Feeling Slightly Better

Hello, World!!! I’m feeling slightly better than my last post. I owe it to taking a shower, eating and DBT skills. Skills that have helped me a lot the last fourteen and a half years.

One of the things I did after my shower was do some collaging. A collaged a couple of poems. So, I combined art and poetry into one skill or at least this time around. I love being able to combine my skills into one as it is quite helpful.

Another thing I did was read. I read the rest of the news paper that I didn’t finish reading this morning. I also read a little bit of the book that is taking me a long while to read. I am enjoying it though.

I did all these skill while listening to music. Music helps a great deal. I think after I am done blogging, I’m going to play the flute.

I hope everyone has a great night. Peace Out, World!!!!

Not Sure If It’s Grief or Depression

Good Evening, World!!! I’m feeling slightly depressed. I’m not sure if I am depressed because of depression or if I’m feeling grief over my grandma. Yes, I realize she is still alive but knowing she doesn’t have much longer to live is having me grieve before her death. It hurts deeply that she is suffering so much.

When I saw her today, she looked into my eyes and whispered, “I love you” as it was the last time she will ever say it to me. I’m not sure if its going to be but I’m going to cherish it as it is. I love my grandma so much. I don’t want her to go. I also don’t want her to suffer anymore.

Thank you for reading me moping about my grandma. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Visit With Grandma

Good Afternoon, World!!! It’s been a challenging day. First with social security and then with my grandma. She is still alive but not coherent when she is awake. She recognizes who we are just not able to talk which is difficult for my family and I.

Being able visit with my grandma has been helpful for me with the grief I am dealing with. Not only has it been helpful for me but I think it’s more helpful for my grandpa that I am here. In all honesty it appears that my grandpa is relieved that I have come by to visit.

I should get going as the hospice nurse just showed up. Have a great afternoon. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 2: Write A List

Things I’ve Learned in My Recovery…

  • I’m resilient.
  • I’m stronger than I think I am.
  • There will be bumps in the road.
  • Its okay to do self care.
  • I don’t have to be perfect.
  • When life gives you lemons eat them (or make lemonade), just don’t throw them.
  • Life is worth living even when its painful.
  • The pain won’t last even though it feels like it.
  • Its okay to hit a pillow or stuffed animal but not a brick wall.
  • Giving up is not an option.
  • Recovery is more fun.
  • I always have a choice.

Ugh!!! Frustration & Other Stuff

Good Morning, World!!! It’s been a frustrating morning. I went to the social security office today and have to go back tomorrow. It’s difficult enough to go when you don’t have an anxiety disorder and/or PTSD but add one or both conditions it makes it that much more difficult.

As difficult as social security is for me to go to and to deal with them, dealing with the grief of my grandma being in hospice care is that much more difficult. Knowing my grandma is going to pass away sooner than later is painful and I don’t want that to happen yet I know it is a part of life. Death is painful to deal with yet when you are aware of someone about to pass away you tend to appreciate the person more as well as life in general.

Being more appreciative of my grandma now is a good thing and not taking her life for granted, I’m going to be visiting her. I’ll be taking some art supplies with me as well as music and books to keep me busy when my grandma sleeps. The art stuff I’ll be taking is collaging and coloring supplies as its the easy to travel with on the city bus and less messy for my grandparents home.

I should get going so I can go visit my grandma. I hope everyone has an awesome day. Peace Out, World

Bored at the Social Security Office

Good Morning, World!!! I am waiting at the social security office bored half out of my mind. I’ve been waiting for nine minutes and was first in line. I hope they start calling numbers here shortly or you will be reading a long and boring ass post. I am listening to some music on my phone as I sit here blogging.

Oh yeah!!! The called my number. I will post later. I hope everyone great day and peace out world!!!

Still Can’t Get Back To Sleep

Good Morning (again), World!!! I am still up from waking up from a shitty ass nightmare. A nightmare that is still haunting me three and half hours later.

Something I’ve been doing the last three and half hours is art. I have been painting as well as collaging. I love doing both. I have been collaging some poems and am loving combining poetry and art together.

I think what I a going to do after I am done blogging is read. Not sure if I am going to be reading a book, text book or comic book but I think I’ll most likely going to be reading a Wonder Woman comic book. Wonder Woman is my favorite comic book character.

I think I am going to get going and read some Wonder Woman. Have a wonderful morning. Peace Out, World!!!

12 Midnight (exactly), Ramblings

Hello, World!!! It is exactly twelve midnight in my corner of the world. I was able to fall asleep since my last post but unfortunately I woke up from a stupid ass nightmare. A nightmare about what I told Gilbert in our session today.

Trauma sucks shit and wish I didn’t have to deal with however I do. Something that helps me express my emotions what I am unable to process them is art. I am going to be painting and collaging as I listen to music. Music speaks when words fail.

Have a great night and peace out, world!!!