Tag Archives: Sleep

A Workplace Post

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Currently it is 4:30 in the morning in my corner of the world and I am at work. I am at work against my better judgement and that in itself is a long ass story. I just know that being on call at night for a twelve hour shift is reeking havoc on my mental health as well as my physical health. My therapist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, employment specialist (job/career coach) and doctor all agree that my current employer is not exactly the best fit for me and I have to agree with them. I just wish it wasn’t true but sadly it is. The people I work with are awesome however being on call for a twelve hour night shift is not good for me especially in the sleep department. If I had a more consistent schedule even if it is a night shift, I think it would be a better fit for me. When it comes to working nights I have my doubts to if it would be a good fit but it will have to be a more consistent schedule.

I don’t have much more to say or at least not at the moment without getting emotional about it. I hope to post later on today about what has been going on for me. I am just glad I have the support I do from my treatment teams. I hope everyone has a good day. Peace Out, World!!!!

Not So Good Mental Health Day

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! Today has been one of those not so good days in regards to my mental health symptoms. A day where I have experienced extreme loneliness as well as isolation. Of course some of the isolation is a protective fact so I don’t have an emotional outburst on anyone.

I just wish my depression and dissociation wasn’t acting up so bad. To make matters worse my voices are screaming at the moment. At least I am not suicidal nor do I have urges to self harm and that is always a plus.

My cat, Lil Gertie has been helping me a great deal. She has been been at my side or on my lap the entire day or at least in my waking moments. I have been sleeping a great deal today. Maybe because of the lack of sleep last night or because of the depression or maybe a combination of both. My music has been playing nonstop as it helps a great deal with the voices. I have also been doing a lot of art today. Mainly I have been coloring but I have done other forms of art. I just wish I wasn’t so lonely or even isolating. At least I have my cat, Lil Gertie.

I don’t have much more to say. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Saturday. Peace Out, World!!!

Depressed on a Beautiful Sunny Monday

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is a beautiful Monday morning in Seattle and all I feel like doing is sleeping the day away due to the fact that my depression appears to be acting up. All I want to do is curl up in bed and just stay there. I am not sure why my depression is acting up but it is something to keep an eye on.

Since I am depressed and feel like sleeping and/or curled up in bed all day, I am in need of doing some good self care today. Self care that includes several basic things that people tend to take for granted. Things like eating. When I am depressed I tend to not eat which is not a good thing which means I personally need to focus on eating. Eating healthy yet comforting foods.

Another form of good self care for me is to do some art work. Specifically coloring. For me coloring is a type of mindfulness as well as meditation. When you color being mindful of what you are coloring is key. It is also a type of meditation as it can have a meditative aspect to it.

I do not have much more to say. I just know I need to eat breakfast as well as take a shower. I have not taken a shower since Wednesday evening and I know I am stinking. I am thinking I am going to have Maple and Brown Sugar Oatmeal. Maple and Brown Sugar Oatmeal is semi-healthy and very much a comfort food for me.

I think I am going to end this post as I really need to make sure I need to eat. Plus, I need to take a shower and go get my meds from the pharmacy. I want to thank you for reading my blog. I am extremely appreciative of you reading my blog. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great day as well as a great work week. Peace Out, World!!!

An Ambien Written Post

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It about 2:15 in the morning on a Tuesday in my corner of the world. In fact I am sure some places in the world are ending their Tuesday as other parts of the world like where I live is just starting out their Tuesday.

Right now I am unable to sleep despite attempting to get to sleep. So, now I am up and decided to write a post as I hope that maybe writing will help. I love to write weather it’s blogging, journaling, poetry or short stories. For some reason it is quite helpful for me when I am needing to clear my mind.

Since I am unable to sleep I decided to put on some music. In fact, the playlist I am listening to at the moment, I titled, Childhood Memories, as it is songs I remember from my childhood. Most of the songs I have heard over and over again. Some how music helps me.

Before, I decided to write a blog post, I decided to color. I love to color. It is a form of both mindfulness and meditation for me. It helps me be in a place of relaxation as well helps me turn out the outside noise that the world brings in.

To be honest with you all, I am going to have to look at this post later on today as well as the art work I colored because I took an Ambien when I started coloring about an hour ago. So, yes, I am writing under the influence of Ambien. This post should be an interesting post to reread. In fact I am sure my coloring might be interesting to look at after the ambien wears off and I am able to get some sleep. I think I am going to go to bed now as I am extremely sleepy now from the ambien and I will leave my music on as it helps me sleep.

I do not have much else to say as if I continue to write I most likely will be repeating myself. My cat is meowing at me from my bed in the bedroom so I am thinking she is telling me it is way past my bed time. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Peace Out, World!!

A Goodnight Post

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is 11:30pm on Monday night in my corner of the world and I am getting sleepy so I think it is time to go to bed. Even though I am really sleepy and about to go to bed, I want to continue to read the book I am reading. In fact I have been reading since my last blog post. A cool thing is that my cat, Lil Gertie, has been cuddling with me for most of the last few hours as I read.

Tomorrow, I don’t have much going except that I have an appointment with my therapist. I really need to attend my appointment tomorrow (Tuesday) as I miss my appointment last week. We have a great deal to discuss as well as work on. My therapist is extremely cool and he cares about his clients or at least that has been my experience.

Other than seeing my therapist tomorrow, I don’t have much else planned. I think I am going to do the same thing I did today, tomorrow. That is to have scented candles burning with music blaring as I read or do some form of art. Not sure what type of art yet but some form of art. I figure if I do what I did today it will help me be more chill especially since I have a therapy appointment tomorrow. Therapy is never easy and if I am able do good self care tomorrow like I did today then I will be all good for the most part.

Good self care is an essential part of being in recovery. For me, what I did today is only part of my self care routine and is something I enjoy. Of course, I can’t always do today’s form of self care because of responsibilities I have to tend to but when I am able to do what I did today, it is well worth it. Self care looks differently for everyone and it changes daily.

I don’t have much more to say. Thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a good nights sleep. Goodnight and Peace Out, World!!!

In Need of Going to the Hospital

Posted on by Gertie

Good Monday Morning, World!!! It is just a few minutes after two o’clock in the morning and I am have some pretty severe symptoms regarding my mental health challenges. Specifically, it is my depression that I am really struggling with, right along with my PTSD symptoms. The symptoms of my mental health challenges are quite overwhelming and causing me some concern. Concern enough for me to take myself to the Emergency Room.

I say that it is concerning enough to take myself to the hospital because I am having extremely high urges to self harm. I fear that I can do some serious harm to myself if I do not take myself to the hospital. Sadly, I also have some suicidal thoughts with a plan and this lead me to realize that I NEED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL AND WILL TAKE MYSELF TO THE HOSPITAL BEFORE I DO ANY HARM TO MYSELF IN ANYWAY, AFTER I AM DONE WRITING THIS POST. I just don’t like feeling like this and wish taking myself to the hospital wasn’t an option but it is needs to be an option as I want to live and not die nor harm myself myself in any way.

The things that have been keeping me safe to this moment in time is my cat, Lil Gertie. She has been by my side since I woke up yesterday (Sunday) evening. She some how knows with her animal intuition that I am struggling at the moment. I personally think if it wasn’t for my cat, Lil Gertie, I would have attempted to die by suicide but thankfully I have not. I have not due to the fact that I have a responsibility to my cat, Lil Gertie. Lil Gertie doesn’t need to be an orphan once again nor in yet another animal shelter. It is because of my cat, Lil Gertie, that I am taking myself to the hospital to keep myself safe so I DON’T ATTMEPT TO DIE BY SUICIDE NOR SELF HARM. I WILL NOT SELF HARM OR ATTEMPT TO DIE BY SUICIDE because I owe it to Lil Gertie, my cat, to be around to take care of her.

The other thing that has been helping keeping me safe from self harming or attempting to die by suicide to reading an awesome book called Yesternight by Cat Winters. It has been helping me great deal to keep me out of my own head and not think of about self harm urges or being suicidal. It is an awesome book and I highly recommend the book, Yesternight by Cat Winters.

The other thing beside my cat and reading, is doing some art. I have been painting. Painting to see if it will help me put some words on to the emotions I am feeling in regards to my current state of my of suicidal plans and self harm urges. It helps help a great deal but not enough to help me not go into the emergency room. I am grateful that I was able to express how I am feeling through the art of painting.

I do not have much more to say in this post. I just want to let you all now that I WILL NOT SELF HARM NOR WILL I ATTEMPT TO DIE BY SUICIDE AS I WILL BE GOING TO THE HOSPITAL VIA A LYFTONCE I AM DONE WRITING THIS POST. NO THIS IS NOT AN APRIL FOOL’S JOKE NOR IS IT A PRANK!!! I want tho thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated and yes, if I do get hospitalized for psych reasons, I do have people who can cat sit my my cat, Lil Gertie!!!. Thank you again for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a good Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Midnight & Unable to Sleep

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Twelve Midnight, World!!! Since it is officially twelve midnight in my corner of the world, that means it is officially Monday in Seattle. I really do not think I will be able to sleep tonight in part of insomnia but mainly because I slept most of the day on Sunday.

As I am writing this post my cat, Lil Gertie, is wanting to much needed attention. I have been giving her a great deal of attention since I woke up late afternoon, early evening yesterday (Sunday) due to sleeping most of the day. I am not really sure why I slept most of Sunday but I did. I sure know that Lil Gertie, my cat, will be happy that I will be on her “wake schedule” so I can play with her and give her some attention. I love my cat, Lil Gertie, as she has been quite helpful to me in regards to my emotional and mental health. When I went to go to adopt a cat, I went to the same place everyday for a week and she as always the one to come and greet me and play with me. The day adopted her, there were only two other cats that were still there when I first went to look at cats. Neither one of them were interested in me but Lil Gertie was so I think she chose me and not me choosing her even though I would have chosen her anyway. She somehow knows when I am struggling and know what to do in a particular situation. I love my cat, Lil Gertie, so very much.

Since I am not really sure I am going to be able to sleep tonight, I will not only be paying attention to Lil Gertie, my cat but will be reading a book by Cat Winters named Yesternight. It is a pretty awesome book and I am highly recommend it. I am not quite to the half way mark of the book but so far so good. If you like historical fiction with a little bit of horror in I would highly suggest reading. It also has some fantasy and science fiction aspects to the book as well. So it is a book that can be of interest to folks across the genre spectrum. I like the type of books that can use multiple genres in one book as it makes more entertaining and interesting read.

I just hope that this isn’t exactly a sleepless night for me as I would like to get some sleep so I don’t sleep again all through the day light hours on Monday. I don’t need my sleep schedule to get more off that it already is. I need to practice some good sleep hygiene.

I do not have much more to say as I want to get to paying attention to my cat, Lil Gertie, and to reading my book Yesternight by Cat Winters. I hope everyone has a great night of sleep. So, Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end. Have a good night sleep everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

Slept All Day On A Beautiful Seattle Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today (Sunday), was beautiful day. It was a beautiful day outside that even Mount Rainier was out. Usually, on beautiful sunny days like today you can see Mount Rainier. It is a beautiful site to see. Sadly, during the summer it is quite difficult due from the fires from across this great state of Washington.

Unfortunately, I did sleep a good potion of the day. Not sure why I slept a good portion of the day as I actually got some good sleep last night. It wasn’t so so sleep but a good restful sleep. I think part of it is my depression. My depression either has me not sleep at all or I sleep too much. In fact it is usually not at all. I just wish I didn’t sleep on such a beautiful day suck as today.

On a plus note, I was awake during the times my friends and I have a potluck meal every Sunday. We do this every Sunday as we all remember having Sunday meals that extra family came over or when friends and neighbors came by. My friends (who are neighbors) decided to do this years ago to help keep that tradition going from our childhood despite some of our big age differences.

I just wish I did not sleep today away as it would have been a great Sunday to go enjoy the cherry blossom’s on University of Washington (UW) campus. Those cherry blossoms are beautiful to see when they are at full blossom. Seeing the cherry blossoms on the UW campus sure helps with my depression. I think that is what I am going to go do tomorrow (Monday) and bring my lunch with me. There is nothing like having a picnic on the UW campus when the cherry blossoms are in bloom. Hopefully, the weather will be beautiful like it was today (Sunday) and yesterday (Saturday).

I do not have much more to say as I am still pretty sleepy and could easily go back to bed and sleep even though I slept well last night and most of today. I would like to thank you for reading my blog as it is great appreciated from my end of things.  As the weekend comes to a close with only four hours and ten minutes left of it, I hope everyone had a great weekend. I also hope everyone has a great work week starting tomorrow (Monday) especially if you have a “typical” work week of Monday thru Friday. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepless in Seattle No More

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As you can tell by reading this post I am not in the hospital. My therapist and I decided that the hospital would be the last resort if things continue to get worse especially in regards to sleeping. I am grateful I didn’t get hospitalized especially since I finally got some sleep last night. I did not get much sleep nor was it restful but it was sleep. I am happy that I finally got sleep but I am still worried about the increased symptoms of my mental health diagnosis.

One of the issues I am having due to my depression is not showering. I have not taken a shower in a week. In fact it has been exactly a week today since I have taken a shower. I personally think it would be easier for me to take bath but unfortunately I do not have a bathtub. For me a bath is more relaxing than shower but taking a shower is the only option I have since I do not have a bathtub in my apartment. I am more than sure that I stink and I hope to be able to get the motivation to take a shower today.

As you may know I have been reading an extremely good book by Cat Winters called Yesternight. I am really enjoying the book. I am about half way thru the book. I hope to do a book review on the book once I am done with it as I think book reviews are a great way to get an idea on what the book is about and how people liked the book.

I finally received my tax return today via direct deposit to my bank account. It came at a perfect time as I was running low on money. I owe my neighbor and an uncle some money so I am going to pay them back. Sadly, with the new tax laws I did not get as much back as I have in the past despite having more taxes being withheld from pay checks. The new tax laws sure in the hell didn’t help me nor did it help many people I know. I am just glad I got a refund because several of my friends ended up not getting one and owing the IRS which sucks shit.

Since we are discussing money, I would like to remind you about the advertisements on my blog. I have advertisements on my blog to earn some money. The only way I earn money from the advertisements is if it is clicked. Every advertisement that is clicked I earn a cent or two. I do not get paid from the advertisements till I earn one hundred dollars but thankfully each click adds up and is saved for a payout when amount hits one hundred dollars. I am only five dollars shy of the one hundred dollars. So once I get one hundred dollars I will finally get paid so I hope that you my reader will click on the ads so I can make a cent or two. Because every cent gets me that much closer to the one hundred dollar amount to get paid. It will be greatly appreciated if you my reader clicked the ads so I can earn some money.

I do not have much more to say as I do not want to repeat myself as I tend to do. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great Wednesday. Peace Out, World!!!

The Possibility of Getting Hospitalized

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I have had four days with out sleep and I am tired at fucking hell. Unfortunately, the lack of sleep and the longer I go without sleep the more the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis increases. Increased symptoms are never a good thing.

I see my therapist today and will inform him that being in the hospital might be needed at the moment considering how I have been feeling. The dissociation, lack of sleep, voices that I can only hear are coming back, suicidal thoughts and self harm urges are starting to wear and tare  on me. I also have not showered since last Wednesday (March 20th). I would prefer taking a bath over a shower but my apartment doesn’t have a bathtub but I do have a shower. So, basically my hygiene is lacking due to the fact I haven’t showered in about a week.  I am hoping he can get me straight into a psych unit verses having to go the route of the Emergency Room.

If I do get hospitalized, I have a couple of people who can take care of my cat, Lil Gertie. Lil Gertie, my cat, is my biggest worry if I get hospitalized as I don’t want her to feel like I abandoned her. I love my cat, Lil Gertie so much. I know that the people who look after Lil Gertie if I am hospitalized will do a good job.

IMG_0453

The above picture is a painting that I started and completed last night. I couldn’t sleep despite having taken an Ambien. Not sure what it exactly means but I like the painting. I hope you all enjoy it.

I do not have much to say. If you don’t see any post for a while, it is because I was put on to a psych unit. Most likely a unit without computers for patients to . I hope everyone has a good day. I am taking a backpack full of clothes and books to my therapy appointment just in case I do get hospitalized. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. If you don’t see a post from me it is most likely due to be being hospitalized.

SIDE NOTE: I WILL NOT SELF HARM NOR WILL I ATTEMPT TO DIE BY SUICIDE. THAT IS WHY I AM GOING TO SEE IF MY THERAPIST CAN PUT ME INTO THE HOSPITAL.