Combating Depression & Other Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World. Right now I am combating both depression and grief. I am really missing my paternal grandma today. Or at least that is how the wave of grief is having it for me today. I am also combating off some depression. Not sure if it is the regular depression I deal with or if it is depression related to the grief or maybe a combination of both.

To help me fight off the depression and grief I have been doing some household chores to make my apartment cleaner. Cleaner so when my grandpa comes over for his birthday dinner it’s not as messy as it usually is. I am making my grandpa meatloaf for his birthday because that is what he wants even though it’s a “simple meal” it is one that he “enjoys.” Being able to do something for my grandpa for his birthday instead of giving him something is something he would rather have as the memories are better than material things.

Another way I have been combating the depression and grief is getting ready to go to a conference early next week that is solely for Peer Specialist/Counselors. Just knowing I will be with people who are in recovery with mental health challenges for two days is enough to keep me going. I will be in a hotel for two day full of peer support. In fact I also sought out peer support today for the depression and grief. That someone is the one who is the supervisor of the volunteers at the peer conference. See I got a full ride scholarship, including lodging and food just because I will be volunteering. I only have to pay for transportation which is easy because I am car pooling with someone to the conference. The power of peers is a real thing and we are going to fight against the mental health system somehow.

On a good note, and I think I have informed you of this already is that I have an interview on Friday, August 31st, 2018 for a peer specialist job. A job I am unsure about but hope I get an opportunity to get back in the swing of things. Yes, I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things work wise but am a bit nervous about going back to work. I am having some self doubts about going back to work but for me having self doubts is a normal part of my daily mental health challenges.

I should really get going as I need to start preparing to cook dinner as my grandpa will be here shortly and likes to eat relatively early. I am expecting to eat around five in the evening in my neck of the woods.

I would like to thank you again for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated from my end of things. If it wasn’t for you the reader and/or follower, I still would not be blogging. Peace Out, World!!

Just a Bunch of Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today, I am having a mixture of emotions especially when it is in regards to my paternal grandparents. I am having a huge wave of grief that I am dealing with in regards to my paternal’s grandma’s death on Valentines day of this. Today’s wave a grief hit extra hard because this is the first birthday my paternal grandfather has had my grandma by his side in over seventy years even though they were married for sixty two and a half years. My grandpa is having a rough go at it so I invited him to my place to have a birthday dinner I will make. I don’t know if I can cook meatloaf as good as my grandma but that’s what he wants for his birthday or at least what he wants for his birthday from me.  As I grieve over my grandma even six and a half months later, I celebrate my grandpa’s 88th birthday today.

On the other hand let me update you on the pain of my migraine. I did go to the hospital last night and had a bunch of test run on me because they wanted to make sure that the infection in my mouth hasn’t spread even though I informed the doctors it felt like a regular migraine. They were just be overly cautious because it turns out it was a regular ole pain in the ass migraine. My mouth infection is looking a great deal better and its starting to feel better as well. I’m still in pain from the infection but at least the pain is subsiding.

Now on to the fire alarm system and smoke detector inspection that happens every three months that ended up being a month late this time around happened today. My cat, Lil Gertie, was not a fan of the inspection. Hell, neither was I but I am sure it was worse for her and her poor lil ears. She freaked out a little bit but not as bad as I thought it would have had on her.

On the note of my cat she is helping me deal with my depression and grief at the moment. She is sitting next to me on my favorite chair as I blog this particular post. Having her cuddle up next to me while purring sure helps with both the depression and grief I am dealing with. With my emotions they way they are today, I am grateful for my cat.

I don’t have much more to say at the moment. Thank you for reading me ramble on about a bunch of randomness. I appreciate each one of you. I hope you have a great Thursday. Peace Out, World!!!

Waiting to Go To Hospital Due to Migraine

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am waiting to go to the hospital for my migraine to see if it gets better especially since my grandpa will be taking me. After my grandpa takes me to the hospital I’ll be spending the night at his place and have him bring me home tomorrow.

My cat is helping me relax a little which might help with the migraine. Anything to help with the migraine I am willing to try.

I should get going and rest. I will keep you updated. Thank you reading my blog. It is appreciated from my end. Peace Out, World!!!

The Migraine From Hell

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I have the migraine from hell. It is so bad I called my regular doctor to see if I could see her today or any other provider in the clinic. Unfortunately, everyone was booked up so she suggested I go to the Emergency Room. She also suggested that I have someone take me just in case the hospital gives me meds.

I did all my usual stuff to help reduce the migraine or even to make it go away but nothing has worked. I took over the counter pains meds which do shit for a migraine but it was worth a shot. So I took my Immitrex and the first dose did shit as well as the second dose. I have shut all the blinds in hopes that the darkness would help lessen the pain and it has. The shower I took only lessened the pain for about an hour. I have also been trying to sleep my migraine away but that didn’t help much. I informed my doctor of all this which is why she suggested that I go to the Emergency Room.

I am now waiting on family to pick me to take me to the hospital in hopes they can do something about the pain. In fact it is my grandpa that is picking me up to take me to the hospital. I hope he doesn’t mind waiting forever and a day in the Emergency Room for my migraine.

As I am waiting for my grandpa to pick me up my cat, Lil Gertie, is cuddling right beside me. Her cuddling right beside me is helping quite a bit with the anxiety I am feeling going back to the Emergency Room.

Thank you for reading my blog. I hope to update you as soon as I am able to do so. Mainly when I am feeling slightly better than I am now. I really do appreciate you all reading my blog. Have a great Wednesday. Peace Out, World!!!

1000th Post

Posted on by Gertie

HELLO, WORLD!!! I am happy to announce that this is my one thousandth post. I have shared quite a bit of my life with you over the last few years. The ups and the downs of having a mental health challenge.

When I started my blog I wasn’t expecting one hundred people to follow my blog much less having four hundred and forty six people to follow my blog. Having four hundred and forty six followers may not seem much compared to other people’s blogs but to me having as many followers as I do have I am happy to have them.

Seeing my blog grow into what it has, has it amazed me. It is given other people who have mental health challenges hope. Hope that was part of why I started this blog. I’m still not sure if my blog is reaching my other targeted audience who don’t have a mental health challenge because it is my hope that those without out and mental health challenge it will help lessen the stigma of those who do have a mental health challenge.

I may not view my blog as very successful but I must have some success if I have some pretty loyal readers and/or followers. So my blog must be a success to some degree.

I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated on my from my end of things. I hope you can an will continue to read my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

I Haven’t Been Back To Sleep & Feeling Like Shit

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is three thirty in the morning and still haven’t been back to sleep since my five hour nap. Not having enough sleep affects my mental health. When my mental health is affected, shit can hit the fan quite quickly. It is not my mental health that I am worried about right now. It is my physical health that is worrying me. I have a major migraine that won’t go away plus my asthma is acting up.

Due to lack of sleep and multiple health conditions acting up, I am thinking I might have a friend or family member take me to the hospital to get checked out. Or maybe I should wait and call my doctors office later in the morning to see if I can see her sooner than next Thursday (August 30th).  I’ve also been vomiting like it it going out of style. I am taking Pepto Bismal for the nausea but it is not working for the stupid vomiting.

At least my cat is by my side. Lil Gertie is trying her best to keep me calm. In fact she is doing a good job at it. I should get going an cuddle more with my cat and see if someone can take me to the hospital. If nobody can take me to the hospital then I will have to wait to my doctor’s office opens later in the morning.  Now it’s time to cuddle with my cat, Lil Gertie. Peace Out, World!!!

Can’t Fall Back To Sleep

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I can not seem to go back to sleep after being woken up by my cat, Lil Gertie, after a five hour nap. Of course when I attempted to go to sleep Lil Gertie wanted to play so I decided that I would play with her. Lil Gertie is one spoiled lil kitty. I love her so much.

To make my sleep issues even worse is that I have a migraine. Migraines are extremely painful. I am not sure what set off this migraine but my migraine medication ain’t working shit. I just hope the pain subsides so I don’t have to the stupid hospital again.

I’m wondering if my worries over not getting an email about a peer position interview I have on August 31st is what is causing part of my migraine. The lady who called me about it only mentioned her name once and I forgot to get her name again. I am hoping she emails me more of the details about the job interview so my worries and anxiety can subside. At least I will be working either a sixteen hours a week or thirty hours a week. I just hope she emails me sometime later today with more of the details and so I can ask more questions of her.

On a plus note the lady who wants to interview me for the shelter counselor position finally emailed me back explaining why she hadn’t set up an interview yet. It’s because others have been on vacation or out sick. She should be getting back to me by the end of the week via email. Lets hope I get emails from the individuals for both positions by the end of the week.

At least I know I have a least one job interview, I just wish remembered the ladies name. I can’t remember the name for the life of me which is why I am hoping for an email. Please send out positive vibes, energies, prayers or whatever that works for you that this woman emails me back or at least calls me back because I tried calling the number back it said it wasn’t taking any calls at this time. It didn’t even have a voicemail I could leave.  I know things will work out in the long run but I still have my worries.

Well, it appears like Lil Gertie, my cat is wanting my attention again so I better give it to her. If I give it to her now, she won’t wake me up at four o’clock in the morning wanting scratch on the head or to play. She sure helps me a lot.

I hope my migraine goes away as I call it a night. I’ll play with Lil Gertie first and then attempt to fall back to sleep. Thank you for reading my boring ass blog. Especially since my post appear to be repetitive as of lately. I am grateful for your readership and Peace Out, World!!!

A Five Hour Nap & I Am Still Sleepy

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is just post eleven o’clock at nigh in my corner of the world. I fell asleep for a much need five or so hour nap. I just hope I can get back to sleep so I will be able to sleep through the night. My cat woke me up wanting her litter box cleaned out and most importantly to be fed her wet can food even though she has plenty of dry food to eat. Now that the kitty chores are done, I hope to go back to bed after writing the post.

On a plus note I got a call today regarding a job for a peer position. Still waiting for an email from the lady with full details about the interview but at least I know when and where it is going to be. I just need confirmation on the address and who it is going to be with.

As for the shelter counselor job the person finally emailed me back and informed be it might not be to the end of the week till I find out when I my interview with them is going be. At least she finally got back to me regarding why no interview has been set up yet.

I am still really from the roller coast ride of grief I had today regarding missing my grandma. The grief hit me extra hard today. I am not sure why but it did. I was able to talk to my therapist for a little bit regarding the grief over the phone today and that was quite helpful to me.

Thank you for reading my post. I hope everyone has a good nights sleep. I hope I can get back to sleep after a five hour nap and it being just after eleven o’clock at night in my neck of the woods. Thank you again for reading. Have a good night’s sleep. Peace Out, World!!!

A Roller-coaster of A Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today has been roller-coaster  type of day when it comes to my emotions. I was able to meet my spend down for medicaid due to a comprehensive  dental examination. That means I officially have medicaid back on. Which will help with my dental, mental and physical health care. I also happy that I will be able to get the proper care I need to take care of myself.

On a side note I went to call my grandma on her cell phone to tell her some good news. The sad part of this is I had a lapse in judgement that she passed away just over six months ago which let the flood gates of grief come rushing in. I miss my grandma so much. A plus note, I did have lunch with my grandpa.

I talked on the phone with my therapist about my grief dealing with my grandma and he gave me the support I needed. He suggested that I journal and/or blog about the grief. Dealing with grief is not easy.

On to the positive note. I have an interview on August 31st for a Peer Specialist position. I am looking forward to having an interview and hopefully a job a peer. I should here back later on this week about getting an interview for a shelter counselor position. Not sure what position I would want more put at least I will have some job prospects coming my way.

I am also happy that I will be able to get the much needed dental care I so desperately need. Getting the proper dental care helps your overall health. Having good health will help me with being able to go back to work.

As you can tell I’ve had an emotional roller-coaster type of day. Please send out positive energy or vibes or prayers or whatever good mojo my way about getting the job that is best suited for me.

Thank you for reading. It is greatly appreciative to have readers like you in my life. I hope that my post as of lately gives out some hope to people because some of my post appear a little hopeless and depressing when I read back on them. It means a great deal that I have extremely awesome readers like you to help me keep blogging. If it weren’t for you the reader, I wouldn’t still be blogging. Thank you again for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

What’s The Point?

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I have a bunch of emotions going on within myself that I am having difficulty thinking straight. Maybe it’s because of the lack of sleep I had last night but I just want things to go the way I want them to. I am sick and tired of playing the waiting game on things.

For instance I received an email last week from a potential employer if I could interview at one specific time however I had another obligation and was informed that I would receive another email about another interview time for this week. That has not happened yet. It is getting extremely frustrating on my part because I expected the email by last Friday. I emailed them last Thursday in hopes to get a response yet I am still waiting on one.

I am starting to feel as if I will remain unemployed on disability for the rest of my life. Not working is having an effect on my mental health. I have been applying to other jobs as well but nothing not even a possibility of an interview.

What’s the point of even trying to go back to work when there are plenty of jobs out there that I am well qualified for yet not getting any bites. I mean I feel like nobody wants to hire me because I resigned from my last job due to the fact my symptoms were getting out of control and how can I help others when I needed to focus on my own recovery at the moment.

I just want a job I can be proud of and that will make me happy. Plus I need to make more money than I am making on disability. The universe needs to give me a break and finally let me go back to work. I am bored half out of my mind with not working.

Thank you for reading me ramble on and on about my job search. I hope everyone has an awesome Tuesday. Peace Out, World!!!