Hello, World!!! I am now home from the Emergency Room. As I mentioned in my last post I self harmed and took myself to the Emergency Room. I punched a brick wall out of anger and frustration. I didn’t break any bones.
I am going to be reading one of my books. Not sure which one yet. No, I haven’t finished my Star Wars book but I will finish it soon. I am thinking about reading my Buddhist Scriptures.
I think I am going to go read now. Thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!
Hello, World!!! I am sitting in the Emergency Room because I self harmed. I am going to be okay. I am just waiting to talk with the social worker. I might have to talk with my therapist on the phone as well.
The social worker just showed up to talk with me. I need to get going. Have a good day. I will blog again later. Peace Out, World
Good Morning, World!!! I am back from the emergency room (ER). They gave be some other meds to help me sleep. They want me to try to get sleep without the meds first. I will try to take a nap but wont take the meds till tonight. The doctor wants me to contact my mental health treatment team which I am going to do. I just want to sleep.
Good Morning, World!!! It is now five thirty in the morning for me. I still haven’t gotten any sleep. Sleep that I am desperately wanting and needing. I finally took some Ambien and it didn’t fucking work. It usually does and it is frustrating the hell out of me that I can not get some fucking sleep.
I am so frustrated that it is putting me in crisis mode. Enough of a crisis mode that once I am done blogging, I am going to take myself to the Emergency Room (E.R). I will be okay, I just need someone to fucking hear me on how fucking frustrating getting no sleep is. Right now I think going to the E.R is the best bet. I don’t want to concern you all. I just wanted to let you know what is going on. I know I will be okay, I just need to get the sleep thing taken care of.
Hello, World!!! I am struggling to type as the pain in my hand isn’t going away. In fact the swelling is getting worse. I am thinking I might need to go back to the Emergency Room (E.R) to get it rechecked as it is looking worse than it did this morning when I originally hit the brick wall. I have been using my coping skills to help with the pain or at least to try to help with the pain but it is not working. I think I am going to go back to the Emergency Room (E.R) as a precautionary thing.
It’s another Thursday and I have been struggling a bit for about a week or two now. I didn’t realize how badly I was struggling till this past Monday (8/11/2014) when I dissociated. The unfortunate part of the dissociated state it that I ended up cutting. I am so disappointed that I cut. I hadn’t cut in three years. When I started coming out of the dissociated state and realized what I had done, I freaked out and called 911. Of course the fire department came and checked me out and then I was taken to the emergency room.
My experience in the emergency room wasn’t the best I have had in the 14 years I have been going to this particular ER for both psych and medical reasons. On the positive side both of the physicians were caring and sincere in wanting to help me. It was both the nurse and the social worker that didn’t make my experience all that great. The nurse was just negative with me the entire night. She told me that I needed to get my act together and that if it wasn’t for the HIPPA law that she would tell my boss’s about what happened. (Side note: The nurse shops at the grocery store I work at on the regular basis). When the social worker finally talked to me her demeanor was as if she didn’t want to be at work or got the short straw to talk to me. I told the social worker what the nurse said and the social worker told me that the nurse would never say that and I that I was being “hostile.” The question I have is how can I be hostile if I am sitting on the floor in a corner of the room with a blanket around me and sucking my thumb holding a stuffed animal. If that’s “hostile” then I would hate to think what her (the social workers) point of view is on violent behavior. The social worker then had the guts to tell me that she didn’t believe me that I dissociated. As she told me this one of the doctors came in to check on me and well he didn’t seem too happy with the social worker at the moment. The doctor asked how I was doing and I said I was doing better (which I was) and then said that he believed me. This doctor has treated me before and knows that I dissociate. Well, to make a long story short the doctor talked to the social work who in return said, I’m only apologizing because I was asked to. I really don’t like it when people are forced to apologize to me or others when they don’t mean it but am grateful that doctor cared enough to talk to her. His heart was in the right place. Thankfully, I wasn’t hospitalized. I was sent home.
For me being sent home was a good thing. It means that I am far enough in my recovery process that I can continue to do what I need to do in my everyday life. For me going on with my life is what I need to do. That means continue going to my volunteer training at the Warm Line as well as going to my volunteer job at the homeless shelter. That also mean I will go to work tomorrow as well as on Saturday and any shifts I have next week. For me if I wasn’t in recovery I wouldn’t have bothered going to the Warm Line training this past Tuesday as well as my listening shift last night nor would have I gone to my volunteer job at the homeless shelter. I consider this episode as a relapse. I am picking up where I left off before I dissociated and harmed myself. Another thing I am waiting on is my therapist to call me back. She was sick on Tuesday and doesn’t work on Wednesdays and hoping she is back in the office today. If she is still out today I will just see her at my regularly scheduled appointment. As much as I am beating myself up over what happened I have to get up and dust myself up and make the choice to continue my recovery process.
I debated whether or not to share this with you because I didn’t want to trigger anyone nor did I want to worry anyone. I decided to blog about after I discussed it with my natural support system and they said it would be a good idea because it will show that I am human (which I am) and that I can pick up with my life even though its a little difficult at the moment. Yes, I know I blogged on Tuesday but I didn’t have my mind wrapped around what happen the night before and needed some space before I blogged about it. Now there is enough space and decided blog about what happened with the encouragement from the people who care about me. I am hoping that me blogging about this shows that people with mental illness can work through there issues as they continue with their everyday life. For me to continue with my everyday life is key to my recovery. It is my hope that this blog entry can show others struggling with mental illness that recovery is possible even if you relapse and that hope is out even if you relapse. I am worried about what my therapist is going to say on Monday but I will deal with that when it comes. As much as I don’t like my job I am looking forward to work tomorrow. I am grateful that I am able to work. Continuing to go on with my everyday life is something I’ve learned to do to not go farther backwards.
Speaking of continuing with everyday life I need to get going. I need to eat and get my work clothes ready for tomorrow before I go to my volunteer training at the Warm Line. Have a good rest of your Thursday. I hope I didn’t trigger or worry anyone. Peace out!!
As I am blogging this Tuesday evening I am sitting in the Emergency Room waiting room because my dad had a seizure. Right now he is getting a MRI. I have had many MRI’s and they are not fun. I’m in the waiting room of the E.R because it’s the only place I can get Wi-Fi. I told my dad that when he gets back to the room to let his nurse know so she can come get me. In fact his nurse if friend of mine from the high school I graduated from. She was one of the few people who stuck up for me in high school when I got bullied. She also helped me with my homework. More or less she tutored me. Now back to my dad. I think he will be okay. Their is the possibility that he might have to stay overnight for observation. He usually does stay over for observation when he has a seizure. My dad has had a multitude of test so far this evening due to his seizure. I hope they just make up their minds if they are going to keep or let him go.
In fact I was suppose to go to a baseball game this even with a friend but my dad ended up in the E.R and well he is more important than a baseball game. My friend understands and was able to find someone else go with her on such short notice. I am grateful that she was able to find someone on such notice because then her money isn’t wasted.
Well I best be going. I hope to blog later on when I am home. I hope to let you know how my dad is doing. I love my dad so much. He raised me with the help of my grandparents. I will blog again later. Peace out and enjoy the summer.
Hey! It’s still Tuesday. I am typing this blog in pain. Why are you in pain you ask. Well, I forgot to turn the burner off all the way and went to clean it and well I burned the tops of three of my fingers. So when I burned my fingers my boyfriend gave me ice as he put our dinner away that we had just fixed but not eaten yet and then he took me to the Emergency Room (ER). Surprisingly I only spent 45 minutes in the ER. I got some cream stuff to put on my fingers. Yes I am already getting blisters on 2 out of my 3 burned fingers. In all honesty I don’t think I should be typing right now. My fingers hurt like hell. I do have to say that both the Attending physician and Resident Physician were extremely pleasant and helpful. The nurse of course of extraordinary. I was told to not go to my volunteer job tomorrow and am really disappointed about that. I enjoy my volunteer job.
It looks like since I am unable to volunteer tomorrow that I will be doing a lot of reading. If you haven’t read A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens, I encourage you to read it. I am enjoying the book immensely.
I should get going for two reasons. One: Dinner is finally reheated and am hungry. So its time to eat. Two: My fingers are in extreme pain and I should stop typing now. I am hoping to blog tomorrow but if I don’t you know why. Have a good Tuesday evening everyone. Peace out and take care of yourselves.