Tag Archives: Sleep

Nightmare Suck

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is the middle of the night in Seattle and I am unable to sleep due to PTSD related nightmares. I, so wish I didn’t have to deal with nightmares especially PTSD related nightmares. Nightmares that really suck which is why I chose to read.

I chose to read to help distract myself. In fact, all the authors I chose to read; Stephen King. The book I am reading is Pet Cemetery. I haven’t gotten very far in the book. I am only about twenty pages in but so far so good. I figured if I am going have nightmares already, I might as well as have them on my terms.

Part of how I came to read Pet Cemetery is by practicing mindfulness meditation. I practice mindfulness meditation by using the Calm App. The Calm App is an awesome resource for mindfulness. I know that both the Calm App and mindfulness help me with my recovery.

Something that I am realizing is that I am hungry. I am really hoping it gets here soon. I ordered from a food delivery company. I ordered from McDonald’s. I am really wanting some fries and I hope they are not cold or stale.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

No Sleep = Middle of the Night Creativity & Learning about Tarot

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Middle of the night from Seattle. I’ve been spending some much needed time with my cat, Billie before being creative with diamond art and learning about Tarot Cards and reading about Tarot.

I first started with diamond art as I separated the small diamonds into separated containers so I can make sure they go to the right spot on the proper sticky paper to make it all pretty with a wonderful design. I am looking forward to starting to place the tiny pieces on the design.

The next thing I plan on doing is reading a Tarot book for beginners as I want to learn more about Tarot to help with my own recovery and helpfully help others with their recovery and/or future. The cool thing is that there is a work book for Tarot as well as a way to document what your readings are regarding your Tarot reading. Also there is a Tarot journal which is very cool.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Update From Last Blog Post

Posted on by Gertie

As I stated in my last blog post, I bought some drugs to help numb the pain of the trauma I experienced a couple of months ago. PTSD suck shit and so does depression. Sadly, I took the pills and they are not doing what I had hoped they would do. Which proves to me that the positive skills that I built over the years help much better that the stupid ass drugs. So no more drugs for me in pill form or in any form for that matter.

The one thing that really helps with my mental health symptoms is my cat, Billie. Billie gives me the unconditional love that I am in much need of. Cats as well as other pets know how to give unconditional love. I love my cat, Billie so very much and I am so grateful for him.

Speaking of love, I know that my friends and family love me. I may not always get along with my family but I know that they love me and support me the best they can. My friends love me as well and are my best support besides my cat being my best support. I love the fact that I have the support of my friends and family.

Lets not forget music and how it gives me a high that drugs do not give me the high. Music gives me great memories and memories to last a lifetime especially when I attend with friends. I also love playing my flute which gives me an amazing high.

Another type of creativity that gives me a good form of high is arts and crafts. As far as art goes, I do a lot of coloring and absolutely doing it. I am also learning how to do Diamond Art. So, far with Diamond Art, I have separated some items before starting the artwork of Diamond Art which I am cool with. As far as the crafting part, I am crossing stitching and am okay at it. I could do better at it but at least I am improving at it. As far as the Latch Hook part of the crafting, I am just learning how to do it and need a lot of work on it.

The one thing that helps me the most is mindfulness meditation through the Calm App. I also do mindfulness meditation with my cat when he is on my lap purring. Mindfulness Meditation helps starts my day properly as well as end it properly.

Something that I find helpful as of lately is learning about Tarot. I am learning about Tarot by reading, journaling, as well as attempting to read the Tarot Cards for myself and of course workbook. I hope that doing Tarot will help me with my recovery process.

Of course another thing that has proven helpful for my recovery is doing recovery type workbooks. Workbooks help me learn skills as well as build on skills I know that I can build on. Workbooks are very helpful for me.

I don””t have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom from my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

The Ups and Downs of Mental Health Challenges

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World from Seattle, Washington. I need to be upfront with you all and I think I have an addiction to some pills. Sadly, I gave money to a neighbor and didn’t get all the pills that I was promised. Honestly, I don’t want the pills as I don’t like how they make me feel. I do want the money back I gave to the neighbor. If he gives me the pills which I know he will, I will throw them down the toilet and inform my therapist. I think I started the pills because of a recent sexual assault that happened at the end of July of this year. I will be stopping the pills with the help of my friends and therapist.

On the plus note, I took this week off due to taking pills and didn’t want to get fired especially since I started the pills this week. I don’t want to lose my job as I love my job and the work I do. There are some other issues I am getting into trouble at work for but it has nothing to do with the pills and will discuss it at another time.

Something I have found helpful lately is doing mindfulness meditation practice. It gets me into a peaceful type of mind and more grounded. It also helps me do more journaling to process my emotions and feelings. It is helpful for my mental health recovery.

The thing that helps with ups regarding my mental health symptoms is art work. In fact coloring helps a great deal with lifting my mood as it brings up a positive mood. Another thing that I am learning is art wise Diamond Art. I am finding it fun and somewhat hitous because you have to sort some stuff out which is okay because I know it will come out beautiful.

I am also starting to do crafting projects. One I have done before and will start again and that is cross stitching. I find cross stitching fun. Another crafting that I am just starting out and having some challenges is Latch Hooking. I know I will get a hang of it once I practice more.

Another thing I need to not just practice more is to read more on Tarot. I feel like reading and practicing Tarot Cards will help me with my recovery journey. I am all for trying new things to help me with my recovery journey. Well, all except drugs and pills won’t be helpful with recovery. I do know everything mentioned in this blog post will be helpful for my recovery with the exception of drugs and pills.

I’m just really the person who I bought the pills from, that I get them so I can flush them down the toilet so I cannot have another issue on my already many issues with my mental health issues.

Thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sleepless Night For Me & Focusing on Recovery

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle. I am tired as hell as I haven’t received much sleep due to PTSD and Depression. First and foremost I want to say that I have been listening to a podcast about philosophy. The philosophy podcast I have been listening to is Philosophize This. I listened to about two episodes and learned a lot.

I of course read a book about Tarot focusing on those who are begging to learn about tarot. Not only are there books on Tarot but workbooks as well as journals. I am hoping that learning about Tarot can help me with my recovery process. I also hope to do tarot journals and workbooks it hopes to help with my recovery. With learning by reading about Tarot, I hope I can do some card reading on myself and be helpful to other people..

Something I can also do is focus on recovery focused workbooks that focus on mental health challenges and other issues such as eating disorders, self hare and substance use disorders. Workbooks have been quite helpful for me. For some people 12 step programs have been helpful.

Another thing that has been helpful for me is doing mindfulness meditation practice. I feel like practicing mindfulness meditation has been quite grounding for me especially for the challenging crap in my life.

So now to the next thing that will help me with my recovery or at least hopefully help me with my recovery. That is learning and practicing tarot cards. I plan on reading about tarot cards as well as practice tarot cards on myself to help with my own recovery. I als hope to use tarot cards to help with othe peoples recovery.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greaty appretiated from my end of things. Peace Out, World!!!

No Sleep For Me; Time to Use Skills

Posted on by Gertie

As of starting this particular blog post it is 12:34 in morning Seattle time. It is currently raining quite hard once again which is nothing new this time of year in Seattle. My insomnia suck shit right now because of PTSD and Depression. I really dislike having mental health challenges. Right now I am going to start using a skill that helps me ground myself so I can do my other skills a bit easier.

I will start with doing two mindfulness meditation practices to put me into a good head space or a head space that will have me make wise mind decisions. Another thing I will do is read a couple of sacred writings from Buddhism scripture. Mindfulness meditation and Buddhism is quite helpful for my mental health recovery.

Another thing I will do is finish reading a book about Tarot for beginners. It is an easy book to read. I will also read the tiny books that come with the tarot cards to help see if I can learn anything more, before I do my first tarot reading on myself. I also plan to journal about the tarot reading and documenting the cards that were chosen. I will also attempt to do a tarot workbook but not sure if I will do that but hope I can do it.

One last thing I plan to do is a workbook that focuses on my mental health recovery. I feel like needing to do recovery workbooks for my mental health challenges will be helpful for my recovery and be helpful with my work with my therapist. I do have to say I have an amazing therapist. Of course my cat will be helpful with helping me with my depression and my PTSD.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read on my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Looking to do Coping Skills Due to Struggling

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World from Seattle. I am struggling with depression and PTSD at the current moment. I know I need to eat which I plan on doing so. I also need to go home and cuddle with my beloved cat, Billie Boy. I so love my Billie and the unconditional love he gives me. I also need to do a brief check in with my therapist which always helps. When I get home, I will cuddle with my cat Billie and then eat some dinner. I love the unconditional love Billie gives me. I love my cat so very much.

Middle of the Night Ramblings & Some Frustrations

Posted on by Gertie

Good middle of the night from Seattle. I am tired as fucking hell. I sadly, woke up from a horrific nightmare that included body memories. PTSD and depression are no joke and I am grateful to both my friends and the mental health treatment team. I am also grateful for my cat who is very helpful. My family has been helpful even though they are not aware of my most recent trauma.

Despite not being able to sleep due to PTSD and insomnia, I am a little peeved with Amazon as some of my items that I ordered have not arrived . Amazon informed me that I have to wait three business days which sucks shit but oh well, it is stuff I need to clean my apartment. On another note some of the stuff that is late is stuff that will help me with my coping skills regarding the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. Amazon can be clueless at times but at least they are quick on delivering books.

As far as Amazon goes, I am waiting on a multitude of different types of creative outlets for me to do. I am gong to try embroidery. I don’t think it is not all that different from cross stitching but still willing to give it a try. Sadly the embroidery and cross stitching is delayed by Amazon which sucks shit. At least on the plus side some of some of my diamond art is being sent but not all of it. I did get a couple of cross stitching things but now all that I ordered like everything else I ordered.

Now on to my work. I missed yesterday due to some PTSD and depression issues which sucks. Having a mental health challenge sucks especially when it affects your work. In fact I will be missing my job later today when it is not in the middle of the night. I really do love my job.

I am planning on hanging out with family for some breakfast and friends for food. I love hanging out with people especially when food is involved.

Thank you for reading Peace Out, World and have a good rest of you night.

A Mixture of Middle of the Night Emotions & Ideas

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle and it is still the middle of the middle of the night here in Seattle. In fact as I write this blog, my cat Billie is purring on my lap. I am technically on crisis coverage till eight in the morning Seattle time and will complete my crisis coverage.

On that note there is a family emergency regarding my grandpa and thankfully my uncle is taking care of it till I am off of crisis coverage at eight o’clock this morning Seattle time. I did let the appropriate people know at work about it however I totally remembered I can deal with my family emergency while finishing up my much needed notes. I will send the email about catching up on notes while helping my grandpa once I know my supervisors are awake and aware of the situation regarding my grandpa. Either way I most like will do my notes, I just want to be able to get paid for them but like I mentioned before I want to make sure the supervisors are made aware that I will being finishing my crisis coverage shift and missing my regular shift and will bring up the idea of seeing if I can get paid catching up on notes while dealing my grandpa’s emergency. I am so grateful that my uncle is currently dealing with my grandpa’s emergency as I am crisis coverage for work right now.

Right now, I am struggling with some intense emotions regarding my mental health challenges. Specifically my depression and PTSD which both suck shit.Since doing mindfulness meditation appears to help my mental health symptom help a great deal, it is one of the skills I go to first. The next thing I plan on doing is doing something creative. I plan on doing both arts at crafts. The art I plan on doing is art work by coloring and doing diamond art. When it comes to diamond art I will have to sort some stuff out which is cool. As far as crafting goes, I will be doing some cross stitching. I love being able to use my self care to help with my recovery.

I just hope when I email my supervisors again later that they will allow me to work on my notes and still get paid for it as help my grandpa with his emergency. My work is not one hundred okay with me right now but that is okay as I know I am doing the best I can. At least they treat me with respect.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. If it was not for you reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Struggling Through My Work Day With Self Care

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World from the wonderful city of Seattle. As I am starting this particular blog post, I am technically on my regular work shift and I am supposed to be working from home doing notes. I did do some notes but still need to work on them. Sadly, I have been dissociating which suck shit. To make matters slightly worse I am on crisis coverage till eight in the morning till tomorrow. I am knocking on wood that I don’t get any crisis calls especially since I had to take some of my anti-anxiety meds to help. Having taking mdeds for anxiety while on shift is not always a good thing.

On a plus not only I ordered some Taco Bell via Grub Hub to help make sure I have something in my stomach to help make good decisions for clients that I help can to the best of my ability. In fact my Taco Bell from Grubhub just arrived. Be back in a few minutes to add more to this blog post.

The food helped a great deal and am grateful for the food. I am now on to doing some mindfulness meditation to help for the work day as well as being a crisis coverage. I really hope I don’t get any crisis calls tonight.

Working is somewhat helpful with the PTSD, Depression and Anxiety but other stuff helps like mindfulness meditation and something creative such as art work by coloring and doing diamond work. I love being able to do creative things regarding my recovery and work.

I am have some issues at work but I am dealing with them with the help of my union and my therapist. I think it is now some time to read a comic book or two to help calm my mind down.

Thank you fore reading bly blog..