Combating Depression & Other Randomness

Good Afternoon, World. Right now I am combating both depression and grief. I am really missing my paternal grandma today. Or at least that is how the wave of grief is having it for me today. I am also combating off some depression. Not sure if it is the regular depression I deal with or if it is depression related to the grief or maybe a combination of both.

To help me fight off the depression and grief I have been doing some household chores to make my apartment cleaner. Cleaner so when my grandpa comes over for his birthday dinner it’s not as messy as it usually is. I am making my grandpa meatloaf for his birthday because that is what he wants even though it’s a “simple meal” it is one that he “enjoys.” Being able to do something for my grandpa for his birthday instead of giving him something is something he would rather have as the memories are better than material things.

Another way I have been combating the depression and grief is getting ready to go to a conference early next week that is solely for Peer Specialist/Counselors. Just knowing I will be with people who are in recovery with mental health challenges for two days is enough to keep me going. I will be in a hotel for two day full of peer support. In fact I also sought out peer support today for the depression and grief. That someone is the one who is the supervisor of the volunteers at the peer conference. See I got a full ride scholarship, including lodging and food just because I will be volunteering. I only have to pay for transportation which is easy because I am car pooling with someone to the conference. The power of peers is a real thing and we are going to fight against the mental health system somehow.

On a good note, and I think I have informed you of this already is that I have an interview on Friday, August 31st, 2018 for a peer specialist job. A job I am unsure about but hope I get an opportunity to get back in the swing of things. Yes, I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things work wise but am a bit nervous about going back to work. I am having some self doubts about going back to work but for me having self doubts is a normal part of my daily mental health challenges.

I should really get going as I need to start preparing to cook dinner as my grandpa will be here shortly and likes to eat relatively early. I am expecting to eat around five in the evening in my neck of the woods.

I would like to thank you again for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated from my end of things. If it wasn’t for you the reader and/or follower, I still would not be blogging. Peace Out, World!!

Can’t Fall Back To Sleep

Good Morning, World!!! I can not seem to go back to sleep after being woken up by my cat, Lil Gertie, after a five hour nap. Of course when I attempted to go to sleep Lil Gertie wanted to play so I decided that I would play with her. Lil Gertie is one spoiled lil kitty. I love her so much.

To make my sleep issues even worse is that I have a migraine. Migraines are extremely painful. I am not sure what set off this migraine but my migraine medication ain’t working shit. I just hope the pain subsides so I don’t have to the stupid hospital again.

I’m wondering if my worries over not getting an email about a peer position interview I have on August 31st is what is causing part of my migraine. The lady who called me about it only mentioned her name once and I forgot to get her name again. I am hoping she emails me more of the details about the job interview so my worries and anxiety can subside. At least I will be working either a sixteen hours a week or thirty hours a week. I just hope she emails me sometime later today with more of the details and so I can ask more questions of her.

On a plus note the lady who wants to interview me for the shelter counselor position finally emailed me back explaining why she hadn’t set up an interview yet. It’s because others have been on vacation or out sick. She should be getting back to me by the end of the week via email. Lets hope I get emails from the individuals for both positions by the end of the week.

At least I know I have a least one job interview, I just wish remembered the ladies name. I can’t remember the name for the life of me which is why I am hoping for an email. Please send out positive vibes, energies, prayers or whatever that works for you that this woman emails me back or at least calls me back because I tried calling the number back it said it wasn’t taking any calls at this time. It didn’t even have a voicemail I could leave.  I know things will work out in the long run but I still have my worries.

Well, it appears like Lil Gertie, my cat is wanting my attention again so I better give it to her. If I give it to her now, she won’t wake me up at four o’clock in the morning wanting scratch on the head or to play. She sure helps me a lot.

I hope my migraine goes away as I call it a night. I’ll play with Lil Gertie first and then attempt to fall back to sleep. Thank you for reading my boring ass blog. Especially since my post appear to be repetitive as of lately. I am grateful for your readership and Peace Out, World!!!

A Whirl Wind Of Things Going On

Good Evening, World!!! The last few days have been a whirl wind. A whirl wind of things to do that has been overwhelming and mostly in a good way. Let’s start with the training I did this weekend. I attended a facilitator training to become a volunteer group facilitator at a local peer run origination. I figure this will help me career wise especially since I am applying for new jobs. Volunteering always looks good on the resume’.

I have a job interview at my previous employer. It is a Peer job at with one of their Substance Use Disorders (SUD) programs. It is a full time job and not sure if working full time is a wise decision for me to do. But I need the practice for the interview. If I get the job I can find out more it and turn it down if it is not the job for me.

I also have art group tomorrow that I am debating weather or not if I am going to go. I am debating as I would still be in my interview clothes and don’t want to ruin them.  It is something to thing about right now.  We will see what I’ll do and how I feel after my interview.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

I Should Be In My Job Interview

Good Afternoon, World!!! As this is posting I should be in my interview. My interview is suppose to start at twelve noon and I am unsure if my interview started on time. I say this as I scheduled this post.

When I wrote this post I was (or am) writing to help with some anxiety. Anxiety that is related to the job interview. I know it is normal to have anxiety when dealing with a job interview. I do not think I know anyone who doesn’t have some anxiety with job interview anxiety.

Thank you for reading!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Pre-Interview Anxiety

Good Morning, World!!! My anxiety has subsided a great deal from this time yesterday. Do I still have anxiety at this moment? Yes, I do except I am pretty sure it is not left over from yesterday.

I am pretty sure it is not left over from yesterday because I am have a job interview today. So, the anxiety I am feeling at the moment has a lot to deal with the job interview and nothing to do yesterday.

Something that has been quite helpful since I got up this morning has been music. Listening to music has proven helpful to me as it reduces stress, anxiety and blood pressure in me. I was part of a study to see how music can be of help to peoples mental health and they found it lowered my anxiety, depression and the plus part of it all, my blood pressure. My blood pressure doesn’t need to get any lower as it is naturally low any way.

Thank you for reading. I am most likely going to blog at least once more before my interview. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Gertie’s On Their Way To Their Interview

Hello!!! It is I, Mama Bear. I realize it have been a few weeks since I last posted. I have been quite busy with family and work. My youngest child is going through their own mental health crisis and needed to focus on that. I requested Gertie not share that as I want to share more about my family when I post. Today is not the day I will post about my family as I want to discuss Gertie and their job interview.

At this very moment Gertie is on their way to their job interview. It is my hope that Gertie gets this job as I know them well enough that they do better with their mental health symptoms when they are working. It is my hope that they get the job they want. Gertie is aware that I don’t think this is the right job for them but if it is meant to be they will be offered the job and Gertie will accept it if it fits their schedule and value system. Gertie is an extremely wise person and will do what is best for them with much consultation from individuals such as myself and Junior. It is my hope that Gertie does well and gets this job if it is meant for them.

Hump Day (Wed.) Morning Ramblings

Good Morning, World!!! I am sitting here at my laptop thinking about what I have going on today. Mainly, what I have going today is an interview. An interview to have a job as a Peer Specialist (Counselor). A job that I know I am capable of doing.

On that note I, posted about when I applied for the interview on a social media site. I informed people that “if and only if I get the job will I need stricter boundaries with a handful of individuals.” I deleted it primarily because I accidently crossed a friends boundary. On that note another “friend” commented on it. To find out this person thought I deleted it because of them. They passive aggressively mentioned something about my post on his wall without mentioning my name. More or less mutual friends knew who they were talking about as I got some private messages via social media and some text asking me if I’ve read and if I think it was about me. I’m not sure if it about me but I see how others may see it. The original post wasn’t even about them or geared toward them. I stated that “I’m freaking out” and that was the key part of the post as I was freaking out due to the possibilities of setting stricter boundaries that didn’t involve the person being passive aggressive. Maybe with me posting about this is being passive aggressive.  If it is being passive aggressive, I am not attempting to do so as I am just venting about. I guess I wish this individual would have reached out to me as I did them after seeing their post. Now this person is “livid” with me because they think I am “bragging” as I posted on social media that I have an interview. I am not sure what is going on with this person but I am concerned for them as they appear to be quite symptomatic to me.

Enough about that situation and on to a different topic, sort of. It’s about boundaries and how everyone has some form of them. Some of us are better at not letting folks cross them. For me it is easy for me to not allow folks to cross my boundaries with the exception of some of my family. I think that is why I got angry yesterday with family. I allowed them to cross my boundaries and that was all on me. Realizing this I can discuss it more my therapist so we can work on it.

I don’t have much more to say other than what I have already said. So, I am ending this post as I do not want to risk repeating myself. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Been A Couple Of Days

     Happy Friday!!! If you are a follower to my blog or a regular reader you are aware that I haven’t blogged in a couple of days. I haven’t blogged for a few reasons. One reason is I wasn’t sure what to blog about another reason I didn’t blog is because I’ve been so busy with life that I exhausted myself and have been too tired to blog.

     Wednesday was the day I had my interview. Thankfully, they didn’t have to reschedule with me again even though it almost got rescheduled again. When I showed up and a couple of the program managers at the agency realized that it was going to be the third time they just interviewed me with anyway even though it wasn’t the right set of interview questions. They felt that if I had rescheduled twice before that the interview should happen anyway. One the interviewers said that if I don’t get the job with program I applied for that they will find the funding for me to have job with there program as a peer and not a consumer aide. So it looks like either way that I might have job. I am hoping that I get the job as a consumer aide.

      I had a listening in shift with the Warm Line on Wednesday and well it was an “unusual day” for calls at the Warm Line. First of all they only received three phone calls that were not hang up calls. Second of all; all three phone calls ended up suicide calls that needed to be transferred to the crisis line. I only listened in on two of those calls. They want me to do another listening in shift so I know what a “typical” shift looks like. A shift usually isn’t so slow nor does it get “crisis” calls. I’m just waiting on when my next listening in shift will be. I guess I will be getting three listening shifts instead of two and that is cool with me. I am looking forward to September when I start being a call taker on the Warm Line.

     Speaking of volunteering, I am looking forward to Wednesday when I volunteer at the homeless shelter. I love my volunteer job at the shelter. The clients at the shelter are known for being difficult to serve because of the severity of their mental illnesses and/or addictions and I love the challenge. If I get the job as a consumer aide I will be a little sad because I cant volunteer and be an employee at the same time with the agency that runs both the shelter and the program I applied and had the interview for. Yes, I want the job however I will miss the clients at the shelter. Again if everything works out the way I hope it does I will be starting the job as a consumer aide the same time I officially will be a call taker on the Warm Line. I know I shouldn’t be getting my hopes up so high but I really want the job even though I will miss volunteer at the shelter.

     As some of you know Fridays are my Mondays and that means I worked today. Today was just a shitty day at work. A day that made me realize I want the hell out of my current employment. Working at grocery store with the same employer for the last 9 years has made me realize that I am meant to be in the mental health field. I don’t like having people yell at me for something I have no control over. Working in a grocery store is NOT my cup of tea.

    Speaking of tea that reminds me that I need to take time out to take care of myself. I am going to go and have a cup of hot tea. Yes, I am having tea on an 80 degree day. Why not? It is a way to take care of myself. I better get going. In all honesty, I hope to blog again tomorrow. Have good weekend everyone. Peace out!!!

A Little Tired To Blog

     It’s another Tuesday and I am tired as hell. Sorry I haven’t really blogged. I was hoping to blog earlier but I’m just extremely tired. I had several screaming nightmares last night and I am most appreciative that my boyfriend helped me through. I really should be in bed right now because I have a job interview tomorrow.

      I have a job interview tomorrow with the same agency who runs the homeless shelter I volunteer at. Hopefully, they don’t have to reschedule the interview again. If they do I wont be a happy camper because I had to tell the shelter I wouldn’t be there again tomorrow due to the interview being rescheduled. I love volunteering at the homeless shelter. The clients might be considered difficult but I don’t find them difficult. If you treat them with respect they will treat you with respect. I am fearful that they are going to reschedule the interview again. I just don’t want to miss another volunteer shift at the homeless shelter. Volunteering at the shelter gives me a since of purpose.

     Having a since of purpose is huge and I think that is why I am going through the Warm Line Training. In fact I went to training this evening and I am enjoying it. Tomorrow I have my first listening in shift. I wont be doing any talking just listening in to see how the calls are taken and what they are like. We have another listening in shift toward the end of the training as well. I hope I am good enough to be a call taker on the Warm Line.

     If everything works out with getting the job that means I will been ending my volunteer job at the homeless shelter because you cant volunteer and be an employee at the agency but I will be starting the Warm Line about the same time I start the job if I get it. So what I am trying to say as one volunteer job might be coming to an end if I get the job it will work at that I will be starting a new volunteer job. It looks better on a job résumé that way. As much as I don’t want to quit volunteering at the shelter I want the job even more. Even if I don’t get the job volunteering two places looks good on the résumé as well. I just really want the job. Like I said I will have to quit the homeless shelter if I get the job and if I get the job I will be starting to be an official volunteer call taker at the Warm Line. I hope this paragraph is making sense because I am just really tired.

     Since I am really tired I am thinking I should end this blog entry for now. I hope to blog tomorrow regarding both the job interview and the listening shift with the Warm Line. I will not be able to discuss what the callers said due to confidentially. Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday evening. Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!

Just A Brief Blog (I Hope)

     Happy Thursday!!! I am hoping to keep this particular blog entry brief for a number of reasons. One of those reasons is  that its a beautiful day outside and I want to enjoy it before I go to my volunteer training for the Warm Line.

       I just want to update you on what’s been going on the last couple of days since I didn’t blog yesterday. If you been reading my blog you know I was suppose to have a job interview yesterday. It got rescheduled again. This time it was due to miscommunication with the interviewers. I am a getting a little annoyed with the rescheduling thing. Its next Wednesday at 10am. I was disappointed because I was already on the city bus half way there. Since the interview was rescheduled that means I could go to my volunteer job at the homeless shelter. I emailed the supervisor saying I would be there and she said to come in cause they had to shut it down for the day because of plumbing issues that had to be fixed by the time it was check-in time for the clients to get beds for the night. Thankfully they were able to open for the night. Unfortunately, I am unable to volunteer at the homeless shelter next Wednesday due to the interview being rescheduled for that day. I really hope I get the job because of the interview being rescheduled twice.

     Well, my grandparents are going to be in town later on today because my grandma has an appointment at a Parkinson’s Center because there is no one in near her rural town that specializes in Parkinson’s. I love my grandma dearly. She and my grandfather helped my dad raise me. It saddens me to see my grandma struggle with Parkinson’s.  They wanted to have dinner with me tonight but I cant because of my volunteer training for the Warm Line so I am going to have dinner with them tomorrow. My grandparents are staying at my dads. I am so looking forward to her cooking. I love my grandma’s cooking. I just wish I could have some her cooking  tonight but I have training.

     I am looking forward to my volunteer training for the Warm Line tonight. I am hoping I learn a great deal from this training. The cool thing about volunteering at the Warm Line is that I will be able to take various types of training regarding mental illness, suicide prevention and other such topics. The cool thing is that most of the trainings will be free to me because of me being a volunteer and low income.

     Anyway, I better get going. Like I said I wanted to keep this blog entry brief and unfortunately it didn’t turn out that way. Well, have a good Thursday everyone. Peace out!!