Tag Archives: Trauma

Unable to Sleep & Reading About Tarot

Posted on by Gertie

Well, I guess I can wish you a good morning since it is te middle of the night Seattle time. I mentioned in my last blog post that I would be doing some art work and crafting as well as learning about Tarot Cards. Well, I decided to not do the creative part of my plan of doing art by diamond art as well as crafting by doing latch hook and cross stitching.

Since I didn’t do the creative plan of my plan, I decided to do some education on Tarot Cards. I read most of the books about Tarot and find it an easy read. I hope that once I am done with the book that I can do the workbook so I can be ready to read my own tarot reading and document them in the tarot journals with what the reading is

I am doing the Tarot thing because I feel like it can help me with my mental health recovery. To me, anything I can try to help with my recovery can never hurt as my recovery means the world to me. I am hoping that I can start reading tarot on myself and then efficiency on my friends.

Of course as I read and wrote this blog my cat, Billie cuddled up with me. I love it when Billie cuddles up with me. I love him so much and I love the fact that he loves me unconditionally.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Update From Last Blog Post

Posted on by Gertie

As I stated in my last blog post, I bought some drugs to help numb the pain of the trauma I experienced a couple of months ago. PTSD suck shit and so does depression. Sadly, I took the pills and they are not doing what I had hoped they would do. Which proves to me that the positive skills that I built over the years help much better that the stupid ass drugs. So no more drugs for me in pill form or in any form for that matter.

The one thing that really helps with my mental health symptoms is my cat, Billie. Billie gives me the unconditional love that I am in much need of. Cats as well as other pets know how to give unconditional love. I love my cat, Billie so very much and I am so grateful for him.

Speaking of love, I know that my friends and family love me. I may not always get along with my family but I know that they love me and support me the best they can. My friends love me as well and are my best support besides my cat being my best support. I love the fact that I have the support of my friends and family.

Lets not forget music and how it gives me a high that drugs do not give me the high. Music gives me great memories and memories to last a lifetime especially when I attend with friends. I also love playing my flute which gives me an amazing high.

Another type of creativity that gives me a good form of high is arts and crafts. As far as art goes, I do a lot of coloring and absolutely doing it. I am also learning how to do Diamond Art. So, far with Diamond Art, I have separated some items before starting the artwork of Diamond Art which I am cool with. As far as the crafting part, I am crossing stitching and am okay at it. I could do better at it but at least I am improving at it. As far as the Latch Hook part of the crafting, I am just learning how to do it and need a lot of work on it.

The one thing that helps me the most is mindfulness meditation through the Calm App. I also do mindfulness meditation with my cat when he is on my lap purring. Mindfulness Meditation helps starts my day properly as well as end it properly.

Something that I find helpful as of lately is learning about Tarot. I am learning about Tarot by reading, journaling, as well as attempting to read the Tarot Cards for myself and of course workbook. I hope that doing Tarot will help me with my recovery process.

Of course another thing that has proven helpful for my recovery is doing recovery type workbooks. Workbooks help me learn skills as well as build on skills I know that I can build on. Workbooks are very helpful for me.

I don””t have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom from my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sleepless Night For Me & Focusing on Recovery

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle. I am tired as hell as I haven’t received much sleep due to PTSD and Depression. First and foremost I want to say that I have been listening to a podcast about philosophy. The philosophy podcast I have been listening to is Philosophize This. I listened to about two episodes and learned a lot.

I of course read a book about Tarot focusing on those who are begging to learn about tarot. Not only are there books on Tarot but workbooks as well as journals. I am hoping that learning about Tarot can help me with my recovery process. I also hope to do tarot journals and workbooks it hopes to help with my recovery. With learning by reading about Tarot, I hope I can do some card reading on myself and be helpful to other people..

Something I can also do is focus on recovery focused workbooks that focus on mental health challenges and other issues such as eating disorders, self hare and substance use disorders. Workbooks have been quite helpful for me. For some people 12 step programs have been helpful.

Another thing that has been helpful for me is doing mindfulness meditation practice. I feel like practicing mindfulness meditation has been quite grounding for me especially for the challenging crap in my life.

So now to the next thing that will help me with my recovery or at least hopefully help me with my recovery. That is learning and practicing tarot cards. I plan on reading about tarot cards as well as practice tarot cards on myself to help with my own recovery. I als hope to use tarot cards to help with othe peoples recovery.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greaty appretiated from my end of things. Peace Out, World!!!

No Sleep For Me; Time to Use Skills

Posted on by Gertie

As of starting this particular blog post it is 12:34 in morning Seattle time. It is currently raining quite hard once again which is nothing new this time of year in Seattle. My insomnia suck shit right now because of PTSD and Depression. I really dislike having mental health challenges. Right now I am going to start using a skill that helps me ground myself so I can do my other skills a bit easier.

I will start with doing two mindfulness meditation practices to put me into a good head space or a head space that will have me make wise mind decisions. Another thing I will do is read a couple of sacred writings from Buddhism scripture. Mindfulness meditation and Buddhism is quite helpful for my mental health recovery.

Another thing I will do is finish reading a book about Tarot for beginners. It is an easy book to read. I will also read the tiny books that come with the tarot cards to help see if I can learn anything more, before I do my first tarot reading on myself. I also plan to journal about the tarot reading and documenting the cards that were chosen. I will also attempt to do a tarot workbook but not sure if I will do that but hope I can do it.

One last thing I plan to do is a workbook that focuses on my mental health recovery. I feel like needing to do recovery workbooks for my mental health challenges will be helpful for my recovery and be helpful with my work with my therapist. I do have to say I have an amazing therapist. Of course my cat will be helpful with helping me with my depression and my PTSD.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read on my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Looking to do Coping Skills Due to Struggling

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World from Seattle. I am struggling with depression and PTSD at the current moment. I know I need to eat which I plan on doing so. I also need to go home and cuddle with my beloved cat, Billie Boy. I so love my Billie and the unconditional love he gives me. I also need to do a brief check in with my therapist which always helps. When I get home, I will cuddle with my cat Billie and then eat some dinner. I love the unconditional love Billie gives me. I love my cat so very much.

Noon Time Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World from Seattle. It is officially twelve noon here in Seattle. I have a lot on my mind. Mostly good stuff but lets start with the not good stuff. I went to work on Sunday and it went well. Sadly, I did not go to work on Monday, today (Tuesday) nor will I be going tomorrow as my mental health challenges are acting up. I am only going on Thursday as I have to do a Correction Action Plan also know as a CAP and I want to make sure I attend as I don’t want my supervisor to think I am avoiding it even though I think it is not needed for various reasons I rather not discuss right now. I do plan on working on some notes that need to be done by the end of September and I know I will get paid for it.

My depression and PTSD is acting up so I started my day doing mindfulness meditation practice with the Calm App as well as cuddling with my beloved cat, Billie. Billie is a great way to do mindfulness meditation practices.

Since my PTSD symptoms are acting extremely badly by dissociation and flashbacks as well as having my depression acting up, I plan on doing some self care acts like mindfulness meditation. I plan on doing some art work by coloring and doing diamond art. I am also planning on crafting by doing Latch Hook and Cross Stitching. I am also planning on outreaching friends and family just to contact other people in my world.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!

Middle of the Night Ramblings & Some Frustrations

Posted on by Gertie

Good middle of the night from Seattle. I am tired as fucking hell. I sadly, woke up from a horrific nightmare that included body memories. PTSD and depression are no joke and I am grateful to both my friends and the mental health treatment team. I am also grateful for my cat who is very helpful. My family has been helpful even though they are not aware of my most recent trauma.

Despite not being able to sleep due to PTSD and insomnia, I am a little peeved with Amazon as some of my items that I ordered have not arrived . Amazon informed me that I have to wait three business days which sucks shit but oh well, it is stuff I need to clean my apartment. On another note some of the stuff that is late is stuff that will help me with my coping skills regarding the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. Amazon can be clueless at times but at least they are quick on delivering books.

As far as Amazon goes, I am waiting on a multitude of different types of creative outlets for me to do. I am gong to try embroidery. I don’t think it is not all that different from cross stitching but still willing to give it a try. Sadly the embroidery and cross stitching is delayed by Amazon which sucks shit. At least on the plus side some of some of my diamond art is being sent but not all of it. I did get a couple of cross stitching things but now all that I ordered like everything else I ordered.

Now on to my work. I missed yesterday due to some PTSD and depression issues which sucks. Having a mental health challenge sucks especially when it affects your work. In fact I will be missing my job later today when it is not in the middle of the night. I really do love my job.

I am planning on hanging out with family for some breakfast and friends for food. I love hanging out with people especially when food is involved.

Thank you for reading Peace Out, World and have a good rest of you night.

A Mixture of Middle of the Night Emotions & Ideas

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle and it is still the middle of the middle of the night here in Seattle. In fact as I write this blog, my cat Billie is purring on my lap. I am technically on crisis coverage till eight in the morning Seattle time and will complete my crisis coverage.

On that note there is a family emergency regarding my grandpa and thankfully my uncle is taking care of it till I am off of crisis coverage at eight o’clock this morning Seattle time. I did let the appropriate people know at work about it however I totally remembered I can deal with my family emergency while finishing up my much needed notes. I will send the email about catching up on notes while helping my grandpa once I know my supervisors are awake and aware of the situation regarding my grandpa. Either way I most like will do my notes, I just want to be able to get paid for them but like I mentioned before I want to make sure the supervisors are made aware that I will being finishing my crisis coverage shift and missing my regular shift and will bring up the idea of seeing if I can get paid catching up on notes while dealing my grandpa’s emergency. I am so grateful that my uncle is currently dealing with my grandpa’s emergency as I am crisis coverage for work right now.

Right now, I am struggling with some intense emotions regarding my mental health challenges. Specifically my depression and PTSD which both suck shit.Since doing mindfulness meditation appears to help my mental health symptom help a great deal, it is one of the skills I go to first. The next thing I plan on doing is doing something creative. I plan on doing both arts at crafts. The art I plan on doing is art work by coloring and doing diamond art. When it comes to diamond art I will have to sort some stuff out which is cool. As far as crafting goes, I will be doing some cross stitching. I love being able to use my self care to help with my recovery.

I just hope when I email my supervisors again later that they will allow me to work on my notes and still get paid for it as help my grandpa with his emergency. My work is not one hundred okay with me right now but that is okay as I know I am doing the best I can. At least they treat me with respect.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. If it was not for you reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Still No Sleep for Me

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from my corner of the world known as Seattle, Washington. Tonight I am on crisis coverage for work but thankfully, most if not all the calls happened earlier in the evening as well as earlier in the middle of the night. It is still the middle of the night here in Seattle and I am unable to sleep. If I can get to sleep it’s a light sleep or a sleep that wakes me up from a nightmare where I am crying, paralyzed from the body memories and scared shitless.

Honestly, part of me is glad I am on crisis coverage tonight for work but I am also thrilled that the calls have subsided a lot so I can refocus. Now lets hope I am not sticking my foot in my mouth and I get a shit ton of calls from clients and/or social workers from hospitals.

On a good note that is not too surprising Billie has been keeping company and giving me his undivided attention and of course his unconditional love. I love my Billie so very much and how he knows when I need the extra attention and love even when I can tell when he would rather have his own space. My cat truly knows how to take care of me and I hope he knows how much I truly love him. He is my best friend and yes animals can be best friends.

Speaking of friends, a friend introduced me to Diamond Art after she finished a piece for a mutual friend of ours. So, I ordered a bunch for myself and honestly got really frustrated and throughout the first two I started and gave up. Part of the reason is that I didn’t read the instructions and did not ask my friend questions. So, for the last week or so I have read the instructions and have been doing diamond art. I am finding it fun, frustrating, time consuming and a lot of progress. Which I can all correlate to not just my recovery but the recovery of other people. So, I decided to thank my friend tonight in the middle of the night on social media, specifically Facebook. My friend responded back asking if I would want to meet in the community room of our apartment building for a short while so she could give me some pointers on diamond art. I learned a lot from the education my friend gave me about Diamond Art. I love learning new things especially when it comes to creativity. I am great that this neighbor has become a great friend. After spending an hour together we came back upstairs to our own apartments.

When I got back to my apartment I was and am still feeling like harm by hitting a brick wall but I will not act on the urges of self harm especially since I am about to do a mindfulness meditation practice with my cat Billie in my lap as I do it through the Calm App.

On that note, I am going to hopefully get some sort of sleep after I am done writing this particular blog post. I don’t have much more to say except I am tired a fucking hell. I also want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Not the Best Night for Sleep for Me

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle. It is the middle of the night here in Seattle, Washington and I have not received much sleep tonight. Partly because I am on crisis coverage for work on the team I work on. There have been a handful of clients calling in crisis needing to talk and I totally understand. Life can and is challenging at times.

In fact life is challenging for me at the moment due to me dealing with my own type of crisis due to a recent trauma which is the other part of why I am unable to sleep. I am unable to sleep due to insomnia as well as PTSD symptoms such as nightmares which doesn’t help my depression whatsoever.

On that note since I have not been able to sleep due to being on crisis coverage or dealing with my own shit, I have been doing quite a bit. Lets start with the obvious of me spending time with my kitty cat, Billie. Not only do I love Billie but Billie provides unconditional love as well as helps me with mindfulness meditation practices.

Not only does Billie help me with mindfulness meditation practice, Billie also reminds me to do mindfulness meditation practice with the Calm App. I do several mindfulness meditations with the Calm App as well as with Billie and other ways I have learned to do mindfulness meditation practice.

Besides doing mindfulness meditation practices, I have been doing some art as well as some crafts. I have been doing art work by coloring as well as diamond art. The crafts I have been doing happen to be latch hook and cross stitching. Both diamond art and latch hook, I am finally sort of kind of getting the hang of it. I am really enjoying being able to do various types of arts and crafts.

I am also learning something else besides new types of arts and crafts. I am learning about Tarot and Tarot Cards by reading about it in a couple of books. Specifically books for beginners. I also have three sets of Tarot Cards as well as a Tarot Workbook. I also have three or four Tarot Card journals to put in my Tarot Card readings; specifically on myself and once I get comfortable with other people’s readings.

Since I mentioned journals and workbooks I got a couple of new journals I will start writing in. One of which will help me get myself out of my comfort zone. I also have several recovery workbooks, that I have had over the years and have never started and/or finished. So, It is my plan to not just work on the journal stuff along with the tarot stuff but the recovery workbook stuff as I feel like most everything I have mentioned has and will help me with my recovery. That includes working yesterday as well as being crisis coverage till eight in the morning Seattle time today (Monday).

Good thing I don’t have to work later today (Monday) like I normally do but I had three doctors appointments that were all sadly cancelled last Thursday and Friday. I do have a “fourth” appointment which is a follow up appointment due to a recent emergency room visit from self harming myself by hitting a brick wall. My hand still hurts like hell and the bruise is nastier than hell but at least the swelling is going down.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I am sorry it is such a long post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Monday ahead as I have the day off even though I am going to see my doctor. Peace Out, World!!!