Tag Archives: PTSD

Family Drama + Middle of Night + PTSD + Insomnia = Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Sadly, more family drama has been occurring and this time in the middle of the night. My aunt is upset with me at the moment due to the fact that I will now no longer be paying for her train ticket to go my mom’s funeral at the end of this month. I asked multiple times via phone calls and text messages and she made it clear to me that she “doesn’t need help paying for a stupid train ticket.” So, when I bought mine, I didn’t buy hers. My aunt has been calling me and my other aunt who lives in Texas all night. My aunt in Texas is on my side due to the fact that I offered multiple times and was told “no” multiple times. My aunt in Texas is extremely angry with my other aunt because of being woken up multiple times. In fact my aunt in Texas blocked my other aunt so she could get some sleep. In fact I took my aunt who lives in Texas lead and blocked my other aunt as well. Sadly, my angry aunt called my two uncles and sadly got them involved. One uncle is on my side while the other uncle is upset but thinks I should pay for my aunts train ticket to “keep the peace” even though my aunt has said “no” multiple times but understands why I am not. Sadly, my uncles have now blocked my aunt so they can get some sleep.

Even though I blocked this aunt I am not able to get back to sleep due to insomnia and an increase of PTSD symptoms due to the family drama. Since I am unable to sleep I am cuddling with my cat, Billie. As I cuddle with my cat, Billie, I am reading an awesome book. The book I am reading is Sacrifice by Nikole Knight. Sacrifice is book two in the Fire and Brimstone series by Nikole Knight. I am really enjoying the book. In fact cuddling with my cat, Billie, and reading has been helping with the PTSD symptoms.

I do not have anything else to write about or even to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you my reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is that time again, where I do my weekly check-in. Sadly, the symptoms of my PTSD and depression have been acting up. My anxiety is also acting up. The various symptoms of multiple mental health diagnoses rearing their ugly heads, I have to keep my emotions in check. One of the main emotions I have to keep in check is my anger. For me, I tend to stuff my anger till I do one of two things which are emotionally explode by screaming, yelling and cussing or I self harm. Thankfully, I have not self harmed in over a year. Since my anger has been an issue I know I need to work on, I have been discussing it with my therapist. I had an appointment with my therapist this past Wednesday. I informed her that I feel like my anger has an extremely short fuse. We discussed how the journaling about my anger is helping. We also discussed what I call going back to basics which are eating regularly, staying hydrated and sleeping well. We discussed how challenging the basics can be and how doing the basics can help lengthen the fuse. I am grateful for the practical suggestions as well as the out of the box suggestions my therapist gives to help me with my mental health recovery.

Besides going to therapy this past week, I went to Red Robin with some friends several times this week. I enjoy spending time with friends and I love Red Robin as Red Robin is my favorite restaurant. One of the times I went to Red Robin this week was due to the fact that it was one of my closest friends birthdays and wanted to celebrate her on her birthday. It is always good to spend time with friends and create happy memories at places like Red Robin.

I, of course spent time with my cat, Billie. I love my cat so much and he helps me with my emotions. He is my Emotional Support Animal (ESA) for a reason. I am so grateful that he is my life.

I do not have much else to write about or discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Nightmares = No Sleep In Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is a few minutes after three o’clock in the morning here in Seattle. I am sadly unable to sleep partly due to insomnia and partly due PTSD. It took me forever and a day to fall asleep and sadly got woken up by a nightmare once I was asleep. Having insomnia and PTSD sucks shit.

I had a challenging time falling asleep due to insomnia as well as some pretty intense trauma responses from PTSD symptoms. I am pretty sure that the trauma response from PTSD symptoms was due to the fact of the family drama last night that I wrote about in my last post.

Since the lack of sleep and waking up from a nightmare due to PTSD symptoms, I realized that I was angry about it all so I ended up journaling. It appears that the journaling is about my anger is helpful for me. I am glad I am taking my therapist’s suggestion regarding writing down my anger as well as calling friends afterwards. In fact, I called one of my closest friends and talked to her at length. I then called my partner, Junior who came over to my place and we talked at great length about everything. I am beyond grateful for my close friend as well as my partner.

In fact Junior is going to stay the rest of the night here at my place to give me moral support. He is helping me color my gigantic giant coloring poster. As we colored my cat, Billie was in my lap. In fact Billie is still in my lap as I write this particular blog post. After I am done writing this particular blog post, I will continue coloring with Junior as my cat, Billie sleeps in my lap.

I do not have anything else to discuss or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Family Drama + PTSD = A Sh!tty Trauma Response

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am currently dealing with some shitty and intense trauma response due to family drama and PTSD symptoms. I am pretty sure the family drama with my aunt is what caused the PTSD symptoms and ultimately the trauma response that I had.

This will be a long post due to it being a long story. As I have posted before, my mom died two days before Thanksgiving Day here in the United States. It’s been extremely challenging for me for many reasons. Sadly, I posted an angry and pain filled post on my Facebook wall under my given name which started some family drama. I apologized many times to many people in my life especially my family. I know I hurt many people and most understand and have forgiven me or at least started to forgive me in their own time and own way except one aunt. That one aunt is the person I offered to pay for their train ticket from Seattle to where my mom’s funeral is going to be which is Olympia at the end of this month. I offered to pay for her train ticket due to her having car issues as well as having some financial issues and wanted to be helpful. My aunt lives in the Bremerton area and could easily take the ferry from Bremerton to Seattle and take the train. So, I have to text back and forth with her a handful of times regarding tickets which leads to the drama this evening.

I texted my aunt about the train tickets close to 8:30 this evening Seattle time. She informed me that she doesn’t need me to pay for her tickets and is unsure if she is going to take the train if she does she will pay for her own. She also stated that she doesn’t respond to phone calls or text after 7:30 unless it is urgent. I texted an apology and let her know that I usually text people after 8:00 due to peoples bedtime routines and that I won’t do it again. She then texted me to next her again tonight which I wasn’t going to do nor will I do now that I know her boundaries. Anyway, this aunt then calls me up and screams at me and has mentioned every thing I have done wrong in her eyes that she heard through the “grapevine” or witnessed yet she hasn’t been in my life very much for various reasons. She brought up so painful shit that I experienced which caused some anger in me as well as an anxiety attack or two. I ended up hanging up on her and blocking her phone number temporarily for my own sanity.

Since my aunt caused so much anger I did what my therapist had suggested and wrote out my anger. I wrote my anger and anxiety in my journal I bought myself for Christmas. So, I wrote six pages in my journal regarding my anger and trauma response regarding my aunt calling and screaming at me. After journaling I reached out to some of my natural support system of friends like my therapist suggested in therapy. I reached out to two friends who were happy to talk with me and I am so grateful for their listening ear.

After journaling and talking with two friends I of course cuddled with my cat, Billie and as I am writing this particular blog post Billie my cat is still cuddling with me. I think after I am done with this particular blog post I will color as I love to color.

I know my mom wouldn’t want all this drama after her death or regarding her funeral. I just wish she was still alive. I miss my mom so very much. I hope she knew how much I loved her even though we didn’t get along at times.

I do not have much more to write about or discuss in this particular blog post except to say I am sorry for posting about my family drama and my anger. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is Saturday evening and time to do my weekly check-in. Or at least I am starting my weekly check-in back up with you the reader. Before I do my check-in I want to say Blessed Yule and Happy Solstice. Today is the first day of winter and the shortest day of the year. I am looking forward to tomorrow as it starts being lighter longer. Granted only by a minute or two but I am so looking forward to more light.

This past week has not been the easiest of weeks for me. My depression and Complex-PTSD (C-PTSD) have been acting up so badly that I have been dissociating and isolating. Neither which are good for me or anyone for that matter. To add to the depression and PTSD, I am dealing with grief of my mom’s death on Tuesday, November 26th which was two days before Thanksgiving. Sadly, Christmas Day of this year is one day before the one month mark of my mom’s death. I miss her so very much.

Since I have been isolating this past week, I have been hanging out at home with my beloved senior kitty, Billie. Billie has been helping me so much with dissociation and not doing it. I am so grateful for my cat as he has a calming affect on me and helps me keep my head on straight.

Despite being in a dissociated state for most of the week, I do remember watching a lot of movies. Specifically, I have been watching a lot of Christmas and holiday related movies. I watch Christmas movies that are nostalgic to me and many other people in the world.

Besides watching Christmas and holiday related movies, I have been reading. I specifically have been reading a Christmas book. In fact, I read a Christmas book every holiday season. It is a holiday tradition for me and I really look forward to it every year.

I do not have anything else to check-in or write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Romantic Saturday With My Partner

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I started off the day with my partner showing up to my place to make me a romantic holiday season breakfast. It was the perfect start for a yucky weather day here in Seattle. A type of day that is meant to stay inside all day which my partner, Junior and I have done all day and the weather hasn’t really improved.

After cleaning up after a wonderful holiday season breakfast, my cat Billie joined us for a day of movies. At some point during one of the movies, my cat, Billie decided to go and lay on his cat tree as he looked out the window and Junior and I had some very amazing sex. Junior was gentle as always due to my PTSD and thankfully we didn’t need to stop due to my PTSD.

After Junior and I were done making love we decided to watch some holiday movies that we both love watching. In fact many of the movies we watched were movies we enjoyed watching as children. We reminisced about the movies and how they are nostalgic. Of course, my cat, Billie joined us watching holiday movies once he was done watching the trees blow as it rained outside the window.

As I write this particular blog post, Junior is making the both of some dinner. It smells extremely good and it is making my mouth water. I love Juniors cooking and I wish I could cook as well as he does. I am so grateful to have Junior as my partner. He treats me well and is patient with me which is something that I am extremely appreciative of.

I do not have anything else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Being Sleepless In Seattle Sucks Sh!t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is 3:33 in the morning here in Seattle. I am sadly unable to sleep due to insomnia and PTSD. It is more insomnia that is keeping me awake than PTSD which in a way I am grateful for as PTSD sucks.

Since I am unable to sleep I have been doing a diamond art/painting piece as I listen to holiday music. Specifically, I have been listening to Christmas music. The diamond art that I am currently working on is of a Buddha statue with the words “Let That Shit Go.” I chose this particular diamond art/painting as I finished my Christmas diamond art/painting and I figure that it is the end of the year and the New Year almost here that I need to focus on what shit I need to let go and what shit I need to work on. I hope that once I am finished with this particular diamond art/painting that I will put up somewhere in my apartment to where it will be a part of my meditation practice area. I am really enjoying doing diamond art/painting especially as I listen to music.

Another thing I have been doing is cuddling with my cat, Billie as I read a Christmas book. The book I am reading is called Unholy Night by Seth Grahame-Smith. I am enjoying the book greatly. I am not quite a quarter of the way through the book and I hope I finish it by Christmas. If I’m not then that is okay with me. I really enjoy reading especially when I am cuddling with my cat, Billie.

I do not have anything else that I want to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Holiday Traditions

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I would like to inform you of my own personal holiday traditions as it was suggested to me to start my own early on in my mental health recovery. The reason why it was suggested to me is because of some of the unrealistic holiday traditions that were placed on me by my family. No disrespect to my family as I love them very much but creating my own holiday traditions have helped me cope with my family as well helped me cope with my PTSD and depression.

When it was suggested to me by my therapist at the time early on in my mental health recovery the only thing I could think of regarding traditions for myself was comic books. Specifically two comic books that focused on Christmas. In fact the comic books I am speaking of are Christmas with the Superhero’s volume one and two by DC comics.

Over the years I have added to my holiday traditions. I have included the typical traditions of watching movies and listening to music. I have also included with the help of friends of the Jewish faith of spending a night or two or three celebrating Hanukkah with my friends who celebrate it. I am grateful that I can help celebrate Hanukkah with my friends who celebrate it. Besides watching holiday movies, listening to holiday music and spending two or three nights celebrating Hanukkah, I have included the following traditions to my list: reading holiday focused books, doing holiday or wintery focused jigsaw puzzles, doing holiday focused logic puzzles, doing Christmas dot to dot, and doing artwork focused on holidays or wintery scenes which includes coloring and diamond art/painting.

Now that I informed you of what I do for my own holiday traditions, it is challenging to know how my family traditions will change this year and next year due to my mom passing away two days before Thanksgiving. I say this year and next year as this year it is so fresh. I know I will keep some of the Christmas traditions my mom instilled upon me. As far as my dad’s side of the family they will still celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve as one of my uncle’s birthday is on Christmas and celebrate his birthday on Christmas.

I do not have anything else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out and Happy Holidays, World!!!

Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is the middle of the night here in Seattle. Actually it is a few minutes past three o’clock in the morning Seattle time. I am unable to sleep for multiple reasons which include insomnia, PTSD and grieving the recent loss of my mom. Hell, it hasn’t even been two weeks since my mom’s death. I really miss my mom and wish she was still alive.

Since I am unable to sleep I have been doing some things to help me with the grief, PTSD and insomnia. The things I have been doing is reading a book called Unholy Night by Seth Grahame-Smith, listening to music, working on diamond art/painting, and cuddling with my cat, Billie. I love the fact that I can get some cuddle time with my cat especially when I am reading in bed. I am grateful that I can listen to music as I do any type of art including diamond art/painting.

I do not have anything else to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you the reader for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for the reader, reading my blog, I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

My First Finished Diamond Art/Painting

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I just wanted to update you all about me doing Diamond Art/Painting. I am really enjoying myself doing Diamond Art/Painting. I am thankful to and grateful for my neighbor who introduced me to Diamond Art/Painting because it has really helped me deal with PTSD as well as insomnia on nights I was not able to sleep. Hell, I really enjoy it. It also keeps me busy when I am unable to sleep as well as when the Seattle weather is really yucky even for Seattle standards. In this particular post I will show you a picture of my first finished Diamond Art/Painting. I will show you my second finished Diamond Art/Painting in the next day or two. Here is my first finished Diamond Art/Painting:

My first finished diamond art/painting. It is of a cat with a butterfly on its nose. The cat and butterfly are rainbow colored.

I really hope you like my diamond art/painting. I did add a caption to the picture for my readers who are site impaired or blind. I really enjoy doing the Diamond Art/Painting and I hope to show you the second diamond art/painting that I finished in the next day or two.

I don’t have much more to write about in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be continuing to write my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!