Tag Archives: Anxiety

I Can’t Sleep, Again

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I’m having trouble sleeping again. Not exactly why I can’t sleep but I have my theories and it can be any combination of things.

One of the reasons why I think I can’t sleep tonight is because of the death of my grandma. My grandma’s death is hitting me harder than I thought it would. Every time I look around my apartment I see my grandma. I see her in pictures. I see her in the baby blanket she made me. I see her in the quilt she made me. I see her pretty much everywhere.

So, I’ve been wrapping myself up my quilt that she had made me for my 25th birthday. I’m feeling closer to her as I wrap myself up in my quilt that she made me. I feel her love. I know she is my guardian angel now.

Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Another Morning at the Social Security Office

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It’s another day and I am back at the social security office. Hopefully, I get what I need taken care of today as the social security office gives me high anxiety.

I also want to get what I need taken care of today because of how my grandma is doing. I just want my issue with Social Security taken care of as it is time sensitive per Social Security and per me. Though my reasons are different than Social Security’s reason.

They just called me up so I need to get going. Have a great day!!! Happy Valentines Day, World!!!

Ugh!!! Frustration & Other Stuff

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It’s been a frustrating morning. I went to the social security office today and have to go back tomorrow. It’s difficult enough to go when you don’t have an anxiety disorder and/or PTSD but add one or both conditions it makes it that much more difficult.

As difficult as social security is for me to go to and to deal with them, dealing with the grief of my grandma being in hospice care is that much more difficult. Knowing my grandma is going to pass away sooner than later is painful and I don’t want that to happen yet I know it is a part of life. Death is painful to deal with yet when you are aware of someone about to pass away you tend to appreciate the person more as well as life in general.

Being more appreciative of my grandma now is a good thing and not taking her life for granted, I’m going to be visiting her. I’ll be taking some art supplies with me as well as music and books to keep me busy when my grandma sleeps. The art stuff I’ll be taking is collaging and coloring supplies as its the easy to travel with on the city bus and less messy for my grandparents home.

I should get going so I can go visit my grandma. I hope everyone has an awesome day. Peace Out, World

Nightmares Suck Sh*t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I woke up from a nightmare that ended up being a screaming nightmare. Screaming so loud my neighbors got worried and called the police. The police came and did a welfare check on me. They showed up and I informed them of what happened and they left.

Since they left I’ve been reading. I have been reading a History text book as well as the fantasy novel I’ve been reading for a while now. I was hoping I could go back to sleep with the reading however I have been unable to do so. I am hoping that blogging would be helpful.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World

Thursday Morning Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As, I sit here I am struggling to write while listening to music. Music that is helping lessen my anxiety. Anxiety that is caused by the not so lovely PTSD. PTSD that is causing slight depression however I am using skills to fight it off. Mainly, I am reading (and blogging).

Something that I am looking forward to is that the Winter Olympics start today. I love how the Olympics bring the world together. I am not sure what event I am looking forward the most but am looking forward to it.

I think I’m going go and read now. Peace Out, World!!!

Experiences Have A Beginning & An End

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I’m feeling slightly calmer than I was an hour or two of ago. That is because I used the Calm app and did a few pages in my mindfulness workbook. It appears that todays topic in both avenues of my mindfulness was experiences have a beginning and an end. Mainly talking about letting go of emotions. Both the app and the workbook was discussing on how to let go of emotions and they don’t last forever. Even the good emotions.

This is helping me come to terms with both the negative and positive emotions that a coming up for me in my life. Such as my grandma being in hospice and me having job interviews. I’m hoping that with continued mindfulness and meditation practice that I will just be able to let go of emotions or at least be accepting of them.

Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful evening and Peace Out World!!!

Finding the Calm of the Night

Posted on by Gertie

Right now, I am having a rough go at it due a nightmare from PTSD and voices due to severe depression that is slowly getting better. So, I decided  to use a meditation and mindfulness app called; Calm. Using this app has proven quite helpful for me.

It’s helps me so much that Junior thought he would give it a try. In fact he finds it quite helpful as well. He even uses it after each call at work. As I mentioned in other post, Junior is firefighter and after he get back to the station after each run he uses the Calm app to help him regain composure.

I guess what I am saying is that I have found something that helps me with my recovery and helps those I care about be the best they can be on their jobs. As I informed you in earlier post this week I am finding and using things that will be helpful for my recovery.

Now on to trying to get some sleep after using that Calm app and blogging. I will also have some cuddling time as Junior goes to work later this morning. Peace Out, World!!!

Halloween, 2017

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Halloween!!! It’s been a couple of days since my last post. Overall, today has been a good day despite a few set backs. Set backs I hope to talk to my therapist about tomorrow.

As many of you know, today is Halloween which means I dressed up in a costume. I don’t care what others thought of me as it is only one time of year. On that note, I went to see my psychiatric nurse practitioner today dressed as Eeyore. My psychiatric nurse practitioner was “impressed” that I had the “courage” to dress up. I don’t think it takes courage to dress up in a costume on Halloween. Anyway, my meds got changed slightly. One med got increased while my sleeping med got completely changed. Part of the reason he changed is because its a benzo and it can feed two birds with one grain. It can help me sleep as well as help with anxiety. Not sure if I like the idea as it is a benzo and my dad was addicted to benzo’s  when I was a kid. But I am willing to give it a try. Worse case scenario, it doesn’t work and I get put back on my other med.

Before I end this post, I am looking forward to attending a Halloween party with my partner that our friends are hosting. Junior is going as a Zombie. Don’t ask me why but he is. For him that an easy costume so I guess that’s why he is going as a Zombie. We are both looking forward to spending time with each other and our friends. I am having some anxiety about attending the party however getting out and not isolating with be helpful to me.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you all have a great rest of your Halloween. Please stay safe. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It’s that time of the week where I check-in with you, my reader. As some of you may know, this past week has been dragging on for me. As you may not know its been a week of high anxiety for me. Anxiety that is most likely due to the recent trauma I experienced.

Anxiety that was extremely high at times this week yet lessened by the things I did. One of the things I did throughout this week was art. I did a lot of art. The type of art I did this week was coloring and collaging. In fact I made an effort to do some art everyday this week as I missed attending Art Group on Monday. I really dislike when I miss any group and I feel like I need to figure out a way to attend Art Group every week or at least on a more regular basis. This is something to discuss with my therapist about.

Speaking of my therapist, I saw her this past week. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I was full of anxiety in during my session with my therapist. Anxiety that was (and is) trauma related. In fact the trauma is what was being discussed or at least how the recent trauma is affecting my life. Therapy is never easy and am grateful to be able to be in it as it’s helped me become a better person. A person in recovery.

A person in recovery that is now not a hundred percent afraid to discuss sexuality. In fact I am now attending a Healthy Sexuality Group. My case manager is one of the co-facilitators of the group. As difficult as the topic of sexuality is for me because of my trauma history, I am glad I’m in place where I able to discuss it. Not just in group but with my partner and close friends.

Since we are on the topic of groups, I also attended Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) group. As usual attending DBT group was quite helpful. It was helpful as it normally is. Yes, practicing the skills are difficult yet most of them have become second nature to me. Fortunately yet unfortunately, I have extra homework to do for DBT group. I have extra homework regarding self-validation because of the difficulties I have with validating myself. My therapist is in agreement with this. I may not want to do the homework for DBT group and/or my therapist regarding the self-validation, I realize it’s going to be helpful for me in in the long run.

Another thing that will be helpful for me is something regarding my blog. That is to start getting back in the regular habit blogging. Getting back in the habit of blogging will help me get back the structure I desperately need at the moment. The other reason why I’m attempting to get back in the habit of blogging is to keep you the reader interested in following my blog. One way of getting back in habit of blogging is something I started this week. That thing is I started a course that WordPress puts on for free. The course I am taking is Finding Everyday Inspiration. In fact my last three post were part of the course I am taking.

Before I end this post, I want to update you on my friend who was a victim in the Las Vegas shooting. They are still in critical condition but slowly improving. They are now breathing on their on. Something that myself and many others are thrilled about.

As, I end this post I want to thank you for reading my blog. I hope you all have a wonderful evening and a good rest of your weekend. Peace Out!!!

 

Having A Rough Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It’s almost two o’clock in the morning in my neck of the woods and am having a rough night. Right now, I’m by myself as Junior is working his shift. I’m okay with that. It’s just difficult because I’m having a rough night. There is only so much art work you can do in a given day. In fact I’ve been doing some form of art since my last post, yesterday evening. Yes, I have attempted to sleep however it’s been difficult to do so which is why I’ve been doing art work most of the night.

As much as I love being able to do art, however it was starting to get difficult to be creative with it. That’s when I decided to make a decision to blog which led me to make yet another decision to what free course I’m going to take through WordPress. I decided I’m going take the Everyday Inspiration course. I’ll either begin the course later on today or sometime tomorrow as I don’t want to overload you with too many post. After the Everyday Inspiration course, I plan on taking the Intro to Poetry course. I’m planning to doing this way as the Everyday Inspiration course is twenty days and the Intro to Poetry course is ten days. That equals to thirty days and I heard that it takes thirty days to create a habit.

Blogging isn’t the only habit I attempting to do. The other habit is doing some form of mindfulness and meditation everyday. So far it’s helping with my anxiety and PTSD. I’m hoping to tell you more about this at a later time.

I’m saying a later time because it’s now 2:09 in the morning and even though I’m having a rough night I want attempt to sleep. I hope everyone has a good rest of their day. Peace out, world!!!