It’s Still Sunday

     It’s still Sunday and its going better than I thought it would be going. Yes, the PTSD is still acting up however my boyfriend  is being very supportive. He is so amazing and extremely patient with me. Sometimes I wonder why my boyfriend loves me so much.

     Speaking of love one of my best friends is getting marred to her long time partner tomorrow (7/7/2014) evening. My friend and her girlfriend of 15 years asked me to be in the wedding and I of course said yes. I am so looking forward to it. Its going to be a small backyard wedding. I am grateful that I live in a state that allows my friends in the LGBT community to marry. It just baffles my mind why some people of faith have issue with others marrying the people they love when they are the same gender. It shouldn’t matter just as long as you love each other. I have friend who says that she is a Christian and she is telling me that I’m going to hell because I’m in a “gay” wedding. I don’t see what the issue is. I just don’t understand why people are so judgmental. Well, like I said earlier, I am looking forward to it.

     Tomorrow is going to be a busy day for me. I work tomorrow morning. Its only a four shift. I’m glad its an early shift because I have the rest of the day to do things like go to my friends wedding and go see my therapist. I may not like my job but I’m grateful I work tomorrow. I’ve been at my current employment for 9 years now and my co-workers have become family to me. In fact some of my customers have become like family to me. Working gives me a sense of community and that is a good thing for someone who deal with a mental illness. Like I was saying earlier my co-workers and some of my customers have become like family to me. We go to each others major events such as kids birthday parties, weddings, college graduations and stuff like that. Even though I am looking for a new job as a Peer Counselor I will miss my current co-workers because I’ve worked with some of them for the last 9 years. I really hope I can get a job as a Peer Counselor soon.

     Like I said earlier I see my therapist tomorrow. I will be talking to her about the 5 year anniversary of the trauma I experienced. I will also be talking to her about the strong urges I’ve had with cutting. No, I did not cut because I used my Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills. I will be talking about the minor urges I had regarding the eating disorder stuff. Mainly the bulimia but I should talk about the anorexia as well. I’m grateful that I’ve been in recovery from the eating disorders for 15 years now. I think that will take up an entire hour.

     Unfortunately, my boyfriend has to work tomorrow. He has been so supportive of me today regarding the PTSD. He is now telling me dinner is almost done and that I should finish up this blog entry soon. His cooking is fabulous. He is making spaghetti for dinner. We are having strawberry short cake for dessert. Strawberry shortcake is my favorite dessert. 

      I think I should get going now since dinner is almost done. I will blog tomorrow to tell you how work and therapy went as well as how the wedding went. I’m sure its going to be a beautiful wedding. Well, I hope to blog again tomorrow. Have good evening everyone. Peace out.

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Happy 4th Of July!!!

     Happy 4th of July!!! Today is Independence Day here in the United States of America. I am grateful for our Military Personal because if it wasn’t for them fighting for my freedom’s I wouldn’t be living in one of the best countries in the world. Thank you all for your service!!! 

     I worked today. Yes, that’s the unfortunate thing about working at a grocery store, having to work holidays, even Christmas and Thanksgiving. At least I get paid double time for working today. Today at work we weren’t just busy with our regular customers and customers preparing for their holiday celebrations but busy with a Jehovah Witness convention at a near by college/university football stadium. I guess it is a 3 day event. I didn’t realize this until I wished one of them a Happy 4th of July and it offended them. I wasn’t trying to offend anyone. Sometimes I get frustrated with Political Correctness. See Jehovah Witness’s don’t celebrate holidays or birthdays and I can respect that because its a part of their religious beliefs. In fact I told on myself to my manager when I was told that I offend the person I was helping. My manager told me not to worry about it because we cant make everyone happy and that we cant know everyone’s religious beliefs unless they tell us or they wear a sign someone on their person.

     Yes, I will be celebrating the 4th of July. In fact I’m at my boyfriends parents house for a 4th of July party they are putting on. Their a lot of people here. Lots of food, fun, games and swimming. In fact my boyfriends parents house has a great view of where the fireworks are going to be shot off. My favorite part is always the fireworks. I do have to say that the firework show in the city I currently reside in is not as good as Disneyland’s fireworks. I grew up in Anaheim and was able to watch the Disneyland fireworks from my backyard, roof and even my front yard. I miss being able to watch the Disneyland fireworks every weekend. Disneyland’s firework show for the 4th of July is always their best firework show. Like I said I’m at my boyfriends parents house at the moment. I’m just taking a break from the crowd. It gets overwhelming at times especially since the symptoms of my PTSD are acting up. I figure that blogging will help ease the overwhelming feeling I am having at the moment. I am enjoying the food. I’m all about being All American when it comes to food on the 4th of July. Just give me a hot dog and I am happy. I had 3 hot dogs and plan on having a steak later on. I cant wait for the fireworks.

     Enough about the 4th of July for moment. I want to discuss the Co-Occurring Disorders training I attended for 3 days. We (me and the other trainee’s) learned about the science of the effects of addiction on the body and brain. I found the science part of it interesting. We also learned a new skill in the training called OPA. OPA stands for Organize. Prioritize. Act. It was created and copyrighted by Martin K. Abdo. To learn more about OPA I encourage you to go to his website http://www.opamentalhealth.com. I  have to say a disclaimer and that is if  that you want to do an OPA group in your practice or mental health agency that you contact Martin K. Abdo yourselves so he can train you to do it properly. In fact I can see myself doing the OPA skill in my everyday life. I learned so much from the training that I’m still trying to process everything I have learned. I guess you can say that I’m still on information overload. I’m grateful that now I can put the training on my resume’.

     Now that I have bored you with my day at work and celebration of the 4th of July as well as the 3 day training I attended, I’m going to end this blog for now. I hope I didn’t bore you with the events of my day and week. I am going to apologize for not blogging yesterday. I feel bad when I don’t blog everyday because I feel like if I don’t then I’m not helping fight the stigma of mental illness nor am I helping those who I struggling with a mental illness. I want to show those who struggle with a mental illness that there is hope and recovery is possible. I also want to show “normies” (normies is just term that means normal people) that people with mental illness live productive lives and are people just like them. I want to eliminate the stigma of mental illness. Well I better end this blog entry for now because I need to go show my face at the party again. Happy 4th of July everyone. Peace out and enjoy the fireworks.

Today Has Been A Good Summer Solstice

     Well the first day of summer is coming to an end and it turned out to be a good day. I hung out with two very good friends today. My friends and I went to Red Robin on the Waterfront in the city we reside in. I had my favorite hamburger which is The Whisky Barbeque Burger. My friends and I of course shared a desert of Mud Pie. Now that was yummy. The view of the water was beautiful as well as the mountains in the distance. After my friends and I were finished with our meal we decided to walk around the waterfront and enjoy the scenery. About an hour into walking around we realized we needed to get back to our end of the city because the three of us were going to Mass.

    We went to Mass. Yes, going to Mass was quite triggering for me because of my past with the Christian faith. Even though I haven’t had “issues” with the Catholic denomination, going to Mass was trigging. I did make it through the hour long Mass and am proud of myself for doing so. Hell, my two friends were and are proud of me. I don’t know if I would attend Mass again but I am glad I went. The best part was that no one judged me for my scarred up arms. 

    Tomorrow, my boyfriend and I are hosting World Cup party at his place, when the United States plays Portugal. I am looking forward to spending time with my boyfriend as well as our friends. In fact the two friends I hung out with today are going to go to the party as well. Being around supportive people is good for everyone especially for those who struggle with mental illness. That’s why I’m looking forward tomorrow because I will be around people who care about me and support me not matter what. Plus, we (me and all in attendance at the party) will be rooting on the U.S.A in the World Cup when they play Portugal. GO U.S.A.!!!! 

    Well I best be going. I need to finish making snacks for the World Cup party tomorrow. I think making the snacks is going to be an all night thing. Have a good rest of Saturday if it’s still Saturday for you. It’s still Saturday for me. Since it’s officially summer I can now say; Have a good summer. Enjoy your summer. Peace out and hope to blog again tomorrow.

Happy Summer Solstice!!!

     Happy Summer Solstice!!! We all know what the summer solstice means. It means its the first day of summer and the longest day of the year. Today is also the first full day of my vacation. I will of course take advantage of the first day of summer as well as my first day of vacation.

     As some of you know that the lack of structure for people who struggle with a mental illness is not a good thing. The lack of structure can lead to symptoms acting up. That’s why I have to be vigilant when I am on vacation and don’t have anything really major planned. That’s why today I have to be vigilant because my boyfriend is working today and we usually plan to do things together.

     Since my boyfriend is working today and wont get off till tomorrow morning I plan on hanging out with some good friends. I plan on meeting up with two of my best friends at the Waterfront to eat at Red Robin. I love Red Robin. They have the best hamburgers in the world. My favorite Red Robin hamburger is the Whiskey River Barbeque Burger. Besides  planning on going to Red Robin with two of my best friends, one of them asked me and my other friend if we could go to (Catholic) Mass with her this evening. I might go because I’ve never been to a Catholic Mass. Plus my mom grew up Catholic so I guess it’s a part of my heritage and figure to see what its all about. (Side Note: When my parents got married they decided to not raise me in any particular religion because they both grew up in what they consider strict faiths. My dad grew up Mormon. My parents wanted me and still want me to choose my own religion even after they got divorced.) So if I go to mass, I plan on going to a local park to read after attending Mass. I am enjoying A Tale of Two Cities, immensely.

     Now that I have told you what I plan doing today, I will tell you all something. I am a little frustrated with myself right now. I don’t think I’m reaching as many people with this blog as I had hoped I would. Yes, I will continue to blog but I was kind of hoping that I would have more followers on my blog by now. I know it takes time and that I have only been doing this for about 3 weeks now. I just want to show people out there who are “normal” that those of us who struggle with mental illness can live everyday lives just like them in hopes that it will lessen the stigma of mental illness. I also hope that this blog shows those who do struggle mental illness that their is hope and that recovery is possible. All I want to do is lessen the stigma of mental illness and show those who are struggling that hope and recovery are out there. Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself when it comes to this blogging thing especially since I am still new to it and trying to get into the groove of it and what people might be interested in reading.

     Now that I have bored you with the things in the blog entry I’m going to end it for now. Have a good Saturday every. Happy Summer Solstice everyone. I hope that you all enjoy the first day of summer and that the rest of your summer is fun.

Sunday Morning Pre-Work Rambling

     It’s another Sunday morning and I am getting ready for work. I don’t really like what time I get off tonight but that’s okay because at least work keeps me busy. I really didn’t want to work today because a friend of mine is singing and the place of worship she attends.

     My friend has the most beautiful voice you ever heard. If she wasn’t such a good friend I wouldn’t have considered setting foot in a church. My friend has stuck by me through thick and thin. She never has shoved her religion down my throat like a lot of other people do. She considers herself a Christian. I’m grateful that she doesn’t judge me that I don’t consider myself a Christian. She understands why don’t. If you have been reading my blog you know why I don’t consider myself as a Christian.

     Now on to other things. I may not like my work shift today but I am grateful that I am able to work. I maybe in a job that I consider dead end but at least I have a job. Their are so many people out there that don’t have jobs or who are unable to work. Yes, I know yesterday I was frustrated with my life that I am not where I want to be in life with my career and that’s I still feel at the moment but I realize that if I keep working at my current employment and searching for jobs in the field that I desire to be in, then the right job will come along.

     Speaking of jobs I need to get going. I need to end this blog entry and finish getting ready for work. Have a great Sunday everyone. Hope to blog again tomorrow.

YIPPEE IT’S MONDAY!!!!

     YIPPEE IT’S MONDAY!!!! (Stop your moaning, Mondays are my Fridays.) Now that I’ve got your attention with the title of the this particular blog entry lets get on to a serious topic of religion and mental illness and my personal experience with it. The particular religion I will be talking about is my experience with Christianity. My intent is not to speak ill of Christianity but to make those who are Christians aware of the type of harm you may be doing without meaning to. I do realize that there are those “Christians” that realize what they are doing and this blog is for them as well as those who don’t realize what harm they maybe doing. I’m also hoping that pastors read this particular post in hopes that they can maybe have sermon on judgment, healing and mental illness. Now with that being said let me get on to what I want to discuss regarding mental illness and Christianity.

     At one point in time I considered myself a Christian. I now consider myself Agnostic. I believe that their is a higher power whomever he, she or they may be. I became Agnostic because of how I was treated at a number of different Christian Churches. Anytime I go into a church and wear short sleeve shirts that’s when the Calgary comes barging in. See, I use to cut myself in the height of my struggles with mental illness and have scars on my arms. I’ve been told that I need to go to healing service’s to have demon’s prayed out of me. I’ve been told that I was NOT welcomed because they don’t allow “crazy people” at their church. My response to that was and still is, “Didn’t Jesus say come as you are?” The response varies from person to person as well as church to church. I’ve also had people tell me that I didn’t have enough faith because if I did then I would have been healed from my mental illness. How in the hell do they know how much faith I do or do not have. They don’t know what’s in my heart or mind. I even had one pastor tell me that I couldn’t attend their church until they were able to talk to my therapist and that was the first time I even attended that church. I never went back to that particular church.

    The thing that made me loose my faith in Jesus was a particular incident that happened. See I was dating a guy from the church I was regularly attending. I ended up getting date r*p*d by this guy. I do have to say that he had a psychotic break when he r*p*d me. When the pastors of the church got wind of this, they asked me to not prosecute him because it would ruin his life. The pastors also said that they would pay for his attorneys and make sure that his newly found illness would get him off and use my illness against me. They also said they would take it to the media. Due past trauma in my childhood and camera’s them threatening going to the media is what got me to NOT prosecute. I don’t like camera’s of any kind. The pastors told me that it was my fault that I caused him to not only r*p* me but that he had a psychotic break. Yes, I realize that it’s NOT my fault but it felt like my fault for the longest time.

     Now that you all know why I lost my faith, I want Christians to realize what they say and do to anyone especially those with mental illness can determine weather or not they believe in Jesus. I personally think the r*p*  would have not been an issue of me loosing my faith in Jesus if it were not for my previous experiences with various different Christian churches. Like I said I’m not trying to speak ill of all Christians or churches. Some of my closest friends are Christians. I just want to educate Christians that the mentally ill go to Church like the rest of you. People who struggle with mental illness are searching for what you are searching for. My goal here is to not offend but to educate.

    I have come to terms with the r*p* with a great deal of therapy. I am now trying to come to terms on what spirituality looks for me now. Spirituality is another strong component in recovery with mental illness. Like I said earlier, I am Agnostic. I believe that their is some higher being out there guiding me. Not sure who he, she or they are but I know that there is some higher spirit out there.

    Well, its time to end this entry and hope that this blog entry does not cause a debate. This entry is to educate Christians about the judgments they have toward the mentally ill. Yes, I know they are human like me but telling them your judgments and not educating yourselves about mental illness does more harm than good. Have a good evening all.