Tag Archives: Reading

Mixtures of Emotions of Not Going to Work Today

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World from Seattle!!! Right now I am having some mixed emotions about not going to work today as I don’t start work till 12:00noon on Mondays and it is 2:22pm in the afternoon. I didn’t go to work due to vomiting most of last night which is most likely due to food poisoning. Not only my depression and PTSD is severely acting up. Going to work when my mental health challenges are acting up seems to help when I am at work as I am not focusing on my own shit. I love my job and love helping the clients I serve as well as helping out my colleagues.

To catch you up from my last blog post, I ended up doing a mindfulness meditation with the Calm App with my cat Billie, on my lap purring. I think he gets as much of the Calm App as I do. I am grateful that Billie, my cat joins me with my mindfulness meditation with the Calm App a good eighty percent of the time. In fact even when I don’t do the Calm App, I still am able to do mindfulness meditation with Billie my cat when he lays on my lap and purrs. It’s amazing how both the Calm App and my cat, Billie help me with my mindfulness meditation practices.

After doing mindfulness meditation practices, I ended up going back to sleep since I woke up pretty early and vomited most of the night. I must have needed the sleep as I think I still need the sleep because I am still tired as hell. I think the lack of sleep was a combination of vomiting most of the night as well as insomnia and PTSD symptoms related to the most recent trauma I experienced as well as other past traumas I experienced in the past as child and young adult.

So, enough about other boring crap and back to more boring shit. When I woke up from a nap, I decided to make sure I ate some lunch. As I tend to not eat due to trauma related shit as well as being depressed. I really think the PTSD and trauma is what is causing the depression symptoms which highly sucks shit. After eating, I took a shower which helped me feel slightly better but not better enough to feel like going to work would be helpful for me, my clients or my colleagues.

As much as I wish I felt well enough to go to work as it could be helpful but I am partially happy that I didn’t go. My plan for today is to do some arts and crafts while listening to music. One of the art projects I plan on doing is coloring and of course while listening to music. Another art project I will attempt to do is Diamond Art while listening to music. I am also planning on doing craft projects that include Latch Hook and Cross Stitch. Of course music will be playing in the background.

In fact everything, I am doing today is a part of my DBT Skills. DBT skills help me a great deal when I don’t sleep well as well as when my PTSD, Trauma issues and Depression happens to be acting up. I would be lying if I told you that I wasn’t struggling with self harm because I am. That is why I am planning on doing everything I mention in this particular blog post but will not self harm.

I don’t have much more to discuss in this particular blog post except that spending time with my cat Billie, doing mindfulness meditation practices and being creative will be quite helpful for me. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Taking A Self Care Day Off From Work

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle as it is still morning from Seattle!!! I am supposed to be working today as it is Monday. In fact Mondays are my Tuesdays. My work schedule on Mondays is that I work 12:00pm to 8:00pm while I work 8:00am to 4:00pm on Sundays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays except when I am doing crisis coverage.

Since I called in sick today due PTSD symptoms that caused me to vomit most of the night, I informed the bosses that I vomited due to the possibility of food poisoning and that I most likely will be back to work tomorrow. I have to take a client to the Social Security office which can last hours which sucks shit.

After calling in sick via text message and email, I did a mindfulness meditation practice with the Calm App. Doing mindfulness meditation with Calm App is extremely helpful for me. I also do mindfulness with my cat, Billie as he lays on my lap purring as I pet him.

As for the rest of the day, I plan on doing some self care with arts and crafts while listening to music. I am first planning on starting with coloring as I listen to music as that will be something I am able to do that isn’t so frustrating at times. Of course while still listening to music, I plan on doing some cross stitching as I know that cross stitching can take some time to do. Another thing I plan on doing that will take patience and time while listening to music is doing diamond art. It’s a bit challenging to do but it is fun.

After doing some arts and craft listening to music, I plan on reading a book that I am really enjoying. It is called The Sorority Murder by Allison Brennan. I personally think I would have been finished with by now if I didn’t have a recent traumatic trauma within the last month. I am hoping to get finished with the book by this Saturday (September 9th of this year).

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you the reader, read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Too Early To Be Up

Posted on by Gertie

Good very early Monday morning, World! I sadly have to work today but at least I do not have to be at work till twelve noon, pm. So, my plan to get back to sleep is not only to read a book that I am really enjoying reading. I am looking forward to how it ends.

I will also do some artwork by coloring. In fact I will be coloring as I listen to music. I really enjoy coloring and doing artwork especially when listening to music.

I should get going as I need to relax so I can get back to sleep so I cannot be a cranky bucket at work. I hope everyone has a great work week. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! My weekly check in will be short this evening as I haven’t done much this week like I had planned on doing. I did go to work and am thrilled to be back to work I sadly, didn’t get what I was planning on doing with crafting regarding latch hooking and cross stitching. I did get to read the book I am reading as well as coloring. So, I did accomplish something other than my normal self care stuff like mindfulness meditation as well as going to work. I love my job. I have course spent time with my cat, Billie.

A Rude Awakening Due to Multiple Building Fire Alarms Going off At the Same Time

Posted on by Gertie

Good extremely early Saturday morning to everyone. It appears that the fire alarms on my street and the street behind my street decided to go off all at the same time. As of right now, the fire department has no clue what is going on. All I know is that it is extremely loud with all the alarms going off as well as the sirens from the fire trucks and police cares. It does sucks it is just the entire block that the fire alarms are going off.

I am currently outside with my cat Billie, waiting for the all clear to go back to my apartment. Of course Billie is in his carrier sleeping away as I read a book to pass the time as I have no clue how long this is going to take. My cat, Billie seems to e content at the moment when I am anxious as fucking hell. At least I have a book to read when all the clear is given.

When I get back to my apartment, I plan on cuddling with my cat and listening to music as I do art work. Specifically I plan on coloring. My cat, listening to music and coloring helps me a great deal when I get triggered by fire alarms. Oh goody we have received the all clear to go back in our apartment buildings. Now, I can cuddle with my cat as I listen to music and color or cuddle with my cat and read. Hopefully, I can get back to sleep.

I don’t have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog as if it wasn’t for you the reader reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. It is greatly appreciated from the end of things that you read on my blog. Again, thanks from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Too Early To Be Awaken on My Weekend

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As I start this particular post it is exactly 3:45 in the blasted morning on a Friday morning in Seattle. A Friday that is considered my weekend as Friday’s and Saturdays are my weekend. It is too early to be up this early during my weekend and it sucks shit. I woke up due to the fact of an extreme nightmare that consisted of body memories that make it feel like not just the most recent trauma happened but past traumas happened all at the same time. Having nightmares that include body memories are not the easiest thing to deal with especially so early in the morning.

Sadly, my PTSD symptoms are increasing my depression symptoms. Increased depression means that I have to be more intuned with myself regarding self harm urges as well as making sure that I don’t become suicidal. Thankfully, I am currently not suicidal. Sadly, I do have some self harm urges but at least they are at a manageable level. A level where I can create my own safety plan without the help of others such as friends or my mental health treatment team with the exception of my beloved cat, Billie as Billie helps a great deal with my safety planning.

I think I will start my safety plan with some mindfulness meditation to help me get into a better head space to help me with the rest of my safety plan.

As of right now, I think I will work on some artwork. Specifically, the artwork I will be working on is some coloring. Coloring is a great way to help me relax and focus on something creative that will help me do something more challenging to do when I am currently in the head space that I am currently in especially when I listen to music as I color. Music and coloring appear to be helpful together for me to refocus. So, I am hoping that as I color and listen to music with my cat laying by my side I can get into the mindset of reading a novel I am reading.

The novel I am currently reading is The Sorority Murder by Allison Brennan. So, far it is keeping my attention especially when I am in an okay head space. I highly recommend the book. I am really enjoying this book and encourage you to read the book.

In all honesty I hope I can get back to sleep due to the insomnia that is caused by stupid ass PTSD symptoms and I really hope my safety plan will help with me falling back to sleep. At least I know my cat is quite helpful with helping me sleep.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog as if it was not for you my reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good Friday ahead of them. Peace Out, World.

Weekly Plans

Posted on by Gertie

Sunday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work
  • Art (color)
  • Read
  • Spend time with my cat, Billie

Monday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work
  • Art (color)
  • Read
  • Spend time with my cat, Billie

Tuesday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work
  • Art (color)
  • Read
  • Spend time with my cat, Billie

Wednesday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Art (color)
  • Read
  • Spend time with my cat Billie

Thursday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Work
  • Art (color)
  • Read
  • Spend time with my cat, Billie

Friday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Laundry
  • Art (color)
  • Read

Saturday

  • Walk
  • Mindfulness Meditation
  • Farmer Market
  • Breakfast at Farmers Market
  • Art (color)
  • Read

A Bundle of Emotions

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I am dealing with many various emotions. Some emotions I wish I didn’t have to deal with however I know if I don’t sit with them and radically accept them as they are things tend to get worse for me. On that note, my mental health team and doctor think that I am doing “okay” mental health wise considering what I went through two weeks ago even though I feel like I am going backwards with my mental health. It has been brought to my attention by a friend that I am having “unrealistic expectations” of myself and where I feel like I should be regarding my recovery after being hurt like I was and my mental health agrees. Hell, I agree because I wouldn’t expect my friend or my clients to be in a good place after being assaulted.

I am currently excited and anxious about going back to work this Sunday (August 20th). I am excited because I love my job and the people I work with as well as love the people I am able to serve. I am also excited to go back to work because I feel like the structure of work will help me get back to some form of normalcy of my life. Plus, structure tends to be something I need and crave due to my mental health disability as well as other disabilities such as ADHD. I am anxious to go back to work because I feel like I am going to be in trouble and that my supervisors will be more focused on how I am doing emotionally versus how I am doing the job. I know that my supervisors are super supportive however I am extremely self-conscious.

Being hurt like I was, it has brought up a lot of past traumas I have experienced in my life. It feels like I am experiencing most of the traumas all over again. I realize this is completely normal but I feel like I am abnormal. My therapist’s direct supervisor told me last Friday that “feelings are not facts.” Kind of hard to argue with that fact. Having C-PTSD sucks shit but at least I know what to do to help myself. One thing is to read as it helps me get out of my head and focus on something that doesn’t cause emotional pain. Another thing that helps in listening to music as I color. Also doing a mindfulness meditation is quite helpful. Something else that is helping is making sure I eat regularly as well as drinking plenty of water. Drinking plenty of water right now is key as the weather here in Seattle is hot and experiencing a heat wave. Of course my cat, Billie is quite helpful.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottome of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Sexuality Attack &Focusing on too much noice.

Posted on by Gertie

Right now I am in the emergency room at the University of Washington Medical Center. I am a was attacked by a neighbor I have to buy in a report if I decide to follow trough one. .I just donlt like waiting for hours to loud noise and over crouded lobby.

I am grateful that I can read about Taror fards/ I just wish wish I could be back in the back room as the lobby is gettingway too fog for me. zzzi will wrie later.

Too Long of a Post about Arts & Crafts

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I was to work today but sadly, I called in sick as I needed to take a mental health day. I have realized that I haven’t done much self care as it is needed to do in any line of work but especially the mental health field and greatly love my work with a passion.

Much to my surprise my family has been encouraging me to do some self care for myself. I am just shocked as hell that it came from my grandpa. I love my grandpa so much. In fact my dad has been encouraging me for weeks to do some self care which I plan on doing.

Just like my family, my friends have been insisting on me doing self care. I am so thrilled that I have friends that care about me. I have the best friends in the world.

As some of you know, I have Anxiety, Depression and Complex PTSD along with treatment resistant Insomnia. Having insomnia sucks and the lack of sleep makes the symptoms of my other mental health challenges that become more symptomatic.

Due to the lack of sleep, I make sure I do a mindfulness meditation practice to start the day when I get up as well as to end the day before bed time. I highly recommend doing some mindfulness meditation.

Anyway, I want to bring something up that might help me with my mental health and my job. First of reading as I love to read. I highly enjoy reading. I am currently reading The Sorority Murder by Allison Brennan. It is a very intriguing book.

As far as arts and crafts I plan on doing is nothing new especially when it comes to art work, specifically when it comes to coloring. I have also dabbled in painting but I am not very good at. I hope to do more painting and coloring especially since I ordered more coloring pages from Stuff2Color. The coloring stuff I got from Stuff2Color and still have a lot of canvas that I bought a while ago and haven’t done anything about. Now it is just time to by paint and paint brushes.

Now on to the crafts part of arts and crafts.I have ordered some Latch Hook stuff already and have ordered more so I can make them for people and their special day whatever that may be as well as donate to local nonprofits so when they have an auction it will hopefully bring in some money. I know not much money but every penny helps for nonprofits. I do need a lot of practice with a latch hook.

Of course,the other crafting I will be doing is crossing stitching. I did cross stitch back in my twenties and really enjoyed doing it. I am not sure why I stopped but I plan to start back up again. I hope to give people a finished product as well as give to local nonprofits who auction off such stuff during a big fundraiser.

Before I forge a friend of mine who is also a neighbor introduced a thing called Diamond Art. It looks intriguing to do as it seems it can take a while to do as there are so many little pieces. I ordered some and am looking forward to doing this Diamond Art.

Of course when I am doing arts or crafts, I will be listening to music or a podcast. Listening to music or podcasts helps me concentrate on being able to focus the text at hand which is Arts and Crafts.

I do not have more to say in this blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!