Tag Archives: Self Harm

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! If you have been keeping up to date on my blog you know it has been a tough week for me. You also know that I, unfortunately self harmed. A self harm action I will be discussing with my therapist.

Another thing I need to talk to my therapist about is my sleep issues. Sleep issues that has its ups and downs. It just appears it is more down than up because if it was up I think I would be able to sleep.

Something else that happened this week was that I got a phone call. Not just any phone call. A phone call to schedule a job interview. My job interview is scheduled for this Tuesday and I hope it is a job for me.

I also completed three paintings this week. Paintings that helped me express my emotions in a healthy way. One of these days I need to share my paintings with you all. I have shared a painting or two but that is it. I want to share more paintings with you.

Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Home From the Emergency Room (E.R)

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am home from the Emergency Room (E.R). I went to the E.R because I self harmed again. I ended up getting stitches. While in the E.R I used my coping skills. I ended up doing some are work. Specifically, I colored mandala’s. The nurses and social work were impressed with my color scheme of the mandala’s.

The social worker on duty asked what let me to self harm this time and I explained that I dissociated and that is when I self harmed. Dissociation is a problem for me and when I self harm while dissociated it makes it that much worse for me.

Now that I am home, I will be working on one of my workbooks. Not sure which one yet but I will do one. I have found that workbooks help me with my recovery. My therapist likes the fact that I do self help workbooks to help myself and my recovery.

Thank you for reading. Peace out, World!!!

Blogging From the Emergency Room (E.R)

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! As I sit here blogging, I am writing from my laptop on gurney in hallway of an Emergency Room. The reason why I am writing from the Emergency Room is because I ended up self-harming again. I will share what type of self-harm in a later post as I don’t want to trigger anyone at the moment. To be honest with you, I am shocked as hell that the E.R staff are letting me blog at the moment. Maybe it is because they know I won’t do anything to harm myself any further than I have already.

I did use my coping skills box before I self harmed. It did help when I was using my coping skills yet I stopped using them and self harmed. It just proves to me if I use my coping skills I can go without self-harm.

I just wish recovery didn’t have so many relapses. It is non-linear and most definitely  not a straight line. Although it would be easier if it were a straight line. I do have to say this will make me a stronger person even if I don’t want it to.

Thank you for reading. I hope to update you later. Peace Out, World!!!

The Pain is Too Much

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I am struggling to type as the pain in my hand isn’t going away. In fact the swelling is getting worse. I am thinking I might need to go back to the Emergency Room (E.R) to get it rechecked as it is looking worse than it did this morning when I originally hit the brick wall. I have been using my coping skills to help with the pain or at least to try to help with the pain but it is not working. I think I am going to go back to the Emergency Room (E.R) as a precautionary thing.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Thankfully, Not Hospitalized

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! There was an hour or two where I thought I could be hospitalized due to hitting a brick wall with my hand and thankfully it is NOT going to happen. Everyone was in agreement with me that the hospital would not be beneficial to me this time around. So, with everyone in agreement, I am not going to be admitted to the hospital.

My therapist and I discussed my self harm actions this morning and did what is called a chain analysis. If you’re familiar with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) then you know what I am talking about. It is hard for me to describe what one is but it is extremely helpful. My therapist and I also discussed my family. Specifically, my parents and their addictions to drug and alcohol. My dad is in active recovery while my mom is not in recovery whatsoever. We talked about how I learned from their mistakes and chose not to drink or use drugs. I told my therapist that I don’t need more issues on top of the ones I already have.

I’ll write more later. I am just really tired and in pain from hitting a brick wall. Thank you so very much for reading. It is very much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Bored Half Out of My Mind, Waiting

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am bored have out of my mind as my therapist wants me to hang out in day treatment. He wants me to hang out in drop in as he converses with his supervisor on whether or not I need to be hospitalized for my self harm actions. I don’t think I need to be hospitalized as I was recently in the hospital. He doesn’t think I need to be hospitalized either but since he is relatively new he wants to make sure he is doing what he is best for me.

I think after I am done blogging, I’ll read. I am realizing that reading is helping with pain management  of my hand. Reading has been quite helpful for me in a number of areas for me. I am grateful that I have overcome the issues I had with reading when I was a child as I love reading.

I think I am going to go now as my hand is in pain. I’ll post more about my hand later. Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

An Emergency Room (E.R) Post

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As I type this post, I am sitting in the emergency room (E.R) in pain and typing with one hand as I hit a brick wall. I hit a brick wall because I was feeling high anxiety as well as fear. I was feeling his way because of PTSD symptoms. PTSD symptoms that were and are quite overwhelming.

Symptoms that I will be discussing with my therapist today when I see him. I’ll also be discussing my self harm actions. Actions that need to be discussed as I didn’t reach out to anybody when I first had urges to self harm this morning.

I did attempt to use my DBT skills. First of all I blogged. After posting my last post I ended up reading my book. Both blogging and reading helped but I obviously needed to reach out to somebody and/or needed to use more skills so I wouldn’t have punched a brick wall.

I should get going as I am in the emergency room getting my hand looked at. I’ll post again later. Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World

Anger = Call to Therapist

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! As much as I love my family, they are driving me nuts right now. Driving me nuts over petty shit that I shouldn’t let get to me but I do.

I talked with my new therapist about this and he suggested some things for me to do so I am not so angry with them. The cool thing about everything is that he knew what questions to ask about me and my anger. He now knows that me calling when I am angry is a good. This is a way for me to be preventative to do self harm urges and self harm acts. Thankfully, the anger toward my family didn’t lead to self harm urges which is why I was being preventative.

Something that my therapist and I came up with is to keep my mind busy so reading and books. I found out that my therapist is also an avid reading. His enjoys science fiction and fantasy genres. Knowing something as simple as this helps me with trusting my therapist. Talking about ways to not be so angry and books with my therapist helped lessened the anger a great deal.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World.

Pain, Pain, Go Away, Please

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!! Right now I am frustrated with myself. Actually, I am frustrated with the pain I have in my hand. A pain which I caused a few days ago. A pain that is getting worse and not better.

In fact it was getting better along with the swelling starting to subside however it started getting worse this afternoon so I called the consulting nursing line. They asked what I was doing for pain control as well for the swelling. I informed them that I was taking Tylenol and/or Ibuprofen as direct by a doctor as well as icing it and mindfulness and meditation techniques. The nurse was quite surprised and is “impressed” by what I am doing. She suggested I go to the Emergency Room (E.R) and I think I am going to so that.

I will let you know what happens. Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

Wednesday Afternoon Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I saw Gilbert today for therapy. We discussed a number of things today. Some of which I will share with you. We first discussed me punching a brick wall. We did a chain analysis on the self harm action. We talked about I could have done differently than punching a brick wall.

Not only did we talk about self harm we discussed my time at the DSHS office. We talked about how I am finally back on Medicaid and getting a higher amount of food stamps. We discussed how I am now able to finally get proper dental care. Gilbert also informed me about how I can double my food stamps local farmers markets.

Now that I told you what therapy was like today, I think I am going to go and read. I really enjoy reading as it helps me get out of my head.

Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!!