Tag Archives: Job

Sort of; Kind of; Attempting to Be Recovery Minded; but Maybe Not; You Read to Figure Out What I’m Going to Say

Posted on by Gertie

I am having difficult time writing this particular post for unknown reasons. Or at least reasons that I truthfully don’t want to share however I know if I do share then maybe just maybe my words can help someone.

Right now I feel like my world is ending and I have no hope in sight despite the fact that I have people who love and care about me. Not many people realize this but my depression symptoms are starting to increase now that I don’t have a job to go to. This is why I was so worried about making the decision about resigning from my beloved job as peer specialist. I also know that I made the decision with the help of others because, I need to focus on my own recovery. Resigning from a job I love with a passion was the most difficult decisions I made because I knew if I didn’t I would be soon in an extremely bad space soon.  I need to focus on my recovery right now so when I am in a space I can go back to work I will be able to do so but I will be a stronger person out of it.  And maybe a job that more suited for me.

In the midst of dealing with the recent job loss due to me resigning from it, I have gotten a new therapist. I think I’m going to like her. I feel like it went off really well despite some awkward moments. I hope she can pick up on the shit the Diana did and use the humor and sarcasm that both Diana  and her supervisor both used with me before they left the agency. My new therapist has some pretty big shoes to fill and I know that is expecting too much. She seems nice enough. I just hope the she is able to pick up on the little stuff. Stuff my last two therapist pick up on quite quickly.

Speaking picking up on something quickly, my case manager picked up on some body language and brought up to me. She wanted to know what was going on. I of coursed informed her of what was going on. She stated she was “happy that you allowed yourself to be vulnerable to me.” I’m really starting to trust my case manager. She is even coloring with me in our sessions together.

I’m thinking that I should end this post for now so I can figure out what I want to say or maybe just leave it as is. It’s ending on a positive note.  PEACE OUT!!!

Making Life Decisions in a Crisis

Posted on by Gertie

The last few months have been a struggle for me. A struggle that has been more or less a constant crisis for me. Being in a constant crisis and not being able to  bounce back like I have been able to do in recent years.

Not being able to bounce back as quickly as I have been able to do as in recent years got me to thinking about my recovery. I realized as I was thinking that not being able to focus on my recovery due to working fulltime under a supervisor who would not allow me to take time off for appointments with my treatment team that I needed to make a huge life decision. A decision that was not easy for me to make but I needed make it as I need to focus on my recovery. That decision was to resign from my position as a Peer Specialist.

I put in my notice on Valentines Day and my supervisor wasn’t exactly the happiest of people at the moment. He didn’t want to go through the hiring process again which I wouldn’t want to do either however I feel like my recovery is more important than sticking at a job that was hindering my recovery. Yes, I love my job with a passion and really don’t want to quit but I realize that I am doing a disservice to the clients I serve if I am in a constant crisis and not focusing on my own recovery. One of my primary job duties is to be in recovery and well its a little wobbly at the moment I need to do what is best for both the clients I serve and myself and focus on my recovery. So, my last day at a job I love with a passion with be on March 24, 2017.

I know resigning from my job is the best decision for me at the moment. I can’t help others if I’m not able to help myself. As difficult as this decision was for me, I am at peace with my decision. In all honesty I can’t help but see the dialectics in my decision of resigning from my job. I think its because of both the dialectics and mindfulness is why I am at peace with my decision of quitting a job I love with a passion. My recovery is way too important.

I appreciate you all for reading. I hope to continue to share with you my journey of recovery with a mental health condition. I hope to continue to be an example of what recovery looks like. Thank you all again for reading. Have a wonderful weekend. Peace Out!!!

New Years Eve 2016

Posted on by Gertie

As I sit here at my laptop, I realize it is now 2017 in most of the world. Well, in my neck of the woods, it is still 2016.

As 2016 comes to an end, I am not sure what to think of how this year was. It has been a year of both trials and triumphs. Some of my trials have been quite sad as my triumphs have been quite joyous.

Lets start off with the trials, I have dealt with this year. At the start of 2016 I was dealing with the one year anniversary of my the loss of my second set of twins due to a miscarriage. Dealing with the grief of loosing a second miscarriage has been quite difficult and as any parent knows loosing a child is the most difficult thing a person can deal with. Little did I know at the beginning of the year an on how much grief and loss I would be dealing with. In October I lost three clients and a colleague which hit me quite hard. It hit me hard because the deaths happened within a month of the third anniversary of the loss of my first set of twins due to miscarriage. Due to the grief I was dealing I ended up in crisis mode and landed in the hospital for psych reasons. Shortly after I got out of the hospital I found out that my therapist of eight years, Diana, was in the hospital with the dreaded diagnosis of cancer and won’t be coming back. Yes, that means I will be getting a new therapist and will talk about her at a later date.

Now on my triumphs of 2016, which I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for Diana’s help with my recovery. I finally got a job as Peer Specialist and a plus is that it being a fulltime position. If it weren’t for all the help Diana gave me I wouldn’t be working as a Peer much less working fulltime. As much as I struggled this year with grief, work fulltime as Peer is well worth it. I hope that with me continuing being employed as a Peer gives Diana some encouragement that she played a major role in my current position.

I know realistically, Diana is probably not reading this as she is dealing with a cancer diagnosis and getting treatment for it as well as raising a family, I want to thank her for everything she has done for me. Diana, if you are reading, Thank You from the bottom of my heart for helping me with my recovery. Just know a lot of people who are in my corner know how much you have helped me with my recovery and are keeping you in their thoughts and prayers. I hope someday you can be my therapist again.

There is roughly twenty-five minutes left of 2016. I hope everyone has a Happy New Year. Have a good New Year and hope to see you in the New Year.

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It’s hard to put a word or an emotion on how this week has been. I just know that this week has made me realize that I am where I am suppose to be in my life in regards to my career and place of employment.

This past week at work has been a week of accomplishments for me. On Tuesday, September 20th, myself and the two other members of my team at work found out that we are receiving the team of the year award. Apparently, we had more than one colleague nominate us for the team of the year award according to our supervisor. We will be receiving the Team of the Year Award at a breakfast we have once a year for our donors in a couple of weeks. The funny things I found all this out the day before my six month anniversary in my current position as a Peer Specialist. That means my six month anniversary was on Wednesday, September 21st. Hitting the sixth month mark at my employer is a major deal because your first six months is the probationary period. I am not sure if I “passed” my probationary period but I’m sure if I didn’t I would have been informed by my supervisor by now.  I love my job.

The love of my job brings me to the next topic of conversation of education. I have been thinking a great deal about going back to school to get a degree even if it is only an Associates degree. I finally made the decision this past week that I will be going back to school in September 2017 and what educational route I would take.  I plan on getting both my Associates Degree and Bachelors Degree at a local community college. Granted the Bachelors Degree isn’t a Bachelors of Social Work/Welfare degree but I can always get a MSW later on. So the educational path I am taking is getting an Associates of Applied Science in Social and Human Services with a certificate in Child & Family Studies and then get my Bachelors of Applied Science in Applied Behavior Science. I am going this route because 1) its cheaper because both degrees are at a community college and 2) I don’t know how realistic it is for me be able to get  a MSW. Yes, a MSW is something to aim for and is the goal I am shooting for but at this point in time I need focus on the smaller goals first to get to the big goal.

At this point in time, I realize that will need to not only focus on the big goal of getting a MSW but really need to focus on the smaller goals to get me there. I realize that in the coming months I will need to have something to focus on for a multitude of reasons. The reasons why I need to focus on my goals are as follows: 1) My depression tends reappear later on in the Autumn, 2) November 18th marks the third anniversary of me miscarrying my first set of twins, 3) the holidays are coming and is time where my depression not only acts up but my PTSD as well and 4) January 12th (2017) will be the second anniversary of me miscarrying my second set of twins. As you can see, I will need to have something to focus on. If I can focus on my goals then maybe the coming moths will not be so difficult for me. I hope to share with you my goals that I need to focus on between now and September of 2017 in regards to getting ready to attending school once again in another post.

On that note, I will need to end this post for now. Have a great weekend and Peace Out!!!

Two Years Since My Career in Mental Health Began

Posted on by Gertie

As I look back over the last two years its hard to wrap my head around that I have been working in the mental health field for two years today. Little did I know two years ago that I would be promoted to Peer Specialist within a year and a half of being hired as a Consumer Aide.

When I started the Consumer Aide position, I thought to myself, “I will be in this position for two years and then start applying for a part time Peer Specialist position.” I just didn’t realize that in the midst of planning out my future I would have a crisis that would leave me in despair. A despair that would leave me thinking about other things and then a major refocus on life. A refocus that got me to apply for my current position as a full time Peer Specialist with my employer. I never would have thought I would be working full time as Peer Specialist or at least at the beginning of my career as a Peer Specialist.

Becoming a Peer Specialist at the agency that ultimately gave me my start in the mental health field is in honor. My employer first gave me my start when I was a volunteer as meal assistant in a housing program and then was I asked is I wanted to volunteer in their main shelter as a coffee counter assistant. I of course jumped at that opportunity not realizing that it would actually get me a paying job within the agency.

I was informed by an employee of the main shelter that there was an opening for the Consumer Aide position I was hesitant to apply for it. Mainly, for the fact that I seemed overqualified for it and I had applied for multiple Peer Specialist positions waiting to see if I would get a job as a Peer. I got a lot of interviews but not any jobs. So I finally gave in and applied of the job as a Consumer Aide. I got the job as a Consumer Aide even though I was overqualified for it. Despite being overqualified for the job I am glad I got it because it helped me get my promotion as a Peer Specialist. If it wasn’t for me already being employed with the agency my supervisor would have gone with someone else.

Long story short, it never hurts to start at job that might be “beneath” you because it can actually give you the start in your career that you need. I was patient and determined to get a job as a Peer Specialist and was humbled many times before I got my job as a Peer Specialist. I am beyond grateful that my previous position as a Consumer Aide is what got me promoted to a Peer Specialist.

I want to thank you for reading. I have to get ready for work now. I hope you all have a nice day. Thank you for reading. Peace Out!!

Two Years Since I Said Goodbye to One Career

Posted on by Gertie

It is difficult to wrap my head around that two years ago today, I was getting ready for my last day of work at as a courtesy clerk (bagger) at a national grocery store chain. In the last two years a great deal has happened both personally and professionally.

If you haven’t been reading my blog for long, I use to work as a courtesy clerk (bagger) at a grocery store. I was employed with this grocery store before finally getting a job at my current employer. See, I had been applying for Peer Specialist jobs and kept getting interviews but not jobs. So, I decided to apply for the Consumer Aide position at my current employer even though I knew I was overqualified for the position. I ended up getting the job for the Consumer Aide position despite being overqualified for it. The main reason I was offered the job was because the job position had been opened for quite some time and my employer need to fill it. I of course took the position because I knew it would give me the “paid experience” other agencies were desiring for me to have for a Peer Specialist position. It just so happened that I made the right decision with applying for and accepting the job as a Consumer Aide because it ultimately helped me get into my current position as Peer Specialist. In fact, the Peer Specialist position for me ended up being a promotion for me because I got hired within the agency I was already working for as a Consumer Aide.

I hope this particular post gives people hope that with hard work and determination that all things are possible. I also hope that this post gives my new readers and/or followers some background on how I got into my current position. I hope to post more about it in the next couple of day to couple of weeks. I appreciate all my regular readers and followers for reading. Thank you for reading everyone and peace out.

Happy Labor Day

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Labor Day!!! It is Labor Day here in the United States. While Labor Day is now a three day weekend for many people, many others still have to work. Here is a link to a USA Today news article about how Labor Day got its start: http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2016/09/04/labor-day-history/89826440/.

This Labor Day weekend Junior and I have pretty much been laying low and staying home. Or at least not really going any where more than five miles away from home. Our goal for this weekend is to spend quality time together without spending much money and to avoid crowds as much as possible with one exception. We  did attend a college football game and I am happy to say that the team Junior and myself were rooting for won by a landslide. And yes the team we saw play is less the five miles away from home.

It’s been nice just staying home and do nothing. Most importantly its been nice to spend time with  Junior. As I look back on the 11 1/2 years of working this is the first Labor Day I have had off and am taking advantage of it by being with the man I love.

I don’t have much more to talk about. I hope you all enjoy your Labor Day. Don’t forget to thank those who are working today. Have a good day off if you have today off. Peace Out, everyone!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!! It’s that time of week again. The time when I do my weekly check-in. Saturday mornings seem to work for me in regards to doing my weekly check-ins. I hope that weekly check-ins can become a part of my Saturday morning routine like Saturday morning cartoons and a big bowl of cereal were when I was a child.

The last week has been an uncomfortable one for me. Or at least it has been uncomfortable for me at work. There was a “staff retreat” at work and the Peers were invited. Which, I was happy about. I was then approached by a case manager (who was a peer at one time) and a supervisor. I was asked by both of them if I would be willing to co-present Wellness Recovery Action Plan (WRAP) with the case manager. I opened my big mouth and said yes. I am NOT a big fan of public speaking or at least I don’t like to publically speak. Thankfully, my supervisor was not present for the retreat. Unfortunately for  me he heard through the grape vine on “how well” I did presenting the WRAP and wants me to start presenting more. He also wants me to start up a group sooner than later. He “likes” the fact that I’ve already have it “in the works.” Meaning that I have a case manager who will co-facilitate with me, a name for the group and what the group focus will be on.

The group focus will be for those who struggle with self harm. It will be half process group and half coping skills group. I worry on how well I will do co-facilitating a group. Partly because of the public speaking aspect of it. My supervisor likes the idea that the group will be focused on self harm because many agencies including mine don’t have groups specifically geared toward self harm and processing with learning skills. Many groups that have a focus on self harm are skills based without the processing part. My supervisor is “for” my group because it is both processing and skills based which is something that is needed for those who struggle with self harm. Being able to process and learn new skill is needed because it helps with recovery.

Recovery is not easy. I know in terms for my own recovery, I need to process stuff. Processing things is not easy. I know for me processing both the trauma I have experienced as well as the miscarriages has been quite helpful for me despite it being difficult. Even though processing is difficult, I wouldn’t be in recovery without processing stuff that has been hard to deal with throughout my life.

Overall my life has been going well. Yes, I have had some severe anxiety lately but I have been able to use my skills to help me through. Skills and my wonderful support system have helped me.

On that note, I would like to thank you for reading my blog. I hope that all  my blog is helpful to you all in some one or another. Have a wonderful day  and peace out!!

Ass+U+Me=Assume

Posted on by Gertie

I don’t really know where to begin. After doing a (scheduled) phone “check-in” with my therapist, I realized that I have some built up emotions. For example, my therapist sounded a lil surprised that I prefer the pronouns, they/them and not she/her. Its never been an issue until recently.

It hasn’t been an issue until recently due to colleagues making assumptions of me. Assumptions that are getting to me. For instance, I talk a great deal about my fiancé, Junior a great deal and have accidently said boyfriend. When they hear boyfriend most of my colleagues assume that I am straight. Well, I am not straight. I am pansexual. There are quite  a few of other assumptions that I can share but I won’t for a multitude of reasons.

I realize that maybe I should start “correcting” people on their assumptions and especially the pronouns but sometimes its not worth it for me. Its not worth it because, I have come to accept that even if I do “correct” people they won’t always remember or won’t accept my preferred  pronouns. For me self acceptance is more important than acceptance of others. I say this because others are more likely to accept you if you accept yourself.

I appreciate the time you took to read my blog. I hope to have an honest, respectful and open dialog on the issue of pronouns. Again, thank you for reading. Peace Out!!

Once Again, I’m On My Oh So Lovely Soap Box

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!! It’s another relaxing Sunday afternoon in my neck of the woods. As I was sitting on my couch relaxing, I was thinking about the many types of discrimination a person can experience. One of which is economical class discrimination.

There isn’t a day that I don’t think about economical class and discrimination especially when it comes discrimination toward low income individuals. I think about this daily for many reasons. One of which, is I recently experienced it recently, again.

Let me explain my most recent experience in economical class discrimination. I had to call the fine folks who run the city bus system to see where the bus was due to the fact that it had not arrived yet. I called on my basic touch phone which appears to be a smart phone but isn’t. When the fine folks on the other end finally picked up I had an extremely irritating conversation. The woman on the other end mentioned about getting the one bus away app. I had informed her that not everyone has the luxury of owning a smart phone due to finance’s. (This is the point in the conversation that gets quite infuriating.) The woman on the other end informed me that I needed to “learn how to budget.” The thought going through my head was; excuse me, I just didn’t fucking hear that or did I. End stead of say this, I asked for the supervisor and her response was, “I am the supervisor.” At this point, I hung up due to the fact I chose not to get on my soap box with this individual because it appeared from my end she would not be able to grasp it the idea of what she just did was a form of discrimination against low income individuals such as myself. I, of course made an official complaint and much to my surprise it was taken care of.

Like I said earlier in this post that there is not a day where I don’t think about economical class and the discrimination one deals with when they are low income. The reason being is because I live in a subsidized housing building and work at a mental health agency that primarily deals with individuals that are homeless or formally homeless. It’s difficult for me to not, not see the disparity in being low income. It’s irritating as hell when I hear comments such as “you need to learn how to  budget” or “get a job” or “you’re not disabled so you shouldn’t be receiving disability” and so on. I can go on with all of the comments I have heard said to me or the clients I serve. I guess, I am just attempting to point out that when people discriminate against those who are low income they are discriminating against the following: people of color, people other ethnicities, elderly, immigrants, LGBTQ, gender, those with a criminal background and the disabled (which includes those of us who struggle with a mental illness). (SIDE NOTE: I realize I may have missed other minority groups that are affected in low income and I apologize if I missed yours.) Discrimination of those who are low income means you are discriminating against them in another category as well.

As you can tell I get passionate about others being discriminated against. What people don’t realize is that being discriminated against because of your economical class is a very real issue and wish it was brought up more. I know its on the low end of the totem pole of issues that need to be brought up in whole grand scheme of things when it comes to discrimination but that is what I am brining it up in my blog. I am hoping that this entry can at least start a conversation about the topic.

I appreciate you reading my blog and hope that this entry does start a conversation. All I ask is that if you comment on this post that you are respectful. If I feel like you are not being respectful, I will not approve them. My blog, my rules. I just want the conversation to be started. Peace Out!!