Tag Archives: Friends

Plans For The Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I didn’t get much sleep last night for various reasons. One of those reasons was due to PTSD. When I woke up this morning I realized my Depression symptoms are worse which I contribute to the lack of sleep.

Due to my symptoms acting up because of the lack of sleep, I realize that I need to make plans for the day. Plans the will keep me safe as well as busy and being a homebody. Being a homebody every once in a while is a good thing just as long as I make sure it doesn’t lead into isolation.

One of the things I do when I am being a homebody for the day is stay in my pajamas. Thankfully, I’m in the pajamas I don’t give a shit if I get paint on. I say this because I am planning on doing some art. One of the forms of art I plan on doing is painting. I am also planning on doing some collaging and coloring. All three art forms are helpful for me to decrease my symptoms of both Depression and PTSD.

Another thing that is helpful for me to decrease my symptoms is reading. I’m planning on reading Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. So far I’m enjoying the book and am on chapter 8. Another thing I plan on reading are comic books. Specifically, Wonder Woman comic books.

Speaking of books I am planning on doing my workbook. I am learning quite a bit about myself, sexual orientation, gender ideation and most importantly resiliency. It’s also quite challenging for me as well. If a workbook isn’t challenging for me then I don’t find them as helpful as for me as ones that are challenging. It being challenging for me is why I am liking the workbook. It means its going to be helpful.

Another thing that is going to be helpful for me is something that is going to happen this evening.  That something is that I am having two of my closest friends come over to watch some movies. We are going to be watching movies and eating a bunch of junk food. My friends and I are all responsible for some of the food.

Speaking of food, I need to get going to buy what I need for this evening. I hope everyone has a peaceful and restful Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

A Long Yet Productive Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It’s been a long yet productive day. I started off the day with blogging my weekly check-in before heading to the Women’s March. I, of course got to the start of the march early. So, I read.

I am reading the Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. In fact Ms. Hobb is from the Pacific Northwest (PNW) and still lives in the Washington State. So far I am enjoying the book. I’m only on chapter six but so far so good. I hope to be able to do a book review on Ship of Magic however I can’t promise I will because I might forget to do so.

The march went well. As far as I know there weren’t any issues here in Seattle. I saw many people I know including extended family I hadn’t seen in years. I marched with my dad’s cousin, his friends as well as a number of my friends, and former colleagues. It felt good marching with people from all aspects of my life.

After the march I went and volunteered at the Warm Line. I was the only one on tonight and was “encouraged” to go home early by one of the supervisors of the Crisis Line so I did. It felt good being able to help others even though I was by myself. Being to help others always makes me feel happy and good about myself.

Everything I did today was helpful to my recovery and mental health symptoms despite it being a long ass day. I don’t regret doing anything I did today. In fact when it comes to regrets my the quote I live by is: “When I look back on life, I rather regret the things I did than the things I didn’t do.” I’m not sure who said that but I try to live by it.

As always, I appreciate all of you reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! It’s hard to believe that as I sit here typing this post that this is going to be my last weekly check-in of the year. 2017 has not been the best of years for me and many other people I know.

Enough about how horrible 2017 has been because this is a weekly check-in and not a yearly check-in. As many of you are well Christmas was this past Monday. Christmas wasn’t the best I’ve had. I celebrated Christmas with my dads side of the family on Christmas Eve like I do every year. It went well even though it’s most likely going to be my grandma’s last Christmas due to Parkinson’s related issues.

Now on to the not so good part of Christmas. Junior and I went to my mom’s place to celebrate with her, my brother and uncle on Christmas. As always Junior and I stayed in a hotel due to the drama my mom caused due to her having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). On top of my mom having BPD she has other mental health challenges as well as a Substance Use Disorder (SUD). My mom is actively using heroin. Unfortunately, she overdosed on Christmas Day and I had to administer Naloxone (aka Narcan).  Administering Naloxone (Narcan) isn’t something anyone wants to do much less having to make sure they have it handy at family events. Other than my mom overdosing on Heroin, time with my brother and uncle went great.

After spending time with my moms side of the family, Junior and I state a few more days to hang out with some friends. We had some great fun with our friends as well as great food. Food that we were able to come home with and eat at later time. Leftovers are always yummy.

This year I received some great gifts. I received a handful of books as well as gift cards to bookstores. I also received a lot of art supplies which I am thrilled about. I am excited to be able to read and do some art.

As I end this post, I want to thank you for reading. I hope to post at least one last post of 2017 at some point tomorrow, the last day of the year. I hope everyone has a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

How Much Death Can One Person Take?

Posted on by Gertie

This is a difficult post to write. It’s difficult to write because it is going to be a post about death. The death of friends and family as well as having to look into putting my grandma into hospice.

This year has not been the easiest of years for me regarding people passing away. It started out when I found out that a close friend died by suicide and was found on New Years Day. I lost a total of eight friends, one cousin and three clients. How much death can one person take?

On top of that I found out my grandma’s doctor’s informed my grandpa that hospice care for my grandma might the best option for her. I was told that she only has six to nine months to live due to Parkinson’s related stuff. It’s never easy to hear that your grandma doesn’t have long to live especially if she helped raise you.

I’m hoping that with the help of my mental health treatment team, I can learn to deal with the grief. Grief of loosing so many people over the last few years.

Thanks for reading my depressing post. Have a great day!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Merry Christmas!!!

Posted on by Gertie

Merry Christmas, World!!! As I sit here at my laptop in my hotel room I realize that as difficult as Christmas is, I am extremely lucky to have a good support system. A support system to help me through some tough shit. A support system that not only helps me with shit but with having a challenging family.

Dealing with a difficult family is not an easy thing to handle especially around the holidays.  As I start my day, I am mentally preparing myself for than challenges I will be dealing with today. Thankfully, I will have Junior to help me deal with my family.

It’s not just my family that Junior will be helping me with today. He will be helping me with the challenges of dealing with the trauma of my past. Trauma that happened to me as child at Christmas time.

As difficult as my childhood was during the holidays, having snow on the ground on Christmas Day seems to fulfill a childlike space in my heart. I may not like snow but there is something special about snow on Christmas. In fact having a White Christmas in the Seattle area isn’t all that common which is why it’s something special.

You may not have a White Christmas however, I do hope you have a Merry Christmas. Thank you for taking time out of your holiday to read. Have a great holiday. Merry Christmas & Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It’s late on Saturday night. This is the time of year that is the most difficult for me even when I am doing well. Its difficult due to trauma related shit which is the reason I have PTSD. When you add Depression to the mix it just makes things worse.

So more or less Christmas is a shitty time of year for me due to trauma but Christmas is even more difficult this year. I found out late last night (Friday) that one of my cousins died yesterday. She was only 48 years old. She passed away suddenly due to health issues as she slept taking a nap. Her two sons found her and did CPR on her till the paramedics showed up. The difficult thing was that I needed to tell another cousin that my cousin died as well as an uncle. To make matters even more difficult I had to inform a mutual friend of mine on my cousin that my cousin died. Telling three people that someone passed away is not a great way to start off the holiday weekend.

As difficult as yesterday was especially with the holiday weekend at least my Yule or Winter Solstice went well. I spent it with Junior and some of our closest friends. We had fun. We ate lots of food and played some awesome board games.

That’s all have for now. I’m struggling with some PTSD symptoms and need to do some relaxation skills. I hope everyone has a great holiday. Peace out, World.

Ramblings About The Day & Friends

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today, was a sunny, crisp, cold day in Seattle. Extremely beautiful out yet way too cold for my liking however it’s always nice when it’s sunny outside this time of year.

I spent some of the day with a close friend. We had lunch and went rollerblading around a local lake at a park. It was nice spending time with a friend despite the both of us being cold at the end of rollerblading. I’m just happy that I have friends who are there for me through the good, the bad and the ugly. Many people would have just walked a way or distanced themselves when the symptoms of my mental health conditions reared their ugly head yet I have friends that don’t do that. I am forever grateful for those friends.

On that note, we then have those “friends” who are more like acquaintances and sometimes not even that. An example of such a friend happened today as well. I get a call from a local community mental health agency saying a particular person is using me as a professional and personal reference for a job. The thing about this is, is that this individual never even asked me if I would be a reference for them. I never really worked with this person and have only attended peer specialist/counseling related trainings with them as well never really staying in touch with them outside of trainings unless it involved other training. In reality I couldn’t be a reference for this person. I informed the person on the other end of the phone that I couldn’t give a reference of any kind as I don’t know the individual well enough and explained to them on how know the person we were discussing. The person on the other end of the phone was “grateful” for my “honesty” and that I wasn’t the only one “surprised” by being a reference. I realize that me informing the potential employer about this person that I really don’t them could cost them this particular job in their chosen career however it could look bad on me if the person didn’t work out especially if I ever want to work at this particular mental health agency. I know that sounds selfish but if I don’t know the person to give any type of reference, I don’t want to look bad.

Now on to another form of friendship. This more of romantic relationship. Right now as I write this post, Junior, is making dinner for the both of us. He is making homemade mac & cheese, ham, corn, and homemade peach cobbler. I love Junior and the support he has given me. He is an amazing person as well as an amazing partner.

Thank you for reading about my ramblings of the day. I hope you have a good rest of your evening. Peace Out!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! The last few weeks hasn’t been the easiest for me especially since therapy services was abruptly pulled from my mental health treatment. Which is something many people on my treatment team are “not too thrilled about.” Yes, it’s been two and a half since therapy services were abruptly pulled from my mental health treatment yet my case manager, her supervisor, my group leaders have been giving me the support I need through this. In fact my case manager’s supervisor is now seeing me three times a week for an hour each time I see him. Granted, it’s not exactly the therapy I need however, I think he realizes with the rest of my treatment team that what the program manager did was unethical and in my opinion he is trying to smooth things over. He does appear to care.

Speaking of caring he suggested that I take the advice of some of my friends (and fellow peers) in getting a recovery coach at local peer run community center. So, I did. I met with my recovery coach for the first time this past week. I will be meeting with my recovery coach weekly for about six months. It’s a time limited service which is a good thing or at least I think its a good thing.

The same place I get the recovery coach from does an annual fund raising event by selling Christmas Trees. This peer run origination ask for folks to volunteer at the Christmas Tree lot so, I’ve decided I would volunteer at the lot as I think it will be helpful to my recovery. Especially to my recovery regarding trauma around the holidays; specifically, Christmas.  I did my first volunteer shift at the Christmas Tree lot yesterday evening. I really enjoyed myself despite having wet, cold feet at the end of my volunteer shift.

I informed Mama Bear about me volunteering at the Christmas Tree lot and she stated that she is “proud” of me. She also gave me a much need reality check. A reality check I desperately needed regarding my recovery. Having friends like Mama Bear in my life is a blessing for me. A much needed blessing. Friends who are able to tell you like it is and keeps it real is something everyone in this world needs.

Speaking of needs, I need to get going so I can get ready for my volunteer job at a help line. A volunteer job I’ve been at for just over three years now and love with a passion.

I hope to blog again in the next few days to let you all know how things are going.  I hope you all have a wonderful day. Peace Out!!!

Halloween, 2017

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Halloween!!! It’s been a couple of days since my last post. Overall, today has been a good day despite a few set backs. Set backs I hope to talk to my therapist about tomorrow.

As many of you know, today is Halloween which means I dressed up in a costume. I don’t care what others thought of me as it is only one time of year. On that note, I went to see my psychiatric nurse practitioner today dressed as Eeyore. My psychiatric nurse practitioner was “impressed” that I had the “courage” to dress up. I don’t think it takes courage to dress up in a costume on Halloween. Anyway, my meds got changed slightly. One med got increased while my sleeping med got completely changed. Part of the reason he changed is because its a benzo and it can feed two birds with one grain. It can help me sleep as well as help with anxiety. Not sure if I like the idea as it is a benzo and my dad was addicted to benzo’s  when I was a kid. But I am willing to give it a try. Worse case scenario, it doesn’t work and I get put back on my other med.

Before I end this post, I am looking forward to attending a Halloween party with my partner that our friends are hosting. Junior is going as a Zombie. Don’t ask me why but he is. For him that an easy costume so I guess that’s why he is going as a Zombie. We are both looking forward to spending time with each other and our friends. I am having some anxiety about attending the party however getting out and not isolating with be helpful to me.

Thank you so much for reading. I hope you all have a great rest of your Halloween. Please stay safe. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 19: Feature A Guest

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! today’s assignment for Finding Everyday Inspiration is to feature a guest. I have two very special guest I’ve interviewed. They are my partner, Junior, and the person who is a motherly figure to me, Mama Bear.

Do you remember the first time we “met?”

Junior: Yes, I remember our first interaction. Although, I’m pretty sure you don’t remember it.

Mama Bear: How in the hell can I forget our first interaction. I’m with Junior on this regarding you most likely don’t remember.

What was our first interaction?

Junior: Our first interaction was when I was apart of the crew that got called out to your place. You had attempted to take your own life. We (the crew) really didn’t think you were going to make it as you were so close to death.

Mama Bear: I might as well as say refer to Junior’s answer as I was apart of the same crew Junior was on. You did surprise the hell of us a few weeks later when we saw you walking around the neighborhood.

When you say “crew” what do you mean?

Junior: When I say crew I mean the crew that I work with. I am a firefighter.

Mama Bear: Refer to Junior’s answer as we are both firefighter. In fact we are still on the same shift at the same station. Most of the crew has changed.

How long have we “known” each other if you count our first in encounter?

Junior: Seventeen very interesting years.

Mama Bear: Again, refer to Junior’s answer.

Out of the last 17 years what have you learned from me?

Junior: I’ve learned that recovery is possible when dealing with a mental health condition. I learned a great deal of patients.

Mama Bear: To not be so judgmental especially toward individuals in a mental health crisis. More empathy and compassion.

Is there anything else you would like to say that I didn’t ask?

Junior: I love you with all my heart and am so grateful that you weren’t successful with your attempting to take your own life. I will always be here for you.

Mama Bear: Hmmm….Boy, you’re sure trusting with this question. I love you like you are my own daughter (even though I’m not officially old enough to my you mom). I, too am grateful that you weren’t successful with your (many) attempts with dying by suicide. This world would not be the same without you.

I interviewed Junior and Mama Bear as I hope that starting in the next couple of weeks to have them start posting on the monthly basis. I’m hoping for this so you all can get a different perspective on mental health conditions. Thank you to both Junior and Mama Bear for answering my questions.

I hope that everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!