Monthly Archives: February 2018

Everyday Inspiration; Day 3: One Word Inspiration

Posted on by Gertie

Hope

Hope is something that is needed to be in recovery. If it weren’t for hope I wouldn’t be in recovery and I don’t think I would be writing this blog. The reason being is I think if it weren’t for the hope I have I would have died by suicide. I wrote a poem on hope.

Hope is something

One must desire. With hope recovery is

Possible. It’s possible for

Everyone even if they believe they are too far gone.

Another Morning at the Social Security Office

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It’s another day and I am back at the social security office. Hopefully, I get what I need taken care of today as the social security office gives me high anxiety.

I also want to get what I need taken care of today because of how my grandma is doing. I just want my issue with Social Security taken care of as it is time sensitive per Social Security and per me. Though my reasons are different than Social Security’s reason.

They just called me up so I need to get going. Have a great day!!! Happy Valentines Day, World!!!

How I became Gerties Motherly Figure

Posted on by mamabearraine

Gertie has an endearing way about them that has one’s heart accept them as who they are even at their most challenging times. On that note, I quickly realized what Gertie needed the most in their life was a motherly figure. A motherly figure so desperately needed when they were growing up and still craves as an adult even seventeen years later after I met them.

Gertie has the sweetest heart that has a hint of childlikeness to it. This most likely why they are so enduring. I chose to become their mother figure after we start becoming friends realizing that’s all they ever wanted in their life. I think with me stepping up to the mother figure role in Gerties role it helped them with continuing their recovery a process. A process that Gertie as worked long and hard for. Yes, they have had their ups and downs in recovery however with my help and the help of many others Gertie has thrived. Thrived in a way that a great deal of others never thought possible.

It is because of Gertie’s resiliency I have stuck by them and be a motherly figure to them. A figure that neither one of us expected would happen till it happened. A figure that both of us have cherished ever since.

Once Again, Sleepless in Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is ten minutes after two in the morning in my corner of the world. It is the typical rainy Seattle weather as I sit here at my laptop blogging. I don’t have much new to say except once the Olympics are over with I will now longer have cable. It’s just not something that is needed and cost a shit load of money. Money that is not worth the customer service.

Not having television means that Netflix and Hulu will my consumer ship with T.V. shows and movies. Plus not having television will allow me to read more as well as do other enjoyable activities.

Activities such as art. I am looking forward to doing more art. Art that will help me express my emotions while reading will help me get myself out of my head.

Plus, I will be able to have an excuse to play my flute more. I am so looking forward to having time without television to play my flute.

I use television as an excuse to not do shit that is helpful such as reading, playing my flute, and so on.

I should get going and attempt to try and get some sleep. Peace Out, World!!!

Feeling Slightly Better

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! I’m feeling slightly better than my last post. I owe it to taking a shower, eating and DBT skills. Skills that have helped me a lot the last fourteen and a half years.

One of the things I did after my shower was do some collaging. A collaged a couple of poems. So, I combined art and poetry into one skill or at least this time around. I love being able to combine my skills into one as it is quite helpful.

Another thing I did was read. I read the rest of the news paper that I didn’t finish reading this morning. I also read a little bit of the book that is taking me a long while to read. I am enjoying it though.

I did all these skill while listening to music. Music helps a great deal. I think after I am done blogging, I’m going to play the flute.

I hope everyone has a great night. Peace Out, World!!!!

Not Sure If It’s Grief or Depression

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I’m feeling slightly depressed. I’m not sure if I am depressed because of depression or if I’m feeling grief over my grandma. Yes, I realize she is still alive but knowing she doesn’t have much longer to live is having me grieve before her death. It hurts deeply that she is suffering so much.

When I saw her today, she looked into my eyes and whispered, “I love you” as it was the last time she will ever say it to me. I’m not sure if its going to be but I’m going to cherish it as it is. I love my grandma so much. I don’t want her to go. I also don’t want her to suffer anymore.

Thank you for reading me moping about my grandma. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Visit With Grandma

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! It’s been a challenging day. First with social security and then with my grandma. She is still alive but not coherent when she is awake. She recognizes who we are just not able to talk which is difficult for my family and I.

Being able visit with my grandma has been helpful for me with the grief I am dealing with. Not only has it been helpful for me but I think it’s more helpful for my grandpa that I am here. In all honesty it appears that my grandpa is relieved that I have come by to visit.

I should get going as the hospice nurse just showed up. Have a great afternoon. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 2: Write A List

Posted on by Gertie

Things I’ve Learned in My Recovery…

  • I’m resilient.
  • I’m stronger than I think I am.
  • There will be bumps in the road.
  • Its okay to do self care.
  • I don’t have to be perfect.
  • When life gives you lemons eat them (or make lemonade), just don’t throw them.
  • Life is worth living even when its painful.
  • The pain won’t last even though it feels like it.
  • Its okay to hit a pillow or stuffed animal but not a brick wall.
  • Giving up is not an option.
  • Recovery is more fun.
  • I always have a choice.

Ugh!!! Frustration & Other Stuff

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It’s been a frustrating morning. I went to the social security office today and have to go back tomorrow. It’s difficult enough to go when you don’t have an anxiety disorder and/or PTSD but add one or both conditions it makes it that much more difficult.

As difficult as social security is for me to go to and to deal with them, dealing with the grief of my grandma being in hospice care is that much more difficult. Knowing my grandma is going to pass away sooner than later is painful and I don’t want that to happen yet I know it is a part of life. Death is painful to deal with yet when you are aware of someone about to pass away you tend to appreciate the person more as well as life in general.

Being more appreciative of my grandma now is a good thing and not taking her life for granted, I’m going to be visiting her. I’ll be taking some art supplies with me as well as music and books to keep me busy when my grandma sleeps. The art stuff I’ll be taking is collaging and coloring supplies as its the easy to travel with on the city bus and less messy for my grandparents home.

I should get going so I can go visit my grandma. I hope everyone has an awesome day. Peace Out, World

Bored at the Social Security Office

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I am waiting at the social security office bored half out of my mind. I’ve been waiting for nine minutes and was first in line. I hope they start calling numbers here shortly or you will be reading a long and boring ass post. I am listening to some music on my phone as I sit here blogging.

Oh yeah!!! The called my number. I will post later. I hope everyone great day and peace out world!!!