Tag Archives: PTSD

No, Going Back to Sleep for Me

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Holidays, World!!! It is 6:03am in the blasted morning and I was finally getting back to sleep after Billie Dean, my cat woke me up. I was almost a sleep and Billie was asleep snoring when the building fire alarm went of. One of my neighbors decided to put the fire alarm pull station again because another neighbor wasn’t not wearing mask. This isn’t the first time this neighbor has pulled the fire alarm pull station when neighbors haven’t been wearing mask. The neighbor who does this pulls it because he wants the fire department to talk with the neighbors who don’t wear mask because of Covid-19. The only thing it is doing is making all the neighbors and the firefighters angry at this particular neighbor. I understand wanting others to wear mask due to the global pandemic but it’s common sense that you don’t pull the fire alarm for someone is not wearing a mask.

The thing is the fire alarm causes my anxiety and my PTSD symptoms to increase. It causes my anxiety to increase because I have to make sure I get my cat, Billie in his carrier and put on my shoes and jacket as well as remembering my keys and wallet as a blaring fire alarm with a strobe light going off. The alarm going off increases my PTSD because, I have been in three fires in my life; two as a child and one as an adult. It’s no fun dealing with PTSD of any kind but it takes me a while to finally get back to an okay place after the building fire alarm goes off.

Well, I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I appreciate all of you. Happy Holidays and Peace Out, World!!!

Taking A Mental Health Day Off on Monday

Posted on by Gertie

Good Sunday Evening, World!!! Or at least it is still Sunday evening in my corner of the world known as Seattle. I have decided that I will be taking tomorrow, Monday, off from work for a mental health day. My depression and PTSD are sadly acting up so I am taking tomorrow (Monday) off.

I am grateful that I work in the mental health field at a mental health agency that supports taking mental health days off. I feel bad because I’m taking it off in the middle of the holiday season when I know I will be on vacation in a few days. I feel bad because a handful of my clients are not doing so well mental health wise. I know they will be okay as I know they have the resources but I feel like I am letting my clients down as well as my colleagues down.

On that note, I need to take care of myself to be able to help both my clients and my colleagues. So, what I am planning on doing rest of this evening (Sunday) is to listen to a podcast about philosophy while my cat Billie Dean lays on my lap. The philosophy podcast my cat, Billie and myself will be listening to is “Philosophize This.” I really enjoy this podcast and it appears that Billie chills out listening to the podcast as the podcaster, Steven West has a calming voice.

As far as self care tomorrow, I am not sure what I am going to do for self care. I know I will be spending much needed time with my cat, Billie. Billie is helping me through the holiday season and I have had a great deal of trauma as child around Christmas time. So, Billie will be helping me tomorrow. I will be doing other self care stuff but not sure what at the moment.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader do read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great rest of their Sunday evening. Happy Holidays and Peace Out, World!!!

Nearly 24 Hours of Being Awake

Posted on by Gertie

It is now 7:32 in the morning in my neck of the woods known as Seattle. I am still wide awake while dealing with a migraine. I’m wondering why I keep blogging through the night if I am blogging as I’m sure it is not helping my migraine which is considered a chronic pain issues.

I personally think that part of the reason why I am unable to sleep besides the migraine and insomnia which is the Depression and PTSD around the Christmas holiday. I had some major trauma around the holidays growing up.

Despite having depression, PTSD, a migraine and a sleepless night, I have been pretty busy tonight. I have been been doing some art work. Specifically, I have been coloring. I have of course been coloring as I listened to a podcast about philosophy. The specific philosophy podcast I have been listening to is “Philosophize This.” Listening to this podcast and doing art by coloring is very helpful.

And of course my cat Billie Dean has be quite helpful and not leaving my side. He truly knows when I need him around. I love my cat so very much. Billie is such a love bug.

I do not not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading for my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog as if it wasn’t for you the reader, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Happy Holidays and Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is 5:24 in the morning here in my corner of the world known as Seattle. I haven’t been able to sleep for multiple reasons. Some reasons are known like dealing with an never ending migraine which is a chronic pain issues. Other reasons is due to PTSD and insomnia while some reasons are unknown. Sadly, due to the lack of sleep and migraine, I am unable to volunteer at PAWS Cat City today due to the lack of sleep and the migraine. Yes, I did leave them three voicemails and an email letting them I won’t be there.

It makes me sad that I won’t be able to volunteer today due to insomnia and a migraine. I really love to volunteer at PAWS Cat City. They are an amazing organization. Plus, I get to help a community that has helped me with adopting my last cat, Lil Gertie and current cat Billie Dean. If it wasn’t for the awesome experience of the adoption with Lil Brooke I would have never become a volunteer. Yes, I also had an awesome adoption experience with Billie but by the time I adopted him I had already been a volunteer for a couple of months at PAWS Cat City.

Billie, my cat has been extra cuddly tonight as I think he knows I haven’t be feeling well. Part of wonders if the lack of sleep and migraine has any thing to due with the stress I am having around the holidays which includes the Holiday Blues, Depression, and PTSD that comes this time of year due to trauma related things. I am trying to make my own Christmas traditions around Christmas which are helping a great deal but some days or in this case nights are tougher than others days and/or nights.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you do read my blog as if it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It really means a great deal to me that you do. Happy Holidays and Peace Out, World!!!

Holiday Blues

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am unable to sleep once again in my corner of the world known as Seattle. I am unable to sleep due to insomnia. I am wondering if the reason why I am having an insomnia time night is because all the holiday stuff I did yesterday (Saturday) regarding Christmas with shopping and wrapping everything. The also includes listening to Christmas music as I colored Christmas themed coloring pictures. I’m wondering all this because I have trauma and PTSD around the holidays.

I am feeling like I am having the holiday blues so I decided to do art by coloring but I decided to color non holiday coloring pages and listen to non Christmas music. It seems like with me doing this that my depression, PTSD and Holiday Blues symptoms are lessening which is a good thing. I think I am going to go to bed.

I hope you all have a good night. I want to thank you for reading my blog. I appreciate you the reader for reading my blog as if it was not for reading it, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Happy Holidays and Peace Out World!!!

Just a Bunch of Ramblings the Holidays

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is almost nine o’clock in the evening in my corner of the world known as Seattle. My cat Billie Dean is lay right next to me as I type this particular blog. Billie has be quite helpful to me the last few days. The last few days my depression and PTSD symptoms have slightly increased. It’s hard do know if it’s actual symptoms or the winter blues and/or holiday blues. Maybe it’s all of the about but I am just grateful that Billie is helping be feel better.

As the Christmas holiday gets closer, I become someone anxious about being around family. I love my family but some of them increase my anxiety. That is why I have plans in place to when family shit hits the fan, I have ways to do self care.

I don’t have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Happy Holidays and Peace Out, World!!!

Another Night Without Sleep With a Bit of Learning & Creativity

Posted on by Gertie

It is extremely extremely early in my corner of the world which is Seattle. It is cold for Seattle. Not cold as in snowing or freezing outside. It is just cold as the temperatures are below normal. At least it’s just really bad rain and wind and the temperatures are in the low 40’s.

Anyway, it’s not because of the “cold” weather why I am up at this god awful hour in the middle of the night. I am up in the middle of the night due to insomnia. I think part of the insomnia I am dealing with tonight is because of PTSD shit. Having PTSD and insomnia suck shit especially since I am unable sleep.

So, since I am unable to sleep, I am doing art. Actually the type of art I am doing is coloring. Of course as I am coloring I am listening to a podcast about philosophy. I am using creativity via art by coloring as I learn about philosophy but listening to a podcast. I am listening to “Philosophize This.” So, I guess by being creative while doing art, I am able to learn about philosophy.

Of course my cat, Billie Dean is keeping me company by sitting on my lap. Billie is purring up a storm which means he is just happy he is getting attention. Oh shit the fire department is here at my building. Thankfully the fire alarm isn’t going off or at least it is not at the moment. Anyone, Billie is just grateful for the attention I am giving him in the middle of the night.

I do not have much more to talk about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it wasn’t for you my reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Unable to Sleep & It’s Not the Cats Fault

Posted on by Gertie

Good Very Early Morning, World!!! It is seven minutes after two in the morning in my neck of the world in Seattle. Yes, it means it is 2:07 in the morning. I am unable to sleep at the moment it is starting to frustrate the hell out of me. It is frustrating the hell out of me because not only is my anxiety is acting up but by PTSD is acting up as well. In my opinion it is the anxiety and the PTSD that is keeping me up which is helping with the helping the insomnia.

On the plus note, the Seattle rain is quite soothing helping me calm down and be mindful of being in the present. In fact my cat is also helping me be in the present moment. I love the fact how the Seattle rain and my cat help me be in the current present moment.

And of course the other thing that is helping me is right now is is listening to the podcast on philosophy. Specifically, I am listening to “Philosophize This” and am feeling like I am getting a great education about philosophy. I know it seems weird but I feel like I am learning a lot and getting an informal education.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do what to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Awake Too Early on a Saturday Morning

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is five fifty nine in the morning and I woke up from a not so fun nightmare That is related to PTSD. My cat Billie Dean is laying on my lap as I type this really short blog post as I would like to go back to sleep since it is Saturday morning. As much as I wish I was still asleep I am grateful for my cat, Billie knowing what to do after waking up from a horrific nightmare.

I don’t have much to say in this particular blog post because I want to get back to sleep. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader do read my blog. If it wasn’t for the reader reading my blog, I wouldn’t be writing my blog. Again, from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 8: Reinvent the Letter Format

Posted on by Gertie

Dear Bullies and the Adults that protected the bullies,

I am writer this letter to those who bullied me in high school and the adults who protected them. Due to being bullied, I now have PTSD. Yes, I have PTSD from other trauma’s I had to endure throughout my childhood and adulthood. I just want you to know that you bullying me gave me PTSD and caused the depression I was dealing ended spiraling down hill to where I tried to take my own life.

Despite trying to take my own life, I have managed to because a successful adult. An adult that was able to become a strong person despite the hate I had to endure because of you and the adults that made excuses for you. I am a strong person despite you and the shit you did to me.

Sincerely,

Gertie