At Odds With Myself on How to Help Someone I Graduated High School With

Good Morning, World!!! I am still unable to sleep for some reason. Since I have know idea of why I can’t sleep, I am not going to fret about it. It is most likely, as my psychiatric nurse practitioner says, “treatment resistant insomnia.” Weather it is insomnia or poor sleep hygiene or being off kilter from my job working nights, I can’t sleep.

Since I have not been able to sleep, one of the things I have been doing is scrolling Facebook. As I was scrolling Facebook, someone I went to high school with messaged me privately. This person isn’t exactly a friend but is on my friends list.

Anyway, this friend was born into wealth and finds themselves at odds with their parents. Since they are at odds with their parents and has no job, they are now trying to figure out how to live the life they are use to. I guess their parents have “cut them off” from their trust fund until they are able to live on their own with the help of their parents for two years. My friend really hasn’t held down a job and their parents paid for everything including all their bills. We have been out of high school for twenty plus years and they have not learned how to fend for themselves. This “friend” reached out to me because they know I “know how to live poor” since have lived in poverty most of my life.

I asked my friend if they have a place to stay. My friend said they can stay at their parents place till the end of the year as long as they pay one hundred dollars month for rent and get a job to save up money to get their own place to live. I gave this friend suggestions on the types of jobs they may be able to get during this time and they turned down every suggestion. I also gave them numbers to certain agencies to be able to get food stamps and such. I even offered to go to the nearest DSHS office with them when they open up. My “friend” said “no, it will be an embarrassment if I go near my parents house especially with you.” I informed them out the system worked and that if they want help they need to learn how to deal with the “embarrassment.” This friend stated “I don’t need any freebies. I just need my parents to give me my trust fund money and then I won’t have to depend on the government like you do.” I got upset by this and informed them that as soon as they are ready for my help then don’t hesitate to reach out. I realized that this person just wanted someone to empathize with them and tell them what they want to hear. I have some empathy for this person but I am not going to tell them what they want to hear.

I am at odds with myself as if I should have even offered up my assistance to help this person when they realize what needs to be done to take care of themselves. I am at odds because I can see this as a possible toxic relationship and me carrying the weight of this person. I want to help but I don’t know if this person will ever realize they are responsible for themselves as they have been spoiled their entire lives and taken care of by their parents. I am feeling like I am being judgement of this person and their family and it has me feeling bad about myself. But then again, this person was extremely judgmental for me in high school due to me living in poverty. Anyway, that shouldn’t be the reason I am so judgmental of the person.

I have plenty more to say about the above topic but I am getting angry over the situation and need to stop for now. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you are reading my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has great Tuesday ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

The Words of A Child

Good Evening, World!!! So far today has been a quiet stay at home day. It has been a day that I have not done much but binge watch television with my cat, Billie Dean on my lap. The Seattle weather has been quite helpful in that as it has been the typical Seattle gloom.

I have spent most of the day with my cat Billie Dean in my lap. Billie sat in my lap as I watched The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross. I really enjoy this show for several reasons and am thrilled that Billie spent most of that time in lap as I watched it.

After watching The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross as Billie was curled up in my lap I decided to get on social media. Specifically, I went on Facebook as it is the the only social media account I have under my given name. (I do have a Facebook account as well as a Twitter account under my pen name of Gertie. You can find me under Gerties Journey on both social media accounts.) Anyway, when I was on Facebook under my given name, a friend of mine in the peer counseling community posted a quote from one of her children came up of a quote that I feel is great. My friends, child’s name is Avenlea Margaret. (Yes, I was given permission to mention my friends daughter’s name on here by both my friend and their daughter.) Avenlea Margaret is a creative person which doesn’t surprise me that she came up with the quote she did.

Avenlea Margaret’s quote is: “There’s no such thing as ugly. There’s just different ways to be beautiful.” I personally love this quote as it is an honest quote that comes from the mouth of an innocent child. A child that sees there are different ways to be beautiful and different ways to see beauty. Avenlea Margaret is wise beyond her years and hope to read more quotes she says on her parents Facebook account. It is my hope with posting this that you are able to see that there is only beauty in this world and it just looks differently just like Avenlea stated.

I do not have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great rest of you Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

A Random Wednesday Afternoon Post

Good Afternoon, World!!! At this very moment the symptoms of my Depression and PTSD and am grateful that I am able to nip it in the butt with skills I normally do. Sadly, I am not going to my writing group because I am not feeling well physically which is probably why I am having an increase of Depression and PTSD symptoms. Part of why I am not feeling well is because I according my doctor I have a “severe Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and mild right Kidney Infection” which sucks and the antibiotic I am taking is making me nauseous. I really don’t like being or feeling sick but at least I am not in the hospital.

Being in the hospital sucks and since we are on the subject of hospitals, my dad is still in one. He is on the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) of a local hospital here in the Seattle area. His surgery went well and he is healing well from it. Sadly, my dad has fluid on the lungs and the doctors are trying to get rid of it. My dad has a history of pneumonia and is still in the hospital as a precautionary thing and is receiving IV antibiotics.  My dad is feeling better and wants to go home. He is eating solid food and the doctors say its okay that my dad drinks Diet Mt. Dew. So, I know my dad is feeling better when he wants his Diet Mt. Dew. I just wish the fluid on my dads lungs would hurry up at resolve.

I saw my therapist yesterday (Tuesday) and we discussed my increased Depression and PTSD symptoms and he is in agreement that the increased in symptoms are likely in part to my current health issues with my UTI and kidney infections. We discussed on ways that I could feel better as well as skill I could use to help with my increased mental health symptoms. One of the things my therapist and I discussed was the amount of time I was spending on social media, specifically Facebook because I am just aimlessly scrolling it as a way to help myself but it is becoming more of a hindrance for some of my symptoms. We talked about going on Facebook with a purpose like to post or say hi to someone and limit the time I am on Facebook. We discussed other things I could do instead which led me to having a conversation with my therapist about book suggestions I got from both white and people of color friends about race in America. We discussed that I as a white person one to better understand my white privilege and how I can be a better ally for not only friends but my clients who are people of color. I told him that I am expecting three books about race and racism as well as white privilege at some point today via Amazon. My therapist was “impressed” that I am wanting to improve myself and understanding of race and he “feels” that with me doing this will help me stay off Facebook and build a more meaningful type of structure I need for my recovery. My therapist likes the fact that I am wanting to educate myself to understand race, racism and white privilege here in America. We also discussed other ways to structure my time to help with my PTSD and depression symptoms. I really like my therapist and am grateful to have him as a clinician.

I don’t have much more to say. I just hope the books arrive today as “guaranteed” by Amazon so I can get to reading the books I ordered from them. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Wednesday as well as their work week. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 7: Let Social Media Inspire You

Good Morning, World!!! Today’s assignment is to let social media inspire a post. We were given a choice of five tweets from Twitter to write about. Sadly, none of those tweets from Twitter have inspired me to write. So, I thought I would go to my twitter account to see if I could get inspired from any tweets there and again wasn’t inspired. Since I wasn’t inspired by anything on Twitter I decided to go to Facebook.

As far as Facebook I really wasn’t inspired. I wasn’t inspired from Facebook because of the anger and hate from various people especially in Facebook groups. It seems that most of the hate and anger involves politics. People think that they can be cruel when it comes to being on the internet and social media. People wouldn’t say most of the shit face to face to someone as they do on social media. The worst topic that invokes peoples anger and hate is politics. Politics get people heated and when people get heated they tend to not be able to listen to the other persons side. Not being heard can cause even more anger. I just get aggravated when people start attacking each other especially if it is something people wouldn’t say or do face to face.

Well, I guess social media did inspire me to write about something but it is a topic I need to not discuss write now because I am livid about some things I saw on Facebook. I think I am going to end this blog post. I want to thank you for reading my blog from the bottom of my heart. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things because if it wasn’t for you my reader, I don’t think I would continue to blog. So, thank you again for reading my blog. I hope you all have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

Let the ____ Countdown Begin

Good Morning, World!!! I was looking at the calendar and realized that today is June 25th. That means that Christmas is six months away. It also means that a friend of mine will start posting on Facebook on what he calls “The Christmas Countdown” every single day till Christmas. As much as I really don’t like being reminded of how much time we have left till Christmas, I am glad that it brings my friend joy to post a daily countdown till Christmas on his Facebook page.

Now on to other topics. Lets discus, sleep and insomnia. I highly dislike having insomnia but at least I got some sleep last night. Not as much as I would have liked but at least I got some sleep.

Now on to my work situation. I am planning on quitting my current job because the schedule is not the best for me or my mental health. See my job is an on-call position and it is a twelve hour night shift so I can get called in two hours before the shift is suppose to start so I cant really prepare myself especially in regards to sleep. Yes, I know I can say no and I have but sadly I am the only on call and can’t be the one to keep taking people’s shifts if they can’t make it in for some reason. Sometimes I have had to cancel appointments with my therapist so I could get some sleep and cancelling a therapy appointments is never good for me. So, since I still qualify and get disability I can quit my job and work on my mental health as I apply to for other jobs.

Speaking of applying for other job a friend reached out to me via Facebook private messaging, that the mental health agency she works for has a part time peer position that she thinks would be “an awesome fit” for me. Right now the job posting is only for internal applicants but since my friends former supervisor is now the supervisor for the program needing the peer specialist, my friend was given permission for me to send in my cover letter and resume via my friends work email. So, I am going to be writing a cover letter and tweaking my resume and sending to my friend. Granted the location of the job isn’t ideal for me but I know I can manage getting to work if I get the job and it working in housing with formally homeless individuals which is what I am passionate about and have experience in. Not only do I have this friend who works at the agency as a peer but I have a former colleague who works at this same agency as the friend so I know I have two allies.

I better get going as I realize it is time for some food because I am hungry. It is time for me to get some breakfast. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a good Tuesday. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 7: Let Social Media Inspire You

Good Morning, World!!! Today’s assignment is to let social media do the inspiring. Well, in all honesty, all I have is a Facebook account. I don’t do other social media sites as trying to keep up with multiple social media sites is way too time consuming.

On that note, if I did let social media inspire me, I would end up discussing politics. I really do not want to discuss politics at this time as I do not want to deal with any drama that could be brought up. I am wanting this course to be as drama free as possible. I know I don’t have to allow comments on my post as I approve them before it shows up on my blog but I still have to read the comments and I don’t want the drama nor to be triggered.

I guess I could find something on my Facebook to inspire me but at this point in time the only thing I see a lot of is political post. So, I am not feeling very inspired over politics at the moment.

Since I don’t have much more to discuss about being inspired by social media, I guess I will blog again later. I really don’t want to discuss politics at the moment. I don’t mind talking about politics, it is just I want to take a day off from it.

A Saturday With An Unexpected Stresser

Good Morning, World!!! I had a nice and relaxing Friday evening which was a much needed form of self care for me last night. If you are wondering what I am talking about just read my last post. I am grateful that I decided to spend my Friday evening the way I did.

The reason why I am grateful for my nice and relaxing self care Friday evening was because when I woke up this morning and checked Facebook, I saw friend saying she needed “help and felt like nobody cares and the world would be better off” without her. I unfortunately don’t have her new phone number or I would have called her to see if she is okay. From her Facebook post, even though she didn’t directly say it, I would suspect that she has suicide on her mind. But there is no way of knowing as she is thinking about it as she didn’t directly say so in her Facebook post but her post did send up red flags for me as she is possibly suicidal. I did leave her a positive comment as well as a private message. In the private message, I did give her a couple of crisis numbers she could call as well as my phone number.  I think my friend is dealing with some depression as this is the time of year that her depression acts up.

Even though having my friend being vague in a Facebook post and it kind of stressing me out, I realized that I am in need of doing some good self care again. So, I made me some hot chocolate. Chocolate always seems to soothe me. I, of course realized that part of good self care is getting some food into me as I am hungry so I am eating a bowl of Rice Krispies. Granted cereal isn’t the best breakfast but at least it is food. So, having Rice Krispies and hot chocolate is both comfort food for me as well as good self care.

I don’t have much more to say in the post. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. If it weren’t for you my reader, I wouldn’t continue to blog. So, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Tired Seattleite & Their Randomness

Good Morning, again, World!!! I am tired as hell as I didn’t get much sleep last night. I didn’t get much sleep last night due to a multiple of things which I have written about in my last three post. On a plus note at least my cat, Lil Gertie, is getting some sleep. Something I wish I could be doing right now.

At this point in time I don’t know what the hell, I am going to discuss in the post as I am an extremely tired person. As a person with the lack of sleep not having a clue what they are going to write, I ask for you forgiveness a head of time if I offend or annoy anyone.

I guess, I will start on subject I write about quite often; blogging. It appears to me that since I am using different “tags” that I am getting more people to at least look at my blog. I have even received some new followers due to not using my usual tags. I just figure if I combine some of my usual tags along side with new tags then I am all good with reaching out to people who might need hope or to help bring awareness to others to help lessen the stigma that goes around with having a mental health challenge.

The weather here in Seattle has gotten a lot cooler. I personally love the warm weather but I get highly annoyed hearing people complain about the heat of the summer. I love the heat. I guess I love the heat because I spent most of my childhood growing up in Southern California. I do miss parts of California but Seattle.

Later on today I am taking my grandpa out to lunch. I am taking him to my favorite restaurant; Red Robin. I love going there and I get the same thing every time. I get the Whiskey River Bar-be-que burger with extra cheese and onion straw thingy a mijigars.  It will be nice to spend time with my grandpa over lunch. In fact I am treating him to lunch. He does so much for me.

I have decided to cut the amount of time I spend on social media. Mainly, Facebook since it is the only social media account I have. I guess blogging can be considered social media but I don’t spend as much time on WordPress as I do as on Facebook. Plus Facebook has too much drama for my liking. I will attempt to not spend more than an hour total on Facebook.

Thank you for reading all my randomness. It is much appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great Thursday. Thank you so much for reading my blog. Don’t forget to let others know about it.  Have a great day everyone. Try to do random acts of kindness today as well. You never know when it could help save someones life or their day. Peace Out, World!!

 

Baseball & Facebook

Good Evening, World!! I just finished watching the Seattle Mariners play against the Los Angeles Angels. The Mariners swept the Angels in a three game series. I was sad to see the Angels loose because I am from Anaheim now living in Seattle.

I have been isolating all day and know that watching the baseball game on Facebook helped a great deal. I just need to not be isolating. I think I’m going to reach out to folks so I am not isolating.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Some Random Thoughts

Good Morning, World!!! I am not quite sure how I am doing this morning. I just know I got sleep and am happy about that. Sleep doesn’t come easy for me and am eager to let people know that I received a semi-good night of it.

Right now I feel like social media such as Facebook can cause me to isolate from the “real world.” I learned this when I did some of my homework for both Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and my therapist.  I learned from the homework assignments that setting a set time I spend on social media.

I am looking forward to art group. Art group happens early this afternoon. I love attending art group. Art helps me express my emotions in ways I can not explain.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!