Tag Archives: Insomnia

No Sleep = Middle of the Night Creativity & Learning about Tarot

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Middle of the night from Seattle. I’ve been spending some much needed time with my cat, Billie before being creative with diamond art and learning about Tarot Cards and reading about Tarot.

I first started with diamond art as I separated the small diamonds into separated containers so I can make sure they go to the right spot on the proper sticky paper to make it all pretty with a wonderful design. I am looking forward to starting to place the tiny pieces on the design.

The next thing I plan on doing is reading a Tarot book for beginners as I want to learn more about Tarot to help with my own recovery and helpfully help others with their recovery and/or future. The cool thing is that there is a work book for Tarot as well as a way to document what your readings are regarding your Tarot reading. Also there is a Tarot journal which is very cool.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Update From Last Blog Post

Posted on by Gertie

As I stated in my last blog post, I bought some drugs to help numb the pain of the trauma I experienced a couple of months ago. PTSD suck shit and so does depression. Sadly, I took the pills and they are not doing what I had hoped they would do. Which proves to me that the positive skills that I built over the years help much better that the stupid ass drugs. So no more drugs for me in pill form or in any form for that matter.

The one thing that really helps with my mental health symptoms is my cat, Billie. Billie gives me the unconditional love that I am in much need of. Cats as well as other pets know how to give unconditional love. I love my cat, Billie so very much and I am so grateful for him.

Speaking of love, I know that my friends and family love me. I may not always get along with my family but I know that they love me and support me the best they can. My friends love me as well and are my best support besides my cat being my best support. I love the fact that I have the support of my friends and family.

Lets not forget music and how it gives me a high that drugs do not give me the high. Music gives me great memories and memories to last a lifetime especially when I attend with friends. I also love playing my flute which gives me an amazing high.

Another type of creativity that gives me a good form of high is arts and crafts. As far as art goes, I do a lot of coloring and absolutely doing it. I am also learning how to do Diamond Art. So, far with Diamond Art, I have separated some items before starting the artwork of Diamond Art which I am cool with. As far as the crafting part, I am crossing stitching and am okay at it. I could do better at it but at least I am improving at it. As far as the Latch Hook part of the crafting, I am just learning how to do it and need a lot of work on it.

The one thing that helps me the most is mindfulness meditation through the Calm App. I also do mindfulness meditation with my cat when he is on my lap purring. Mindfulness Meditation helps starts my day properly as well as end it properly.

Something that I find helpful as of lately is learning about Tarot. I am learning about Tarot by reading, journaling, as well as attempting to read the Tarot Cards for myself and of course workbook. I hope that doing Tarot will help me with my recovery process.

Of course another thing that has proven helpful for my recovery is doing recovery type workbooks. Workbooks help me learn skills as well as build on skills I know that I can build on. Workbooks are very helpful for me.

I don””t have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom from my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sleepless Night For Me & Focusing on Recovery

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle. I am tired as hell as I haven’t received much sleep due to PTSD and Depression. First and foremost I want to say that I have been listening to a podcast about philosophy. The philosophy podcast I have been listening to is Philosophize This. I listened to about two episodes and learned a lot.

I of course read a book about Tarot focusing on those who are begging to learn about tarot. Not only are there books on Tarot but workbooks as well as journals. I am hoping that learning about Tarot can help me with my recovery process. I also hope to do tarot journals and workbooks it hopes to help with my recovery. With learning by reading about Tarot, I hope I can do some card reading on myself and be helpful to other people..

Something I can also do is focus on recovery focused workbooks that focus on mental health challenges and other issues such as eating disorders, self hare and substance use disorders. Workbooks have been quite helpful for me. For some people 12 step programs have been helpful.

Another thing that has been helpful for me is doing mindfulness meditation practice. I feel like practicing mindfulness meditation has been quite grounding for me especially for the challenging crap in my life.

So now to the next thing that will help me with my recovery or at least hopefully help me with my recovery. That is learning and practicing tarot cards. I plan on reading about tarot cards as well as practice tarot cards on myself to help with my own recovery. I als hope to use tarot cards to help with othe peoples recovery.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greaty appretiated from my end of things. Peace Out, World!!!

No Sleep For Me; Time to Use Skills

Posted on by Gertie

As of starting this particular blog post it is 12:34 in morning Seattle time. It is currently raining quite hard once again which is nothing new this time of year in Seattle. My insomnia suck shit right now because of PTSD and Depression. I really dislike having mental health challenges. Right now I am going to start using a skill that helps me ground myself so I can do my other skills a bit easier.

I will start with doing two mindfulness meditation practices to put me into a good head space or a head space that will have me make wise mind decisions. Another thing I will do is read a couple of sacred writings from Buddhism scripture. Mindfulness meditation and Buddhism is quite helpful for my mental health recovery.

Another thing I will do is finish reading a book about Tarot for beginners. It is an easy book to read. I will also read the tiny books that come with the tarot cards to help see if I can learn anything more, before I do my first tarot reading on myself. I also plan to journal about the tarot reading and documenting the cards that were chosen. I will also attempt to do a tarot workbook but not sure if I will do that but hope I can do it.

One last thing I plan to do is a workbook that focuses on my mental health recovery. I feel like needing to do recovery workbooks for my mental health challenges will be helpful for my recovery and be helpful with my work with my therapist. I do have to say I have an amazing therapist. Of course my cat will be helpful with helping me with my depression and my PTSD.

I do not have much more to say in this particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read on my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Looking to do Coping Skills Due to Struggling

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World from Seattle. I am struggling with depression and PTSD at the current moment. I know I need to eat which I plan on doing so. I also need to go home and cuddle with my beloved cat, Billie Boy. I so love my Billie and the unconditional love he gives me. I also need to do a brief check in with my therapist which always helps. When I get home, I will cuddle with my cat Billie and then eat some dinner. I love the unconditional love Billie gives me. I love my cat so very much.

Middle of the Night Ramblings & Some Frustrations

Posted on by Gertie

Good middle of the night from Seattle. I am tired as fucking hell. I sadly, woke up from a horrific nightmare that included body memories. PTSD and depression are no joke and I am grateful to both my friends and the mental health treatment team. I am also grateful for my cat who is very helpful. My family has been helpful even though they are not aware of my most recent trauma.

Despite not being able to sleep due to PTSD and insomnia, I am a little peeved with Amazon as some of my items that I ordered have not arrived . Amazon informed me that I have to wait three business days which sucks shit but oh well, it is stuff I need to clean my apartment. On another note some of the stuff that is late is stuff that will help me with my coping skills regarding the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. Amazon can be clueless at times but at least they are quick on delivering books.

As far as Amazon goes, I am waiting on a multitude of different types of creative outlets for me to do. I am gong to try embroidery. I don’t think it is not all that different from cross stitching but still willing to give it a try. Sadly the embroidery and cross stitching is delayed by Amazon which sucks shit. At least on the plus side some of some of my diamond art is being sent but not all of it. I did get a couple of cross stitching things but now all that I ordered like everything else I ordered.

Now on to my work. I missed yesterday due to some PTSD and depression issues which sucks. Having a mental health challenge sucks especially when it affects your work. In fact I will be missing my job later today when it is not in the middle of the night. I really do love my job.

I am planning on hanging out with family for some breakfast and friends for food. I love hanging out with people especially when food is involved.

Thank you for reading Peace Out, World and have a good rest of you night.

Not the Best Night for Sleep for Me

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World from Seattle. It is the middle of the night here in Seattle, Washington and I have not received much sleep tonight. Partly because I am on crisis coverage for work on the team I work on. There have been a handful of clients calling in crisis needing to talk and I totally understand. Life can and is challenging at times.

In fact life is challenging for me at the moment due to me dealing with my own type of crisis due to a recent trauma which is the other part of why I am unable to sleep. I am unable to sleep due to insomnia as well as PTSD symptoms such as nightmares which doesn’t help my depression whatsoever.

On that note since I have not been able to sleep due to being on crisis coverage or dealing with my own shit, I have been doing quite a bit. Lets start with the obvious of me spending time with my kitty cat, Billie. Not only do I love Billie but Billie provides unconditional love as well as helps me with mindfulness meditation practices.

Not only does Billie help me with mindfulness meditation practice, Billie also reminds me to do mindfulness meditation practice with the Calm App. I do several mindfulness meditations with the Calm App as well as with Billie and other ways I have learned to do mindfulness meditation practice.

Besides doing mindfulness meditation practices, I have been doing some art as well as some crafts. I have been doing art work by coloring as well as diamond art. The crafts I have been doing happen to be latch hook and cross stitching. Both diamond art and latch hook, I am finally sort of kind of getting the hang of it. I am really enjoying being able to do various types of arts and crafts.

I am also learning something else besides new types of arts and crafts. I am learning about Tarot and Tarot Cards by reading about it in a couple of books. Specifically books for beginners. I also have three sets of Tarot Cards as well as a Tarot Workbook. I also have three or four Tarot Card journals to put in my Tarot Card readings; specifically on myself and once I get comfortable with other people’s readings.

Since I mentioned journals and workbooks I got a couple of new journals I will start writing in. One of which will help me get myself out of my comfort zone. I also have several recovery workbooks, that I have had over the years and have never started and/or finished. So, It is my plan to not just work on the journal stuff along with the tarot stuff but the recovery workbook stuff as I feel like most everything I have mentioned has and will help me with my recovery. That includes working yesterday as well as being crisis coverage till eight in the morning Seattle time today (Monday).

Good thing I don’t have to work later today (Monday) like I normally do but I had three doctors appointments that were all sadly cancelled last Thursday and Friday. I do have a “fourth” appointment which is a follow up appointment due to a recent emergency room visit from self harming myself by hitting a brick wall. My hand still hurts like hell and the bruise is nastier than hell but at least the swelling is going down.

I do not have much more to discuss in this particular blog post. I am sorry it is such a long post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you the reader, reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. I hope everyone has a great Monday ahead as I have the day off even though I am going to see my doctor. Peace Out, World!!!

Mixtures of Emotions of Not Going to Work Today

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World from Seattle!!! Right now I am having some mixed emotions about not going to work today as I don’t start work till 12:00noon on Mondays and it is 2:22pm in the afternoon. I didn’t go to work due to vomiting most of last night which is most likely due to food poisoning. Not only my depression and PTSD is severely acting up. Going to work when my mental health challenges are acting up seems to help when I am at work as I am not focusing on my own shit. I love my job and love helping the clients I serve as well as helping out my colleagues.

To catch you up from my last blog post, I ended up doing a mindfulness meditation with the Calm App with my cat Billie, on my lap purring. I think he gets as much of the Calm App as I do. I am grateful that Billie, my cat joins me with my mindfulness meditation with the Calm App a good eighty percent of the time. In fact even when I don’t do the Calm App, I still am able to do mindfulness meditation with Billie my cat when he lays on my lap and purrs. It’s amazing how both the Calm App and my cat, Billie help me with my mindfulness meditation practices.

After doing mindfulness meditation practices, I ended up going back to sleep since I woke up pretty early and vomited most of the night. I must have needed the sleep as I think I still need the sleep because I am still tired as hell. I think the lack of sleep was a combination of vomiting most of the night as well as insomnia and PTSD symptoms related to the most recent trauma I experienced as well as other past traumas I experienced in the past as child and young adult.

So, enough about other boring crap and back to more boring shit. When I woke up from a nap, I decided to make sure I ate some lunch. As I tend to not eat due to trauma related shit as well as being depressed. I really think the PTSD and trauma is what is causing the depression symptoms which highly sucks shit. After eating, I took a shower which helped me feel slightly better but not better enough to feel like going to work would be helpful for me, my clients or my colleagues.

As much as I wish I felt well enough to go to work as it could be helpful but I am partially happy that I didn’t go. My plan for today is to do some arts and crafts while listening to music. One of the art projects I plan on doing is coloring and of course while listening to music. Another art project I will attempt to do is Diamond Art while listening to music. I am also planning on doing craft projects that include Latch Hook and Cross Stitch. Of course music will be playing in the background.

In fact everything, I am doing today is a part of my DBT Skills. DBT skills help me a great deal when I don’t sleep well as well as when my PTSD, Trauma issues and Depression happens to be acting up. I would be lying if I told you that I wasn’t struggling with self harm because I am. That is why I am planning on doing everything I mention in this particular blog post but will not self harm.

I don’t have much more to discuss in this particular blog post except that spending time with my cat Billie, doing mindfulness meditation practices and being creative will be quite helpful for me. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you the reader, read my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Too Early To Be Up

Posted on by Gertie

Good very early Monday morning, World! I sadly have to work today but at least I do not have to be at work till twelve noon, pm. So, my plan to get back to sleep is not only to read a book that I am really enjoying reading. I am looking forward to how it ends.

I will also do some artwork by coloring. In fact I will be coloring as I listen to music. I really enjoy coloring and doing artwork especially when listening to music.

I should get going as I need to relax so I can get back to sleep so I cannot be a cranky bucket at work. I hope everyone has a great work week. Peace Out, World!!!

Too Tired to Sleep & It’s Only 1:49pm Seattle Time

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World. I haven’t had the best sleep most of last night and all day today. Despite how I attempted to sleep last night for a good night of sleep as well as getting a good nap today, I was unable to do so. It sucks shit that I am so sleepy especially when I am trying to do various things to relax enough to get some sort of sleep.

One of the things that I had done on several occasions is doing mindfulness meditation practices which helps a great deal especially when I am so tired as well as being so anxious. I am so grateful for mindfulness meditation through the Calm App.

Something else I did was going to go to the Farmers Market in my neighborhood. In fact I took a friend with me to hang out with this friend. I wanted to treat her to an awesome food known as a breakfast sandwich. She agrees it’s the best breakfast sandwich she has ever had. Even though I go to this farmers market every Saturday, my friend and I are going to attend together twice a month.

After parting ways with my friend from the farmers market, I came home to spend time with my cat, Billie asI am listening to music. Specifically, I am listening to my Childhood Playlist music on Spotify. In fact it is over 16 hours long and close to 175 songs.

Speaking of music I am planning on listening to music as I do some arts and crafts. I plan on doing some art work via coloring. Coloring helps me keep myself grounded. The crafts I am planning on doing is cross stitching. That is if my cat Billie doesn’t want to play with the string. I am also going to attempt to teach myself how to Latch Hook. I am doing my best to teach myself to teach myself to Latch Hook but I am finding somewhat interesting and relaxing.

Due to the lack of sleep, everything I have been doing today has been helping with the PTSD shit although it still pretty bad due to the lack of sleep.

I do not not have much more to say in the particular blog post. I do want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of my things that you the reader, read my blog. If it was not for you not reading my blog, I would not be writing my blog. Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!