Tag Archives: Sleep

A Sleepless in Seattle Type of Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is barely six forty five in the morning in my corner of the world and I have not been to sleep yet despite many attempts at sleep. I even took my as need (PRN) sleeping pill and that didn’t even work. I am annoyed that my sleep in inconsistent and that there is much my psych doctor and regular doctor can do except refer me a sleep study. I was referred yet I am unable to make an appointment due to the fact the medical review board at the office I was referred to has to review the referral first which make now sense to me especially since they haven’t even notified my insurance yet. I guess, I just want to figure out why I am not sleeping and am at a loss on what to do as the one thing that could possibly give any ideas has to review the referral and that could take up to six weeks which mean my insurance wont pay for it. I have to have an appointment scheduled within the first four weeks of the referral or my insurance won’t pay for it. And that frustration is whole other story I won’t even get into.

One of the things I have done to entertain myself was watch the Umbrella Academy. I am not finished with the season yet but it is getting extremely interesting. I am finding it very intriguing and entertaining. I am hoping to finish season one by the time Friday comes around.

The other thing that helped me get through yet another sleepless night is reading. I read comic books. Not just any comic books. I read Wonder Woman comic books. I love Wonder Woman. In fact I collect Wonder Woman comics as it is a hobby of mine. It is not just only a hobby but reading them is also a skill that helps me with challenging times. I read Wonder Woman comic books even when I am not having challenging times.

I am now watching the morning news. Not very much going on in the news that I am really interested with the exception of the weather. Everything else in the news in pretty bleak. The news is so freaking depressing.

I do not have much else to say. I just hope that when I attempt to go back to bed that I can actually fall asleep. Sleep is extremely important to ones mental health. I should get going so I can try to get some sleep since I didn’t have a wink of sleep all night. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated.  Have a wonderful Wednesday. Peace Out, World!!!

A Workplace Post

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As I type this post, I am at work. I am bored half out of my mind and freezing but at least I have someone to keep me company as the shelter guest sleep. I am an On-Call Shelter Counselor at a young adult shelter here in Seattle and love my job for the most part. I really don’t like being on-call but hey, its a job. As I mentioned earlier I have someone to keep me company as I am training someone. I didn’t know I was training this person till I arrived to work. I am just shocked that my supervisor is having me train the new person as I am only an on-call person and don’t work very often. In fact the last time I took a shift was back in late November. The new person appears to be cool and has connected well with some of the shelter guest which is awesome.

In all honesty I would rather be at home in my own bed asleep at the moment. I am not tired at this moment in time as I slept really well during the day on Sunday as I knew I had to work a shift. I just don’t like when my sleep schedule gets all fucked up as I already have trouble sleeping.

Another reason why I was at home is primarily because of the weather. It is currently snowing in Seattle. I highly dislike the snow. I am not sure why but I have a few idea but won’t share them with you as I do not want to bore you. I not only don’t like the snow, I don’t like the cold weather. It is suppose to get windy and heavier snow later today (Monday) which sucks shit.

As much as I don’t like the news about windy, snowy weather for today (Monday), I am looking forward to hopefully hearing back from my employment specialist and/or the hiring manager of the peer job I applied for to see if I get an interview in the next week or two. I say this because I want and need a job that has a more stable schedule. Having a job that is only on-call sucks but I am grateful to have a job.

I do not have much more to say in this particular post. I hope to post later on today when I am off work and well rested after working a twelve hour shift at night. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Just A Boring Post About Employment

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am getting myself psyched to go into work tomorrow night (Sunday) as I really don’t want to go into work. I could have said no but the last few times I was asked to go into work I said no. So, in essence I felt obligated to go into work tomorrow. So that means tonight I will be pulling an all-niter so I can sleep during the day tomorrow (Sunday).  Staying up all night tonight and tomorrow will reek havoc on my already bad sleep patterns due to insomnia.

Due to the unpredictable schedule, I am applying for new jobs. In fact my employment specialist sent my resume to one of the supportive housing programs that the agency I am a client of oversee’s. Yes, I can work for the agency I am client of. I am personally hesitant to do so but if it gets me from being in an on call position then I will take the job. I was informed that the supervisor of the program my resume was sent will get back to me no later than Tuesday to schedule an interview with me. I really want this job but I won’t be hurt if I don’t get it as I am sure the person they hire will be the best fit for the job. I am also looking into applying for other peer jobs but it is difficult to find part time peer jobs at the moment.

I don’t have much more to say. I am pretty sure I will blog later as I am trying to stay up all night so I can sleep during the day tomorrow (Sunday) as I work tomorrow night. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Peace Out, World!!

Boredom Sets In As I Wait For….

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! At this very moment I am sitting in the waiting room of my doctor’s office to see her for our ever two week check up even though I have not seen her since November. Long story short, our schedules didn’t mesh well and the holidays didn’t help with the scheduling. Any way I am sure we will be discussing how things have been going with me both physical health and mental health wise. I am sure we will also be discussing how I have not been using the emergency room on the regular basis and only going to urgent care once as seeing her every two weeks is to help cut down on the amount of times I go to the emergency room. Anyway, one of the things I plan on doing is asking my doctor if she can prescribe me some Ativan for my upcoming dental appointment. Actually, it will be for my oral surgery of taking out all of my teeth. I have anxiety over going to the dentist. I know it sounds a wee bit silly but I do. I know most likely my doctor will not prescribe me the Ativan but at least I will have an answer as if I don’t ask the answer will be an automatic no.

As I wait for my doctor, not only have I been writing this post I have been reading the book Lost Boys by Orson Scott Card. It has been quite helpful to me as I wait to see my doctor. Hell, it was quite helpful to me last night when I was unable to sleep due to sleeping too much for about three days due to depression. I love to read. It helps me get out of my own head space and think about something else for once. It is quite helpful for me and my recovery journey.

I best be ending this particular post as it is getting closer to my appointment time with my doctor. I hope to post more later on today. I hope everyone has a good Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

No Sleep In Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As expected, I am unable to sleep. I expected that I would not be able to sleep tonight due to sleeping a great deal for about three days due depression related to grief. Grief related to my grandma’s passing away on Valentines Day of last year (2018). It is hard to believe that in a little over three weeks it will be a year since my grandma passed away.

Since I am unable to sleep, I am listening to music. Specifically, I am listening to Sleater-Kinney. They are a great local band from the Seattle area. They are actually, if I am not mistaken from the Olympia / Lacey area of Washington. I tend to favor local musicians from where I live as well as where I grew up as I tend to relate to them a bit more than other musicians.

Another thing I have been doing tonight is reading. I started reading “Lost Boys” by Orson Scott Card. I really like him as an author as I have read other books he has written. I thought I would give this book a try. I usually only read book series but thought I would read a stand alone book. Reading is a great distraction from the reality I am facing.

In fact both reading and music are great distraction from the reality I am facing in regards to dealing with my grandma’s death. Yes, it has been nearly a year since she passed away but she was a motherly figure to me. She helped raise me.

I don’t have much more to say. I will try to blog again later on today. I hope I can get some sleep so I am not a cranky bucket. I hope everyone has a great Monday. Enjoy you week everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

No Excuse For Not Blogging

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It has been a few weeks since I last posted. I have no excuses. I have had plenty of time to post especially since I have not been called into work since Christmas week which I didn’t work at all in December either except for a stupid staff meeting. I do have to say the last few days I have been in a depressive state to where I have been sleeping a great deal. Now, I am a little worried that I won’t be able to get any sleep for a few days.

Let me catch you up on what has been going on with me the last few weeks besides not getting called into work and sleeping a lot the last few days due to being in a depressive state. So, my therapist and one of his colleagues came by my apartment to check on the cleanliness of it and both of them were “impressed” by my apartment. They however weren’t surprised on my music selection as when they showed up, I was playing Sleater-Kinney. My therapist did notice I have some things that I need to throw away and have come up with a plan to get rid of the stuff I don’t need and he suggested by getting rid of the access stuff while listening to music.

Another thing that has been happening is that I have been preparing myself for some dentures. I am getting oral surgery done this Wednesday and will be getting dentures. Yes, I realize that being less than two months away from being forty years old and needing dentures is rare but considering that when I was young I was a hard core anorexic and bulimic, I did a number on my teeth. Something I am not proud of and twenty years after I stopped the eating disorders I am paying for the consequences. Consequences I don’t like but at least it is my teeth that I am loosing due to the eating disorders I dealt with as a child, teenager and young adult instead of my life.

As stressful as the upcoming oral surgery is, I think the reason why the last few days I have been dealing with depression and sleeping too much is because my grandma would have been eighty-nine years old on the fourteenth of this month (January). So, I guess I was dealing with some grief.  Grief that I am still dealing with and will continue to deal with. My therapist and I have been discussing it in bits and pieces. Dealing with grief sucks shit.

I don’t have much more to post about at the moment. I just hope everyone has a good rest of their Sunday evening. I hope everyone has a good night. Peace Out, World!!!!

Christmas Eve Grief & Depression

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, once again, World!!! It is still Christmas Eve and I still have not been able to sleep. The lack of sleep that is not helping with the emotions I am dealing with at the moment. Emotions I would rather not be dealing with at the moment.

Today, I will be celebrating Christmas with my dads side of the family and it happens to be the first Christmas without my grandma. I am dealing with the grief and sadness that goes along with it. Despite dealing with the difficult emotions of dealing with the first holiday without my grandma, I am looking forward to spending time with my dads side of my family.

I am however am dreading later this evening and tomorrow as I will be spending it with my mom’s side of the family. Sadly, my brother won’t be there as he will be spending the holiday with his dad. I am not looking forward to spending Christmas with my mom due to her being in active addiction.

Despite all of this my depression is acting up which sucks shit but it feels and looks like a typical Seattle Christmas minus the rain which is a good thing. I am not a big fan of rain but it wouldn’t be Christmas in the Northwest without rain so maybe we will get rain. Just as long as we don’t get snow, I will be okay with it as we had a white Christmas last year. The grey dreary Seattle weather fits my mood of being depressed. I hope that I somehow my spirits will be lifted some how and not by alcohol.

I am just really tired and hope I am able to take a nap at some point today. The lack of sleep sure is not helping my mood or my negative emotions. Sleep is crucial to having improved mental health symptoms or at least it does for me.

I better be going. I need to take a shower and eat small breakfast. I also need to pack some last minute things for my trip to my moms after I spend Christmas Eve with my dads side of the family. I hope that those of you who celebrate Christmas have a great holiday. Peace Out, World!!!

Sleepless In Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is just after four in the morning in my corner of the world and I have not slept a wink all night. It is kind of frustrating as I will be celebrating Christmas with my dads side of the family today and then head off to my moms later this evening. I just don’t want to be a cranky bucket for anyone in my family.

I most definitely don’t want to be a cranky bucket when I am at mom’s as she and my uncle want me to go to the midnight church service with them to bring in Christmas. I don’t consider myself Christian but if my mom wants me to go to church as part of her Christmas gift from me to here I might as well. It won’t hurt me going just this once.

In fact I have been looking into Buddhism for awhile now and am going to start attending a Buddhist temple in the new year. Or at least that is my goal at the moment. I know Buddhism and Christianity don’t go hand and hand but I can respect other people’s religion. My mom doesn’t like the fact that I have been looking into Buddhism which is why I think she want me to go to church as part as my gift to her.

I best be going. I am hoping to at least get some sleep in. I hope everyone has a good holiday if you celebrate Christmas. Thank you for reading my blog. It is much appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Officially Christmas Eve

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is officially Christmas Eve in all of America. I don’t know how how to feel about it being Christmas Eve as I am tired as hell because I have not been to sleep yet due to insomnia. I also don’t know haw to feel about it because it is the first Christmas Eve without my grandma. Grief has stricken me hard at the moment. At least my cat, Lil Gertie, is helping me a great deal.

On top of not being able to sleep and dealing with grief, my depression and PTSD symptoms are increasing as well. I am debating whether or not to email my therapist about how I am doing at the moment. I think he will be in the office till about one in the afternoon today but I am not a hundred percent sure.

I do know that today, tomorrow and Wednesday, I will be dealing with family and I just need to make sure I have my ducks in a row as best as I can keep them in a row. What I need is some freaking sleep. Hopefully, I can get some sleep at some point today before I get to my mom’s tonight.

Maybe I should email my therapist so I could at least give him a heads up about how things are going for me at the moment. He already know it is going to be a challenging holiday for me. My therapist is awesome and appreciate him. In fact I am grateful for him and how much he has helped me with my recovery.

I don’t have much more to say as I want to try to get some sleep. I hope everyone who celebrates the Christmas holiday has a good Christmas. Have a wonderful holiday everyone. Peace Out, World!!!

No Sleep For Me

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am unable to sleep right now. No matter how much I try, I am unable to sleep. I have taken my sleep meds as well as some Melatonin and neither are working. I am starting to get quite frustrated with not being able to sleep.

Thankfully, I have electricity because it keeps going out due to the windy weather and power lines keep going down. I am grateful for electricity at the moment because I have been watching movies which has been quite helpful to me.

Unfortunately, yet fortunately the electricity would go out due to the windy weather and I then get a battery operated lantern and read. I am reading a book that I keep putting down and picking back but have to reread from the beginning due to forgetting where I left off. I am reading a science fiction / fantasy novel. I love reading

So between reading and movies I have been keeping myself busy. Lil Gertie, appears to be happy that I am awake right now as she is getting a lot attention as she is a night owl. I love my cat so much. She makes my life so much better.

I want to write more but my lights are starting to flicker again so I want to make sure this post gets posted just in case the electricity goes out again. The weather in Seattle the last few days has been yucky to even those who have spent their entire lives in the Seattle area. I just wish it wasn’t so windy.

Again, I really should get going. I hope everyone has a good Friday as it is officially Friday everywhere in America. Before I go, I would like to wish everyone a Blessed Solstice. Have a wonderful weekend everyone. Peace Out, World!!!