Tag Archives: Recovery

A Conference & An Emergency

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! This week has been quite a week. Parts of it emotional as an unexpected family emergency happened which I will tell you about later in the post. I started this week traveling from Seattle to Tacoma for a peer conference. Tacoma is about thirty miles south of Seattle. I took the Amtrak train as I love taking the train because it is really relaxing for me. It beats taking public transportation. One of my favorite parts of traveling by train happens to be the views I am able to see. I did take a picture of something that I normally don’t have time to take due to the speed of the trains but I was able to take a picture of another train. The train is pictured below:

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A picture of a BNSF train. Thankfully, both the train I was on and the BNSF train were going slow enough to capture the picture.

Anyway, when I arrived to the hotel for the peer conference I wasn’t expecting it to be as big as it was. It is a twenty six story hotel with a lot of amenities but sadly they did not have a swimming pool. As disappointed as I was that there was not a swimming pool, the view from my room on the twentieth floor was awesome. I had a view of Mount Rainier. Below is a picture of the view I had of Mount Rainier as well as the Tacoma Dome:

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View from my hotel room. Mount Rainier as the Tacoma Dome.

The peer conference was great and loved the fact the I was with about five hundred other people in recovery with a mental health challenge and/or a Substance Use Disorder (SUD). The workshops I attended were awesome and the best part about being at the conference was being able to volunteer and be of service to fellow peer counselors.

Sadly, during the morning keynote speaker on the second and final day, I received a call from my grandpa telling me that my dad was going to have emergency surgery later that day. My grandpa and I discussed that staying at the conference was the best thing for me to do since the surgery wasn’t going to be till four in the afternoon and that I would have plenty of support from my friends at the conference as sitting around the hospital wouldn’t be helpful for me. I went to a couple of friends to let them know what was going on and they agreed with my decision with staying at the conference for a few more hours because even though my dad was having emergency surgery it was scheduled for later in the day which was a good sign. My friends and I discussed that staying at the conference was a good idea but we all agreed that leaving at an earlier time would also be a good idea. So, I was able to arrange for someone to take over my volunteer duties and leave to take the three in the afternoon train instead of a train after the conference was over. I am grateful that I took the three o’clock train as my uncle picked me up and I dropped off my luggage at home and then went to the hospital.

As I waited at the hospital while my dad was getting surgery a lot of my fellow peer who are friends checked in with me via text or phone call. Having the support of friends and my family as my dad was getting surgery made me feel blessed. I am grateful for friends who have been checking up on me during my dads surgery as well as after his surgery. My dad did well during the surgery and is now in the ICU. He is doing well even though he is in the ICU. He has his sense of humor which is a great thing. I am glad my dad is doing better. I am beyond grateful to have friends in recovery checking in on me to see how I am doing and I am doing pretty good considering my dad had surgery.

I don’t have much more to say except thank you to my fellow peers for being there. I also want to thank you my reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope to tell you more about the conference and my dad in a later post. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Random Post About Things

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am still dealing with the symptoms of both PTSD and Depression which sucks shit. I wish I didn’t have to deal with any mental health diagnosis but sadly I do. There is not much I can do about having a mental health diagnosis except to use healthy coping skills.

Coping skills such as doing mindfulness and meditation practices. In fact this particular skill is something that I make an effort to do every morning on a way to start my day as I find if I quiet my mind at the beginning of the day, my day tends to be a more skillful day to where I can handle things more easily. I also try to use it throughout the day as mindfulness and meditation appears to help me reconnect with the present moment.

The thing I have been doing most of today that I have found quite helpful is writing. I am taking a creative writing class that is put on by an organization that puts on art and creative type of classes for low income people. Anyway, this quarter I am taking a creative writing class that focuses on characters and scenes but mainly characters and no it is not a play writing class. The organization that is putting on this class offers a variety of classes every quarter but you are only allowed to take one and this is the same organization I took my comics class with. Anyway, the instructor of the writing class assigns us homework so he can make comments on it so we know what to improve upon and what he thinks is great. The homework is not for grading but for feedback. I am really enjoying the class so far.

As much as I love to write, I was starting to come to a type of writers block in regards to my writing homework so I stopped and decided to do some things that needed to be done. One of those things that I needed to do was to make a doctors appointment with my primary care physician for my regular check up I have every two to three months. In fact I am about a month and a half over due for this appointment. After making my doctors appointment I went and picked up my meds. My psychiatric provider wants me to pick up my psych meds twice a week. So I pick them up ever Monday and Friday. There are reasons I will discuss at a later time on why I pick up my psych meds twice a week. I am not a big fan of it but if it is helpful for my recovery then I am willing to do so.

Now, I am about to go on to Spotify to listen to a podcast. Specifically, I will be listening to a podcast about philosophy. The philosophy podcast I will be listening to is Philosophize This. I am learning so much about philosophy from this particular podcast and am grateful for the learning for many different reasons. One such reason is it gives me something to discuss with others.

Since I will be listening to a podcast on philosophy I will also be coloring. I will be coloring the color page I have discussed with you as well as shared with you of what I had done. In fact I finally finished the bridge in the picture. In fact let me share with you what I have done thus far. The picture below is what I have accomplished so far:

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The picture I showed you in an earlier post except the bridge was just barely started and now the bridge is finished.

As you can tell from the picture above the bridge is complete but I have so much more coloring to do in the picture. I think, I will either work on the tree or the river next. Not sure what yet but will get to that once I turn on the philosophy podcast I am listening to.

Now that I have bored you to death with what I do to help myself when my PTSD and Depression act up, I am going to end this post. I also want to end the post so I can list to the philosophy podcast as well as color. But before I go, I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things as if it was for you my reader, I don’t think I would continue to blog and I would only journal. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great rest of your Monday. I also hope everyone has a great work week ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!

Fighting Off Depression & PTSD

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! At this moment in time I am struggling with the symptoms of both my Depression and PTSD. I am not sure why the symptoms of my PTSD and Depression are acting up but they are. I wish I was not struggling with Depression or PTSD at the moment or ever but sadly both are a part of my life.

Since I am dealing with Depression and PTSD symptoms I am doing a variety of things to help not make the symptoms get worse are at least that is my hope. Right now I have been focusing on getting things together for a peer conference I will be attending on August 27th and August 28th however I will be arriving August 26th as I will be volunteering once again at this particular conference. I have attended every except the first year. So that means, I have volunteered at the second and third year it occurred and now am volunteering at the fourth annual Peer Pathways Conference. I am preparing for the conference by making my travel plans and booking a spot on an Amtrak train. I love taking the train. Another thing I am taking care of is making sure my cat, Lil Gertie, will be taken care of. Thankfully, I have secured a reservation for an Amtrak train and have secured a cat sitter for my cat, Lil Gertie. So, I am looking forward to this conference as many of the seminars, happen to be training’s that will be helpful for my career as a Peer Counselor even though I am not currently employed as one at the moment. The best part of this conference is that it is totally free for me since I am volunteering. Well, the conference, food, and hotel stay are free but I have to pay for my own travel which is okay with me. I will be going to the Amtrak station tomorrow to purchase my train ticket for my travels to the conference in a week. When I am at the conference I will miss my cat, Lil Gertie a great deal but she will be in good hands.

Speaking of cats, Lil Gertie, has been a great help with dealing with the symptoms of both my PTSD and Depression. She has been extra snugly and cuddly today which is something I have been need all day. I love the way she just lays on my chest and purrs. Having, Lil Gertie pick up on the signs when I am struggling is great because she didn’t need any training to do so and I haven’t had her since a kitten which means when I adopted her last year, she was meant to be my emotional support cat.

Another thing I have been doing to help combat my PTSD and Depression is doing homework for the writing class I am taking. I am really enjoying the writing class as it is focusing on characters and later scenes and now it is not a play writing class. I am enjoying the fact that I am learning different types of characters and how they play a part in a story. Maybe I can share one of my homework assignments with you later on in the writing course I am taking.

Besides writing another creative way I have been trying to reduce my Depression and PTSD symptoms is art work. The genre of art I have been focusing on besides writing is coloring. Coloring has been quite helpful for me and plan on giving away the stuff I color away as gifts. I will be framing the finished coloring projects so people can put it on their walls. I love to color and have been coloring since I was a kid. I got made fun of as a teenager because I continued to color and now “adult coloring” is a thing and it is something I never stopped doing. Coloring relaxes me.

I don’t have much more to say because I would end up repeating myself and nobody wants that. I want to thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great week ahead. Peace Out, World!!!

A Workplace Post Do To Boredom

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am currently at work and wish I was at home asleep. I am more tired that I usually am and slightly bored at the moment. I wish I was able to take a nap but sadly that is frowned upon at work. As much as I wish I could take a nap at least I have about three and a half hours left of my shift. I get off at 8:30 in the morning and it is currently 5:00 in the morning.

Sadly, I forgot to brings the coloring poster page with me to work so I could work on it. Thankfully, I did bring some coloring pages from a coloring book to work on. Coloring helps pass the time when things get boring and nothing much to do as much of what needs to be done is at the beginning of the shift as well as the end of the shift. I am grateful that I have the ability to color while at work as many places won’t allow you to do so if there is nothing to do.

Since there is not much to do till six in the morning, I most likely will be watching yet another television show or movie on Netflix or Hulu. Watching movies or television on a streaming site helps pass the time when things get a little slow and boring here at work.

When I get off work I plan on getting some soda as I have been craving it since I finished my last one a couple of hours into my work shift. I plan on enjoying the soda on my way home from work. When I arrived home, I plan on taking a nap. Hopefully a nice long nap that is longer than an hour and a half. I am hoping that the nap I plan on taking when I arrive home is about three hours but I am not holding my breath on the fact.

I do not have much more to say at the moment. I want to thank you for reading my blog. I am greatly appreciative that you read my blog. Again, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart that you read my blog. I hope you all have a wonderful day ahead. In fact I hope you have an awesome and peaceful Sunday ahead of you. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is that time of week where I am going restart doing my weekly check ins on Saturdays. I will be doing my weekly check as part of my routine in regards to getting ready for work. As may or may not know my on call shelter counselor job is no longer an on call job for me as I now have a more permanent day I work. In fact I work Saturday nights from eight at night to eight thirty in morning on Sunday. I am not a huge fan work twelve and a hours at night but at least its a consistent schedule and not on call. Being on call was not helping my mental health symptoms and was about to quit my job if I didn’t start having a more consistent schedule.

As far a my as my week went it was pretty busy. On Monday and Tuesday I decided to deep clean my everything in my kitchen. Well everything but my fridge but I will do that next week. Most likely next Friday. It felt great that I deep cleaned my kitchen. I plan on deep cleaning the rest of my apartment as time goes on. I plan on making one day a week ordeal till I get my apartment clean like how I want it and not so cluttered.

Wednesday was a busy day for me. I saw my Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. We of course discussed meds and how I will be picking up my meds twice a week now since I tried attempting to die by suicide by taking a weeks worth of one of my meds about a month and a half ago. (No need to worry because I am currently not at risk of harming myself or attempting suicide.) We discussed how picking up my meds twice a week will be more helpful to me and my recovery for the time being. I am hopeful that I will be able to get my meds on the monthly basis again but my Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner and I both agree that this is the best option for me and my recovery right now. 

As far as Wednesday goes, it continues to get busier. I saw my therapist and we discussed a great deal of shit that was difficult yet extremely productive. We talked about DBT group and what we are working on in DBT. I discussed with him about the skill of Being Mindful of Current Emotion and how it is challenging for me. So we discussed how it was challenging it for me and my therapist gave me homework on this which I have mixed emotions about but realize that ultimately it will help me. My therapist and I also discussed me starting a new group the focuses on learning skill for PTSD called Trauma Symptom Management. I told him I would be willing to try it just as long as there is no processing of trauma as I am only ready to process my trauma with him, my therapist, and he understood.

Something else I did on Wednesday was start another Path With Art class that is a writing class. When I initially read it I thought “cool a writing class” and then reread a couple of my times and thought I misread the first time because I thought it was an acting class as was fearful that since I got accepted into the class that I would be out of my element. Turns out that I read it right the first time and that it is a writing class. Yes, I love to write but this writing class will slightly put me out of my comfort zone as we will focus on various types of characters and how they play a role in any story as well as focus on the type of scenes they tend to be in. So this particular art class in focused on writing and not art. I did want to do other classes but they would interfere with some of my group therapy.  I am so grateful and relieved that the character and scene writing class is not an acting class as I would be totally out of my element and completely out of my comfort zone. At least with it being a writing class and with the type of writing it is, I will only be slightly out of my comfort zone.

As far as Thursday went. The main thing I did was go to Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) group. We discuss Mindful of Current Emotion for the second week in a row as it appears that most of us in the group struggle with it from time to time. I am glad that I am working on this particular skill in both DBT group as well as in individual therapy as it is something that I need to work on or at least that’s the universes way of saying I need to work.

Friday, was pretty much my lazy day. I blogged three times and did some art work. In one of my blog post I even showed you what I started on. Yes, I did do some more coloring and hope to post the progress tomorrow after I get home and take a nap. Art work tends to help me a great deal just like writing does. As far as coloring goes, it helps me become mindful of the present moment.

As far as today (Saturday) is concerned, I slept through the entire day. I slept through it because I work a twelve and a half hour night shift. I am not a big fan of working twelve and a half hour shift especially at night but at least I have a job that gives me some meaning in my life as well as the structure I need for my recovery. No matter how long or even sometimes challenging work can be, I always seem to have a sense of accomplishment after I get of work.

Well, it appears I don’t have much more to write or check in about how my week went. I want to thank you for reading my long winded blog post. I also want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog as it means a great deal to me that you do. I hope everyone enjoy what is left of Saturday. I also hope everyone enjoys the rest of their weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

I Am a Human NOT a “Monster”

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Earlier this week President Trump did a speech in response to multiple mass shooting here in the United States. He specifically mentioned El Paso, Texas and very briefly mentioned Dayton, Ohio. He angered me a great deal with comments he made about those who have mental health challenges. He did surprise the hell out of me when he condemned racism however I find it hypocritical of him doing so as he entices people to be racist as I personally think he is one whether or not people acknowledge or not.

It appears that most if not all mass shootings that happen here in the United States are done by white males who do not have a diagnosed mental health challenge. It also appears from my perspective that no matter who the president is at the time of a mass shooting that if it is done by a white man everyone tends to go to the person being “mentally ill.” Why don’t we call it what it is, hate toward a particular minority group. We all know if a mass shooting done by a person of color or a Muslim the cops would have automatically considered it terrorism and would have been shot dead. Sadly, since it is white males doing the mass shootings they are not shot dead and it is not considered terrorism when I and many others think it is terrorism. I am sick and tired of people think that those who do mass shootings are mentally ill when that is not the fact. Studies show that only two to five percent of the violent crimes done in this country are done by people who are diagnosed with a mental illness and those who are diagnosed with a mental health challenge are more likely to be the victims of a violent crime than the perpetrator of a violent crime.

Now as far as Trump goes I am angered by what he said in his speech earlier this week in response to the mass shootings. He said that mentally ill are “Twisted Monsters” as well as “Mentally Ill Monsters.” I am sorry President Trump but I am NOT a monster, I am a HUMAN. A human that will not be violent toward anyone else but myself. (Don’t worry I am not currently at risk at harming myself.) President Trump comments like yours just adds more stigma and discrimination toward people with mental health challenges. Mental illness is considered a disability and you call folks with a certain disability “monsters” is not cool and hateful. Sadly, you being hateful toward people that are not like you is nothing new and wish you would stop it however you appear to not give a shit. People with mental health challenges are NOT monsters and we are HUMANS so please respect us.

Okay, I have nothing more to say about this topic. I want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a good Friday. I also hope everyone has an awesome weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Attempting to Go Back to Basics With Blogging

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! As I was attempting to take a nap that sadly was unsuccessful, I thought of ways that I could blog on the regular basis. One of the first things I thought about doing but decided not to do at this moment in time was doing one of the courses WordPress puts on. I have decided to not do this as I am busy trying to build structure in my life and yes that would be helpful however the other things in my life I need to build structure in are slightly more important than taking a course that is everyday. When it comes to building structure in regards to my blog is committing to blogging three times a week. So, two of my post will be something that I have done before and that would be, Sundays I will do a post on my weekly plans to give you an idea of what my week will look likes. A good portion of my weeks are pretty much the same but I like to give you all an idea of the ways I attempt to be a productive adult. Another thing I plan on doing is giving a weekly update on Saturdays despite needing to sleep all day due to working Saturday nights. I think this will be doable if I plan it just right and I have faith in myself that I can make this possible. As far as the third post, I am not sure what day I will do it or what I will discuss. It might be just a random post of what ever is going on at the moment.

I also hope to possibly post a fourth post a week that involves showing the art the I am working on. Or even posting pictures of the cute things my cat does. So maybe having a fourth and fifth post that involve pictures of my art and my cat. I have noticed that when I post pictures I tend to get more people looking at the post. I also realize that if I post on the regular basis whether or not pictures are involve people tend to not loose interest in reading my blog and will continue to read it.

I do not have much more to post about in regards to blogging. I do hope to blog again later today in regards to my issues with Trump. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you so much for reading my blog from the bottom of my heart. I hope everyone has a great Friday. I also hope everyone as an awesome weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

An Early Sunday Morning Post At Work

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As, I write this blog post, I am at work. As I may or may not have told you, I work at a homeless shelter for young adults (18-25). My shifts are once a week at night for twelve hours. The first two and a half hours as well as the last two and a half hours are the hours that the busiest and the seven hours in between are the slowest as well as the most boring. As much as it is boring and slow, I find things to keep me occupied. Yes, I do have work things to do which I do however I also get to do other things like blog, color, reading, and go on Facebook. Right now, I am listening to music as write this blog post. I am listening to my childhood play list on Spotify.

This past week has been one of isolation due to the symptoms of my depression. With that being said, I did go to DBT group on Thursday and therapy on Friday. DBT group went well. We discuss a great deal especially on the skill of Mindful of Current Emotion. It was nice to have discussed this particularly because I tend to not want to be mindful of my emotions as they tend to be painful. As far as therapy on Friday it turned out to be a difficult yet extremely productive session. We discussed a couple of things that needed to talked about and through. My therapist even referred me to another group. A group that I did several years ago but willing to do it again as I am in agreement with my therapist that it could be helpful.

Something else I did this past week was order some coloring pages from Stuff2Color.com. I am looking forward to starting some new coloring project and hopefully have them finished by Christmas so I could give them as gifts to others. On the plus note about the coloring as it is helpful for me as it tends to be a type of mindfulness for me.

I am looking forward to later today so I can start reading a new book a colleague has lent me. It is about a story of a young person who is experiencing some hardships. So, of course it is something that is of interest of me. Reading someone else’s story is something that inspires me as well as it gives me hope.

Since, I do not have much more to write about, I am going to end this blog post. But before I go I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you so very much for reading my blog. I hope every has a wonderful day of them as well as an awesome week ahead. I know I plan on having a good week despite having some unwanted chores and errands ahead for the week. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 9: Writing & Not Writing

Posted on by Gertie

Today’s assignment is in regards to writing and what I as person does when I am not writing. I don’t know if I do anything different from everybody else on the everyday basis. I eat, sleep, work, chores and do everyday adulting.

As far as doing other things I play the flute. I am not any good at it. When I say I am not any good at playing the flute, I mean I am not good enough to make money off of playing the flute. Music is major part of my life and I personally think if it wasn’t for music I wouldn’t have a high school diploma. Being in marching and concert band in high school is what helped me stay and graduate high school.

Another thing that I do when I am not writing is art work. I do various forms of art. Specifically, I mainly color, paint and some collaging. I even do a combination of the type of art I do. Art helps me release emotions I am unable to express with words.

Last but not least, when I am not writing, I spend time with my cat, Lil Gertie. My cat, Lil Gertie is everything to me. She has been a major blessing in my life and am forever grateful for her. I do not know what I would do without her. She is such a sweet and loving cat. She gives me unconditional love and all she wants back is attention and wet food which I am happy to give her.

Well, I do not know what else to write about so I guess I will end this blog post. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a good weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 8: Reinvent the Letter Format

Posted on by Gertie

Dear Abuser,

This is the part of the letter I would say hello and ask how you are doing but you don’t deserve any of that. You don’t deserve it because of all the shit you put me through as a child. Hell, I am still feeling the affects of what I experienced at your hands. What you put me through as a child has caused me to become angry and led to a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD) which is absolutely no fun. Having to relive what I experienced at your hands when I was child and now reliving as an adult is scary as fuck. I am beyond angry with you and the many times you have harmed me.

The only good things that came out of you harming me is the ability to play music on the flute and art. If it wasn’t for both art and music my life would be a whole lot different. Art and music has given me an outlet to deal with the traumatic events I experienced at your hands.

I don’t have much more to tell you except that you are an absolute asshole and deserve to be in prison for the rest of your life. Sadly, you never had the opportunity to experience that kind of justice because I was too scared to do so.

Angerly  Yours,

Gertie