to not trust people especially when it comes to intimacy. For me trusting my boyfriend with sex and intimacy is a major deal and he knows that. That is why when we are intimate with each other he is gentle and patient. He is amazing in bed. Yes, I do have his permission blog about intimate moments with you all.

     The reason why he is cool me sharing about the intimate moments is because he likes what I am trying to do with this blog. He likes the fact that I am not only trying to help people who struggle with mental illness and show them that recovery is possible and that hope is out there but to educate “normal” people (like him) about mental illness. In fact my boyfriend is one of the people who encouraged me start this blog. He is what I call a normie. A normie is a normal person.  A normal person is someone who doesn’t struggle with a mental illness or any other disability. My boyfriend really hopes that this blog reaches normies because he wants it to prove to them that people who struggle with a mental illness do live productive lives and are loveable. Yes, he says some moments are more difficult than other moments but he is more than willing to stick it out with me. All I want with this blog is to show people who struggle that there is hope and recovery is possible. I also want to educate those who don’t struggle with mental illness that we are like everyone else and that we live productive lives. Yes, everyone who has a mental illness has a different way to be productive but so does everyone else in this world.

     Speaking about being productive, this next few weeks are going to be quite productive. I go back to work this Monday after being on vacation for a week. This Wednesday (July 30th) I have a job interview. Then this Tuesday (July 29th)  start volunteer training for a peer run Warm Line. The training is twice a week; Tuesdays and Thursdays for five weeks. Each day of training is four hours. So eight hours of training each week for five weeks equals to 40 hours. I am looking forward to this training. For me being productive is going to work, volunteering and going to various training in regards to peer counseling and volunteering. Another way that I am being productive is by voting. I voted in the primary elections. I want to make sure that my voice is heard and one way for it to me heard is to vote.

      Being heard is a big thing for those who struggle with a mental illness. I want to be a voice for those who cant speak up for themselves. I hope that I am that voice on this blog. I am hoping that one day I can educate you all on the particular diagnoses that I struggle with or have struggled with. I want to make sure I have the correct information before I share it. For example what the DSM 5 says about the diagnosis as well as the definitions from the dictionary. My desire is to educate those who may not understand what it is like to deal with a mental illness.

     With all of that being said, I should end this blog for now. I kind of want to have more adult fun with my boyfriend. I hope everyone had a good Saturday like I have had. Peace out and enjoy the rest of your Saturday.

Being Proactive About My Future

     Happy Friday!!! I have enjoyed my vacation immensely. It was great to see my brother for his birthday. Hell, I had fun seeing my brother. I always have fun seeing my brother. I’ve also been having fun with my boyfriend. In fact my boyfriend and I went hiking today and we both had a blast. We both enjoy going out in nature. It was nice that both my boyfriend and I had our vacations together and spent in it with each other. My boyfriend goes back to work on Thursday and I go back on Monday.

     I may not like my job but I am looking forward to go back to work. I am looking forward to going back to work because at the end of the day (no matter how good or bad it was) I have a sense of accomplishment. That is a big deal for someone who deals with a mental illness. Working at a grocery store is not easy and it is a thankless job a good portion of the time. Another unfortunate part about working in a grocery is that your schedule changes every week. I just wish the schedule didn’t change week to week. I’ve been working in the grocery store business and at the same employer for 9 years now its it time for a change.

    In fact I hope that change comes soon. I have a job interview on Wednesday for the agency that runs the homeless shelter I volunteer at. I really hope I get the job. Its a set schedule. I would only have to work two days a week which would be 15 hours plus get paid at least $2 more an hour than I do now. If I do get the job I will be a little nervous about changing jobs because I have been at my current employer for 9 years. Another thing is that if I do get the job I will miss my co-workers and some of my customers. My co-workers have become like family. I really want this job. I am trying to not get my hopes up because I haven’t even had the interview yet. I know the job I have an interview for is only a Consumer Aide and not Peer Counselor position, its at least a step in the right direction to get a job as a peer counseling.

   Speaking of a step in the right direction I am going to be starting training to be a volunteer call taker at local peer run Warm Line. The training is four weeks long, two days each week and five hours each day which equals to 40hours. I am wanting to volunteer on the Warm Line for many reasons. The first and main reason is that I want to help others. The second reason is that it looks good on a résumé. The third reason is that if I do get the job as a Consumer Aide that means I have to quit my volunteer job at the homeless shelter. You cant be employed and a volunteer at the same agency due to the job description and legal reasons with liability. I can understand that. I have really wanting to volunteer for the Warm Line for quite some time now and haven’t felt ready to do till now.

    Another thing I got involved in this past week is that I became a volunteer advocate for American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP). A field advocate for AFSP basically emails there senators and congressperson(s) to encourage them to support or not support bills regarding mental health as well be a resource for the politicians. I figure that I want to be involved with politics some how that this a good way to get involved plus it regarding another thing that I am passionate about which is mental health. I am still debating weather or not to put this on my résumé. I know it will look good on one but not sure how future employers would take to it since it involves politics. Its something to consider. In fact I sent my first emails to my congressman and both of my senators introducing myself. I hope I can be a good resource for them.

    Another good resource is NAMI. I am a little frustrated with them right now because the just cancelled the peer to peer class I was suppose to take. This is the second time they cancelled it and both time they cancelled it was because the lack of interest. I find that difficult to believe because I live in major metropolitan area. Actually, I live in a major city. Another reason why I am I am frustrated with NAMI is because I am still waiting to hear back about volunteer with them. I sent them a volunteer application a month ago. I don’t know how long I should wait on about becoming volunteering with them. I think when Monday comes around I will call them to see if they even got my volunteer application. I know that if I do eventually start volunteering for NAMI that I will put it on my résumé.

     Well, now that I bored you all with about being proactive about mental health I will end this particular blog entry. Plus I want some intimate time with my boyfriend. Well, have a good rest of you Friday everyone. Peace Out.