Tag Archives: Anxiety

A Complaining Post Full of Anxiety

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! Right now I am full of anxiety and not very happy with my two of my neighbors. These two neighbors have been loud for hours on end, nearly everyday for the last two months. They are extremely loud with loud music on the community patio and have been doing this since the stay at home order. Most of the time they are drinking alcohol and I am sure that doesn’t help with them being quiet.

On that note, these two neighbors obviously had too much alcohol today and while on the patio got into a fight. I heard the yelling and looked out the window. When I looked out the window, I noticed them fighting so I call 911. The Seattle police came and broke it up. One of the neighbors got arrested while the other one went to the hospital to get checked out. Anyway, one of the Seattle cops asked me why I didn’t report the noise. I explained that when I did twice before I was informed by the non-emergency line that Seattle Police weren’t responding to noise complaint no matter what time it is due to the fact of Covid-19. The police officer said that is not true but thankfully a superior officer overheard and backed up what I said. I know without a shadow of doubt that my two neighbors wouldn’t have been so noisy for two months if it wasn’t because of this stupid pandemic.

Anyway, after all this my anxiety was extremely high, I decided to do some meditation and mindfulness practice which helped me a great deal. My cat, Billie also helped me more than he could ever know. If it wasn’t for the mindfulness and meditation practices as well as my cat, I don’t know how long my anxiety would have lasted. Hell, my anxiety is still high but not as high as it was.

I don’t have much more to say. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope everyone has a great night. Peace Out, World!!!

Anxiety + Insomnia = No Sleep For Me

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is the middle of the night in my corner of the world and I am unable to sleep. Having anxiety doesn’t help the fact that I have insomnia and due to both sleep is a no go for me at the moment.

Long story short, my apartment building has a community patio and my apartment is right above it. I live on the second floor and of course the patio is on the first floor. Anyway, the same two neighbors have been constantly loud and noisy for hours on end nearly everyday of the week for two months now. I have complained about it to the apartment management and they can’t or won’t do anything about. I have called the Seattle Police non-emergency line on two occasions and due to the pandemic aren’t dealing with noise complaints at this time. So, it is starting to affect my anxiety big time. It bothers me that my neighbors don’t give a shit and that neither the apartment management nor Seattle police are doing anything about it. On a good note, I have emailed all my complaints so they are dated and time stamped and in three of the five complaints I mentioned it was effecting my physical and mental health as well as my disability. I informed them of this as a precaution to protect my ass. Thankfully, I am not the only neighbor bothered by the loud and noisy neighbors.

Another thing that probably isn’t helping with my insomnia is my part time job working at night. In fact it’s a twelve hour night shift. I like my job for the most part. I just don’t like it being twelve hours at night. I don’t do well with night shifts. Something I have done was apply for two jobs yesterday (Monday, May 18th, 2020) to work at local nonprofits. I also put in an application about a month ago at Costco. I am not holding my breath on any of the jobs especially at this point in time with Covid-19 going on.

One of the things that has been helping with the Covid-19 stay at home order is my cat, Billie Dean. Billie is such a lap cat who loves his belly rubbed. Billie also loves his two front paws massaged. I am beyond grateful for Billie and love him so much. I do miss my last cat Lil Gertie and think of her everyday. I talk to Billie about her. Billie love his cat tree and looking out the window. He appears to be entertained by the crows and squirrels which entertains me. If it wasn’t for Billie I am more than positive that my anxiety would be higher with my loud ass neighbors on the patio.

I don’t have much else to say so I am going to end this post. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my post. I hope everyone has a great rest of your night. Peace Out, World!!!

Feeling Good About Volunteering

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! So, my last blog post was in regards to my anxiety regards to my new volunteer job at an animal shelter. It is the same animal shelter where I adopted my beloved cat, Lil Gertie. The staff and most of the volunteers where I adopted Lil Gertie, remembers her and have given me their condolences.

In fact, I already feel like I am apart of the the “family” where I volunteer at. They are so accepting and caring. When I arrived for my first shift there was a “welcome to the family” card signed by staff and volunteers.

Anyway to get on to my first day, I volunteer at a local animal shelter that is known well to the Seattle area. I volunteer at PAWS (Progressive Animal Welfare Society) satellite cat adoption center; PAWS Cat City. PAWS main location is in Lynnwood where they have a wildlife center as well as an adoption center where they adopt both cats and dogs. Like I said I volunteer at PAWS Cat City which is in the city of Seattle and is a satellite center where they adopt cats only.

The community where PAWS Cat City  is located is awesome. Many of the the volunteers at Cat City are college students and they are protective of Cat City as they should be. But the thing I find heartwarming is that the homeless community is just as protective as the college student community and it is something both of these completely different communities can agree on. In fact the homeless community makes sure that the block Cat City is on as well as the alley is kept clean and makes sure it doesn’t get tagged up. In fact the homeless community have even helped with preventing any crimes against PAWS Cat City. I find this heartwarming because my paid job is working with the homeless community so I feel like I am where I am suppose to be with volunteering at Cat City.

I hope to be able to take some pictures of available cats to post them here but I am not sure what the policy is. So that means, I am waiting on a response to an email to see if it would be okay. If it turns out to be okay then I will post pictures. I most likely would post pictures of cats that have been at Cat City the longest as I want good homes for them.

I do not have much more to say as I do not want to become repetitive. I want to thank each one of you for reading blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Friday. Mostly importantly I hope everyone has an awesome weekend. For those who live in the Seattle area, I would like to remind you all to be safe if it starts snowing. Peace Out, World!!!

Anxiety Over Something I’m Looking Forward To

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am high anxiety right now. In less than forty-five minutes from now, I will be starting to volunteer at the animal shelter, I adopted, Lil Gertie from. I will be volunteering with the cats and am excited about it. I am also extremely nervous about it. I am not sure why I am anxious about it especially since I have looking forward to it. I hope I am able to meet their expectations of me and exceed them. But then again that is the perfectionism in me. Wish me luck as I start this new adventure.

I wish I could write more but I need to finish getting ready and most likely would repeat myself. I want to e thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepless in Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is 3:33 in morning in my corner of the world. That means I am Sleepless in Seattle once again. I am not a big fan of insomnia and it is just anxiety provoking which makes that much more challenging to get to sleep. Anxiety is my friend at the moment because I am anxious about starting my new volunteer job at an animal shelter that I adopted my Lil Gertie from but at least I will feel the love I received from her as I think this is what she would want me to do. I love my Lil Gertie so much and wish she didn’t have to cross the rainbow bridge but am grateful that she was in my life.

Since I haven’t been able to sleep I have been reading up on cats and their behavior since I will be volunteering with cats. I also have been reading up on cats in general. I have been learning a great deal about cats by reading and hope this will help me with my volunteer job and when I eventually do get another cat.

When I haven’t been reading about cat’s I have been listening to music as I did some art work. Actually, the type of art I have been doing is coloring. I am coloring a picture with both cats and dogs in it. The music and art work by coloring is quite helpful for me especially when I am unable to sleep.

I do know have much more to say as I will just repeating the same thing over and over which is something I don’t want to do. So, I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Tuesday and the week ahead of you. Peace Out, World!!!

An Anxiety Type Post Dealing with Cats and Volunteering

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It just barely after nine in the evening in my corner of the world. I am anxious about tomorrow. I am anxious because I am going to have my first shift at the animal shelter I adopted Lil Gertie from. It is going to be bittersweet as it will bring up some grief and sadness but also be a blessing for me as it will remind me of the love I received from Lil Gertie. Plus the animal shelter I adopted my precious cat, Lil Gertie, has indeed become like family to me. I was encouraged to apply a number of times but when Lil Gertie received the dread diagnosis of cancer, I knew it was time to apply and I actually followed through with it even though I was in the midst of going to info sessions and trainings, Lil Gertie crossed over the rainbow bridge.

I think the family I received just adopting Lil Gertie is growing a little stronger and becoming larger now that I am going to be volunteering. I will be meeting new friend which means they will become family or at least that is what I have experienced with other volunteer gigs and the same thing at all my paid jobs. I never knew how much support I would get or how my support system would grow when I adopted, Lil Gertie. The adoption of my cat, Lil Gertie is has been proven helpful for me with growing some great support from people I would have never encountered in any other way. If I didn’t adopt Lil Gertie, I wouldn’t be making new friends and have them become family to me.

So starting to volunteer at the animal shelter I adopted Lil Gertie as is a way to not just honor her and her memory but a way for her to still be with me in spirit. I am anxious about it but I know she would want me to do this. I am hoping this will help with my grief as well.

I do not have much more to say because it feels like I am starting to repeat myself. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has an awesome week ahead of the. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I still haven’t been back to bed since the fire alarm went of because someone burnt food. I am tired as hell and most likely will attempt to go back to sleep. My anxiety and PTSD symptoms have been acting up quite severely since the fire alarm went off. They are acting up so badly that it is affecting my ability to calm down enough to be able to sleep. The insomnia isn’t help much either.

The thing that is helping me at the moment is my cat, Lil Gertie. She has a calming effect on me and that is extremely helpful. My cat has been by my side most of the morning after the fire alarm went off. I am grateful she has been near by as it has been quite helpful for me to be able to calm down.

One of the things I have been doing since I was so rudely woke up is coloring. I have been coloring my coloring pages. One of which I have shared with you here on my blog. I am hoping that with my coloring pages that I am currently doing that they will be done by the holidays as I want to be able to give them as gifts to people.

When I started off coloring, I listened to music. I listened to Nirvana, MxPX and Tori Amos. For some reason listening to the above mentioned musicians was and is quite helpful to me. I find their music relaxing.

After listening to music and still coloring I decided to listen to a podcast about philosophy. Coloring while listening to a podcast about philosophy not only helps me focus on the topic but to retain the subject. I of course find the subject of philosophy quite interesting and am grateful to be able to listen to a podcast about it as I color.

I don’t have much else to say in this blog post. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope to be able to get some sleep today as well as go see my dad in the hospital. I did talk to him this morning already and seemed to be doing okay. I hope everyone has a great day ahead as well as a relaxing day ahead. Peace Out, World!!!

A Rude Awaking

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I was almost fully asleep when the fire alarm in my apartment building went off once again. I thought it was another false alarm due it malfunctioning again but this time it was due to someone burning food in the wee hours of the morning. The person who set off the building fire alarm due to burnt food has done this multiple times and never opens his windows to let out the smoke. You would think he would learn especially since he is in a corner apartment. I am annoyed with the fact that it went off and woke up the entire building because someone couldn’t keep an eye on their food cooking.

When the fire alarm went off it triggered some anxiety as well as PTSD symptoms. I was in two fires when I was a kid so fire alarms trigger the hell out of me. When the fire alarm went off I quickly got my cat, Lil Gertie, and put her in her carrier and we exited the building. Sadly, many people didn’t exit because they thought it was another malfunction and burnt food but the folks who did evacuate were and are annoyed as hell like I am.

Being highly annoyed, full of anxiety and extremely triggered due to the fire alarm and in my apartment now, I have my music playing. I have my music playing to help me calm the fuck down. The fire alarm going is not conducive to having PTSD or Insomnia especially since I was finally almost asleep. Anyway, having my music on is helping.

Another thing that is helping is that my cat, Lil Gertie, is laying next to me in my chair. She is very calming and surprisingly chill after the fire alarm went off. Yes, she does get startled by the fire alarm and doesn’t fight me getting into her carrier. She appears to calm down once in the carrier because I think she knows she is going to be safe. I love my cat and how quickly she can chill out after the fire alarm goes off.

After I finish this blog post, I plan on continuing to listen to music as I do art work. Specifically, I plan on coloring as it appears to be a type of mindfulness for me. Coloring is very calming for me and am grateful to have it as a skill.

I think I am going to get going now. I plan on listening to music as I color and hopefully am able to get to sleep. I am tired as hell. Having the fire alarm go off when one is almost asleep is a rude awaking and just make one even more tired. But on that note, I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great rest of their weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Anxiety & Fear Over My Dad

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am not going to work tonight because my dad is in the hospital. Sadly, he was moved to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), early this morning because he has fluid on the lungs and maybe around the heart. Even though the emergency surgery went well, the fluid around the lungs is never a good thing especially with my dads history of pneumonia. It was five years ago at this time of year where he was give a very slim chance of living due to his pneumonia but thankfully he is a live. I just wish his health was better at the moment. At least he is not on life support and wanting to go home.

Even though I am not sitting at the hospital with my dad at the moment, I just wanted to make sure that if health were to take the turn for the worst that I am able to have the availability to get to the hospital. That is part of the reason why I chose to get someone to cover my shift at work tonight. I am grateful that I was able to have a colleague cover my shift.

Due to my dad’s health and him being in the ICU my anxiety is up and my fear of him being put a ventilator is extremely high at the moment. The fear and anxiety I am having, my cat, Lil Gertie, is picking up on. When I have been home she as been by my side or on my chest to comfort me.  Being comforted by my cat has been a great help to me and has lessened my anxiety and fear.

Not only is my cat, Lil Gertie, comforting me but I am having friends checking in on me. Having friends checking in on me is always a good thing. In fact a friend of mine even brought me lunch when I was at the hospital visiting my dad. It is great that I have friends that check up on me.

My family has be pulling together in regards to my dad’s health. My grandpa and two uncles who are my dad’s dad and two brothers have been taking turns at the hospital. My grandpa and two uncles have been a great support. They are just as worried about my dad as I am. Having family support and the support of my friends has been great for me.

I wish I was able to get some sleep today but sadly I have not been able to nap. I didn’t sleep well last night due to insomnia and I think I have been unable to nap today due to my dad’s health and him being in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at the hospital. I think I am going to go to bed early tonight as I need some sleep. Sleep is crucial to one health and I don’t want to get sick especially since my dad is ill.

I do not much more to say. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great rest of your weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

So Far, It’s Not A Good Friday

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am not having a very good Friday due to the fact that my depression and anxiety symptoms are acting up and I am getting easily angered. Specifically, I am getting easily angered at myself. I am getting easily angered at myself because I feel like I am not handling the symptoms of my anxiety and depression as well as I think I should be handling them. The reality of the situation is that I am handling the symptoms better than I think I am because I am not making the situation worse and am making a life worth living for myself.

The thing I have come to realize over the years, I tend to get angry with myself due to my mental health symptoms even when I am reacting to them in a positive way like building a life worth living. Even if people may not think I am building a life worth living with the things I am currently doing, I am building a life worth living because I am educating myself as well as being creative through art.

The way I am educating myself is listening to a podcast on Spotify about philosophy and after each episode, I research what the podcaster discusses. In fact the podcast on philosophy I am listening to is “Philosophize This.” Stephen West is the person that does “Philosophize This” and I personally think he does a great job. He captures my attention which is a good thing because of being diagnosed with ADHD and me wanting to educate myself further on what he discusses in each episode. For me willing to educate myself on a particular subject and/or topic due to how someone conveys the particular subject (and topic) says something about the person discussing it. When a friend of mine suggested that I listen to “Philosophize This,” I was hesitant at first but when I listened to the first episode Stephen West had me wanting to learn more due to his approach on the subject of philosophy. It is because of Stephen West passion for the subject of philosophy is why I am self educating myself.

As I listen to “Philosophize This” I am being creative by doing art which is another way I am creating a life worth living. The particular form of art I am doing as I am listening to the podcast is coloring. I am coloring a poster to give to my therapist to hang in his office. I realize that coloring may not be what most people consider a life worth living but for me if I can color something for others to enjoy, its a life worth living because others are able to enjoy what I created.

Even though I am coloring and listening to “Philosophize This,” I am still struggling and not having a good Friday. I wish the symptoms of my depression and anxiety would subside but sadly they are not which is why I am getting angry with myself. Being angry is never a good thing for me but if I continue doing good things for myself like listening to “Philosophize This” and coloring then I am able to control my anger. Being able to control the anger is a good thing.

I don’t have much more to say. I just want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciative from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope you all have an awesome Friday. I also hope you all have an awesome weekend. I hope you all enjoy the next couple of days. Peace Out, World!!!