Phuck This Sh*t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, once again, World!!! I was almost asleep when the stupid fire alarm decided to go off once again. This time it was a malfunctioning fire alarm. So apparently, sleep is not in the cards for me.  Having the fire alarm go off five times sucks shit. Three off those times was due to the fire alarm malfunctioning while the other two time people decided to cook food while doing drugs and caught their stove on fire.

So, since it is apparent that I won’t be getting any sleep, I plan on going to day treatment instead of staying home. That means I will be going to art group. Hopefully, I will be able to meet with my therapist for about fifteen minutes to check in with him after what happened to me last night at the hospital.

I guess all that has happened since going to the hospital yesterday afternoon and the frequent fire alarms at home are getting to me. Getting to me enough that I need to not be in isolation mode. That is why I am going to day treatment and then art group.

Everything that has gone on has triggered my PTSD greatly. Having triggered PTSD sucks shit. I wish I didn’t have PTSD. In fact anyone who has PTSD wishes they didn’t have it.

Thank you for reading my blog. Even though its the third post in just barely over three hours. It is greatly appreciated. Have a great week everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

UGH!!! Not Another F*cking Fire Alarm

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, once again, World!!! Right after I posted my last post, the fire alarm went off once again. This time another neighbor decided to cook while doing drugs. So this is the second time the fire alarm went of due to someone cooking while doing drugs today and the fourth time the fire alarm went off because the first two times the fire alarm malfunctioned.

Due to the lack of sleep due to the assault that happened to me at the hospital yesterday as well as the fire alarm going off multiple time for different reasons, I might not go to art group early this afternoon. I have been triggered way too many times within the last eighteen hours to even think about going to art group even though I really want to attend art group.

I emailed my therapist last night to get a hold of me at some point today as he gets into the office at some point after twelve noon. Hopefully, he will listen to my voicemail as well as well as read my email and will get back to me today even though I see him tomorrow (Tuesday).

I also emailed my doctor this morning in hopes she gets it at some point today to see if I need to see her this week in regards to my hand and black eye that I received from another patient at the hospital last night (Sunday) instead of my regular appointment with her next week. My doctor is pretty cool.

I do have to say that my therapist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, doctor and the social worker at my doctors office are all pretty cool and in the loop about both my physical and mental health. It is great to have a great health care team even if they are not at the same facility or agency.  I am happy that they keep in communication with each other.

I hope I am able to get some sleep so I can be able to attend art group at one this afternoon. I don’t want to be a cranky bucket if I got to art group. Art really helps me express my emotions especially after multiple triggering moments in a short period of time.

Thank you so very much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I think I am going to go and attempt to take a nap as I really want to attend art group this afternoon. I hope everyone has a great work week and those who don’t work I to wish you a great week. Happy Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

6:30 am Monday Morning Madness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Monday, Morning To You, World!!! I should have written this post last night after I got home from the hospital but decided to wait till today to do so. I had a not so delightful time at the hospital as I waited to get evaluated for psych reasons. Thankfully, I was put into a hallway bed without needing to be restrained as the folks at this hospital know me well enough to know what to do when needed. And in my case a hallway bed without restraints is what I needed. Of course the doctors and nurses saw me however has I waited for the social worker to come see me another patient assaulted me. The hospital staff was in the middle of evaluating him when he got angry, left his room and grabbed my wrist and twisted hard enough to bruise my wrist and my hand. Thankfully, nothing is broken. He also gave me a black eye. Needless to say this person was put into restraints. The doctors had to come evaluate me once again before I could see the social worker because I needed to be medically cleared once again. I finally got home about 10:00 pm last night and would have been home sooner if I wasn’t assaulted by another patient.

Now that it is Monday morning let the madness begin. The madness started off with the fire alarm going off at 2:34 am due to a malfunction. Then it went off again at 3:33 am due to another malfunction. it went of a third time at 5:09 am due to an actual fire in someone’s apartment. Someone decided to start cooking and while cooking they decided to do some heroin. Not my idea of starting of any day much less a work week.

On that note, it is another foggy morning in Seattle. I don’t know why but I like foggy mornings. It gives me some sort of peace. It also gives me an excuse to stay in my pajamas longer as I read the news paper at a leisure pace while drinking my hot tea with milk and honey in it.

Since I don’t have work tonight, to my knowledge, I think I am going to take it easy today. My therapist doesn’t get back from vacation till this afternoon or at least that’s what his voicemail says. It says he will be in this afternoon which is good because I left him an email informing him of what happened yesterday at the hospital.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. I hope everyone has a good work week and if you don’t work, I how you still have a good week. Happy Monday to all of you. Peace Out, World!!!!

Still a Struggle on This Sunday Afternoon

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, once again, World!!! As I mentioned in my last post I was planning on going to both an art store and book store. I did manage to go to both of the stores and bought some things that would be helpful for me in both the good and bad times.

When I got home from the stores, I decided to do some coloring while listening music. It helped temporarily but not enough to make my self harm urges to go away. The urges appear to be getting stronger.

Since they are getting stronger, I decided I would do some mindfulness and meditation practices. They helped slightly but not enough. Doing the mindfulness and meditation practices made me realize that I need to go to the hospital to get evaluated. I most likely won’t end up on in inpatient unit but at least I will be safe for a few hours.

I did call the crisis worker again. You know the one I talked about in an earlier post. So, she said, that going to a hospital is a solid idea however she wants me spend about twenty minutes with my cat. In fact I spent about a half an hour with my cat before I decided to post this.

Now that I am done spending time with my cat and blogging, I’ll be going to the hospital. I will post when I am back from the hospital as I think it is not going to be more than five or six hours if not sooner.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. No need to worry about me. You know I am going to be safe as after I am done with this post, I will be on my way to the hospital. Thank you so much, again for reading my blog. I hope you all have a good rest of your Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

Seems Like A Sunday Of Struggles

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am still struggling a great deal with self harm issues. I have done the safety plan, I planned with the crisis worker I talked to before my last post. Yes, I have done some art work as well as reading. Both helped to a degree however, I still feel like self harming. I could call the crisis worker back however I came up with a better idea.

The better idea’s I came up with is to first go to the art store to pick up some art supplies. Art supplies that include canvas, paint, paint brushes and even coloring books as well as colored pencils.

After I plan on going to the art  store, I plan on going to a near by book store. Of course I’ll buy a couple of books and look for coloring books as well. The book I am currently reading will most likely be finished in a day or two so I will need a new book or two to read. Plus, getting coloring books from both the book and art stores will be helpful for me.

Blogging appears to be helping me through this minor crisis I am currently in. Blogging is one of my coping skills and has proven quite helpful for me.

Now that I have discussed how blogging helps me, I am going to go to both the art and book stores. I hope I find what I need and/or want.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great rest of their Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

Sunday Morning Blues

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I know its been a couple of hours since I last posted but things changed quite quickly. Yes, I did finish reading the new paper and watching the morning news as well as doing my chores.

Unfortunately, as I was doing my household chores, I started becoming in crisis mode. That means I have urges to self harm. I did call the crisis team of the agency I seek services at and came up with a safety plan. A safety plan that I hope I am able to keep. I can promise you all that if I can not keep my safety plan that I will go to the hospital. I am NOT suicidal. I just feel like self harming. Again, if I am unable to stay safe I WILL take myself to the hospital. Part of my safety plan, I already mentioned in my last post at that is to read the fantasy book that I decided to start reading again since I never finished the book. I am looking forward to spending time in a good book and get my mind off of the shit of self harming. I hope that reading this fantasy book will do the trick

Another part of my safety plan is being around my cat, Lil Gertie. That means playing with her as well as cuddling with. That also means giving her some pets and loves. And of course cleaning out her litter box which I already did this morning. I clean it out twice a day. I have already fed her, her wet food and she has access to her dry food 24/7 so I know she won’t starve. So yes I have already taken care of her needs for the day except for her evening litter box cleaning. Now its time for me to cuddle up to her as well as play with her. That is if she is up to it as she is a cat.

Another thing I came up with the crisis clinician is to work on my art work. We decided that both coloring and painting would be quite helpful to me. I also informed the crisis clinician that I can combine painting and collaging as it mixes genres and is really cool looking. She thought that doing art is a great way to express myself especially with that of the mixture of genres.

The last part of my safety plan was and is to blog. In fact it was the first thing I decided to do as part of my safety plan so I could inform all of you my reader of my current struggles despite getting a good nights sleep and a good start to the day. Sometimes the struggles of a mental health challenge can come out of the blue despite how well it started. Blogging is quite helpful for me to hold myself accountable to others. Just as reminder, if the urges to self harm get stronger there is no need to worry about me as I will take myself to the hospital as well as call the crisis worker I talked to back. So, I do have an added safety plan to the safety plan I am informing you of. So, for me as I already mentioned helps me be accountable to others yet I don’t want others to worry about me.

I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. You my reader are all awesome in my eyes. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

(Side Note: Yes, I know I have mentioned it already, I am NOT suicidal. If I feel like I am unable to keep myself safe I will call the crisis worker back or take myself to the hospital or in worse case scenario, I will call 911. I just want make sure you all know that I have a back up plan.) 

A Foggy & Not So Sleepy Sunday Morning

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is a foggy Sunday morning here in Seattle. Looks like it could be another lazy day but I need to do some house work first. But first things first is that I read the Sunday news paper and now I am watching the Sunday morning news. I was able to get some sleep last night which is a major deal since I haven’t really slept for a few days.

Like I mentioned in my last paragraph I have household chores I need to do. Thankfully, there is not much to do. After watching the morning news since I have already read the news paper, I will do my chores to get them out of the way.

After doing my chores, I plan on reading most of the day. I plan on reading the fantasy book I recently picked up again. I started reading it again because I never finished the book the first time. The book is a really good book. I think I will be able to finish it this time around is because my consternation is a lot better due to the fact the symptoms of my mental health challenges are getting better. So, that what lazy thing I plan on doing most of the day besides playing with my cat, Lil Gertie.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

Another Lazy A$$ Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today has been another lazy ass day for me. I didn’t go to my volunteer job today.  I took today off from my volunteer job as I needed to take time to myself.

Today marks five months since I got my cat, Lil Gertie. She has been a blessing in my life and has helped me a great deal emotionally. Having Lil Gertie, is helping me keep my apartment cleaner than it was before I got adopted her. So, Lil Gertie, has been helping me in more ways than I expected.

I spent most of the day binge watching television and movies. While binge watching television and movies, Lil Gertie spent it by my sided in my chair between me and the arm rest. I think I will continue to binge watch television and movies till I got to bed.

Thank you for reading my blog it is greatly appreciated. I hope you all have a wonderful rest of your Saturday. Again, thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

It Has Been Five Months

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night which is quite annoying. As annoying as it is to be sleepless in Seattle, today is good and happy day. It is good and happy day because today marks the five month anniversary of me adopting my cat, Lil Gertie. She is an emotional support animal and is extremely intuitive to my emotional needs.

It has been a blessing to have Lil Gertie in my life and am more than pleased that i was able to give Lil Gertie a forever home. Lil Gertie has been in-tuned with my emotional needs since day one but as time goes on, she is becoming more intuitive to my needs especially when it comes to my Anxiety and PTSD symptoms.

Lil Gertie sure loves her wet food. She always begs for it at the same time everyday even though she has dry food available to her 24 hours day. She is not afraid to wake me up when she thinks it is time to be fed her wet cat food. She is one spoiled little cat. Lil Gertie, knows she is queen bee of the house hold. I am really happy that I was able to give Lil Gertie a forever home. She is an amazing little cat and very calm except for when it comes to fireworks and the fire alarm.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things for you reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Saturday. Peace Out World!!!

Is It Too Much To Ask For Some Sleep

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, once again, World!!! I did manage to get about an hour worth of sleep in before my cat, Lil Gertie, woke me up from a nightmare. She either licks my nose or one of my big toes to wake me up from a nightmare. Yes, any part of a nightmare sucks, I am just happy that Lil Gertie, is insistent in waking me up from one especially at the beginning, I never taught her to do this as I have only had her for five months today and she is about six and a half years old.

So when I got up, I decided to work on one of my workbooks. I find it helpful to work on one of my workbooks as it puts me into a better state of mind. A recovery state of mind. I am working on one that focuses on recovery related to mental health challenges. It is nothing new to me as I have been a part of the recovery movement for awhile now, it is just helpful as a reminder to myself on where I want to be in life.

Okay on to the last bit of the post which I a sure many of you are sick of hearing about. I have advertisements on my blog to help bring in extra cash for me to spend on people for gifts during the holidays. I started doing this before I got my new job but I am going to continue to do it as my new job is an on call job and don’t know how many hours I will be getting once I am done with all the training’s I have to attend to. So I guess what I am asking is that you my reader click on an add or two, once or twice a week to help me bring in extra cash to help pay for gift for friends and family for the holidays as well as bills for the rest of the year.

I am going to attempt to go back to sleep now that it is four o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. I hope everyone has a good night sleep or has had a good night sleep. I also hope everyone has good Saturday and weekend. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. Have a wonderful day with whatever you do. Peace Out, World!!!