Tag Archives: Grief

Weekly Plans

Posted on by Gertie

Sunday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice
  • Go for daily walk
  • Volunteer at Paws Cat City
  • Work on a workbooks for my recovery

Monday

  • It’s Valentines Day. A day I never really liked since I was a a kid because I never understood why we needed a “special day to say I love you” to those you love and care about.
  • Taking Valentines Day off for self care because today marks four years since my grandma passed away due to complications of Parkinson’s.
  • Mindfulness meditation practice
  • Go for daily walk
  • Take my Grandpa out on a Valentines Day date for brunch to help with the grief of the anniversary of my grandma’s death.
  • Spend some extra cuddle time with my cat Billie to deal with the grief of the anniversary of my grandma’s death on Valentines Day

Tuesday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice
  • Daily walk
  • Therapy
  • Work
  • Work on a workbook for my recovery

Wednesday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice
  • Daily walk
  • Work
  • Work on workbook for my recovery

Thursday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice
  • Daily walk
  • Work
  • Work on workbook for my recovery

Friday

  • Mindfulness mediation practice
  • Daily walk
  • Work
  • Work on workbook for my recover
  • Dinner with family

Saturday

  • Mindfulness meditation practice
  • Daily walk
  • Lunch and shopping with grandpa

A Sad Three Day Weekend for Me

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It’s Friday and I am surprised that I feel at peace right now. I wish I was happy but I am good with being at peace for the moment. Normally, this weekend would not be a three day weekend for me but it is. It is because Monday, February 14th, 2022 marks the four year anniversary of the death of my grandma. February 14th also is Valentines day which makes it that much more challenging for me that it has been in the past before my grandma died.

I never needed a special day for someone to tell me that they loved me. My grandma made everyday Valentines Day for me especially since I wasn’t exactly the popular kid or most liked kid in school. I think that is why this Monday will be heard for me. It will be hard for my grandpa as well.

I decided to take Monday, February 14th off because of the anniversary of my grandma’s death. On a plus note, I will be taking my grandpa out on a date on Valentines Day in hopes to make better memories. I’m sure this brunch date with be bittersweet but at least we will be together making good memories.

Thank you for listening (or should I say reading) this sad post. I am grateful that you read it. You the reader, reading my blog means a great deal to me. So, thank you from the bottom of heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Lonely & Depressed

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Valentines Day is a week and a half a way. I have never been a give fan of Valentines Day for various reasons in my life. One reason is why do we need a special day to tell people that we love them when can do that every day.

To make Valentines Day worse for me is that my grandma past away on Valentines day of 2018. This year will mark four years since she passed a way and I miss her greatly. She was the one I went to when I was lonely and depressed. I miss her so very much.

I am needing to end this particular blog post as it is making me sad and missing my grandma greatly. I love her so much and which I could give her one last hug. Peace Out, World!!

Being Angery in Grief While Doing Self Care

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I am angry. I am angry that I am still grieving over my grandma almost four years ago as well as grieving the two year anniversary of my last cat, Lil Gertie tomorrow. Tomorrow (Thursday) is Thanksgiving here in the United States. I miss both my grandma and my last cat Lil Gertie. I know anger is part of grief but I wish it wasn’t part of grief.

I am missing my current cat, Billie Dean at the moment. Billie is spending about a week with my grandpa and uncles as I do some deep cleaning of my apartment. Deep cleaning with chemicals that could be damaging to both cats and humans. Anyway, I miss Billie very much and I love him so much and hopes he misses me.

On that note, I will be going to grandpa’s tomorrow which is Thanksgiving here in the United States. I get to spend it with my dad, grandpa, two uncles and of course my beloved cat, Billie. I’m really happy that I will be spending time with those who love me or try to love me to the best of their ability.

Since my emotions have been all over the place today especially in anger mode, I’ve been doing some self care. I’ve been listening to a podcast on philosophy and I am happy that I am being educated on the topic of philosophy. The philosophy podcast I am listening to is “Philosophize This” and I find it very educational. I love being educated on something I am no knowledgeable in.

While listening “Philosophize This,” I have been doing some art work. Specifically, the type of artwork I am doing is coloring. Coloring and listening to a philosophy podcast has helped me deal with my emotions of today. I’m not so angry at the moment. I am still sad because I miss my last cat, Lil Brooke as well as my grandma, I know that they love me. I also know that doing art work and listening to a podcast on philosophy has be helpful to improve my emotions and lessen my anger. I still have people and my cat, Billie that love me.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog as if it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog I wouldn’t be writing my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you do read my blog because if it wasn’t for you the reader, I would not be writing my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Not So Normal Wednesday but So Far So Good With Some Sad Moments

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I am off work and have been for just over three hours now. My employer decided to close the agency I work for early today. So, I work for four hours and get paid for eight hours. I’m complaining about working for four hours and getting paid for eight hours.

Anyway, right now I am home alone without my cat, Billie Dean. Billie is at my grandpa’s house so I can do some major deep cleaning to where I will be using chemicals not good for cat. Billie will be coming home on Saturday. So, I did some cleaning right after I was done with work. I did more cleaning and chores than I thought I would do after work.

After work and house cleaning I went for a walk. A walk that led me to my volunteer job to spend fifteen minutes with some cats since my cat, Billie is with my grandpa. It felt good to get some kitty time. After visiting some cats, I walked and picked up some incense which helps me with my self care. After picking up some incense, I walked to the bank and got some cash as well as some quarters for laundry. The walk helped a great deal.

I am now home listening to a podcast about philosophy with incense burning as part of my self care which is even helping me more. I am listening to the philosophy podcast “Philosophize This” as I learn a great deal from this podcast.

Doing my self care today is key for me as tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day which mark exactly two years since my last cat, Lil Brooke crossed over the rainbow bridge. I really miss Lil Brooke with all my heart. On that note if it wasn’t for loosing her, I wouldn’t have been come a volunteer at PAWS Cat City here in Seattle. I also wouldn’t have had the chance to adopt my current cat Billie Dean.

Speaking of my cat Billie, he is at my grandpa’s right now and tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day which means, I will be at my grandpa’s celebrating Thanksgiving with my grandpa, dad, my two uncles and of course my cat Billie. I am looking forward to seeing Billie tomorrow and then coming home and deep cleaning my apartment.

Despite the multiple emotions of today, it has over all been a good day with some sad moments. I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. So, thank you again from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Have you all have a great rest of your Wednesday. If you live in the United States I hope you have a great Thanksgiving tomorrow. Peace Out, World!!

A Mini Get Away

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Right now, I am currently in Bremerton, Washington. It being Labor Day weekend here in the United States, I decided to come to Bremerton yesterday and I will be going back home to Seattle tomorrow. I decided to take tomorrow off as it is nice to have an extra day off from time to time.

I came to Bremerton because it is a Ferry Boat ride away and feels like it’s far away. I love being able to come to Bremerton for a couple of nights as it is a form of self care for me. It has been a form of self care for me since I made the active decision to be in active mental health and self harm recovery. In fact it was my grandma’s idea and she would pay for a couple of nights in a hotel for me because she knew that being near water and a couple of days away would help me even when I am doing well.

Even though my grandma passed away three and a half years ago, I still come to Bremerton as a way to recharge. In fact, I am really missing my grandma right now. I miss being able to call her up and talk with her. She and my grandpa helped my dad raise me. My grandma was very supportive of me and I am grateful that I am still keeping up with this self care tradition. Most importantly I am grateful that I have a job to be able to pay for the mini get away myself without needing to ask for someone else to pay for it.

Speaking of paying for my trip, my grandpa is taking care of my cat, Billie Dean as I am out of town. Billie is at my grandpa’s getting even more spoiled than he normally is. My grandpa really enjoys taking care of Billie. Billie also loves being spoiled by my grandpa.

Well it is lunch time and I am hungry. So, I am going to end this particular blog post so I can go eat and walk around the Bremerton waterfront. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Three and a Half Years and I Still Miss My Grandma

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Today marks exactly three and a half years since the death of my grandma. I miss my grandma a great deal. She along side my grandpa helped my dad raise me since my dad was a single father. My grandma was the motherly figure in my life. I miss being able to talk with her just to tell her about how my day went.

As much as I miss my grandma, I am glad she is no longer suffering as she had Parkinson’s Disease. I just wish she was alive to meet my last cat, Lil Gertie as well as my current cat Billie Dean. She would have loved both cats and would have spoiled them.

I don’t have much more to say in the particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you do read my blog. If it wasn’t for you the reader I wouldn’t be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my hear for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

The Day That Changed My Life, Again

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today marks exactly three years since I adopted my last cat Lil Gertie. I miss her a great deal and wish I had more time with her. Sadly, I only had a year and a half with her before she crossed over the rainbow bridge.

The therapist I had three years ago suggested getting an Emotional Support Animal (ESA). We discussed why it would be good for my recovery and help reduce the symptoms of my mental health challenges. So, I decided to adopt a cat from PAWS Cat City here in Seattle. I connected with Lil Gertie at first site. She changed my life in so many ways.

One of the ways that she changed my life is that she gave me something to focus on other than myself and what I was struggling with. She gave me a purpose I was lacking when I adopted her. She helped me gain self confidence and self worth.

Due to the self confidence and self worth I gained, I was able to go back to work. Going back to work even though it was part time for just over two years helped me not just with my self worth and self confidence, it helped me realize what I wanted to do with my life which was to be a peer support specialist again. Now, I can happily say I am once again a peer support specialist and working fulltime.

Sadly, Lil Gertie couldn’t see me become a peer support specialist again because she crossed over the rainbow bridge on Thanksgiving Day of 2019. Lil Gertie received a cancer diagnosis in October of 2019 and she was given six months to live, maybe nine months. When I was given this news I started the volunteer process to become a volunteer at PAWS Cat City. It was in the middle of this process that Lil Gertie had a mini stroke on Thanksgiving Day and made the decision that it was best to end her suffering by having the vet help her cross the rainbow bridge. Yes, I was with Lil Gertie when she crossed over.

Despite loosing Lil Gertie in the middle of the process of becoming a volunteering PAWS Cat City, I continued the process. I continued as I knew it would not only help me with my grief of loosing Lil Gertie, I wanted to help cat find their furrever homes and to help people find their new best friend. I had my first shift at PAWS Cat City in January of 2020.

It was while on a volunteer shift at PAWS Cat City, that Billie Dean my current cat and I fell in love with each other. I put him on hold to get the what I needed for him and adopted him the next day. Billie has been apart of my life for just over a year now and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Yes, I miss Lil Gertie and love her with all my heart but I wouldn’t change anything for the world. Today, is the day she changed my life forever and for the better.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope everyone has a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!

A Snowy Valentines Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It’s been a snowy weekend here in Seattle. Personally, I am not a fan of snow. Hell, most people who reside in Seattle loathe the snow. I just wish the snow would hurry up and melt the fuck away.

As many of you know today is Valentine’s Day. I have never been a fan of Valentine’s Day as I never understood why we need a special day to tell those we care about that we love them. To add on top of why I am not a fan of Valentines Day is today marks three years since my grandma passed away. She passed away due to complications of Parkinson’s Disease. Parkinson’s is a hellish illness and I don’t wish it on my worst enemy. I took my grandma’s death quite hard as she and my grandpa helped my dad raise me. I am forever grateful for grandma and the love she gave me.

Billie Dean, my cat helped me get through today and the three year anniversary of my grandmother’s death. Billie has been more cuddling than he normally is and he is quite a cuddling kitty. I love Billie so much and I consider him my Valentine’s Day date. It is nice to know, that no matter how sucky a day is, is that my cat, Billie is here for me. I love my cat so much. I love the fact that he is helping through the grief of the three year anniversary of my grandma’s death.

I do not have much else to say in this particular blog post. I do wan to thank for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Happy Valentine’s Day and Peace Out, World!!!

Middle of the Night Ramblings at Work

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I am at work bored out of my mind. This the time in my work shift where I get bored. There isn’t much to do on an overnight shift for twelve and a half hours or at least at my current job there is much to do. In all honesty, I am not a big fan of working night shifts and am looking for another job that I don’t have to work a night shift. I do enjoy my job for the most part.

By now the world is well aware that Ruth Bader Ginsburg past away on Friday, September 18th due to cancer. She served on the United States Supreme Court which is the highest court in the United States. Justice Ginsburg is an iconic figure in the United States and will forever be missed. Her death comes at a time in the United States when the political divide is at its worst. In my opinion I don’t think the Senate should approve anyone Trump nominates till the new President is sworn in. I know I am not the only one who feel like this but I also know many will disagree with my opinion and that is okay.

On a more positive note and something I never thought would happen is that I am so happy that it is raining here in Seattle. I am so happy that it is raining because the air quality was extremely horrid and it was effecting many people including myself. My asthma acted up on several occasions during the week of hazardous air quality. In fact I think many people are beyond thrilled to see the rain in Seattle. When I say rain, I mean rain and not the Seattle rain people are use to. Seattle rain is just mist or drizzle.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you all for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great week ahead of them. Peace Out, World!!!