Tag Archives: PTSD

No Sleep For Me; Time to Use Skills

Posted on by Gertie

As of starting this particular blog post it is 12:34 in morning Seattle time. It is currently raining quite hard once again which is nothing new this time of year in Seattle. My insomnia suck shit right now because of PTSD and Depression. I really dislike having mental health challenges. Right now I am going to start using a skill that helps me ground myself so I can do my other skills a bit easier.

I will start with doing two mindfulness meditation practices to put me into a good head space or a head space that will have me make wise mind decisions. Another thing I will do is read a couple of sacred writings from Buddhism scripture. Mindfulness meditation and Buddhism is quite helpful for my mental health recovery.

Another thing I will do is finish reading a book about Tarot for beginners. It is an easy book to read. I will also read the tiny books that come with the tarot cards to help see if I can learn anything more, before I do my first tarot reading on myself. I also plan to journal about the tarot reading and documenting the cards that were chosen. I will also attempt to do a tarot workbook but not sure if I will do that but hope I can do it.

One last thing I plan to do is a workbook that focuses on my mental health recovery. I feel like needing to do recovery workbooks for my mental health challenges will be helpful for my recovery and be helpful with my work with my therapist. I do have to say I have an amazing therapist. Of course my cat will be helpful with helping me with my depression and my PTSD.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read on my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Looking to do Coping Skills Due to Struggling

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World from Seattle. I am struggling with depression and PTSD at the current moment. I know I need to eat which I plan on doing so. I also need to go home and cuddle with my beloved cat, Billie Boy. I so love my Billie and the unconditional love he gives me. I also need to do a brief check in with my therapist which always helps. When I get home, I will cuddle with my cat Billie and then eat some dinner. I love the unconditional love Billie gives me. I love my cat so very much.

Noon Time Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World from Seattle. It is officially twelve noon here in Seattle. I have a lot on my mind. Mostly good stuff but lets start with the not good stuff. I went to work on Sunday and it went well. Sadly, I did not go to work on Monday, today (Tuesday) nor will I be going tomorrow as my mental health challenges are acting up. I am only going on Thursday as I have to do a Correction Action Plan also know as a CAP and I want to make sure I attend as I don’t want my supervisor to think I am avoiding it even though I think it is not needed for various reasons I rather not discuss right now. I do plan on working on some notes that need to be done by the end of September and I know I will get paid for it.

My depression and PTSD is acting up so I started my day doing mindfulness meditation practice with the Calm App as well as cuddling with my beloved cat, Billie. Billie is a great way to do mindfulness meditation practices.

Since my PTSD symptoms are acting extremely badly by dissociation and flashbacks as well as having my depression acting up, I plan on doing some self care acts like mindfulness meditation. I plan on doing some art work by coloring and doing diamond art. I am also planning on crafting by doing Latch Hook and Cross Stitching. I am also planning on outreaching friends and family just to contact other people in my world.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!

Middle of the Night Ramblings & Some Frustrations

Posted on by Gertie

Good middle of the night from Seattle. I am tired as fucking hell. I sadly, woke up from a horrific nightmare that included body memories. PTSD and depression are no joke and I am grateful to both my friends and the mental health treatment team. I am also grateful for my cat who is very helpful. My family has been helpful even though they are not aware of my most recent trauma.

Despite not being able to sleep due to PTSD and insomnia, I am a little peeved with Amazon as some of my items that I ordered have not arrived . Amazon informed me that I have to wait three business days which sucks shit but oh well, it is stuff I need to clean my apartment. On another note some of the stuff that is late is stuff that will help me with my coping skills regarding the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. Amazon can be clueless at times but at least they are quick on delivering books.

As far as Amazon goes, I am waiting on a multitude of different types of creative outlets for me to do. I am gong to try embroidery. I don’t think it is not all that different from cross stitching but still willing to give it a try. Sadly the embroidery and cross stitching is delayed by Amazon which sucks shit. At least on the plus side some of some of my diamond art is being sent but not all of it. I did get a couple of cross stitching things but now all that I ordered like everything else I ordered.

Now on to my work. I missed yesterday due to some PTSD and depression issues which sucks. Having a mental health challenge sucks especially when it affects your work. In fact I will be missing my job later today when it is not in the middle of the night. I really do love my job.

I am planning on hanging out with family for some breakfast and friends for food. I love hanging out with people especially when food is involved.

Thank you for reading Peace Out, World and have a good rest of you night.

A Mixture of Middle of the Night Emotions & Ideas

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle and it is still the middle of the middle of the night here in Seattle. In fact as I write this blog, my cat Billie is purring on my lap. I am technically on crisis coverage till eight in the morning Seattle time and will complete my crisis coverage.

On that note there is a family emergency regarding my grandpa and thankfully my uncle is taking care of it till I am off of crisis coverage at eight o’clock this morning Seattle time. I did let the appropriate people know at work about it however I totally remembered I can deal with my family emergency while finishing up my much needed notes. I will send the email about catching up on notes while helping my grandpa once I know my supervisors are awake and aware of the situation regarding my grandpa. Either way I most like will do my notes, I just want to be able to get paid for them but like I mentioned before I want to make sure the supervisors are made aware that I will being finishing my crisis coverage shift and missing my regular shift and will bring up the idea of seeing if I can get paid catching up on notes while dealing my grandpa’s emergency. I am so grateful that my uncle is currently dealing with my grandpa’s emergency as I am crisis coverage for work right now.

Right now, I am struggling with some intense emotions regarding my mental health challenges. Specifically my depression and PTSD which both suck shit.Since doing mindfulness meditation appears to help my mental health symptom help a great deal, it is one of the skills I go to first. The next thing I plan on doing is doing something creative. I plan on doing both arts at crafts. The art I plan on doing is art work by coloring and doing diamond art. When it comes to diamond art I will have to sort some stuff out which is cool. As far as crafting goes, I will be doing some cross stitching. I love being able to use my self care to help with my recovery.

I just hope when I email my supervisors again later that they will allow me to work on my notes and still get paid for it as help my grandpa with his emergency. My work is not one hundred okay with me right now but that is okay as I know I am doing the best I can. At least they treat me with respect.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. If it was not for you reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Struggling Through My Work Day With Self Care

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World from the wonderful city of Seattle. As I am starting this particular blog post, I am technically on my regular work shift and I am supposed to be working from home doing notes. I did do some notes but still need to work on them. Sadly, I have been dissociating which suck shit. To make matters slightly worse I am on crisis coverage till eight in the morning till tomorrow. I am knocking on wood that I don’t get any crisis calls especially since I had to take some of my anti-anxiety meds to help. Having taking mdeds for anxiety while on shift is not always a good thing.

On a plus not only I ordered some Taco Bell via Grub Hub to help make sure I have something in my stomach to help make good decisions for clients that I help can to the best of my ability. In fact my Taco Bell from Grubhub just arrived. Be back in a few minutes to add more to this blog post.

The food helped a great deal and am grateful for the food. I am now on to doing some mindfulness meditation to help for the work day as well as being a crisis coverage. I really hope I don’t get any crisis calls tonight.

Working is somewhat helpful with the PTSD, Depression and Anxiety but other stuff helps like mindfulness meditation and something creative such as art work by coloring and doing diamond work. I love being able to do creative things regarding my recovery and work.

I am have some issues at work but I am dealing with them with the help of my union and my therapist. I think it is now some time to read a comic book or two to help calm my mind down.

Thank you fore reading bly blog..

Still No Sleep for Me

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from my corner of the world known as Seattle, Washington. Tonight I am on crisis coverage for work but thankfully, most if not all the calls happened earlier in the evening as well as earlier in the middle of the night. It is still the middle of the night here in Seattle and I am unable to sleep. If I can get to sleep it’s a light sleep or a sleep that wakes me up from a nightmare where I am crying, paralyzed from the body memories and scared shitless.

Honestly, part of me is glad I am on crisis coverage tonight for work but I am also thrilled that the calls have subsided a lot so I can refocus. Now lets hope I am not sticking my foot in my mouth and I get a shit ton of calls from clients and/or social workers from hospitals.

On a good note that is not too surprising Billie has been keeping company and giving me his undivided attention and of course his unconditional love. I love my Billie so very much and how he knows when I need the extra attention and love even when I can tell when he would rather have his own space. My cat truly knows how to take care of me and I hope he knows how much I truly love him. He is my best friend and yes animals can be best friends.

Speaking of friends, a friend introduced me to Diamond Art after she finished a piece for a mutual friend of ours. So, I ordered a bunch for myself and honestly got really frustrated and throughout the first two I started and gave up. Part of the reason is that I didn’t read the instructions and did not ask my friend questions. So, for the last week or so I have read the instructions and have been doing diamond art. I am finding it fun, frustrating, time consuming and a lot of progress. Which I can all correlate to not just my recovery but the recovery of other people. So, I decided to thank my friend tonight in the middle of the night on social media, specifically Facebook. My friend responded back asking if I would want to meet in the community room of our apartment building for a short while so she could give me some pointers on diamond art. I learned a lot from the education my friend gave me about Diamond Art. I love learning new things especially when it comes to creativity. I am great that this neighbor has become a great friend. After spending an hour together we came back upstairs to our own apartments.

When I got back to my apartment I was and am still feeling like harm by hitting a brick wall but I will not act on the urges of self harm especially since I am about to do a mindfulness meditation practice with my cat Billie in my lap as I do it through the Calm App.

On that note, I am going to hopefully get some sort of sleep after I am done writing this particular blog post. I don’t have much more to say except I am tired a fucking hell. I also want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Not the Best Night for Sleep for Me

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle. It is the middle of the night here in Seattle, Washington and I have not received much sleep tonight. Partly because I am on crisis coverage for work on the team I work on. There have been a handful of clients calling in crisis needing to talk and I totally understand. Life can and is challenging at times.

In fact life is challenging for me at the moment due to me dealing with my own type of crisis due to a recent trauma which is the other part of why I am unable to sleep. I am unable to sleep due to insomnia as well as PTSD symptoms such as nightmares which doesn’t help my depression whatsoever.

On that note since I have not been able to sleep due to being on crisis coverage or dealing with my own shit, I have been doing quite a bit. Lets start with the obvious of me spending time with my kitty cat, Billie. Not only do I love Billie but Billie provides unconditional love as well as helps me with mindfulness meditation practices.

Not only does Billie help me with mindfulness meditation practice, Billie also reminds me to do mindfulness meditation practice with the Calm App. I do several mindfulness meditations with the Calm App as well as with Billie and other ways I have learned to do mindfulness meditation practice.

Besides doing mindfulness meditation practices, I have been doing some art as well as some crafts. I have been doing art work by coloring as well as diamond art. The crafts I have been doing happen to be latch hook and cross stitching. Both diamond art and latch hook, I am finally sort of kind of getting the hang of it. I am really enjoying being able to do various types of arts and crafts.

I am also learning something else besides new types of arts and crafts. I am learning about Tarot and Tarot Cards by reading about it in a couple of books. Specifically books for beginners. I also have three sets of Tarot Cards as well as a Tarot Workbook. I also have three or four Tarot Card journals to put in my Tarot Card readings; specifically on myself and once I get comfortable with other people’s readings.

Since I mentioned journals and workbooks I got a couple of new journals I will start writing in. One of which will help me get myself out of my comfort zone. I also have several recovery workbooks, that I have had over the years and have never started and/or finished. So, It is my plan to not just work on the journal stuff along with the tarot stuff but the recovery workbook stuff as I feel like most everything I have mentioned has and will help me with my recovery. That includes working yesterday as well as being crisis coverage till eight in the morning Seattle time today (Monday).

Good thing I don’t have to work later today (Monday) like I normally do but I had three doctors appointments that were all sadly cancelled last Thursday and Friday. I do have a “fourth” appointment which is a follow up appointment due to a recent emergency room visit from self harming myself by hitting a brick wall. My hand still hurts like hell and the bruise is nastier than hell but at least the swelling is going down.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I am sorry it is such a long post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Monday ahead as I have the day off even though I am going to see my doctor. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World from Seattle, Washington!!! This week has been quite a week for me emotion wise especially when it comes to depression and PTSD related to recent traumas that triggered past traumas. Traumas that were brought up in therapy which will be discussed later in this blog post.

Anyway, I went to work last Sunday and did crisis coverage. I continued to due crisis coverage on Sunday night despite vomiting most of the night. Thankfully, I only received one crisis call that just needed some resources. Due to vomiting most of Sunday night, I didn’t go to work on Monday. I did go to work on Tuesday and Wednesday. I struggled both days with PTSD related shit which sucked. I missed work on Thursday due to being in the emergency room most of Wednesday night.

I was in the emergency room of a local hospital most of Wednesday night due to self harm reasons which is why I missed work on Thursday. The self harm act was that of me punching a brick wall several times. Thankfully, I didn’t break anything. All I ended up with was a very bruised and swollen hand. I am also thankful that I was not suicidal in anyway and was able make a solid safety plan. I was also able to have a telephone check in with my therapist later in the afternoon for about a half an hour.

As Friday goes, I dissociated a lot due to reasons I’d rather not discuss but I did inform my therapist what happened via email and during our session on Friday. Therapy was fucking hard yesterday (Friday). We discussed what happened yesterday morning and why I was dissociating a lot. I also shared a lot of scary shit as far as trauma goes that I experienced as a child. Shit that has been brought up by the recent trauma of being raped. My therapist showed a lot of compassion and empathy. She also allowed me a lot of space to share that hard shit which meant our session lasted an hour and a half instead of an hour.

As far as today has gone, I haven’t done much to report. I did go to the U-District Farmers Market and got an awesome breakfast sandwich which I have been doing every Saturday for the last four or five Saturdays now. I think I am going to make it a weekly thing for me every Saturday since the U-District is every Saturday year round.

As far as what I have been for myself self care wise this week since it has been quite challenging has varied. I of course have been spending some time with my beloved cat, Billie. I have also been doing daily mindfulness meditation practices. In fact, last week, I have been doing at least four a day. I have been using the Calm App for at least two of the daily mindfulness meditation practices while other practices have been on my own or with others. I also have been doing a lot of art work. I have been doing various forms of art work such as coloring and diamond art. I also have been doing various types of crafts which include latch hook and cross stitching. I also have been doing a lot of reading books. Reading has been quite helpful with dealing with my PTSD.

That’s it for my weekly check in. Have a great weekend!!! Peace Out, World!!!

The Uncertainty and Plans of the Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle. Right now, I should be at work in the morning meeting but sadly I am not. If you read my last blog post you know that I self harmed by hitting a brick wall in the emergency stair well of my apartment building. Thankfully, nothing is broken but my hand hurts like fucking hell but that is my own fault.

Despite an injured hand there is some uncertainty of the day ahead as well as some plans for the day. I am really not one hundred percent sure on what I am going to do today. The only thing I have planned for today is to go to the grocery store and buy some food. Or at least enough food to last me till tomorrow when I get paid as I don’t have much money at the moment. Another thing that is planned today is spending it with my cat, Billie. I also plan to do multiple mindfulness meditation practices through the Calm App as well as just sitting quietly with my cat in my lap.

The uncertainty of the days is how I am going to spend most of my day as I usually work on Thursdays. I mean I can make plans but I really don’t want to do much of anything but get some food, spend time with my cat and do mindfulness meditation practices. I guess the uncertainty of the day ahead of keeping myself busy with some of the usual stuff I keep myself busy with. That stuff is doing art work such as coloring and diamond art. I also plan on doing some dot to dot which I find surprisingly relaxing. I also plan on reading a couple of books. One is a fiction novel that I am really enjoying and having a challenging time finishing due to the fact that my concentration is poor due to depression and recent trauma. I also plan on reading a book on Tarot Cards for beginners. I am hoping to learn more about Tarot to help myself with my recovery and hopefully help friends with decisions they make regarding their lives.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!