Tag Archives: Insmonia

The Elusiveness of Sleep

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is four thirty-two in the morning here in Seattle. I am still wide awake, and this insomnia is just driving me batty but thankfully not batty enough to not end up in the looney bin. I just wish I knew why my insomnia is so bad lately and it is frustrating as hell.

Since I have not been able to sleep, I have been focused on learning new coping skills and building on old coping skills. I have been doing this by working on a couple of workbooks. Workbooks that remind me of what helps and what does not help and what I can try again to see if it helps this time around. Recovery is nonlinear and if certain coping skill didn’t help years ago does not mean they won’t help now and that gives me a lot of hope. Hope goes a long way especially when it comes to coping skills and using them even if they did not help at one point in time.

This just a random thought but I wonder if any of my references has been called yet. I am not sure why I just that of that but all I can think of is that I really want the job. I also hope that I am not getting my hopes up too high or that I am pulling cart before the horse. I also hope I am not jinxing myself. I’m now just rambling on and on and I really should just try to go to bed again.

I do not have anything else to discuss or share or to write about in this particular blog post except that I really want some sleep. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Nightmares = No Sleep In Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is a few minutes after three o’clock in the morning here in Seattle. I am sadly unable to sleep partly due to insomnia and partly due PTSD. It took me forever and a day to fall asleep and sadly got woken up by a nightmare once I was asleep. Having insomnia and PTSD sucks shit.

I had a challenging time falling asleep due to insomnia as well as some pretty intense trauma responses from PTSD symptoms. I am pretty sure that the trauma response from PTSD symptoms was due to the fact of the family drama last night that I wrote about in my last post.

Since the lack of sleep and waking up from a nightmare due to PTSD symptoms, I realized that I was angry about it all so I ended up journaling. It appears that the journaling is about my anger is helpful for me. I am glad I am taking my therapist’s suggestion regarding writing down my anger as well as calling friends afterwards. In fact, I called one of my closest friends and talked to her at length. I then called my partner, Junior who came over to my place and we talked at great length about everything. I am beyond grateful for my close friend as well as my partner.

In fact Junior is going to stay the rest of the night here at my place to give me moral support. He is helping me color my gigantic giant coloring poster. As we colored my cat, Billie was in my lap. In fact Billie is still in my lap as I write this particular blog post. After I am done writing this particular blog post, I will continue coloring with Junior as my cat, Billie sleeps in my lap.

I do not have anything else to discuss or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

The Ups and Downs of Mental Health Challenges

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World from Seattle, Washington. I need to be upfront with you all and I think I have an addiction to some pills. Sadly, I gave money to a neighbor and didn’t get all the pills that I was promised. Honestly, I don’t want the pills as I don’t like how they make me feel. I do want the money back I gave to the neighbor. If he gives me the pills which I know he will, I will throw them down the toilet and inform my therapist. I think I started the pills because of a recent sexual assault that happened at the end of July of this year. I will be stopping the pills with the help of my friends and therapist.

On the plus note, I took this week off due to taking pills and didn’t want to get fired especially since I started the pills this week. I don’t want to lose my job as I love my job and the work I do. There are some other issues I am getting into trouble at work for but it has nothing to do with the pills and will discuss it at another time.

Something I have found helpful lately is doing mindfulness meditation practice. It gets me into a peaceful type of mind and more grounded. It also helps me do more journaling to process my emotions and feelings. It is helpful for my mental health recovery.

The thing that helps with ups regarding my mental health symptoms is art work. In fact coloring helps a great deal with lifting my mood as it brings up a positive mood. Another thing that I am learning is art wise Diamond Art. I am finding it fun and somewhat hitous because you have to sort some stuff out which is okay because I know it will come out beautiful.

I am also starting to do crafting projects. One I have done before and will start again and that is cross stitching. I find cross stitching fun. Another crafting that I am just starting out and having some challenges is Latch Hooking. I know I will get a hang of it once I practice more.

Another thing I need to not just practice more is to read more on Tarot. I feel like reading and practicing Tarot Cards will help me with my recovery journey. I am all for trying new things to help me with my recovery journey. Well, all except drugs and pills won’t be helpful with recovery. I do know everything mentioned in this blog post will be helpful for my recovery with the exception of drugs and pills.

I’m just really the person who I bought the pills from, that I get them so I can flush them down the toilet so I cannot have another issue on my already many issues with my mental health issues.

Thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Getting Some Sleep but Not Much

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I have finally gotten some sleep but sadly it has been interrupted sleep. It wasn’t interrupted due to insomnia but due to three of my neighbors not getting along and having many arguments in the hallway. Sadly these three neighbors have been arguing with each other in the mental of the hallway as the live in separate apartments and it felt like they were doing to annoy the rest of the floor I live on.

Anyway, it got worse to where violence got involve and it was noticeable to I looked out my door to makes sure. At this point in time, I came back into my own apartment and call the police. I was informed that I was the sixth person to call about it and it could be up to an hour. When I informed the police dispatcher that there was a weapon involved I was lectured for not saying something sooner about that when I thought it was their job to ask. Weather it was the dispatcher fault or mine about the weapon involved the police showed in less than five minutes.

The cops showed up and finally did something right and arrest the rest person and without causing violence despite my neighbors anger caused violence on another neighbor. The violence was caused by high emotions due to a misunderstanding that caused multiple arguments. The neighbor who caused the violence went to jail while the neighbor that got the crap beat out or them went to the hospital. The third neighbor was informed to call the police the next time around and not get involved.

After all this my own emotions are all over the place. I am hoping my emotions will level out so I can get some sleep. Of course my cat has been helping keep my emotions not as bad as they would be without my cat. Oh how I love my cat, Billie so much.

I don’t have much more to say in this particular post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you my reader do read my blog. If it wasn’t for you, the reader, reading my blog, I would not be reading my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my hear for reading my blog. I hope you have a great Sunday ahead of you. Peace Out, World!!!

At Odds With Myself on How to Help Someone I Graduated High School With

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am still unable to sleep for some reason. Since I have know idea of why I can’t sleep, I am not going to fret about it. It is most likely, as my psychiatric nurse practitioner says, “treatment resistant insomnia.” Weather it is insomnia or poor sleep hygiene or being off kilter from my job working nights, I can’t sleep.

Since I have not been able to sleep, one of the things I have been doing is scrolling Facebook. As I was scrolling Facebook, someone I went to high school with messaged me privately. This person isn’t exactly a friend but is on my friends list.

Anyway, this friend was born into wealth and finds themselves at odds with their parents. Since they are at odds with their parents and has no job, they are now trying to figure out how to live the life they are use to. I guess their parents have “cut them off” from their trust fund until they are able to live on their own with the help of their parents for two years. My friend really hasn’t held down a job and their parents paid for everything including all their bills. We have been out of high school for twenty plus years and they have not learned how to fend for themselves. This “friend” reached out to me because they know I “know how to live poor” since have lived in poverty most of my life.

I asked my friend if they have a place to stay. My friend said they can stay at their parents place till the end of the year as long as they pay one hundred dollars month for rent and get a job to save up money to get their own place to live. I gave this friend suggestions on the types of jobs they may be able to get during this time and they turned down every suggestion. I also gave them numbers to certain agencies to be able to get food stamps and such. I even offered to go to the nearest DSHS office with them when they open up. My “friend” said “no, it will be an embarrassment if I go near my parents house especially with you.” I informed them out the system worked and that if they want help they need to learn how to deal with the “embarrassment.” This friend stated “I don’t need any freebies. I just need my parents to give me my trust fund money and then I won’t have to depend on the government like you do.” I got upset by this and informed them that as soon as they are ready for my help then don’t hesitate to reach out. I realized that this person just wanted someone to empathize with them and tell them what they want to hear. I have some empathy for this person but I am not going to tell them what they want to hear.

I am at odds with myself as if I should have even offered up my assistance to help this person when they realize what needs to be done to take care of themselves. I am at odds because I can see this as a possible toxic relationship and me carrying the weight of this person. I want to help but I don’t know if this person will ever realize they are responsible for themselves as they have been spoiled their entire lives and taken care of by their parents. I am feeling like I am being judgement of this person and their family and it has me feeling bad about myself. But then again, this person was extremely judgmental for me in high school due to me living in poverty. Anyway, that shouldn’t be the reason I am so judgmental of the person.

I have plenty more to say about the above topic but I am getting angry over the situation and need to stop for now. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you are reading my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has great Tuesday ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

Job Interview & Other Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! As many of you know, I had a job interview today. The job deals with dealing those in crisis. I am not sure if I did well in the interview but I know that it might not be a good fit for me. Plus, travel time might be an issue for me.

I am tired as hell right now. I think I am so tired from my interview and the long travel time for it. Plus, I didn’t sleep all that well last night. I am thinking I might lye down for a nap. An hour nap at that. I want to be able to sleep tonight.

Before taking a nap I need to eat. I don’t know what I am going to make for dinner yet. I just know I might be able to feel slightly better than I feeling right now.

Have a good evening!!! Peace Out, World!!!