Tag Archives: Mental Health

No Sleep Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I’m giving up on the sleep aspect of the night. I am however not giving up on hope. The hope I finally was able to grasp again after loosing for a long while.

Hope that I am able to show other through my interactions in every aspect of my life. Aspects of my life that I hope my recovery shows through even through the bumps in the road.

I happen to be in the middle of bump in the road with my recovery due to the death of my grandma. I do know that my grandma would want me to work through the pain of her death through hard work.

Okay, enough rambling and I’ll end the post for now. I know I will be okay today. Peace Out, World!!!

I Can’t Sleep, Again

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I’m having trouble sleeping again. Not exactly why I can’t sleep but I have my theories and it can be any combination of things.

One of the reasons why I think I can’t sleep tonight is because of the death of my grandma. My grandma’s death is hitting me harder than I thought it would. Every time I look around my apartment I see my grandma. I see her in pictures. I see her in the baby blanket she made me. I see her in the quilt she made me. I see her pretty much everywhere.

So, I’ve been wrapping myself up my quilt that she had made me for my 25th birthday. I’m feeling closer to her as I wrap myself up in my quilt that she made me. I feel her love. I know she is my guardian angel now.

Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Tough Valentines Day

Posted on by Gertie

Today, has not been the easiest of days for me to say the least. My grandma passed away earlier today. As many of you know she has been in home hospice care for a week and as of today she is no longer suffering.

I had posted on social media about my grandma’s death and well I ended up getting bullied. Bullied because I didn’t acknowledge the shooting that happened in Florida today. I was completely unaware of it as I was at Social Security most of the morning and then my therapist office the rest of the day till I got the news about my grandma.

Thankfully, I have some good friends who stuck up for me and support me when the bullying was happening. Some of these friends live near me and came over with some food to check up on me. They brought me my favorite burger from Red Robin with a butt load of fries and campfire sauce. No matter tough a day a person has, friends and food always help.

Thank you for reading. I know I will get through this with the help of many other including the blogging community. Thanks!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Not So Pleasant Valentines Day

Posted on by Gertie

As the world celebrates Valentines Day, I grieve. Grieve over the loss of my grandma. I found out she had passed shortly before my session with Gilbert started. So guess what we discussed as I waited for my ride to pick me up so I could have a final goodbye. Yup, my grandma. I miss my grandma so much.

I cant continue the post right now. I will post later. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 3: One Word Inspiration

Posted on by Gertie

Hope

Hope is something that is needed to be in recovery. If it weren’t for hope I wouldn’t be in recovery and I don’t think I would be writing this blog. The reason being is I think if it weren’t for the hope I have I would have died by suicide. I wrote a poem on hope.

Hope is something

One must desire. With hope recovery is

Possible. It’s possible for

Everyone even if they believe they are too far gone.

Another Morning at the Social Security Office

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It’s another day and I am back at the social security office. Hopefully, I get what I need taken care of today as the social security office gives me high anxiety.

I also want to get what I need taken care of today because of how my grandma is doing. I just want my issue with Social Security taken care of as it is time sensitive per Social Security and per me. Though my reasons are different than Social Security’s reason.

They just called me up so I need to get going. Have a great day!!! Happy Valentines Day, World!!!

How I became Gerties Motherly Figure

Posted on by mamabearraine

Gertie has an endearing way about them that has one’s heart accept them as who they are even at their most challenging times. On that note, I quickly realized what Gertie needed the most in their life was a motherly figure. A motherly figure so desperately needed when they were growing up and still craves as an adult even seventeen years later after I met them.

Gertie has the sweetest heart that has a hint of childlikeness to it. This most likely why they are so enduring. I chose to become their mother figure after we start becoming friends realizing that’s all they ever wanted in their life. I think with me stepping up to the mother figure role in Gerties role it helped them with continuing their recovery a process. A process that Gertie as worked long and hard for. Yes, they have had their ups and downs in recovery however with my help and the help of many others Gertie has thrived. Thrived in a way that a great deal of others never thought possible.

It is because of Gertie’s resiliency I have stuck by them and be a motherly figure to them. A figure that neither one of us expected would happen till it happened. A figure that both of us have cherished ever since.

Once Again, Sleepless in Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is ten minutes after two in the morning in my corner of the world. It is the typical rainy Seattle weather as I sit here at my laptop blogging. I don’t have much new to say except once the Olympics are over with I will now longer have cable. It’s just not something that is needed and cost a shit load of money. Money that is not worth the customer service.

Not having television means that Netflix and Hulu will my consumer ship with T.V. shows and movies. Plus not having television will allow me to read more as well as do other enjoyable activities.

Activities such as art. I am looking forward to doing more art. Art that will help me express my emotions while reading will help me get myself out of my head.

Plus, I will be able to have an excuse to play my flute more. I am so looking forward to having time without television to play my flute.

I use television as an excuse to not do shit that is helpful such as reading, playing my flute, and so on.

I should get going and attempt to try and get some sleep. Peace Out, World!!!

Feeling Slightly Better

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I’m feeling slightly better than my last post. I owe it to taking a shower, eating and DBT skills. Skills that have helped me a lot the last fourteen and a half years.

One of the things I did after my shower was do some collaging. A collaged a couple of poems. So, I combined art and poetry into one skill or at least this time around. I love being able to combine my skills into one as it is quite helpful.

Another thing I did was read. I read the rest of the news paper that I didn’t finish reading this morning. I also read a little bit of the book that is taking me a long while to read. I am enjoying it though.

I did all these skill while listening to music. Music helps a great deal. I think after I am done blogging, I’m going to play the flute.

I hope everyone has a great night. Peace Out, World!!!!

Not Sure If It’s Grief or Depression

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I’m feeling slightly depressed. I’m not sure if I am depressed because of depression or if I’m feeling grief over my grandma. Yes, I realize she is still alive but knowing she doesn’t have much longer to live is having me grieve before her death. It hurts deeply that she is suffering so much.

When I saw her today, she looked into my eyes and whispered, “I love you” as it was the last time she will ever say it to me. I’m not sure if its going to be but I’m going to cherish it as it is. I love my grandma so much. I don’t want her to go. I also don’t want her to suffer anymore.

Thank you for reading me moping about my grandma. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!