Tag Archives: Meditation

Too Early To Be Awaken on My Weekend

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As I start this particular post it is exactly 3:45 in the blasted morning on a Friday morning in Seattle. A Friday that is considered my weekend as Friday’s and Saturdays are my weekend. It is too early to be up this early during my weekend and it sucks shit. I woke up due to the fact of an extreme nightmare that consisted of body memories that make it feel like not just the most recent trauma happened but past traumas happened all at the same time. Having nightmares that include body memories are not the easiest thing to deal with especially so early in the morning.

Sadly, my PTSD symptoms are increasing my depression symptoms. Increased depression means that I have to be more intuned with myself regarding self harm urges as well as making sure that I don’t become suicidal. Thankfully, I am currently not suicidal. Sadly, I do have some self harm urges but at least they are at a manageable level. A level where I can create my own safety plan without the help of others such as friends or my mental health treatment team with the exception of my beloved cat, Billie as Billie helps a great deal with my safety planning.

I think I will start my safety plan with some mindfulness meditation to help me get into a better head space to help me with the rest of my safety plan.

As of right now, I think I will work on some artwork. Specifically, the artwork I will be working on is some coloring. Coloring is a great way to help me relax and focus on something creative that will help me do something more challenging to do when I am currently in the head space that I am currently in especially when I listen to music as I color. Music and coloring appear to be helpful together for me to refocus. So, I am hoping that as I color and listen to music with my cat laying by my side I can get into the mindset of reading a novel I am reading.

The novel I am currently reading is The Sorority Murder by Allison Brennan. So, far it is keeping my attention especially when I am in an okay head space. I highly recommend the book. I am really enjoying this book and encourage you to read the book.

In all honesty I hope I can get back to sleep due to the insomnia that is caused by stupid ass PTSD symptoms and I really hope my safety plan will help with me falling back to sleep. At least I know my cat is quite helpful with helping me sleep.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog as if it was not for you my reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good Friday ahead of them. Peace Out, World.

Weekly Plans

Posted on by Gertie

Sunday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work
  • Art (color)
  • Read
  • Spend time with my cat, Billie

Monday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work
  • Art (color)
  • Read
  • Spend time with my cat, Billie

Tuesday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work
  • Art (color)
  • Read
  • Spend time with my cat, Billie

Wednesday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Art (color)
  • Read
  • Spend time with my cat Billie

Thursday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work
  • Art (color)
  • Read
  • Spend time with my cat, Billie

Friday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Laundry
  • Art (color)
  • Read

Saturday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Farmer Market
  • Breakfast at Farmers Market
  • Art (color)
  • Read

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is Saturday evening and I am starting to do my weekly check-ins again. I just want to keep you the reader as engaged as possible. I know it sounds silly especially since I just talk about my boring life.

So, this week I went back to work after being gone for about a month due to medical reasons. Well technically I was on leave due to a trauma. A trauma that hit me to my core that sadly triggered some severe PTSD symptoms from past traumas. Traumas that I personally don’t really want to deal with especially things I thought I already dealt with.

Enough with discussing trauma and back to discussing work. Being back to work is a bit weird. I am happy to be back to work but it just feels weird. I love my job and am grateful to be back and only had to take my extra break once.

Part of my work week I spent two days at the Peer Pathways Conference. It was a huge growing experience for me. Hell, it was a growing experience for many in attendance for many folks who attended the conference this year. It was also great to meet in person again. I did have some sensory overload during the conference however I enjoyed myself.

I also had a session with my therapist which was hard but hard in a good way. My therapist is awesome and appreciated what she has to say. I also had an appointment with my psychiatric nurse practitioner. We of discussed meds and one of them was increased to help with my PTSD symptoms.

It wouldn’t be a weekly check-in without discussing my awesome cat, Billie. I love my cat and am grateful to have him in my life. It is hard to think about life without him. He is a very good and loving kitty.

I don’t have much more to say. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Plans

Posted on by Gertie

Sunday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work
  • Dinner with neighbors
  • Art (Color)
  • Spend time with my cat, Billie

Monday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Art (color)
  • Work
  • Spend time with my cat Billie

Tuesday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work
  • Art (color)
  • Spend time with my cat, Billie

Wednesday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Peer Pathways Conference
  • Art (color)
  • Spend time with my cat, Billie

Thursday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Peer Pathways Confernce
  • Dinner with my grandpa to celebrate his birthday
  • Spend time with my cat, Billie
  • Art (color)

Friday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Lunch with a good friend from high school
  • Appointment with my therapist
  • Appointment with my psychiatric nurse practitioner
  • Art (color)

Saturday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Farmers Market
  • Art (color)

A Bundle of Emotions

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I am dealing with many various emotions. Some emotions I wish I didn’t have to deal with however I know if I don’t sit with them and radically accept them as they are things tend to get worse for me. On that note, my mental health team and doctor think that I am doing “okay” mental health wise considering what I went through two weeks ago even though I feel like I am going backwards with my mental health. It has been brought to my attention by a friend that I am having “unrealistic expectations” of myself and where I feel like I should be regarding my recovery after being hurt like I was and my mental health agrees. Hell, I agree because I wouldn’t expect my friend or my clients to be in a good place after being assaulted.

I am currently excited and anxious about going back to work this Sunday (August 20th). I am excited because I love my job and the people I work with as well as love the people I am able to serve. I am also excited to go back to work because I feel like the structure of work will help me get back to some form of normalcy of my life. Plus, structure tends to be something I need and crave due to my mental health disability as well as other disabilities such as ADHD. I am anxious to go back to work because I feel like I am going to be in trouble and that my supervisors will be more focused on how I am doing emotionally versus how I am doing the job. I know that my supervisors are super supportive however I am extremely self-conscious.

Being hurt like I was, it has brought up a lot of past traumas I have experienced in my life. It feels like I am experiencing most of the traumas all over again. I realize this is completely normal but I feel like I am abnormal. My therapist’s direct supervisor told me last Friday that “feelings are not facts.” Kind of hard to argue with that fact. Having C-PTSD sucks shit but at least I know what to do to help myself. One thing is to read as it helps me get out of my head and focus on something that doesn’t cause emotional pain. Another thing that helps in listening to music as I color. Also doing a mindfulness meditation is quite helpful. Something else that is helping is making sure I eat regularly as well as drinking plenty of water. Drinking plenty of water right now is key as the weather here in Seattle is hot and experiencing a heat wave. Of course my cat, Billie is quite helpful.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottome of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

No Sleep For Me

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is 4:14 in the morning, Seattle time. I am tired and a cranky bucket. Despite actually attempting to sleep, sleep was a no go for me. I suspect a lot of it has to deal with the recent sexual assault I have experienced. My cat, Billie has been quite a comfort for me since I adopted him over three years ago however he appears to be more of comfort to me after being raped. I think he can pick up on what is going on with my emotions.

On that note since being comforted by my cat, Billie and not being able to get sleep, I did a lot of arts and crafts. I did a lot of coloring because that appeared to be less frustrating for me. As far as Diamond Art goes it appears to be more frustrating for me due to all the little pieces involved but I am sure once I get the hang of it, it will become more enjoyable. I am sort of getting the idea of latch hooking and am enjoying it. I am watching a lot of YouTube videos on latch hooking which is great. At far a cross stitching goes, I am loving it and enjoying it. I just have one issue, my cat, Billie wants to play with the thread or string as he thinks it is. I love being able to do arts and crafts with my cat, Billie by my side.

I do not have much more to say in this particular post. I do want to thank you my readers for reading my post especially as of lately since my post have been more depressive and traumatic than usual. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Too Long of a Post about Arts & Crafts

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I was to work today but sadly, I called in sick as I needed to take a mental health day. I have realized that I haven’t done much self care as it is needed to do in any line of work but especially the mental health field and greatly love my work with a passion.

Much to my surprise my family has been encouraging me to do some self care for myself. I am just shocked as hell that it came from my grandpa. I love my grandpa so much. In fact my dad has been encouraging me for weeks to do some self care which I plan on doing.

Just like my family, my friends have been insisting on me doing self care. I am so thrilled that I have friends that care about me. I have the best friends in the world.

As some of you know, I have Anxiety, Depression and Complex PTSD along with treatment resistant Insomnia. Having insomnia sucks and the lack of sleep makes the symptoms of my other mental health challenges that become more symptomatic.

Due to the lack of sleep, I make sure I do a mindfulness meditation practice to start the day when I get up as well as to end the day before bed time. I highly recommend doing some mindfulness meditation.

Anyway, I want to bring something up that might help me with my mental health and my job. First of reading as I love to read. I highly enjoy reading. I am currently reading The Sorority Murder by Allison Brennan. It is a very intriguing book.

As far as arts and crafts I plan on doing is nothing new especially when it comes to art work, specifically when it comes to coloring. I have also dabbled in painting but I am not very good at. I hope to do more painting and coloring especially since I ordered more coloring pages from Stuff2Color. The coloring stuff I got from Stuff2Color and still have a lot of canvas that I bought a while ago and haven’t done anything about. Now it is just time to by paint and paint brushes.

Now on to the crafts part of arts and crafts.I have ordered some Latch Hook stuff already and have ordered more so I can make them for people and their special day whatever that may be as well as donate to local nonprofits so when they have an auction it will hopefully bring in some money. I know not much money but every penny helps for nonprofits. I do need a lot of practice with a latch hook.

Of course,the other crafting I will be doing is crossing stitching. I did cross stitch back in my twenties and really enjoyed doing it. I am not sure why I stopped but I plan to start back up again. I hope to give people a finished product as well as give to local nonprofits who auction off such stuff during a big fundraiser.

Before I forge a friend of mine who is also a neighbor introduced a thing called Diamond Art. It looks intriguing to do as it seems it can take a while to do as there are so many little pieces. I ordered some and am looking forward to doing this Diamond Art.

Of course when I am doing arts or crafts, I will be listening to music or a podcast. Listening to music or podcasts helps me concentrate on being able to focus the text at hand which is Arts and Crafts.

I do not have more to say in this blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Plans

Posted on by Gertie

Sunday

  • Not going to work due to not feeling well
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Art and crafting while listening to music
  • Reading
  • Spend time with my cat, Billie

Monday

  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work’
  • Read
  • Spend time with my cat

Tuesday

  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work
  • Art and crafts
  • reading
  • spend time with my cat

Wednesday

  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work
  • Art and crafts
  • reading
  • music
  • Spend time with my cat

Thursday

  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work
  • Reading
  • Spend time with my cat

Friday

  • Volunteer with cats
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Art – Coloring
  •  Diamond Art
  • Latch Hook
  • Cross Stitch
  • Music
  • Spend time with my cat

Saturday

  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Art – Coloring
  •  Diamond Art
  • Latch Hook
  • Cross Stitch
  • Music
  • Spend time with my cat

A Middle of the Night Post Regarding Arts & Crafts

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is the middle of the night here in the United States of America. I am tired as hell and I am unable to get back to sleep. So, I decided to do a couple of mindfulness meditation practices which help a good portion of the time. I am also going to work on some Diamond Art which is quite fun but challenging at the same time.

Since the mindfulness meditation practice isn’t working this time around, I am listening to music while I am doing some arts and crafts.Art wise I am planning on doing tom coloring as it helps me be in a mindfulness type mind and keeps me focus. As far as the crafting part, I am going to do some cross stitching as well as some latch hooking. I am grateful that I can be creative when I am unable to sleep.

Sadly, I am unable to go to work tomorrow because of the lack of sleep I am having due to insomnia. Thankfully, my supervisor is super supportive. Having a great supervisor is a blessing.

i do not have much more to say in this blog post. Thank yo for reading my blog.

A Day Full of Emotions Despite Making the Bad Shit Into the Good Shit

Posted on by Gertie

Today did not start off as a good day. I woke up with a nightmare on time of an anxiety attack which sucks but then the depression decided to rear it’s rearing head which sucks shit. Having PTSD, Anxiety attacks and depression sucks but at least I have my cat to help me with my mental health symptoms so I took the day off from work.

Oh the positive side of things I have plenty of coping skills to help me when then things get difficult for me. One thing that helps me is my cat as well as my mindful mindfulness practice. Also going to work helps a greate deal for me. Self care is a huge things for me and it iterates me that my family thinks I an using drugs when i do not do drugs. I love having fun like going to baseball games as well as doing art work such as coloring, painting, crafting such as latch key and cross stitch.

I am grateful that despite a challenging day to my day that everything has worked out. Now it is time to do some lisure time to do some fun fast. Peace Out, World!!!