Tag Archives: Sadness

Missing My Parents

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I woke up this morning with some intense sadness. Sadness over losing both of my parents within a two-month period. It sucks that they died so close together but there is nothing I can do about it but radically accept the situation or be in denial. Some moments I am in denial and numb while other moments I radically accept the sadness of losing both of my parents.

Despite dealing with the grief and sadness of losing my parents I am thinking of all the little moments that they tried to make good happy memories for me and with me especially as a child to have as an adult. I have so many of those small moments that it is helping with the sadness. It’s those memories that are helping me accept the fact that my relationship with my parents had been rocky over the years and that we work through a good chunk of the issues we had. I am so happy that I was able to work through some issues I had with my parents.

I do not have anything else to discuss or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Struggling In Seattle – Missing My Mom

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am currently struggling with the death of my mom. Tomorrow (Tuesday) makes three weeks since my mom died. It has been a very challenging three weeks as the holiday season is in full force and my mom loved Christmas more than anything. I know this might be the hardest holiday season for me as it is just too close to my mom’s favorite holiday is Christmas. I also wonder if next year’s holiday season will be hard as I would have more time to grief. At this point in time I don’t know if this Christmas will be harder than next year but I will do my best to learn ways to cope with the grief of my mom’s death for next Christmas.

The one way I can cope in this is to cuddle up with my cat, Billie and read. The two books that I am reading are Twelve Days of Christmas Horror Volume 1 by Rick Wood as well as Unholy Night by Seth Grahame-Smith. I have only read a couple of chapters from each book but have not enough figures which one I will like best. Now I should cuddle with my cat and read a holiday book I just told you about.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular post. I do want thank my readers for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you readers read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Missing My Mom + Holiday Emotions

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It has been two weeks and one day since my mom died. It has been challenging dealing with all that goes with losing a parent especially this time of year as it is the holiday season. Dealing with my mom’s death is adding to the holiday anxiety I struggle with every year which sucks shit and is something I discussed with my therapist today.

In fact my therapist and I discussed a great deal about my emotions especially anxiety and anger as I struggle with both. I struggle with both anxiety and anger as I tend to stuff both of those emotions that end up leading me emotionally and verbally exploding or sadly self harming. I thankfully haven’t self harmed in over a year which is a good thing but sadly I have emotionally and verbally exploded which is not a good thing. We discussed various ways to let out my anxiety and anger especially my anger. In fact my therapist suggested a couple of things to deal with my anger that are a little silly but I think will be helpful. I am really appreciative of my therapist and I am so grateful for her as well as her help with my mental health recovery.

As much as I am appreciative of and grateful for my therapist, I am also extremely grateful for today’s weather here in Seattle as it was sunny. Granted it was chilly outside but I am so grateful for the sun and that it was not freezing or below freezing outside.

Not only am I grateful for today’s weather here in Seattle, I am also beyond grateful for my precious senior kitty, Billie. I love my cat so very much and I don’t know what my life would be like without my cat. The best part of having a cat or any pet is their unconditional love.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sad Life Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Last Tuesday (November 26, 2024) my mom died. She died from lung cancer two days before Thanksgiving. It is never easy to lose anyone especially during the holidays. I miss my mom and dealing with funeral arrangements is not easy but at least have family helping me out with all that especially my two uncles on my moms side.

To make the grief that much hard Thursday, November 28, 2024 marked exactly five years since my last cat, Lil Brooke crossed over the rainbow bridge which happened to be Thanksgiving this year. In fact Lil Brooke crossed over the rainbow bridge on Thursday, 28, 2019 which also happened to be Thanksgiving that year. Here in the United States lands on the fourth Thursday of November which means it is never the same date.

Anyway, this past Thanksgiving was not the easiest for me to deal with. At least I had friends to spend it with. I also spent it with my current cat, Billie. I am grateful that I have family and good friends checking in on me even though I have no family that lives close by. I am also beyond grateful for my cat, Billie.

I don’t have much more to write about in the particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Missing My Grandma on Her Birthday

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today is a sad day for me and my family. Today, would have been my grandma’s 93rd birthday. In fact, when I got up this morning, I tried calling her on her cellphone. It breaks my heart when I do this and wish it wasn’t so hard especially since it has been almost five years since she passed away. Sadly, my grandma passed away from complications due to Parkinson’s Disease.

I am honoring my grandma today by spending it with my grandpa and dad as well as my uncles. Another way I am honoring her on her birthday is going through pictures of her. I also bought some cupcakes and I will light a birthday candle on a cupcake to sing happy birthday after dinner tonight. I’m sure she would be appreciative of it.

I do not have much more to say in this blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. I greatly appreciate you the reader, reading my blog. If it was not for you the reader reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Got a Dreaded Call

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!!! This is going to be a short and dreaded blog. I just got a call saying a colleague of mine attempted suicide. Thankfully, they are going to live but this is the what we expected but just not so soon. I will be visiting this colleague later today as it’s the middle of the night here in Seattle. I am grateful for my cat who is giving me the comfort and empathy, I need at the moment. I am grateful that my colleague will survive. I hope you all have a good rest of your night.

A Sad Three Day Weekend for Me

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It’s Friday and I am surprised that I feel at peace right now. I wish I was happy but I am good with being at peace for the moment. Normally, this weekend would not be a three day weekend for me but it is. It is because Monday, February 14th, 2022 marks the four year anniversary of the death of my grandma. February 14th also is Valentines day which makes it that much more challenging for me that it has been in the past before my grandma died.

I never needed a special day for someone to tell me that they loved me. My grandma made everyday Valentines Day for me especially since I wasn’t exactly the popular kid or most liked kid in school. I think that is why this Monday will be heard for me. It will be hard for my grandpa as well.

I decided to take Monday, February 14th off because of the anniversary of my grandma’s death. On a plus note, I will be taking my grandpa out on a date on Valentines Day in hopes to make better memories. I’m sure this brunch date with be bittersweet but at least we will be together making good memories.

Thank you for listening (or should I say reading) this sad post. I am grateful that you read it. You the reader, reading my blog means a great deal to me. So, thank you from the bottom of heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Three and a Half Years and I Still Miss My Grandma

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Today marks exactly three and a half years since the death of my grandma. I miss my grandma a great deal. She along side my grandpa helped my dad raise me since my dad was a single father. My grandma was the motherly figure in my life. I miss being able to talk with her just to tell her about how my day went.

As much as I miss my grandma, I am glad she is no longer suffering as she had Parkinson’s Disease. I just wish she was alive to meet my last cat, Lil Gertie as well as my current cat Billie Dean. She would have loved both cats and would have spoiled them.

I don’t have much more to say in the particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you do read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader I wouldn’t be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my hear for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Monday Evening Rambling

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! Today has been an overall great day with some sadness. Sadness because I found out today while having an appointment with my psychiatric nurse practitioner is leaving in a month and today was my last appointment. I am grateful that she informed me yet sad that she is leaving.

Not only was today my last session with my psychiatric nurse practitioner, it was also my last session with my therapist. I did know that he was leaving. I am quite sad that my therapist is leaving and wish he wasn’t.

One of the things that has been helping me is my cat, Billie Dean. I think Billie senses that I have been dealing with sadness off and on all day, today. I don’t think people realize how comforting cats can be and I love my cat, Billie so very much.

Now on to a different topic. The topic of twelve step meetings. A friend of mine and I were talking over Zoom about our families and how dysfunctional they were and are. This friend let me know of a great twelve step organization that has a twelve step focus with a lot of recovery principals to the group. I attended my first meeting of this particular twelve step meeting last Friday over Zoom and really enjoyed it. I enjoyed it enough that I ordered the proper literature which came today and attended my second meeting over Zoom today. I will be continuing to attend as I find it quite helpful.

I don’t have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do what to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Christmas Eve Grief & Depression

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, once again, World!!! It is still Christmas Eve and I still have not been able to sleep. The lack of sleep that is not helping with the emotions I am dealing with at the moment. Emotions I would rather not be dealing with at the moment.

Today, I will be celebrating Christmas with my dads side of the family and it happens to be the first Christmas without my grandma. I am dealing with the grief and sadness that goes along with it. Despite dealing with the difficult emotions of dealing with the first holiday without my grandma, I am looking forward to spending time with my dads side of my family.

I am however am dreading later this evening and tomorrow as I will be spending it with my mom’s side of the family. Sadly, my brother won’t be there as he will be spending the holiday with his dad. I am not looking forward to spending Christmas with my mom due to her being in active addiction.

Despite all of this my depression is acting up which sucks shit but it feels and looks like a typical Seattle Christmas minus the rain which is a good thing. I am not a big fan of rain but it wouldn’t be Christmas in the Northwest without rain so maybe we will get rain. Just as long as we don’t get snow, I will be okay with it as we had a white Christmas last year. The grey dreary Seattle weather fits my mood of being depressed. I hope that I somehow my spirits will be lifted some how and not by alcohol.

I am just really tired and hope I am able to take a nap at some point today. The lack of sleep sure is not helping my mood or my negative emotions. Sleep is crucial to having improved mental health symptoms or at least it does for me.

I better be going. I need to take a shower and eat small breakfast. I also need to pack some last minute things for my trip to my moms after I spend Christmas Eve with my dads side of the family. I hope that those of you who celebrate Christmas have a great holiday. Peace Out, World!!!