Blogging Through Shit

Good Morning, World!!! I am not sure what I am dealing with at the moment. One moment I am struggling and the next, I am okay. Since I am unsure what is going on with me emotionally, I tend to write in moments like this. Writing helps me process whatever the hell is going on. It helps me figure out what is going on.

As I write this post I am just going to write what is going through my head. This might be scary for you all as I am going to be blunt as hell and not hold back. Hell, what I think scares the shit out of me sometimes. The stuff coming out is not the scariest I have thought.

I am slightly worried about money for the month of May. Not as worried as I was in previous post but still worried. I know things will work out when it comes the money situation as I have people who can be of help to be if need be. I just don’t want to have to depend on them.

I wish my neighbor would turn down their stupid television. It is pissing me off and for some fucking reason it is trigger me. Why in the hell is someone’s loud television trigging me? Sounds silly but it is triggering for some odd reason.

I think I am going to read. I love reading and enjoy it immensely. I just don’t understand why it is taking me so long to read this particular book. It is an awesome book and will write a book review on it when I am finally finished with it.

I wonder who actually reads my blog. I mean is it reaching the people I want it to reach. Are people actually reading it or just “liking it” after reading a few sentences? I am trying to figure out why I only have just over three hundred followers after nearly four years of blogging. In fact I wonder if tags work sometimes. I know they must but I just wonder how many people actually go to the tags. I know I do.

I should really be doing chores right now. I need to clean my apartment. I clean my apartment once a week. Or I attempt to clean it once week. Nobody likes having to clean but it is a necessity that is part of being an adult.

I think I am going to go now. Thank you for reading. It is very much appreciated from my end. Peace Out, World!!!

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Fighting Off Depression

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am feeling slightly better now that my apartment is clean. Having a clean apartment is helping with the depression but it’s still hanging over my head. As much as depression sucks shit, knowing what helps, helps subside the depression.

As challenging as my depression has been lately, making active decisions to stay in recovery is difficult yet well worth. Being in recovery is not easy but it is so much better than being miserable and not being in recovery.

Now that I am done cleaning, I am going to read. I am going to read Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I am enjoying the book immensely. If you are into fantasy or science fiction fan then I highly recommend the book.

After reading I might work on a workbook. Not sure which workbook I will work on but I will work on one as I feel the need to focus on my recovery. It is a way for me to fight off the depression. Hell, reading is to.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Plans

Sunday

  • Blog
  • Clean Apartment
  • Laundry

Monday

  • Blog
  • Art Group
  • Workbooks

Tuesday

  • Blog
  • Therapy
  • Workbooks

Wednesday

  • Blog
  • Clean Apartment
  • Workbooks

Thursday

  • Blog
  • Art
  • Workbooks

Friday

  • Blog
  • Art
  • Workbooks
  • Day Treatment

Saturday

  • Lazy day

An Accomplished Day

Good Afternoon, World!!! I sit here today feeling accomplished. Well, not exactly accomplished in a way others may few accomplished.

I started out the day with having an appointment with my new psychiatric nurse practitioner. She appears to be nice and recovery focused. She took me off of my Seroquel as she believes I don’t need to be on it as I am also on Abilify.

Next thing I did was file my taxes. I am not getting as much back this year as previous year because I didn’t work most of last year. I am okay with that as I am happy with what I am getting back.

The last thing I did was spend about an hour cleaning my apartment. It is nice having a clean place. Having my apartment clean helps my depression.

I wish this feeling of accomplishment was the same sense of accomplishment after a hard days work but I’m okay with it.  Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Adulting With A Bit Of Fun

Good Evening, World!!! Today, was a day of adulting. I basically cleaned my apartment today as well as did some grocery shopping. I bought mainly some basic food to get me through to when I get my food stamps in a few days.

When I cleaned my apartment, I listened to music. Music that has helped me get through some tough shit as well some fun time. Music also helps me deal with the boring parts of being an adult like cleaning.

After I was done being an adult I decided to have some fun and read. Reading the book that I informed you about a post or two ago. I love reading as it helps me forget what is going on in life even just temporary.

Thank you so much for reading. Goodnight and Peace Out, World!!!

Just Another Beautiful Saturday!!!

     Well, it’s another beautiful Saturday and I am planning on enjoying it especially since the household chores are done. The bathroom is clean, laundry is done and my least favorite the dishes are sparkly clean. I like getting the household chores done first so I can get them done and out of the way so I can have fun the rest of the day or in this case the rest of the weekend.

     My boyfriend and I are going to go hiking again today. We are going to go in about an hour or so. I love hiking and so does he. I am grateful that I live in a big city that is only an hour or two to great hiking as well as some pretty good camping. Today, my boyfriend are only going to go hiking because this time of year the great camping areas near by are usually all filled up. Plus we like campsites that require some type of backpacking and those are at are about a 4 hours away by car plus another 3 or so hours hiking. I love camping especially backpacking type camping. In fact once my boyfriend finishes the frying up the chicken we are taking on the hike we will head out.

     My boyfriend is the sweetest man in the world. He is always so caring and loving. He is always thinking of fun things for us to do on days we are not busy with work and other such things. Its awesome that we enjoy a lot of the same things and have similar interest. In fact he loves it that I am a huge sports fan. We are both die hard baseball and football fans. He is a die hard soccer, basketball, and hockey fan while I am a die hard  track & field, roller derby, skateboarding, rollerblading and surfing fan. Its nice to have someone in my life who enjoys sports as much as I do.

     I best be going and help my boyfriend pack up the car for the hike. Have a great Saturday everyone. Enjoy the weather. Peace Out!!

It’s Still Sunday

     It’s still Sunday and its going better than I thought it would be going. Yes, the PTSD is still acting up however my boyfriend  is being very supportive. He is so amazing and extremely patient with me. Sometimes I wonder why my boyfriend loves me so much.

     Speaking of love one of my best friends is getting marred to her long time partner tomorrow (7/7/2014) evening. My friend and her girlfriend of 15 years asked me to be in the wedding and I of course said yes. I am so looking forward to it. Its going to be a small backyard wedding. I am grateful that I live in a state that allows my friends in the LGBT community to marry. It just baffles my mind why some people of faith have issue with others marrying the people they love when they are the same gender. It shouldn’t matter just as long as you love each other. I have friend who says that she is a Christian and she is telling me that I’m going to hell because I’m in a “gay” wedding. I don’t see what the issue is. I just don’t understand why people are so judgmental. Well, like I said earlier, I am looking forward to it.

     Tomorrow is going to be a busy day for me. I work tomorrow morning. Its only a four shift. I’m glad its an early shift because I have the rest of the day to do things like go to my friends wedding and go see my therapist. I may not like my job but I’m grateful I work tomorrow. I’ve been at my current employment for 9 years now and my co-workers have become family to me. In fact some of my customers have become like family to me. Working gives me a sense of community and that is a good thing for someone who deal with a mental illness. Like I was saying earlier my co-workers and some of my customers have become like family to me. We go to each others major events such as kids birthday parties, weddings, college graduations and stuff like that. Even though I am looking for a new job as a Peer Counselor I will miss my current co-workers because I’ve worked with some of them for the last 9 years. I really hope I can get a job as a Peer Counselor soon.

     Like I said earlier I see my therapist tomorrow. I will be talking to her about the 5 year anniversary of the trauma I experienced. I will also be talking to her about the strong urges I’ve had with cutting. No, I did not cut because I used my Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills. I will be talking about the minor urges I had regarding the eating disorder stuff. Mainly the bulimia but I should talk about the anorexia as well. I’m grateful that I’ve been in recovery from the eating disorders for 15 years now. I think that will take up an entire hour.

     Unfortunately, my boyfriend has to work tomorrow. He has been so supportive of me today regarding the PTSD. He is now telling me dinner is almost done and that I should finish up this blog entry soon. His cooking is fabulous. He is making spaghetti for dinner. We are having strawberry short cake for dessert. Strawberry shortcake is my favorite dessert. 

      I think I should get going now since dinner is almost done. I will blog tomorrow to tell you how work and therapy went as well as how the wedding went. I’m sure its going to be a beautiful wedding. Well, I hope to blog again tomorrow. Have good evening everyone. Peace out.