Tag Archives: Recovery

Getting Ready For First Solo Shift

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I attempted to say awake as long as I could last night so I could sleep a good portion of today.  I went to bed at about three o’clock in the morning and got up when my alarm clock went off at five o’clock this evening.

To tell you the truth I am having some anxiety over my first solo shift. I know that there will be other staff around at the shelter downstairs however I am still having some anxiety over it. This time around I won’t have the luxury of being able to take a nap like I was able to do during my shadowing shifts. Yup, that means I have be awake for the entire twelve hours and hope I am able to make it.

I must admit I am still a little sleepy even thought I slept pretty well. At least I got a good days sleep. I just hope my shift goes by fast and not so slowly. I am bringing things to do when things get slow tonight. I am planning on bringing some art work. Actually, the art I am taking happens to be coloring supplies. I am also taking the fantasy I picked back up and didn’t finish so it is my goal to read a few or so chapters tonight. I also hope I can have time to blog during my shift if I am able to do so.

I think I should finish up this post as I need to finish getting reading for work.  If I don’t blog sometime tonight during my shift I will blog tomorrow about how my shift went. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. You my reader are all awesome. Peace Out, World!!!

Phuck It, I’m Going To Bed

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I attempted to stay up all night but unfortunately I am unable to do so. It is three o’clock in the morning in my neck of the woods and tried to stay up to seven o’clock in the morning. I tried to stay up to seven in the morning my time because I have to be at work at eight o’clock at night and work a twelve hour night shift so if I slept through the day, the twelve hour night shift wouldn’t be so bad.

Things I have done to try to stay up was voting. Washington (State) has an all mail in ballot voting. So, I decided I would vote and now my ballot is in the mail box. I am not going to say who I voted for or what initiatives I voted for but I voted and hope that it counts. Hell, each persons vote counts.

One of the things I also did to try to stay awake is by doing art work. Specifically, I colored. I colored some prisms and mandala’s. It was nice and relaxing.

I also binge watched some television on a couple of streaming sights. It was helpful in keeping me awake but not helpful enough.

I just hope going to bed at three o’clock in the morning doesn’t make my shift at eight o’clock at night a long twelve hour long night shift. I hope I get a good nights or in my case days sleep so my shift doesn’t go by slowly or I don’t get tired. I guess what I am saying is I am really tired. I hope I am able to get enough sleep and not wake up too early for a twelve hour night time work shift. I am probably not making very much sense right now since I am so tired and attempting to stay awake as long as possible so I can make it through twelve hour night shift.

Thank you for reading my blog!!! I am grateful that you read it. Maybe when I have a free moment at work later on tonight I can post cause I know I will have time on my hands. Again thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciative from my end. I hope everyone has a good nights sleep and/or good day at work. Peace Out, World and Good Night.

Thinking Of Ways To Stay Awake

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, once again, World!!! I am extremely tired and am more than reading to go to bed and most likely will be able to fall right to sleep however I am trying to stay awake as I work a twelve hour night shift for Thursday night into Friday morning. Right now it is 1:30 in the morning and it is officially Thursday morning. Late night television is done for the night and now I have to figure out ways to stay awake so I can sleep during the day.

I think after I am done posting this blog, I will take a shower as it will help me wake up. Taking a nice long shower helps me relax as well as wake me up. So I think that is what I am going to do after I am done posting.

After taking a shower, I am most likely going to be doing some binge watching some television. Not sure what television shows I will be watching but I know I will be binge watching some form of television show.

As I binge watch some form of television show I will do some art work. Actually, I most likely will be coloring as it is something that can be done with watching television. Coloring and binge watching television is quite helpful with keeping me awake.

Needing to stay awake all night to sleep during the day so I can stay awake for a twelve hour night shift is difficult at first. But I am sure once I get a regular schedule it won’t be as difficult. As difficult as it is to stay awake so I can sleep during the day so I can stay awake at work, my boss is appears to be quite supportive. He stated that if I needed help staying awake during my shift Thursday night into Friday morning, I could call him and he will help me stay awake. But I feel like doing what I am doing is the best way to stay awake for my shift for Thursday night into Friday morning. It is my first shift by myself.

My therapist informed me that when I get off on Friday morning, that I could call him to check in with him. He also stated that if I am not too busy sleeping during the day on Thursday that I could call him to check in about my anxiety regarding my first shift by myself.

I want to thank you for reading my blog and putting up with all the post tonight. I hope that the shower I take helps keep me awake so I can do some binge watching television as well as some coloring. Again, thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I am grateful for each one of you. If it was not for you my reader, my blog would not exist. I hope that if it is night time where you live that you are having a good night sleep. If it is not night time where you are, I hope that you have a good day. Again thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Midnight Madness & Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is officially twelve midnight in my corner of the world. I am tired as hell and personally, I probably could fall asleep now but I am attempting to stay awake all night as I have to work Thursday night from 8:00 pm to Friday morning at 8:00 am. I am attempting to stay awake all night since I have to be awake all night Thursday night so I can sleep all day on Thursday.

I watched the eleven o’clock news as I posted my last post. There was really nothing really good in the news which is normal. I guess according to the weather person, it is suppose to rain tonight and tomorrow which is typical for Seattle. It just hasn’t really been rainy which is unusual for this time of year in Seattle.

Right now, besides blogging, I am watching television. I am watch late night television. Once the late night television is done, I will then binge watch television or movies on Hulu and/or Netflix. Not sure exactly what I will watch. I just know I need to stay awake as long as possible so I can sleep during the day since I work a twelve hour night shift on Thursday night.

Well, as a reminder that might be quite annoying to you. I would really like you my reader to click on to the advertisements that are on my blog. Every time an advertisement is clicked on and fully loaded, I get money. I earn as little as a few cents and as much as few dollars per click of an ad. So please do me a favor and click on an ad or two at least once if not twice a week if you read my blog that often. I want the extra money to pay for gifts for my friends and family for the holiday season. Yes, I know its only October but I like to make sure the gifts I give are special to my loved ones.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great night. I hope that if you live in the United States or Canada that you having a good nights sleep. Again, thank you for reading. Good night, once again. Peace Out, World!!!

11:00 pm Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is eleven o’clock at night in my corner of the world. I went to a work training this evening and enjoyed it immensely. Talking about work I was asked earlier today (Wednesday) if I could cover someone’s shift tomorrow (Thursday) night and I said yes. I need the hours and extra money. It is going to be my first shift by myself and I am okay with that. At least I know that there will be two other staff members downstairs managing the emergency shelter that if I need help that I will be able to get it. So, even though I am sleepy right now and could maybe fall asleep, I am trying to stay up all night so I can sleep tomorrow during the day. Like I have said before my shifts are at night. They are from 8:00 pm to 8:00 am. So, I figure if I stay awake tonight I can sleep tomorrow and manage to stay awake during my twelve hour night shift tomorrow (Thursday).

Besides attending a training for work today, I also went to a group therapy session. The group was about communication. I enjoyed the group and I plan on going to it next Wednesday. I am hoping it will help me with my communication skills especially when it comes to health communication.

I not only attended group therapy, I saw my therapist today. We discussed the assault that happened to me at the hospital a few days ago. We also discussed the shooting that happened in front of my apartment building earlier today. We discussed how both can affect my mental health specifically my PTSD.  I really like my therapist and he is really good at his job.

Before I forget I emailed my supervisor and three others from work regarding my disability without divulging too much about it. I discussed with them in the email two my accommodations and will let them know my other accommodations by November 2nd which is in a week and two days. I am proud of myself for letting my employer know about my disability and my needs regarding my disability.

I need to figure out away to stay up all night or at least most of the night so I can sleep during the day tomorrow (Thursday) so I can work effectively Thursday night into Friday morning.  So, if I post a great deal tonight, it is because I am trying to stay awake and not sleep. It will have nothing to do with not being able to not sleep. Who knew blogging would help me stay awake for me to sleep during the day.

Well, I am sure I will be blogging again later tonight. Not sure what I will be blogging about later on but I am sure some of it will be a bunch bullshit nobody really wants to read or hear about. So I hope that the blogging through the night will not only help me but help you my reader.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. It means a lot to me from the bottom of my heart. Again, thank you for reading. I hope all of you have a good nights sleep as I attempt to stay awake so I can sleep during the day tomorrow (Thursday) so I can stay awake for work Thursday night. Good night everyone. Peace Out, World

Two O’clock in the Morning Bullshit

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is two o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world and all I have to say is a bunch of bullshit for being in the middle of the night. Bullshit that is nothing but a bunch of randomness. I, of course obviously can not sleep if I am blogging at this time of night. I did get a few hours of sleep in since I posted my last post which is a good thing.

Right now, with the way I things are going I have to make sure I use my Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) skills. My DBT skill have helped me a great deal over the last seventeen years. Yes, the DBT skills helped me in both the good a bad times. Right now my DBT skills are helping me with being somewhere in the middle of good and bad.

One of the things I am going to do is do some art work. I have been working a great deal on combining two genres of art and this painting and collaging. As awesome as it has been combining the two genres, I feel like now is not the time to work on neither painting or collaging and even both. So the art the I am going to focus on right now is coloring. Coloring is a mindfulness skill for me and it is quite meditative to me.

Speaking mindfulness and meditation I will also be doing some mindfulness and meditation practices. As they help me put me in a better place than I am in even if I am in a great place.

I, of course will be doing some binge watching some television tonight. Not sure what show I will be watching but it will be on one of the streaming sites a subscribe to. That will either be Netflix or Hulu but again not sure what type of television I will be watching. Hell, I might even watch a movie instead of television. I am pretty sure you don’t like the ads on my blog as I don’t either but I don’t get paid till I hit $100 and I am barely at $50. So once I get paid I will take of the advertisements off of my blog. So please click on the advertisements once or twice a week so I can get the $100 I need to get paid so I can get gifts for friends and family for the holiday season.

Again, I want to bring up some bullshit I keep bringing up in recent post and hope that you can do me the favor of clicking on the advertisements that appear on my blog. Every time someone clicks on an advertisement and lets it load all the way, I get anywhere from a few cent to a couple of dollars.

I want to thank you all for reading my post especially this one since it is a bullshit post. The main bullshit of this post is me asking you to click on the advertisements on my blog as each click does give me money but I don’t receive that money till it hits $100 which sucks but what can I do about it. Nothing. Thank you again for reading my blog as it is much appreciated. I hope you continue to read my and even click on an advertisement or two. Peace Out, World!!!

Tuesday Evening Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! As I mentioned in my last post I slept most of the day due to being in the hospital most of the night due to being evaluated for self harm urges. I, obviously was not hospitalized. I’ve been doing some things to keep me busy since I have been up since I slept all day due to being in the hospital all night.

My therapist and I talked again this afternoon and came up with a plan on what to do when I start feeling unsafe with myself again. He was also mentioning to not forget about the things I have to live for which was quite helpful because we came up with a list of things to live for.

Since I have been awake this evening, I have been spending a lot of time with Lil Gertie, my cat. She appears to be enjoying all the attention I have been giving her. She has been purring up a storm and following me around like a lost puppy.

I also have been making dinner and of course I ate my dinner. I had a hamburger patty and mac and cheese with a piece of apple pie for my dinner. While I made and ate my dinner, I also watched the evening news. As always the news was mostly nothing but negative which sucks shit.

Now that the news is over with for now, I think I am going to read. I will be of course reading Wonder Woman comic books as it is an easy read and eye candy. I will also continue to read the fantasy book I have been reading and picked back up since I never finished reading it. I am so glad the my concentration is getting better and I owe that to the fact the depression is getting slightly better.

Another thing I am going to be doing is some art work. I will be coloring like I always do. I will also be doing some combination of art genre’s. That is painting as well as adding some collaging to the painting. This combination of genre comes out pretty cool looking. Or at least I think it comes out looking out pretty cool.

As a reminder to you my reader and I am sure it annoys the hell out of you because I know advertisements annoy the hell out of me. I have advertisements on my blog because every time someone clicks on one of the ads and lets the ad load completely I get paid for it. I can earn anything from a few cents to a few dollars per ad click. I would greatly appreciate if you would click on one or two ads a week to help me earn some extra money so I can buy some holiday gifts for my friends and family when their specific holiday comes along. I would like to give them a gift out of appreciation for being there for me.

I want to thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope to post again sometime this evening and if I don’t then I plan on posting tomorrow. Having regular readers is greatly appreciated. Have a wonderful evening and enjoy the rest of your Tuesday. Peace Out, World!!!

Tired As Hell

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am still tired as hell from last night with no sleep.I did get a two hour nap in when I came home from day treatment. I was a little disappointed that Art Group was cancelled today as I was looking forward to it.

When I was at the mental health agency I am a client of for day treatment, I ended up talking to the therapist who was the crisis clinician on call for the day during business hours. I talked to her for about twenty minutes and came up with a safety plan. After about twenty minutes my own therapist was available to talk with me for about another fifteen minutes. We continued to safety plan. We discussed a little about what happened at the hospital yesterday.

Anyway, after coming home from day treatment, I played with my cat for about an hour before she got annoyed and wanted to be alone. I ended up taking a nap and guess who joined me for my nap. That’s right, my cat Lil Gertie.

I still feel like self harming and after I am finished with this post, I plan on going to the hospital again. I am going because I am not feeling safe with myself and the injuries that accrued from another patient last night are getting worse and want to get them checked out again.

Yes, I have used my DBT skills. One of the skills I used was my art work. I did a great deal of coloring with my new colored pencils and coloring books. I also did some collaging. I actually added some of the collaging to some of the paintings I did over the weekend.

Before I end this post, I am going to ask you again to do me a huge favor. I have advertisements on my blog. If you click on the advertisements and let them fully load, I can earn anywhere from a few cents to a few dollars. I figure each add clicked will be helpful for me to buy gifts for people I love for the holidays which ever holiday they celebrate.

As I end this post, I want to reassure you that I will be safe as I am taking myself to the hospital. Mainly to get my injuries looked at that happened yesterday at the hospital but also to help keep myself safe from myself with having urges to self harm. Again, I will be safe as I take myself to the hospital. Who knows maybe I will be able to take a little nap in while getting checked out at the hospital as I am still tired as hell.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end. I hope that I am not worrying any of you with how things are going with me as of lately. I do feel like things are starting to slightly improve which is a big deal for me. Again, thank you for reading and I hope to update you when I get up from the hospital and if I don’t I hope to update you tomorrow. Have a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Phuck This Sh*t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, once again, World!!! I was almost asleep when the stupid fire alarm decided to go off once again. This time it was a malfunctioning fire alarm. So apparently, sleep is not in the cards for me.  Having the fire alarm go off five times sucks shit. Three off those times was due to the fire alarm malfunctioning while the other two time people decided to cook food while doing drugs and caught their stove on fire.

So, since it is apparent that I won’t be getting any sleep, I plan on going to day treatment instead of staying home. That means I will be going to art group. Hopefully, I will be able to meet with my therapist for about fifteen minutes to check in with him after what happened to me last night at the hospital.

I guess all that has happened since going to the hospital yesterday afternoon and the frequent fire alarms at home are getting to me. Getting to me enough that I need to not be in isolation mode. That is why I am going to day treatment and then art group.

Everything that has gone on has triggered my PTSD greatly. Having triggered PTSD sucks shit. I wish I didn’t have PTSD. In fact anyone who has PTSD wishes they didn’t have it.

Thank you for reading my blog. Even though its the third post in just barely over three hours. It is greatly appreciated. Have a great week everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

UGH!!! Not Another F*cking Fire Alarm

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, once again, World!!! Right after I posted my last post, the fire alarm went off once again. This time another neighbor decided to cook while doing drugs. So this is the second time the fire alarm went of due to someone cooking while doing drugs today and the fourth time the fire alarm went off because the first two times the fire alarm malfunctioned.

Due to the lack of sleep due to the assault that happened to me at the hospital yesterday as well as the fire alarm going off multiple time for different reasons, I might not go to art group early this afternoon. I have been triggered way too many times within the last eighteen hours to even think about going to art group even though I really want to attend art group.

I emailed my therapist last night to get a hold of me at some point today as he gets into the office at some point after twelve noon. Hopefully, he will listen to my voicemail as well as well as read my email and will get back to me today even though I see him tomorrow (Tuesday).

I also emailed my doctor this morning in hopes she gets it at some point today to see if I need to see her this week in regards to my hand and black eye that I received from another patient at the hospital last night (Sunday) instead of my regular appointment with her next week. My doctor is pretty cool.

I do have to say that my therapist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, doctor and the social worker at my doctors office are all pretty cool and in the loop about both my physical and mental health. It is great to have a great health care team even if they are not at the same facility or agency.  I am happy that they keep in communication with each other.

I hope I am able to get some sleep so I can be able to attend art group at one this afternoon. I don’t want to be a cranky bucket if I got to art group. Art really helps me express my emotions especially after multiple triggering moments in a short period of time.

Thank you so very much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I think I am going to go and attempt to take a nap as I really want to attend art group this afternoon. I hope everyone has a great work week and those who don’t work I to wish you a great week. Happy Monday. Peace Out, World!!!