Tag Archives: Cats

Nothing But An Isolating Type of Week

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I have isolating since Monday and that is never a good thing for me. I was suppose to have therapy yesterday but didn’t go. I rescheduled for today and didn’t go again today. I am just waiting for my therapist and I to reschedule for some time this week which I don’t think I will have a session due to how busy he is and my own personal schedule. I personally do want to reschedule for this week but realize the reality of the situation of being able to do so.

Since I have been isolating, I have been doing some things to keep myself busy. I, of course have been spending time with my cat, Lil Gertie. Lil Gertie has been a saving grace for me especially the last few days. She is an amazing cat and I love her so much.

The one other thing that has been helping me a great deal is art. I have been color and painting. I am really happy that I have not stopped doing art because I fear that my depression is getting bad. When my depression gets bad I loose all interest in things. Art is helping me with expressing my emotions.

I do not have much more to say in this blog post. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my point of view. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Peace Out, World!!!

Plans for a Simple Saturday

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I didn’t sleep last night and ended up falling asleep at around dawn and then woke up around twelve noon in my corner of the world. I really wish I didn’t have insomnia as it doesn’t help me living a productive life and a life worth living.

My plans for today are simple as I know myself all too well. With me knowing myself all too well means that having simple plans for today will help me with dealing whatever may come my way. I am pretty much planning on staying home and being a hermit. Being a hermit can be a good every now and then for me.

Part of me being hermit today means, I get to spend time with my cat, Lil Gertie. It is always a good thing being able to spend time with my cat. I enjoy being able to cuddle with her. In fact the I enjoy that she sits on my chest or lap because it puts me into a good state of mind. Being in a good state of mind helps me with making wise mind decisions.

Another thing I plan on doing while being a hermit today is some art work. The type of art work I plan on doing is both coloring and painting. I plan on doing both types of genres is because there will be points in time while I need to have the paint dry before adding to the art work so this is where the coloring comes in. I am thinking I might even add some collaging to my paintings but it is dependent on how the paintings come out.

As I do some art work, I will be listening to podcast. I will be listening to two different podcast. One on philosophy and the other on mythology. I find both subjects are fascinating to me and tend to have some very cool similarities.  Similarities I will share in another post sometime soon after I educate myself more on both subjects. One of the cool things I do after listening to any episode of a podcast, I look up the information that was discussed and I feel like this helps me educate myself on the subject. Ultimately educating myself helps me with communication skills.

How does educating myself help with my communication skills, you ask. It helps with my communication skills because I now have new things to discuss with other people. Being able to discuss new things with people helps build relationships. Relationships that could be a good thing for someone like me who struggles with isolation.

I do not have much more to say in this blog post. I need to go eat something so I am going to end this blog post. Before I end this blog post I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone enjoys their weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Happy Independence Day

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Fourth of July, America (and World)!!! Today is Independence Day here in the United States of America. Since it is Independence Day here in the United States which is fondly called the Fourth of July, many people are spending it by celebrating.

For me, celebrating the fourth isn’t what it use to be. Mainly because I worked retail for ten years and I feel like it is too commercialized. Don’t get me wrong I still celebrate it but not like the way I use to especially as a child. Today, I went to a barbecue a friend put on around lunch time. I enjoyed being surrounded by friends and eating food with them for lunch. I was invited to stay but I declined as I had made other plans with some of my neighbors. Neighbors that have become friends. In fact a couple of these neighbors are barbecuing dinner as I write this blog post. I donated meat for this barbecue. After eating we are going to play some board games and then go to the roof of our building to watch the fireworks.

As far as the fireworks go, I don’t think my cat, Lil Gertie, will react to them as she seemed pretty chill last night when someone was light off fireworks in front of our building. I love my cat so much and if I think she would react I would give her some of her anxiety meds. I am grateful that I have had pets throughout my life that didn’t seem to be affected by fireworks. I do know that many pets have issues with the noise as well as the brightness of fireworks. As far as my pet cat, Lil Gertie, I am preparing a “safe place” for her as a precaution. Her safe place is usually my bedroom and bathroom with treats and her favorite toys.

I don’t have much more to say. I should really go and help my neighbors with the barbecue. I want to thank you all for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has great day and for those who live in the United States, please enjoy your Fourth of July and stay safe. Again, thank you for reading my blog. You are all awesome in my eyes. Peace Out, World!!!

Just Another Post With Me Rambling

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! It is just after one o’clock in the afternoon in my corner of the world and I have been struggling since I woke up at five this morning. I have been struggling with several symptoms of my mental health challenges. I wish I wasn’t struggling with symptoms but sadly I am.

As badly as I am struggling at the moment and against my better judgement, I watched the twelve noon news. I say against my better judgement because there tends to be at least one story that triggers me. In fact there were two stories that triggered me in the noon news and it appears that it is the topic of politics that tends to be triggering for me at the moment. At least I am realizing what is triggering for me.

Lets get on to a different topic other than the news and politics as I am getting triggered even discussing it in this post. Yesterday, I had both therapy and group therapy. Specifically, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). In therapy my therapist and I discussed the DBT skills that I am struggling with doing due to barriers that get in the way. Even though we discussed the DBT skills I struggled with, we mainly talked about the barriers I struggle with. Sadly, some of the barriers are trauma related and we will need to continue to discuss these particular barriers in future sessions. After my session with my therapist I went to group therapy that happened to be DBT group. The topic of DBT group happened to be barriers that get in the way of using skills. When I found out the topic of DBT group I had to chuckle to myself because of what therapist and I discussed in my session with him.

Anyway, back to today and waking up struggling. I was struggling bad enough that the only thing I could do in the moment of waking up was pet my cat. My cat just laid next to me in my chair purring as I petted her. I ended up petting my cat close to a half an hour and during that half an hour petting my cat, I realize what I needed to do and ended up doing the entire morning before turning on the twelve noon news.

The things I ended up doing was art work and listening to a podcast as I did art work. The type of art work I ended up doing was coloring. I am coloring a poster in hopes to give it my therapist. As I colored the poster I listened to a podcast on philosophy. The specific podcast about philosophy I am listening to is called “Philosophize This” and am learning a great deal about philosophy. I highly recommend listening to the podcast “Philosophize This” for several reasons which I will share with you another time.

I say I will share with you another time in why I recommend “Philosophize This” is because I need to end this particular blog post so I can get going and eat something. I realized I haven’t eaten yet today which is not a good thing. Before I end this post I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great Friday as well as an awesome weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Post As I Wait for My Ambien To Kick In

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is nearly midnight in my neck of the woods and I am watching The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. I love watching The Tonight Show as in makes me laugh. I love the fact that humor helps me a great deal.

As I write this blog post I am waiting for my ambien to kick in so I can get to sleep. I didn’t sleep last night and it sucks shit. In fact I didn’t sleep Saturday night either. I just hope that I can get some sleep tonight or I am not going to be able function at all tomorrow (Tuesday). Sleep has been issue for me as long as I can remember and wish it wasn’t.

My cat, Lil Gertie is being affectionate right now and I am grateful for it. With Lil Gertie being affectionate I am realizing that I am starting to have some PTSD symptoms. Specifically, flashbacks and body memories. I really dislike PTSD but I realize most of the time that it’s the past and not happening now. As far as my cat, Lil Gertie, I am petting her and trying to type at the same time.

I should get going as I think my ambien is starting to kick in and I am wanting to pay attention to my cat, Lil Gertie. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from end of things. I hope everyone has a good night of sleep. Good Night and Peace Out, World!!!

So Far a Good but Uneventful Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today has been pretty uneventful which I consider a good thing. I consider it good thing because I was able to do some things that I was able to enjoy as well as a couple of things that I needed to do.

The things I needed to do weren’t exactly the most fun things to do but thankfully didn’t take much of my day to do. I needed to do my daily check-in with my therapist. Today’s daily check-in was via phone and lasted for a half an hour. My therapist and I didn’t have our check-in till just after four in the afternoon due to him having to “deal with multiple crisis’s with other clients.” That is okay with me because at least I know I am not in crisis and the check-in’s are to help prevent a crisis especially since my mental health symptoms are increasing. We discussed how my weekend was and what I did over the weekend. We also discussed meds and the potential of needing to pick them up two to three times a week instead of weekly. I am pretty sure picking up my meds more often is going to happen which I am not a fan of but am okay with it as long as it is at the pharmacy I have been going to for the last nineteen years. My therapist did ask if I had picked up my meds for the week and I informed him that I did pick them up. In fact picking up my meds were the only other thing that I actually needed to do besides that obvious of taking care of my cat, Lil Gertie.

I love my cat, Lil Gertie. Lil Gertie has been laying on my chest or lap more as of lately. I am not sure why but I am grateful for it. I do know when she sits on my chest it is because I am having an anxiety attack or about to have one. This helps me to realize this and makes me aware of my breathing. In fact as I am writing this blog on my laptop, Lil Gertie is laying on my chest purring up a storm. I love that fact the she has been laying on my lap or chest more often. It appears to be helping the both of us and the best part is that my anxiety hasn’t been as high as it has been in the past.

I pretty much only did two things today besides my check-in with my therapist, getting my meds and blogging. Those two things were doing some form of art while listening to a podcast. In fact I am listening to a podcast that discusses the topic of philosophy. I find the topic of philosophy very interesting. The specific podcast I am listening to is Philosophize This. I am personally enjoying it especially when I am doing art. In fact while listening to Philosophize This today I have been doing some art. Mainly, I have been coloring but did complete one painting and started another painting. I think maybe taking a picture or two of the art work I have been doing to show you all would be a good idea as whenever I include a picture of anything on my blog post I tend to get more traffic on my blog but I want to post my art work so you can enjoy it and not for the increased traffic to my blog.

I do not have much more to say except I should get going so I can eat some dinner as it is dinner time. I also want to thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great work week ahead of them. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Blessed (Summer) Solstice

Posted on by Gertie

Blessed Solstice, World!!! It is the first day of summer in the northern hemisphere while it is the first day of winter in the southern hemisphere. I am so grateful that it is now summer and the longest day of the year. Sadly, tomorrow the days start getting shorter but am going to enjoy the summer either way.

As summer starts, I realize that this last week hasn’t been the easiest of weeks for me and that I have my mental health treatment team worried about and rightfully so. Monday started off like any other Monday. I had an appointment with my psychiatric nurse practitioner and that we okay. It only went okay due to the fact that I withheld information from her and that ultimately didn’t help me on Tuesday but thankfully, I found out on Monday that I didn’t need to work on Tuesday night which I was and am thrilled about.

Now on to Tuesday. Tuesday was not a good day for me. I am not exactly sure why but it wasn’t. Long story short, I attempted to die by suicide by overdosing on one of meds. Thankfully, my psychiatric nurse practitioner has me pick up my meds once a week at my pharmacy so it was only a weeks worth of one medication. I was in the emergency room for about eight hours according to the medical records that were sent to my therapist. Sadly, I only talked with the social worker for about ten minutes and she informed me that it was MY duty to notify the after-hours crisis team of the mental health agency I am a client of to let them know I attempted to die by suicide. She didn’t even call them to let them make the decision to come evaluate me to see if hospitalization was needed. So when I got discharged from the emergency room and got home I called the after-hours crisis line and let the crisis clinician know. The after-hours clinician was upset at the social worker in the emergency room I was at because she was there twice evaluating two different people while I was there and the social worker didn’t even inform her. Thankfully, the after-hours clinician wasn’t upset with me and she told me that it is her (the hospital social worker) duty to notify her and not mine which I already knew. We talked for about forty-five minutes to make sure I was okay enough to be safe at home.

On Wednesday, my therapist called me and we discussed my attempted suicide and what happened with the emergency room social worker. He wanted to make see what my side of the story was as the after-hours crisis clinician ended up going back to the same emergency room I was in to evaluate another client and “had some words” with the emergency room social worker about me. Apparently, the after-hours crisis clinician is “extremely protective” of me in particular because she “sees a lot of” me in her. So, I informed my therapist of my extremely limited interaction with the emergency room social worker. After my phone call with him I guess he got my medical records from the emergency room and talked with a social worker who is familiar with me but was not on when I was in the emergency room and from my understanding that social worker wasn’t exactly happy with her colleague and how she handled my care.

Thursday (yesterday), I had my session with my therapist and we discussed at length about my attempted suicide. We also discussed how my psychiatric nurse practitioner want me to get my med two to three times a week at the pharmacy located on the campus of the mental health agency I go to. I informed my therapist that I am not liking the idea but understand that is it for “safety reasons” and that even though I don’t like the idea I would prefer to go to the pharmacy I have been going to for the last nineteen years. I informed him that I won’t “put up a fight” about getting my meds two to three times a week if we could compromise on me getting my meds from the pharmacy of my choosing, if not then I will “put up a fight.” He said he would discuss it with my psychiatric nurse practitioner about it and I know it will all work out. Another thing I did yesterday was go to DBT group and am grateful for the group. DBT has been quite helpful for me and have been making an effort to do the skills that don’t come automatically to me. The DBT skills is one of the things the has been one of the most helpful things for me and my mental health recovery.

Something, I have noticed since coming home from the emergency room is that my cat has become more clingy. She has been laying on my lap or chest when I am sitting my recliner more frequently and for a longer period of time. I think she knows that I am struggling and is doing what she thinks is helpful in comforting me and it is quite helpful. I am so grateful for my cat and that she has picked up quickly without any training on what helps me emotionally. Animals are so smart that way. I love my cat so much and am beyond thrilled that she is my emotional support animal. Getting my cat, Lil Gertie, is one of the best decisions I have made.

I do not have much else to say. I am NOT currently suicidal am NOT at risk of any self harm acts. If I do have self harm urges or feel suicidal I will take myself to the emergency room and/or call the after-hours crisis line that my mental health agency provides for their clients. I want to thank you for reading my blog. I greatly appreciate your readership. I hope everyone has an awesome summer and great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Creative Type of Day Due to Mindfulness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Well, it must be one of those days where I am able to be creative and I am enjoying this immensely. I am extremely grateful that I have been able to be creative today.

One of the ways I have been creative today is by painting. I, finished two painting that I am really proud of. In fact of the paintings my cat accidentally helped me with. She stepped in some paint and then walked on the canvas which I think is very cool and unique. Sadly, I had to give her a quick bath in the sink before paint fully dried on her paws and fur. She is not a big fan of taking a bath but at least she “helped” me create an awesome painting even though that was not her intention. Maybe, one day I will share this painting with you someday.

Another way I have been creative today is that I have written several poems. Something I love to do yet struggle to do because I never feel like they are good enough. Sadly, I tend to throw away a good portion of my poetry due to the fact that I don’t think they are worthy of being read. I have been having others such as a good friend of mine hold on to my poetry as I hope that someday I can create a book full of my poetry.

Another way I have been creative today is play my flute. I love playing my flute and just like coloring, it is form of mindfulness for me. Playing the flute has been a life saver for me since I started playing at age twelve. It has helped and still helps me with my mental health challenges. It also helped me make friends in school as I was in the junior high and high school bands. And being in band is what helped me graduate high school. So you can say that playing the flute helped me graduate high school even though I am really not that good at playing it.

I think the reason why I have been so creative today is because I have done several mindfulness exercises today. I have done some much mindfulness today because of my anxiety and am learning that mindfulness not only helps with my anxiety but helps me be creative. I am grateful that I am slowly getting back into mindfulness on the daily basis.

I do not have much else to say. I hope to blog again this evening and if not then tomorrow. Have a great rest of you day. Peace Out, World!!!

Not So Good Mental Health Day

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! Today has been one of those not so good days in regards to my mental health symptoms. A day where I have experienced extreme loneliness as well as isolation. Of course some of the isolation is a protective fact so I don’t have an emotional outburst on anyone.

I just wish my depression and dissociation wasn’t acting up so bad. To make matters worse my voices are screaming at the moment. At least I am not suicidal nor do I have urges to self harm and that is always a plus.

My cat, Lil Gertie has been helping me a great deal. She has been been at my side or on my lap the entire day or at least in my waking moments. I have been sleeping a great deal today. Maybe because of the lack of sleep last night or because of the depression or maybe a combination of both. My music has been playing nonstop as it helps a great deal with the voices. I have also been doing a lot of art today. Mainly I have been coloring but I have done other forms of art. I just wish I wasn’t so lonely or even isolating. At least I have my cat, Lil Gertie.

I don’t have much more to say. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Saturday. Peace Out, World!!!

Dissociative State = Creative Brain & A Loving Cat Wanting to Help

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!!! Why in the fuck do I have be dissociating at the moment especially since I am wanting to be in a creative groove. I think, I will be in the creative groove. My art may not come out like I would want but it might turn out better. As for writing I can incorporate it to some of the art I am doing. Kind of like poetry. I could even work on my storytelling comics and use some collaging. I have so many idea when it come to my creative side.

I think when I am out of this dissociated state, I will have some awesome art work and writings that might have some poetry. May my next post will be the art work I have done or the poetry that was written.

I hope that I can be creative after this post. That is my goal. Thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!