Tag Archives: Grief

A Sleepless Night Turns Into Morning

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I didn’t sleep at all last night and it now six forty five in the morning in my corner of the world. I am struggling at the moment not only because I had a sleepless. I am also struggling with some severe PTSD as well as grief over my grandma’s death nearly seven months ago.

I am planning on spending time with family today. Not because I am dealing with the grief of my grandma but because it is something my grandma wanted as her last wish. For her family to spend time together on the regular basis. I am not sure if I am wanting to go due to the lack of sleep however I will go due to it being the wish of my grandma.

I am not sure what else I am going to do today but I plan on doing something. Most likely I will attempt to take a nap due to the lack of sleep I got last night. I also plan on doing some grocery shopping and laundry. I, of course will play with Lil Gertie, my cat.

I don’t have much more to say. Thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Friday Evening Blues

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I am feeling a little blue. Actually, I am feeling sad and depressed. I am missing my grandma. I wish she was here so I can talk to her but she is not.

I did do some baking. Baking helped me a great deal. I was able to give away some of the things I baked to some friends. Friends who mostly live in my building and rarely get freshly baked goods due to their finances or lack of friends and/or family in their life or their disability. I try to do something nice for the friends I have that live in my building due to the fact many don’t have much of a support system.

I will be spending time with my family on Sunday and I am looking forward to it. I am looking forward to it as it will give me a chance to get out of my apartment building. I have been somewhat isolating myself and not really going out into the community like I should. Spending time with neighbors have been helpful but spending time will be great.

I just don’t have that much to say right now. Maybe it is because I am really missing my grandma at the moment. My cat, Lil Gertie, has been helping me a great deal today. She has pretty much been by my side much of the day when I wasn’t in the kitchen or at a neighbors place.

Thank you for reading. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Labor Day Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Today is a national holiday here in the United States called Labor Day so to everyone in the U.S, Happy Labor Day. It is a long weekend for many Americans due to it being Labor Day and we have Unions to thank for Labor Day here in the U.S.

As I speak of Labor Day, I can’t help but think about me being unemployed at the moment and looking for a new job. I have a job interview tomorrow. The interview is for a shelter counselor position with homeless young adults. The job is only twelve hours a week but I am okay with that. I also have a potential interview for an peer position later this week.

I don’t have much planned today. I will be spending some of the day with my dad and uncles. We are going out to lunch later. It is nice to spend time with family. We are most likely going to a local mom and pop restaurant but I am not a hundred percent sure yet.

I am still dealing with a huge wave of grief over my grandma passing this past Valentines Day. It’s hard to believe that it has been almost seven months since her death. I have been talking with my therapist a great deal about my grief regarding my grandma.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

A Day of Self-Care

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! Today, overall has been a good day. Despite it being a good day I have dealt with a great deal of grief regarding my grandma. Tomorrow (Sunday, September 2nd) would have been my grandparents 63rd wedding anniversary.

Since I have been dealing with grief a great deal today and the last couple of weeks I decided to make it a day of self care. I spent most of the day playing with my cat, Lil Gertie as well as reading Wonder Woman comic books. I did this so I could be in a good head space to volunteer earlier this evening for a help line..

Volunteering helped me a great deal. It helped me get out of my head as well as out of myself to help others. Helping others by volunteering gives me a purpose that even work can not give me.

Now that I am home, I am going back to doing what I was doing earlier in the day. That is petting and/or playing with my cat, Lil Gertie, and reading Wonder Woman comic books. I know it will be helpful for me as it has been proven helpful to me earlier as well as in the past.

Thank you for reading. Have a great rest of your Saturday. Peace Out, World!!!

Ways To Get Through The Grief Today

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, once again, World!!! I know this is my third time blogging this morning but I am having a tough moment with grief at the moment. So I want to discuss what I plan on doing today to help through the grief of missing my grandma.

First and fore most I am relying on the support of Lil Gertie, my cat. She has her moments of being a cat and not want anything to do with me or any other human. Just having her around is helpful for me. She has be cuddly with me this morning which is most helpful with dealing with grief.

Another way I am going to deal with the grief is going to go to a local peer run organization to volunteer. I volunteer by helping co-facilitate a peer support group. Due to confidentiality I can’t go into more detail about it. But I enjoy being able to volunteer by co-facilitate a peer run group.

Another thing I am doing today is spending time with my family. We are celebrating my grandpa’s birthday today even though it was this past Thursday (August 23rd). Celebrating my grandpa’s birthday is going to be a good thing. Yes, a little difficult as it is his first birthday without my grandma but my dad, two uncles and I will do our best to make it a good one for him.

When I get home from spending time with my family, I plan on packing. Packing for a peer conference I will be volunteering at. The conference may not start till Tuesday but I need to be at the hotel tomorrow afternoon to help do last minute set up as I am volunteering for the conference. So I will be doing a lot of packing. Yes, I will be able to attend the sessions of the conference as I volunteer and that is the beauty of it. I just hope I don’t forget anything when I am packing for the conference.

Thank you for reading. Have a great Sunday. I hope to be able to blog again later today but I can’t make any promises. Have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

A Post In Respect to Senator McCain and My Grandma

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As I type here at my laptop, I watching the Sunday morning news. The main topic of the morning news is about the death of Senator John McCain. The news is doing a great job in honoring Senator John McCain.

As the country mourns the death of an amazing man, John McCain, my heart goes out to his family. My heart goes out to his family because my family and I are still mourning the death of my grandma. Yes, my grandma’s death was on Valentines Day of this year (2018) which was six and half months ago and Senator McCain’s death was only yesterday. My heart goes out to the family of Senator McCain because I truly understand the pain they must be going through. Yes, the deaths of my grandma and Senator McCain were due to two different diseases but still as difficult deal with.  My grandma passed away due to complications from Parkinson’s Disease while Senator McCain passed away due to Brain Cancer. Both the diseases my grandma and Senator McCain may have be completely different but both affected the brain. So that is why my heart goes out a little more to his family because I understand to an extent of what his family is going through.

As I watch the news about Senator McCain, I can’t help but be hit my grief to not just his death but the death of my grandma. As many of you know, I have been hit hard by a wave of grief of my grandma’s death within the last week even though her death was six and half months ago.

So, as I end this post I want to honor both Senator John McCain and my grandma. I may not be a conservative like Senator McCain, I admire his work as a war hero and politician. So, please take the time out today to honor Senator McCain and the loved ones you have lost just like I am going to do. Thank you for reading my blog. Please, if comment on this post, be respectful. I am honoring my grandma and Senator McCain. Have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

Noon Time Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I just woke up from a late morning nap and is now twelve noon. I decided to take a nap after reading the news paper and a good cry over my grandma. I still miss my grandma and I don’t think that will ever go away.

I also had a good cry over what was in the newspaper this morning. Actually it has been all over the news on television as well. The good cry I had was about how there is a cat killer in Washington’s capital city of Olympia. Sadly, eleven cats have been killed in Olympia. Olympia is about sixty miles southwest of Seattle. As a cat owner this angers me. What kind of sick individual kills harmless animals especially cute cuddly cats that love with all their heart.

Now onto a totally different subject, the weather. Seattle weather is much more cooler. But unfortunately the cooler weather isn’t helping the air quality of the region due to the wild fires. The poor air quality is effecting my asthma greatly.

I don’t have much to say in the post either. Sorry for such short post as of lately. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

The Wave of Grief Strikes Again

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As I sit here at my laptop, I have tears rolling down my face. Tears rolling down my face because I really miss my grandma and wish she was still here on Earth. I know it has only been six and a half since she died but I wish the pain wasn’t so difficult to deal with.

As difficult as it is for me to deal with my grandma’s death six and a half months ago, I am sure it is that much more difficult for my grandpa. My grandparents knew each other for over seventy years and married for sixty two and a half years. As hard as my pain is with missing my grandma, I am sure it is that much more difficult for my grandpa. It is hard to see him break down when he cries about my grandma. Now that is difficult to see when an eighty eight year old Navy man cry over the loss of their spouse.

As much as I miss my grandma, I am happy that I have my cat, Lil Gertie, to help me through moments of grief. Another thing that I have found helpful with dealing with my grief is journaling. My cat and journaling have been life savers the last week or two in regards to dealing with grief.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I do apologize that it is a depressing to read a post about grief first thing in the morning. Again thank you for reading. Have a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Birthday Dinner With Grandpa

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I just spent the last two hours with my grandpa as today is his 88th birthday. It was an extremely difficult birthday for him as it is his first birthday dinner since my grandma’s death on Valentines Day of this year. As difficult as it was for him and I both, he really enjoyed himself. As much as my grandpa wishes my grandma was still around to cook him his birthday dinner he appeared extremely grateful that I stepped up to the plate and made it for him. It was nice to have a meal with just my grandpa and myself.

Over dinner we discussed me going back to work and seeing if I was ready to go back to work. He agrees that I am ready to go back to work and he is proud of me that I am seeking out jobs in the field I love and finally getting interviews. Even when the interviews are far in between each other at least I am getting them. He might take me to my job interview on August 31st so I don’t have to take an hour bus ride each way. Of course if I get the job I will have to take the bus but  I am okay with that.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. I hope you have a great rest of your Thursday. I am glad that my grandpa at a great birthday despite our grief over my grandma. Have a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Combating Depression & Other Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World. Right now I am combating both depression and grief. I am really missing my paternal grandma today. Or at least that is how the wave of grief is having it for me today. I am also combating off some depression. Not sure if it is the regular depression I deal with or if it is depression related to the grief or maybe a combination of both.

To help me fight off the depression and grief I have been doing some household chores to make my apartment cleaner. Cleaner so when my grandpa comes over for his birthday dinner it’s not as messy as it usually is. I am making my grandpa meatloaf for his birthday because that is what he wants even though it’s a “simple meal” it is one that he “enjoys.” Being able to do something for my grandpa for his birthday instead of giving him something is something he would rather have as the memories are better than material things.

Another way I have been combating the depression and grief is getting ready to go to a conference early next week that is solely for Peer Specialist/Counselors. Just knowing I will be with people who are in recovery with mental health challenges for two days is enough to keep me going. I will be in a hotel for two day full of peer support. In fact I also sought out peer support today for the depression and grief. That someone is the one who is the supervisor of the volunteers at the peer conference. See I got a full ride scholarship, including lodging and food just because I will be volunteering. I only have to pay for transportation which is easy because I am car pooling with someone to the conference. The power of peers is a real thing and we are going to fight against the mental health system somehow.

On a good note, and I think I have informed you of this already is that I have an interview on Friday, August 31st, 2018 for a peer specialist job. A job I am unsure about but hope I get an opportunity to get back in the swing of things. Yes, I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things work wise but am a bit nervous about going back to work. I am having some self doubts about going back to work but for me having self doubts is a normal part of my daily mental health challenges.

I should really get going as I need to start preparing to cook dinner as my grandpa will be here shortly and likes to eat relatively early. I am expecting to eat around five in the evening in my neck of the woods.

I would like to thank you again for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated from my end of things. If it wasn’t for you the reader and/or follower, I still would not be blogging. Peace Out, World!!