Tag Archives: Anxiety

Missing My Mom + Holiday Emotions

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It has been two weeks and one day since my mom died. It has been challenging dealing with all that goes with losing a parent especially this time of year as it is the holiday season. Dealing with my mom’s death is adding to the holiday anxiety I struggle with every year which sucks shit and is something I discussed with my therapist today.

In fact my therapist and I discussed a great deal about my emotions especially anxiety and anger as I struggle with both. I struggle with both anxiety and anger as I tend to stuff both of those emotions that end up leading me emotionally and verbally exploding or sadly self harming. I thankfully haven’t self harmed in over a year which is a good thing but sadly I have emotionally and verbally exploded which is not a good thing. We discussed various ways to let out my anxiety and anger especially my anger. In fact my therapist suggested a couple of things to deal with my anger that are a little silly but I think will be helpful. I am really appreciative of my therapist and I am so grateful for her as well as her help with my mental health recovery.

As much as I am appreciative of and grateful for my therapist, I am also extremely grateful for today’s weather here in Seattle as it was sunny. Granted it was chilly outside but I am so grateful for the sun and that it was not freezing or below freezing outside.

Not only am I grateful for today’s weather here in Seattle, I am also beyond grateful for my precious senior kitty, Billie. I love my cat so very much and I don’t know what my life would be like without my cat. The best part of having a cat or any pet is their unconditional love.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Anxiety of Tomorrow U.S Presidential Election

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Tomorrow is Election Day here in the United States and sadly we are an extremely divided country. Many people across the nation have strong emotions and opinions about the person they are voting for and sadly have a strong dislike for people voting for the other person. I am unable to comprehend why people highly dislike other people just because of their politics.

The election tomorrow is causing myself and many other Americans some extreme anxiety. I am concerned about what could happen if the person I am not voting for wins and am scared to death what the other person’s voters will do if the person I am voting for wins. There is nothing I can really do at this moment except to use some skills to help with the election anxiety that I am dealing with. Let’s hope everything goes smoothly tomorrow and the days following.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Daily Prompt; How Are You Feeling Right Now?

Posted on by Gertie
Daily writing prompt
How are you feeling right now?
View all responses

Right now I am feeling anger, fear and some anxiety. The reason for these emotions is due to some PTSD symptoms. I am not a big fan of these emotions especially due to stupid PTSD symptoms. I just wish that PTSD would not interfere with my life and my emotions. I also have a difficult time expressing anger, fear and anxiety especially anger. I was not allowed to express most emotions growing up especially anger. Now, I am slowly learning how to express my emotions in an appropriate way for society.

Anxiety Over Tomorrow’s Doctor’s Appointment

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am nervous as hell for tomorrow morning as I have my yearly annual wellness exam with my doctor tomorrow. I am scared due to trauma related issues that my doctor is quite aware of. I am also scared and full of anxiety due to the fact that my doctor will confirm something medically which is why I am having my partner Junior come with me. It is something he would like medically confirmed as well.

Anyway, I am sadly having intrusive thought ping ponging in my head at the moment and it is not a good thing which is partly why I am currently writing this blog post. Blogging tends to help with the ping ponging of my thoughts as well as help with anxiety I deal with. I am just happy that I have various skills in my tool box to help with the anxiety.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you, the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write on my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

An Early Morning Post Due to Waking up Too Early

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! At the start of writing this particular blog post it is 4:14 in the morning here in Seattle. I haven’t been getting much sleep due to the fact I most likely will be losing my job and having some insomnia over it. Some of the reasons I agree with while other reasons I don’t agree with due to the fact that I have not been able to use my reasonable accommodation request. I own up to the stuff that I haven’t need reasonable accommodation stuff but I just want to prove to my employer that I can do much better at my job if they allow me my reasonable accommodations.

Enough about work as I am trying to ge my mind off of work. by doing a number of things. First and foremost, I have been spending my time with my beloved cat, Billie. Having Billie by my side has been quite helpful. He is such an awesome and loving kitty. I am in awe of his unconditional love.

Besides my time with Billie, I have been doing my normal skill set to help myself through the challenging stuff the world throws at me such as artwork by coloring as well as reading. Let us not forrget about doing some mindfulness meditation practices. In fact I started to do log problems or logic puzzles. I find them quite fascinating Some are extremely challenging to .do but the satisfaction that comes with completing one is priceless. Plus I have a sense of pride when I am done with a logic problem or puzzle.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog post. It is greatly appreciated that you are the reader for reading my blog post. If it was not for you reading my blog post I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!!

Just A Monday Morning Rambling Post

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is Monday morning here in Seattle and it is chilly. Not chilly in fact of winter chilly like snow but autumn chilly as possible rain. I don’t think it is supposed to rain today but I do know it is supposed to be cloudy and a little breezy.

Despite the chilly weather today, I am looking forward to working today for the most part. I get to spend most of the day outreaching clients today. The part I am not looking forward to is that I am receiving my corrective action plan (CAP) today at one o’clock which is an hour before I start which can be both good and bad. Good for the fact, I get it done early in my shift. Bad for the fact that, it possibly could make it challenging for me to do my job for the rest of the day but I will deal with it when it comes.

Since I don’t have to be into work till twelve noon today, I think I will spend most of the morning reading. Reading will help my anxiety with my CAP at work and keep me distracted. Plus, I really enjoy reading. Not only that, my cat, Billie tends to cuddle on my lap when I read. I am reading Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter by Seth Gramhame-Smith. I am only on chapter two but so far it is good. Let’s see if it continues to hold my interest.

I do not have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is Saturday evening here in Seattle and that means it is that time of the week where I give you my weekly check in. A check where I tell you what has happened for me during the past week. A week that doesn’t always as planned.

I started this week by attending an online twelve step meeting. A meeting that had a focus of step one and will continue to focus on step one for the next three to four weeks so folks can work on the step and not feel rushed doing it. I really connected with this group and let my sponsor know that. She will “attend” with me tomorrow as she has another sponsee that is doing step one plus my sponsor will be in attendance to support me.

Besides attending online twelve step meetings, I returned back to work. I am happy to be back to work despite having a corrective action plan (CAP) looming over my head. I also found out that I will be having my CAP meeting this Monday. I don’t think most of the CAP is fair but I will take responsibility for the parts that I know is fair like missing too many days even though I have medical reasons for missing too many days. As far as the adaptability part, I know I have issues with it however it is disability related and feel like I am in trouble due to my disability. I am also getting a CAP due to how my annual review went but that was done three and half months early which is why I am fighting the CAP. I don’t understand why I wasn’t informed sooner about what I need to work on.

I also had therapy this week. My therapist and I discussed many different things including work. We discussed coping skills around work as well as the mental health symptoms that I deal with on the daily basis. We talked about how attending twelve step meetings is “helpful” for me and my recovery. We also discussed how my symptoms are not as severe due to me doing daily mindfulness meditation practices at least twice daily. My therapist is awesome and I appreciate the fact that she not only points out what I need to work on but points out what I am doing well on.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Not Feeling Well Enough to Go to Work Today

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am not feeling well enough physically to go to work today and I feel like I am big let down with my team right now. I have been vomiting a lot during the night. It is something I think is mental health related but my doctor just wants to make sure. So I see later today and hope to update after my doctors appointment.

I will update you in another blog post about why my doctor and therapist have to say. Peace Out!!!

Mid-Week Update

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! So far it has been one of them weeks for me and the week is not over yet. It’s been one of them weeks because it is my first week back to work from my second medical leave since a trauma happened to me back on July 31st. Anyway, I am still waiting on my corrective action plan (CAP) meeting and what I have to do to “pass it” which I am hoping I can do.

As far as the weather goes regarding my job as an outreach worker as a peer specialist has not been fun at all due to the rain. My feet get wet and I cannot afford water proof or water resistant shoes at the moment. Thankfully, I do have two pairs of shoes. One pair is for walking and the other pair is to make sure when I am inside my feet are not wet or cold so I don’t have to be a cranky bucket with my clients or colleagues.

Since the weather has been yucky and grey as well as it getting dark earlier and staying dark later, I have been using my happy light quite regularly. The happy light is helping a great deal with my depression and surprisingly helping with my anxiety and PTSD.

One of the things that have been helping me a great deal with depression, anxiety and PTSD besides the happy light is doing mindfulness meditation practices. Doing mindfulness meditation practices on a daily basis has proven to me that I am more productive with my day as well as being able to get better sleep.

I really do not have much of anything else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Feeling Down

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! The weather is sorta of yucky here in Seattle which is not unusual for this time of year. Even though the weather could be a lot more yuckier it still is not helping with my depression symptoms. Since it has been cloudy most of the day and it is getting darker earlier, I have had my happy light on most of the day which has been quite helpful.

Something I have been doing most of the day is some form of arts and crafts project while listening to a podcast. I am listening to a podcast about philosophy. The philosophy podcast that I am listening to is called Philosophize This. I really enjoy listening to this podcast. As I listened to the podcast I did some artwork as well as some crafting. The artwork I did was coloring. The crafting I did was some cross stitching.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it were not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!