Tag Archives: Mental Illness

A Roller-coaster of A Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today has been roller-coaster  type of day when it comes to my emotions. I was able to meet my spend down for medicaid due to a comprehensive  dental examination. That means I officially have medicaid back on. Which will help with my dental, mental and physical health care. I also happy that I will be able to get the proper care I need to take care of myself.

On a side note I went to call my grandma on her cell phone to tell her some good news. The sad part of this is I had a lapse in judgement that she passed away just over six months ago which let the flood gates of grief come rushing in. I miss my grandma so much. A plus note, I did have lunch with my grandpa.

I talked on the phone with my therapist about my grief dealing with my grandma and he gave me the support I needed. He suggested that I journal and/or blog about the grief. Dealing with grief is not easy.

On to the positive note. I have an interview on August 31st for a Peer Specialist position. I am looking forward to having an interview and hopefully a job a peer. I should here back later on this week about getting an interview for a shelter counselor position. Not sure what position I would want more put at least I will have some job prospects coming my way.

I am also happy that I will be able to get the much needed dental care I so desperately need. Getting the proper dental care helps your overall health. Having good health will help me with being able to go back to work.

As you can tell I’ve had an emotional roller-coaster type of day. Please send out positive energy or vibes or prayers or whatever good mojo my way about getting the job that is best suited for me.

Thank you for reading. It is greatly appreciative to have readers like you in my life. I hope that my post as of lately gives out some hope to people because some of my post appear a little hopeless and depressing when I read back on them. It means a great deal that I have extremely awesome readers like you to help me keep blogging. If it weren’t for you the reader, I wouldn’t still be blogging. Thank you again for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

What’s The Point?

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I have a bunch of emotions going on within myself that I am having difficulty thinking straight. Maybe it’s because of the lack of sleep I had last night but I just want things to go the way I want them to. I am sick and tired of playing the waiting game on things.

For instance I received an email last week from a potential employer if I could interview at one specific time however I had another obligation and was informed that I would receive another email about another interview time for this week. That has not happened yet. It is getting extremely frustrating on my part because I expected the email by last Friday. I emailed them last Thursday in hopes to get a response yet I am still waiting on one.

I am starting to feel as if I will remain unemployed on disability for the rest of my life. Not working is having an effect on my mental health. I have been applying to other jobs as well but nothing not even a possibility of an interview.

What’s the point of even trying to go back to work when there are plenty of jobs out there that I am well qualified for yet not getting any bites. I mean I feel like nobody wants to hire me because I resigned from my last job due to the fact my symptoms were getting out of control and how can I help others when I needed to focus on my own recovery at the moment.

I just want a job I can be proud of and that will make me happy. Plus I need to make more money than I am making on disability. The universe needs to give me a break and finally let me go back to work. I am bored half out of my mind with not working.

Thank you for reading me ramble on and on about my job search. I hope everyone has an awesome Tuesday. Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepless In Seattle & In An Ambien Fog

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am sleepless in Seattle and have taken my Ambien which means I am in an Ambien fog. I am blogging in an Ambien fog in hopes that it will help me become sleepy.

I have done my normal sleep hygiene routine and even took an Ambien yet sleep isn’t coming easy to me tonight. I even had a busy Monday to help me sleep better. But apparently sometimes everything you do to help you get to sleep doesn’t always help. I guess it is just time to try to lay down again and try to get to sleep. Not getting a good nights sleep can have an effect on ones mental health so I really need to get to bed as soon as possible. It could effect physical health as well.

Have a good night sleep. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Midnight & I Can’t Sleep

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is twelve midnight in my corner of the world and I can not sleep. I am not sure why I can not sleep. I highly dislike not being able to sleep. I have a great deal on my mind but I think I can not sleep due to the fact that it is a combination of PTSD and insomnia.

Right now my depression and PTSD are acting up and I am not sure why. I am pretty sure my poor health isn’t helping the symptoms of my mental health challenges. This stupid weird ass mouth infection is just not conducive to what I have planned.

Maybe, I will turn on some music and do some art. Actually, the genre of art I will be doing is coloring. Not sure what genre of music I will be listening to yet but the decision is in the works.

Have goodnight and hope everyone has a good nights sleep. I hope everyone has a good Monday and work week when they get up for work. Thanks for reading. I really do appreciate people reading my blog. Having regular readers is what helps keep this blog going. Peace Out, World!!!

Too Tired To Stay Awake

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is nine o’clock in the morning in my corner of the word and I am having trouble staying awake. I originally woke up at six o’clock in the morning and fell back to sleep. I have a feeling that I won’t be able to stay awake much longer after waking up this time. Not sure why I am so sleepy.

I am wondering why I am so sleepy has something to do with my depression creeping back into my life. I sure hope it is not the depression creeping back in. As shitty as depression can be, I am not one hundred percent sure that it is the reason why I am so sleepy.

I am thinking that maybe it is because my body is trying to become healthy again by fighting off the weird ass mouth infection I have. Sometimes your health can cause you to be more tired than usual to help heal the body.

On a side note I did listen to the Dodger versus Mariner game last night. The Dodgers beat the Mariners from 11 to 1. I am happy that the Dodgers won last night. I am a huge baseball fan and am hoping at least one of my teams makes it to the play offs.

Well, I think I am going to get going and go back to sleep. I just wish I knew why I was so freaking tired. I hope everyone has a good Saturday. Have a wonderful weekend everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

A Brain That Won’t Turn Off

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, again, World!!! It is still Friday in my corner of the world. My brain appears that it doesn’t want to turn off. My depression is acting up for some reason at the moment. I am not sure why as I have had a busy day as mentioned in a previous post.

As busy as my day has been, sadly the depression wants to creep in and make it a shitty day. I refuse to have the depression make my day a shitty one which is one of the reasons why I am blogging what’s on my mind at the moment.

On a good note my cat has been very cuddly with me tonight which has been quite helpful for my depression. Having, Lil Gertie, my cat around has helped me a great deal when it comes to my mental health. It appears that Lil Gertie is wanting to help me blog at the moment.

Well, the Seattle Mariner versus Los Angeles Dodgers game is now officially over. The final score is Dodgers 11 and Mariners 1. It appears that the Mariners aren’t doing so well as of lately. The Mariners were doing pretty well before the All-Star break but they aren’t doing all that well now.

Now that the baseball game is over my brain to back to me being depressed and wanting to be back at work. I am really wanting to go back to work. Preferably a job in the mental health field and/or working with the homeless. I want to be a peer specialist again and know that some day I will be one again.

I think what I am going to do know is do a little art. I most likely will be combining the genre’s of coloring and collaging together. It is always fun and interesting when you combine genres when it comes to art.

After doing some art, I think I am going to read for an hour two. I am reading this awesome fantasy book called Ship of Magic. I highly recommend it. Reading helps me keep the depression at bay. Art does the same thing as reading does for my depression.

It is hard to believe that this is going to be my ninth post of the day. I didn’t realize I had so much to say today. I hope you all don’t mind me ramble on about silly and/or stupid shit. Blogging helps me a great deal and I hope it helps someone else in this world of ours.

I think I am going to call it a night. Thank you so much again for reading. It is very much appreciated from my end of things. I hope that everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Still Haven’t Been To Sleep, I Might As Well Get Up For The Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning and Happy Friday, World!!! I still haven’t been to sleep yet and it is four in the morning in my corner of the world. Not sure why I haven’t been to sleep but at least I see my doctor and therapist today.

Not sure why I can’t sleep because once I discuss what’s bothering me like in my last post, I am able to get to sleep. It’s just too early to be awake much less wanting to get the day started due to the lack of sleep.

I do see my doctor today regarding my weird ass mouth infection. I am hoping that she can give me an antibiotic that is stronger and more helpful than the one I am on.  The pain is still pretty intense and wish it would go away.

I see my therapist later this morning and I’ll be discussing some of the stuff I talked about in my last post. He might be able to help me a little bit on the paper work. I really think I just need to go into the DSHS office next week to work it out there.

My grandpa and I never did go to Red Robin yesterday for various reasons. So we decided that we are going to go after I see my therapist. Like I have said before, I love Red Robin for both their food and their awesome customer service. I love spending time with my grandpa.

As you may know, I have advertisements on my blog. I have them on my blog to earn an extra few cents every time someone clicks on an add. I just hope people are doing that so I can make extra money for the holidays so I can give gifts to my friends and family. Please click on the ads for me. I would be extremely grateful for it.

Thank you for reading my blog. Also thank you for putting up with my shit especially when I am ask you to do me a favor by clicking the ads on my blog so I can earn some extra money. I hope everyone has a wonderful Friday. Happy Friday!!! Peace Out, World!!!

 

The One AM Blues

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is one in the morning in my corner of the world. I am dealing with the blues. I am not sure why it is that I am dealing with the blues but I am. So, I have decided to put on some Blues music to help me get out of being in the blues.

Dealing with the blues can lead me to dealing with depression and I don’t want that either. So, here I am listening to blues music while blogging about my boring ole life again.

I just hope one day I can be a success in societies eyes but I know that is an unrealistic wish of mine but one can hope. For me being a success is for me is to be working and me being what I call productive in my own personal life. Maybe I am having woe is me moment.

I just really want to get back to work soon in a career I would love to be in. For me working helps my mental health a great deal.  A job that I can be proud of and not dread to go to everyday. I want a job I love and the pay doesn’t have to be all that much just as long as I am able to pay my bills.

Having the blues sucks. Maybe I should try to get some sleep. Good night everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

 

UGH, A Sleepless Type of Night In Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Fucking Morning, World!!! I might as well as stay up for the rest of the day since I have had pretty much no sleep last night. I think I got about an hour to an hour and a half of sleep. I am full of various emotions right now due to the lack of sleep. It is six o’clock in the morning my time and might as well as try to make a good day out of a shitty night.

I first couldn’t sleep due to health problems. Health problems regarding a weird ass mouth infection with massive pain. I was finally able to get to sleep after reading a couple of Wonder Woman comic books.

After sleeping for about an hour and half the building fire alarm goes off because some jerk of a neighbor pulls the fire alarm pull stations on every floor and wakes up the whole fucking building pissing everyone one off. Now that I have a cat I have to make sure I get her out safely just in case it is real fire. Thankfully, it was not a real fire however it still scared the shit out of me and Lil Gertie as well as all the animals in the building and the neighbors. Lil Gertie was not like the sound of the fire alarm whatsoever.

On the plus side I am taking my grandpa out to lunch at Red Robin. Red Robin in my favorite restaurant. I love their hamburgers there. I love the atmosphere  there as well.  I am looking forward to some good food later today with my grandpa.

AS much as the lack of sleep and the fire alarm going off did a number on my mental health challenges, I am grateful that I have a blogging community that cares. I am also grateful that I have a grandpa that will go to Red Robin with me to have some awesome food.

Thank you so very much for reading my post. I am hope I am not boring you with the boring drama of my health issues and the lack of sleep. I am appreciative of all of you and hope you have a good Thursday. Peace Out, World!!!

False Alarms Fucking Suck Shit

Posted on by Gertie

Good Fucking Morning, World. It is three thirty in the fucking morning and I had finally fallen asleep due to being sleepless in Seattle when the building fire alarm goes off. Not only did it scare the shit out of me but it scared the shit out Lil Gertie. It triggered my PTSD and who knows if she has PTSD from this kind of stuff. To make matters worse it was difficult to put her into her already much hated carrier but was finally able to do so. I wasn’t going to leave my poor cat to deal with the noise much less it being an actual fire. Lil Gertie is my life and I need to protect her. All I can say was all that work putting Lil Gertie into her carrier was for nothing because it ended up being a false alarm. Well, better safe than sorry.

My poor cat is hiding in her secret hiding place of my dirty close hamper. If it makes her feel safe then I let her be. Right now she needs her space and I hope she comes out when she feel safe.

Right now I am going to get back into my safe space by reading Wonder Woman comic books. Fire alarms don’t help my mental health especially my PTSD which is why I am going to be reading Wonder Woman comic books to help me chill the fuck out.

I apologize for all the cussing in this post but when it scares my cat and puts her into danger then I am going to be a little angry about it. I have every right to be angry about it and so do my neighbors as someone pulled the fire alarm pull stations on every floor from the basement to the tenth floor of the building.

Thank you for letting me rant and rave about the false alarm. I think I am more upset that it effected my cat. My cat is like my baby. Thank you for reading and hope the day goes well for all of you. I know some of you are just getting up for work while others are still in bed. And some of you have been up for hours working due to the time differences around the world. Have a good day anyway. I appreciate you reading everything I have to say. Peace Out, World!!!