Daily Archives: February 15, 2018

A Little Buzzed

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I’m a little buzzed from drinking some alcohol. I normally don’t drink but thought I would have a couple tonight. I don’t like the feeling of being buzzed. Alcohol and my meds usually don’t mix so I’m not sure if I will take them tonight as I don’t want to cause any problems.

Some people would say drinking alcohol during a painful time in my life is not wise and they would be correct. I realize this as I choose to not drink but on an occasional basis. I’m not drinking to make the pain go away or to escape it. I just thought I would enjoy some Irish Cream in my hot chocolate.

I miss my grandma and want to make her proud. I’m not sure how to do that right now but I want to make her proud of me.

Thank you for reading.

Thursday Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! As much as I am grieving, I have realized that the pain will take awhile to subside. As much as I want the pain to go away I have been doing a lot of things to distract myself from the pain.

The main thing I have been doing is reading. I have been reading Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I am taking a while to read it but I am enjoying the book. I have been reading Wonder Woman comic books as well. Reading is helping me get out of my head so I don’t have to deal with the pain. The pain of loosing my grandma.

Another thing that has been helpful is the support I am getting from my friends. Friends that have been quite helpful many times especially the last year. In times of loss you realize who your true friends are.

Thank you for reading. Have great night everyone and Peace Out, World!!!

Missing Grandma

Posted on by Gertie

Gooding Evening, World!!! I missing my grandma very much right now. I wish her death wasn’t so fucking painful. So painful that I have become numb. Numb to the emotional pain.

Pain I know I will get through with the help of my DBT skills. Skills like art and reading. Art helps me express my emotions while reading help me get out of my head for while.

I will first do some art. I most likely will color. Coloring is quite soothing for me. I will probably also paint.

After some art I’ll cuddle up in my pajamas with the quilt my grandma made me and read. Read the book I’ve been reading for while but still enjoying.

First and for most I need to get going so I can get something to eat. Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!!

The Day After

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! The last twenty four hours have been quite difficult for my family and I. It has been difficult because of the death of my grandma, yesterday.

As difficult as yesterday was for me, I realized on how much support I have. Support I didn’t realize I had much less folks who actually read my blog. For instance, a shout out to my recovery coach for reading my blog to see how I am doing. Thanks!!! Another shout out to both my case manager and therapist who have been reading my blog on the semi-regular basis to “check-up” on me. Even a shout out to my friends who read my blog to see how I am doing when I haven’t check-in with them.

Having the unexpected folk read my blog is a blessing to me. It’s a blessing because to me it shows they care and concerned for how I am doing especially those who identify as people with lived experience. The power of peer support is amazing.

As amazing as peer support is, I am grateful for it as well as grateful for the professionals in my life. My therapist and case manager are putting back on “daily check-ins” as a preventive measure. A preventive measure to help keep me on the path I want to be on. A path of recovery and to get back to work.

Thank you for reading. Peace Out, World

Everyday Inspiration; Day 4: A Story in a Single Image

Posted on by Gertie

As this woman walks through the woods I cant help but thinks about the peace it can bring her. If it brings me peace, I am sure it brings her peace. A peace that only nature can bring. A peace and contentment that can give one hope and inspiration. A hope that can change the world. A change in the world that will inspire others and give them hope. A hope that is being set by example. An example of hope all because of a walk in the woods.

Educational Piece: Grief & Loss

Posted on by Gertie

As, I stated on Sunday, I would try to do an educational piece on Thursdays. Well, it is Thursday and I have decided to do an educational piece on grief and loss. Grief and loss because of the loss of my grandma yesterday.

The five stages of grief:

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance

Emotional symptoms of grief:

  • Shock & Disbelief
  • Sadness
  • Guilt
  • Anger
  • Fear

Physical symptoms of grief:

  • Fatigue
  • Nausea
  • Low Immunity
  • Aches and pains
  • Insomnia

This just a tad bit of what I found out about grief and loss. I hope it helps anyone who is grieving right now.

No Sleep Ramblings

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I’m giving up on the sleep aspect of the night. I am however not giving up on hope. The hope I finally was able to grasp again after loosing for a long while.

Hope that I am able to show other through my interactions in every aspect of my life. Aspects of my life that I hope my recovery shows through even through the bumps in the road.

I happen to be in the middle of bump in the road with my recovery due to the death of my grandma. I do know that my grandma would want me to work through the pain of her death through hard work.

Okay, enough rambling and I’ll end the post for now. I know I will be okay today. Peace Out, World!!!

I Can’t Sleep, Again

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I’m having trouble sleeping again. Not exactly why I can’t sleep but I have my theories and it can be any combination of things.

One of the reasons why I think I can’t sleep tonight is because of the death of my grandma. My grandma’s death is hitting me harder than I thought it would. Every time I look around my apartment I see my grandma. I see her in pictures. I see her in the baby blanket she made me. I see her in the quilt she made me. I see her pretty much everywhere.

So, I’ve been wrapping myself up my quilt that she had made me for my 25th birthday. I’m feeling closer to her as I wrap myself up in my quilt that she made me. I feel her love. I know she is my guardian angel now.

Thanks for reading. Peace Out, World!!!