Tag Archives: Mental Health

Daily Prompt: Come Fly with Me

Posted on by Gertie

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Come Fly with Me.” Share a story about the furthest you’ve ever traveled from home.

When I saw this particular (past) daily prompt, I automatically thought about my experience when I went to Nashville, Tennessee. This was the first time I had traveled from home when I was not with family or going to see family. In fact it was a much needed travel so I could get much needed help with the eating disorders I was struggling with at the time.

When I was 19, three months before I turned 20, my regular physician at the time told me that if I didn’t seek help for the eating disorders I was struggling with, I would be lucky if I “made it till 21.” Most people cringe and/or tell me that what physician told me was “unprofessional.” I personally don’t think it was “unprofessional” of my doctor at the time because if she didn’t tell me that I personally think I would be dead. That’s why I made the decision I did.

At that age, I considered myself a “Christian” and was a huge fan of “Christian” music. So with that being said, few weeks after my physician told me I needed to seek help for my eating disorders, I went to a Christian concert where the group Point of Grace was performing. Point of Grace is known in the Christian community to support those who may be struggling in some way. At that time (and even present day) Point of Grace was (and is) a big supporter of Mercy Ministries. During their concert they spoke of Mercy Ministries and even had a graduate give her testimony. Listening to the graduates testimony is what got me intrigued. At remission, I talked with graduate and she was able to provide me with more information. In fact she had extra applications to hand out for Mercy Ministries, which I filled out asap.

The thing that appealed to me in regards to Mercy Ministries was that it was Christian and free so of course I sent in the application after I filled it out.  After sending in the application and an intake interview over the phone, I was finally told that, I was accepted into the program. At that time Mercy Ministries had two homes, one in Monroe, Louisiana and the other in Nashville, Tennessee and was happy that I was “assigned” to the Nashville home.

I flew to Nashville and spent eleven months at Mercy Ministries. The average stay was (and think it still is) six months. It may have taken me five extra months to get through the program but it was something I needed. It was needed because, having so much time away from my family is what was best for me. I realized that they were hindering me in getting healthy in regards to my eating disorder. (Side note: I realized a few years later when I was in DBT that my family was also hindering me in my recovery with my mental illness.) I would be lying if I wasn’t scared about being so far from home and family because I was. Being so far from is what ultimately helped me get the help I needed with the eating disorders I was struggling with.

Now that I have told about how far I flew from home, I will end this blog entry for now. I hope that I will be able to continue to do daily prompts every Tuesday like I had discussed in my weekly goals yesterday. Thank you for reading. Have a wonderful day and Peace Out!!!

Weekly Goals

Posted on by Gertie

Good morning!!! It is another Monday and the start of another work week. Not sure how this week is going to turn out work wise but I hope it turns out better for me emotionally. I struggled a little bit last week due to the grieving process with having a miscarriage earlier this year. Now that things are slowly improving with the help of others, let get on to my goals for the week. Like previous weeks I will like to share with you how I did with last weeks goals. Last weeks goals:

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. I did read this week. I did most of my reading when I was on the bus going to and from work or appointments as well as waiting for my appointments.

2)  See my regular doctor on Thursday. Yes, I did see my doctor. My Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) is not cleared up. That means I have to take more antibiotics and they are stronger antibiotic than the last prescription. This one I have to take three times a day for one week.

3)  Research the topic for my blogging feature. I did some research on the topic for my blogging feature that I will do every Friday starting September 4th of this year (2015). It was difficult to do the research because I was already emotionally drained from dealing with grief. (No, the topic for the first week of my feature is not on grief or loss or even miscarriage.)

4)  See my therapist on Thursday. I saw my therapist on Thursday. It was a tough session. It ended up being a two hour session instead of an hour. The person who was scheduled after me had called and cancelled so my therapist offered me extra time. I gladly accepted the extra time since I was struggling majorly with grief and loss with the miscarriages. Two straight hours of therapy is quite difficult but it was much needed.

This past weeks goals were quite difficult for me, yet I was able to accomplish them. Now it is time to share this weeks goals:

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. Like I have said in previous weeks this is going to be a continuing goal of mine till I am done with the book..

2)  Work on jigsaw puzzle. I started a jigsaw puzzle over the weekend. I highly enjoy jigsaw puzzles and it helps me deal with overwhelming emotions, just like reading does.

3)  Work on a self-help workbook; The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook by Matthew McKay, PhD., Jeffery C. Wood, PSY.D., and Jeffrey Brantley, MD. Yes, I have been through Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) but I think it is always nice to have a refresher. Even if it is through a self-help book. My therapist thinks it is a good idea for the refresher part of the DBT self-help book.  (Side Note: If you do a self-help book, I highly encourage you to be seeking professional help as well. A self-help alone is not encouraged because it could bring up issues that you are unaware of that can not replace professional help.)

4)  Hang out with friends. I made an effort last week to make plans with people when I was extremely sad and dealing with overwhelming grief from the miscarriage I dealt with earlier this year. When things start acting up in regards to my mental illness or things become emotionally overwhelming, I tend to isolate. That is why I made plans with friends this week.

5)  Research the topic for my blogging feature. Yes, I will continue to do research for my blogging feature. I will be mainly researching for my first topic for my blogging feature but will also be doing research for future topics.

6)  Do a daily prompt every Tuesday. I got the idea over this past week to do a daily prompt every Tuesday starting tomorrow August, 18th. I got the idea as I was researching topics for my blogging feature. This way, I will be eventually, blogging at least three days week if you include the weekly goals, blogging features and a daily prompt once a week. That way I can make sure that you the follower/reader is not wondering where I disappeared to.

Thank you for allowing me to share with you my goals for the week. I know this week I was quite winded with my goals. As you can tell, this weeks goals are obviously geared toward my recovery as well as keeping up to date on my blog. Once again I am appreciative of being part of this blogging event over at: http://greenembe.rs/2015/08/17/building-rome-week-33-for-2015/ Have a great week!!  Peace out!!

Down Right Discrimination

Posted on by Gertie

Living with a mental health diagnosis is not the easiest of task but the discrimination that goes along make it that much more difficult. I bring this up because as I was out and about with my fiancé earlier today, we witnessed some down right discrimination against someone who was obviously struggling with the symptoms of their mental illness. Of course, Junior and myself stepped in to help to help this person. After, educating the people involved and finally able to finding out what the person needed, we were thanked by the person.

I am not telling you this to make myself or Junior look good but to tell you that it happens more than people realize and unless people speak up, it will continue to happen. Discrimination is not only illegal but also sign of ignorance and/or hate for a particular group of people.  Discrimination of any kind toward any group of people is just plain ole wrong.

As you can tell, I am on my soapbox in regards to this issue. Discrimination sucks shit!!! It pisses me off that it even still exists in todays world. You would think that as “advanced” as the human race you would think we could be more compassionate toward each other.

Okay, I am now done with my soapbox or at least for the moment. I should get going for now and will call it an evening. Have a good week and I will blog my weekly goals tomorrow. Peace out everyone!!!

Emotionally Drained

Posted on by Gertie

I saw my therapist, Diana, today, after not seeing her for three weeks because she was on a well deserved vacation. Todays, session was particularly more difficult than usual. One reason being that my normally one hour session lasted two hours. Yes, two hours. The client who had the time right after me had cancelled and I had the rare option of having an extra long session.

An extra long session that was needed which leads to the other reason why it why it was more difficult than usual. Diana and I first talked about my sadness in regards to the miscarriages I had. We discussed how grief works and how at times its demanding my attention and other times, “its not quite front and center but certainly there, a layer down or two.”  We also discussed how processing my emotions in doses that I am able to manage is one of the best I can do so I am better able to come to terms about the miscarriages. While discussing the miscarriages, I cried and as I cried, I noticed that Diana had tears in her eyes. I am grateful that I have a caring and empathetic therapist that isn’t afraid to show her emotions on occasion. It makes me realize that she is human and that it is okay to cry.

Crying is difficult for me because as a child I was “discouraged” from crying. In fact if I cried, I would get severely abused by my brothers father. In fact, Diana and I also discussed the trauma I suffered as a child. Not only did I cry as we discussed some of the abuse I suffered, I allowed  myself to be angry. Being angry was something else I was not allowed to do as a child. In fact the abuse was worse when I showed any type of anger.  Diana reassured me that it was not only okay to cry but more than okay to be angry.

Of course before Diana and I ended our session we did some breathing techniques. Diana is making sure that I am in a “good space” when we end our sessions. That is one of the many reasons why she is a good therapist. I am beyond grateful that I have her as a therapist and that I have had her for over six and a half years. Having a good therapist like Diana in my corner has helped a great deal in my recovery.

I need to get going. I am doing an evening shift at the young adult shelter I volunteer at. I know when I go volunteer there I have to make sure I am in a good space which I am. I am aware that when I get home from volunteering, I will be more emotionally drained but at least I have the skills to keep myself healthy. Have a wonderful evening everyone and peace out all.

Weekly Goals

Posted on by Gertie

It is Monday and that means it is the start of another work week. So far the work week started off well. Not only is a start of another week but it’s time to share my weekly goals. Before I share this weeks goals, I would like to share with you how I did with last weeks goals. Last weeks goals:

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. Yes, I did read this past week. So far so good.

2)  Work on cross-stitch. Yes, I actually worked on in this week.

3)  Pick a topic and start date for blogging feature. Yes, I picked a topic but I’m choosing to not share it till I post it on my start date which is Friday, September 4, 2015. Yes, I know that’s while but I want to make sure I word my feature just right.

4)  Make an appointment for my regular doctor and dermatologist. Yes, I did make the appointments. This was the most difficult goal I had this past week. Despite how comfortable my doctors try to make me feel, I still don’t like going to the doctors.

5)  Color. Yes, I did color.

I did really well with accomplishing my goals this past week.  Now on to this weeks goals:

1)  Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. Yes, this is goal again. It will be a goal till I am done with the book.

2)  See my regular doctor on Thursday. This may seem like a simple task but it is difficult for me to do even though I never miss an appointment unless, I’m in the hospital or a family emergency.

3)  Research the topic for my blogging feature. It will take some research.

4)  See my therapist on Thursday. Again, not an easy task and I never miss an appointment. This appointment will be difficult because I need to discuss how much I am missing the babies I lost due to miscarriages.

Thank you for putting up with my weekly goals. They all are geared toward my recovery. I am appreciative of being about of the blogging event over at: http://greenembe.rs/2015/08/10/building-rome-week-32-for-2015/ Thank you for your time. Have a good week. Peace Out!!

11 Months

Posted on by Gertie

Today, marks eleven months since I started my wonderful job as a Consumer Aide at a local mental health agency. I love my job. I know it is not exactly the position I desire to be in but its a foot in the door. When, I applied and interviewed for my current job, I knew that I would start looking for jobs as a Peer Specialist (or Peer Counselor) once I hit my one year anniversary. Not because that’s how long the job last because it doesn’t but because the longer you are at a job (or employer) the better it looks to hiring managers. Yes, that means in a month from now, I will be looking for Peer positions. I will be looking within the agency I am employed with as well as outside the agency.

To be honest with you, I am a little apprehensive to start looking for a peer position. I am apprehensive because I fear I will not be what people expect, desire or worse a let them down. Another reason why I am apprehensive is that I have become fond of my clients. Even though it is highly discouraged to have “favorite clients,” it naturally happens. I am also a little nervous that I will get lots of interviews but no job offers. That is what happened when I was looking for peer jobs that last time, which led me to my current position. As you can tell, I am lacking in self-confidence and that is something I am working. on.

I hope that when I do start applying for Peer Specialist positions that it doesn’t take long for me to get a job a peer. It took sending six résumés and cover letters, five interviews and one job offer over a matter of five months before I got my current job. I’m not going to let that get in the way because, I know what hiring managers a looking for now and I have “paid” experience in the field. Not only that, I have been volunteering at the Warm Line for eleven months now and at the young adult shelter for two and half months. I’m sure that all my work and volunteer experience will help me at least get an interview.

I am just thrilled that I am working in the mental health field even if its not my desired position. I love and enjoy what I do. I am grateful that I am able to be an example of recovery looks like to the clients I serve. I am a little sad that as soon as I get a position I desire I will have to say goodbye to my clients.

I best be going now. I need to get ready for the day. I am looking forward to volunteering at the Warm Line this evening. Have an awesome weekend and have some good ole fashioned fun. Peace Out!!!

Daily Prompt: Let’s Go Crazy

Posted on by Gertie

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Let’s Go Crazy.” Sometimes, we act on impulse: it could be something as small as ordering that special dessert on the menu, maybe asking out that cute boy or girl, or as large quitting your job and selling everything you own to become a shepherd in New Zealand. What’s the most crazy, outrageously impulsive thing you’ve ever done? If you’ve never succumbed to temptation, dream a little. If you gave yourself permission to go a little crazy, what would you do?

This (past) daily prompt angers me. It angers me because the prompt is named “Let”s Go Crazy” and is extremely disheartening and discriminating for those who struggle with mental illness. It adds to the stigma that goes with having a mental illness. I understand what the prompt “is asking” but it’s not funny and maybe I am taking it too seriously but it’s demoralizing to those of us who struggle with a mental illness.

No one really wants to “go crazy.” Life is difficult enough without having a mental health diagnoses. It is not an easy thing to go through day to day living and if you have a mental illness on top of that, it is a constant struggle. A struggle that many people do not over come due to the fact that their symptoms are so unbearable that they choose to die by suicide. Unforantenly, it is the only way that some who struggle with mental illness can get any relief from their symptoms.

Living with a mental illness is a constant struggle and choosing to live in recovery is not easy either. Imagine dealing with a sadness that does not go away or having to relive a traumatic experience everyday even when the trauma ended decades ago or worse yet hearing or seeing things that no one else is able to see or hear. Most people can not and/or will not try to comprehend what people like myself and many others experience everyday and a daily prompt’s title saying “Lets Go Crazy” just dehumanizes what those of us who struggle with mental illness go through on the daily basis. It adds to the stigma of dealing with a mental illness.

Not only does stigma effect those who are diagnosed with a mental illness, it effects their friends and family as well. There are great deal of people out there in the world including here on WordPress trying to eliminate the stigma that goes with having a mental health diagnosis. I know it wasn’t the intention of WordPress to stigmatize or discriminate against any particular population they serve but hope that the fine folks who work for WordPress will think about how certain words and/or phrase can affect certain populations.

Before I end this particular entry, I know I may be taking this “title” too seriously and that WordPress wasn’t trying to discriminate but just wanted to share with you the world on how I felt about it. I started blogging to help end the stigma that goes with having a mental illness. Now that I have been on my soapbox, I am going to end this entry for now. Have a wonderful day and peace out!!!

Weekly Goals

Posted on by Gertie

It is Monday and time to set my goals for the week. Before, I state my weekly I would like to discuss how I did with last weeks goals. Last weeks goals:

1) Write sponsored child. Yes, I did this. In fact I wrote to her twice.

2) Sign up for shift at the young adult shelter. Yes, I signed up for two evening shifts. I also tried to sign up for an overnight shift but it wouldn’t let me so I’m waiting to hear back from the volunteer coordinator.

3) Start reading Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. Yes, I did start reading. Only read the introduction.

4) Figure out what day I want to do for my blogging feature. Yes, I chose Friday.

5) Work on cross-stitching for 15 minutes. No I did not do this. I forgot.

6) Color. Yes I did color.

I figure, I did relatively okay. Five out of six goals accomplished, not bad. Now on to my goals for this week with explanation:

1) Read Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card. In all honesty, I think this is going to be a re-occurring goal till I finish the book.

2) Work on Cross-Stitch. Since this was the one goal I did not accomplish last week it is my goal to work on in this week even if it is only for a few minutes.

3) Figure out what topic, I want to do for my blogging feature and pick a start date. Yes, I chose a day on what day I want my blogging feature, I just need to pick out a start date and topic for my first educational feature.

4) Make an appointment for my regular doctor and dermatologist. I need to make a follow up appointment with my regular doctor because of an E.R visit I had. I ended up having a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) and need to make sure it has cleared up. I also need to make an appointment with my dermatologist because, I received an email saying its time for my annual visit to get my skin checked out for possible skin cancer. Don’t worry its just a precaution since it runs in my family.

5) Color. Yes, I’m going to color again. It helps relax me.

Thank you for putting up with my goals. They all play apart in my mental health recovery despite what some people may say. It is my recovery not theirs. Recovery looks differently to everyone. I am glad I chose this blogging event. The event I am apart of is on the following link: http://greenembe.rs/2015/08/03/building-rome-week-31-for-2015/ Have a wonderful week. Have a good work week and Peace out everyone!!

Daily Prompt: Grand Slam

Posted on by Gertie

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Grand Slam.” In your own life, what would be the equivalent of a walk-off home run? (For the baseball-averse, that’s a last-minute, back-against-the-wall play that guarantees a dramatic victory.)

It being the middle of the baseball season, this particular (past) daily prompt grabbed my attention and rightfully so. I love analogies especially ones that involve sports. This particular analogy, if its what you call it, strikes close to home from. (Pardon, the pun in regards to baseball.)

I have had my share of walk-off home runs that have lead to victory, even if I don’t necessarily want to admit it.  It is difficult for me to pick one so I will choose one if its not a long post and I’m not tired, I might share a second one.

The walk-off home run that led to a victory that comes to mind is when I entered the two year intensive outpatient Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) program. My back was literally getting against the wall with being able to get the proper treatment I needed because, I was starting to wear out some pretty good clinicians with my behavior, frequent self-harm and multiple suicide attempts. I was not the easiest of clients and new that if I didn’t accept the fact that, I needed to go into DBT, I would either be a lifer at the state hospital or six feet under (dead). I have the Peer Counselor to thank for sharing their recovery story with me because if it wasn’t for that, I honestly, don’t think  would have gone into the DBT program. The victory of all this is when I not only graduated from the first year but the second year as well.

I will share with you another walk-off home run that led to victory. This one was of the most difficult decisions I had to make in my life and am beyond grateful that I did. This one victory happened a few years before the DBT program I was in. I was nineteen years old and barely out of high school when I was told by my doctor at the time that if I didn’t seek treatment for the eating disorders I was struggling with I would be dead by my 21st birthday. Considering that my 20th birthday was three months away when I was told this, it hit extremely close to home. I didn’t know where to begin to look. I ended up going to a Christian concert where the group who was performing supported a program that helped young women with any number of problems. The program appealed to be for two reasons, it was free and it was Christian. At that point in time in my life I considered myself a Christian. I applied to the program and was in it a month after my 20th birthday. This decision was difficult for me because, at that time they only had to homes, I could go to, one in Nashville, Tennessee and the other Monroe, Louisiana. I had not been so far from home or family. I ended up going to the Nashville home where I graduated in ten months. The average stay is six months. Granted it took me longer to graduate from the program than most of the other girls and women but it was well worth it. It was worth it because, I knew I made the first “real” adult decision in my life and it was a great decision at that. Graduating was the first victory, I felt like I accomplished myself and with out the help of my family.

As you can tell, the two above stories were walk-off home runs that were both victories that ultimately saved my life. I am grateful that, I was able to make these choices because, I wouldn’t have been able to be enjoying life and sharing it with you fine folks. Recovery is a choice and in both examples, I chose recovery.

Now that I told you about my back-against-the-wall victories, I best be going. Thanks for reading. Enjoy the rest of you Saturday. Good night and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Peace Out!!

Goals for the Week

Posted on by Gertie

As some of you know, as part of blogging 101 I joined a blogging event. The event I decided to be a part of focus’s on goals. I chose this event because it best corresponds on what my blog is about. So here are my goals for the week with explanation:

1) Write my sponsored child. I haven’t written her in a while and need to. I will most likely send her one of the many post cards I bought specifically to send to her.

2) Sign up for shifts at the young adult shelter I volunteer at. It has been three weeks since my last shift at the homeless shelter.

3) Start reading Speaker of the Dead by Orson Scott Card I love to read and recently finished Enders Game by Orson Scott Card. One of my goals for 2015 is to read twelve books and so far I have only read one book.

4) Figure out what day I want to do my blogging feature. I hope that once I choose a day then I can start doing research for the blogging feature.

5) Work on cross-stitch for 15 minutes. I have taken up cross-stitching and yet to finish the particular piece I am currently working on.

6) Color. While on vacation, I bought be a coloring poster (about 8inch by 12inch) to color. It is a detailed poster and will take me a while. I hope to be able to share the finished product when I am done.

All of the my goals this week ultimately help me and my recovery. The goals I have chosen this week give me some relaxation, and a sense of giving back to my community and yes that help with my recovery.

Before I go the following link is the event I am a part of: http://greenembe.rs/2015/07/27/building-rome-week-30-for-2015/ Have a great day everyone. I hope you all have a great work week. I know I am. Peace Out!!!