Tag Archives: Mental Illness

Plans for a Self-Care Saturday

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! My sleep has been off lately and it sucks. My sleep normally sucks but as of lately is sucks even more. It appears as of lately that I have only been able to fall asleep around dawn and sleep for my usual three to four hours. As much as I don’t like getting up before five in the morning, I would rather get up before five than start falling asleep around five or six. Well, this morning I fell asleep around five and then woke up at eleven thirty which means I had about six and half hours sleep but I feel like I have wasted most of my day with sleeping a good portion of the daylight.

I may feel like I have wasted my day away with sleeping most of the morning but realistically I know that I had planned to not do much today. My plans for today is mainly because I have realized that I need to do good self-care day for myself that are both intentional and spontaneous. I say both intentional and spontaneous because I need to be intentional about doing good self-care for myself today and have some spontaneity to it as well because you never know what opportunities that might come up for good self-care.

One of the things on my self-care list is to do some reading. I am wanting to catch up on reading the latest Wonder Woman comics. My grandpa bought me the last twelve issues of Wonder Woman because I haven’t bought them due to trying to save money for things that are more of a necessity like rent, food, meds and other such things than comic books. My grandpa realizes that keeping up to date on Wonder Woman comic books is a necessity for me and my mental health so he bought the (recent) issues I don’t have for me. Not only will be I reading Wonder Woman comics I will be also reading one if not both of the books I have been reading off and on for a couple of months. I love to read and hope that I can make a dent in reading at least one of the books I am reading.

Of course another thing I plan on doing today for good self-care is doing some art. Actually, the type of art I am planning on doing today is painting. The reason why painting is because I am trying to teach myself a few things a friend suggested I try when it comes to painting. Not only that another friend wants me to a paint a few things for her to sell at a farmers market she sells her art work at. She thinks some of my paintings will sell. I don’t paint to sell it, I paint to get out my emotions that I have trouble communicating with words.

While doing art and something I am doing now as I write this post is listen to a podcast. Specifically, a podcast on philosophy called “Philosophize This.” I started listening to this particular podcast a few years ago in hopes to catch up to the most up to the last episode but sadly I stopped listening. Not really sure why I stopped listening because I really enjoy “Philosophize This.” I learn a great deal from this podcast about philosophy. I learn my listening to it and then looking up the information I hear from the podcast. I listen to “Philosophize This” podcast on Spotify and am grateful that Spotify has podcast.

I don’t have much more to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope you all have a great day and weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Blessed (Summer) Solstice

Posted on by Gertie

Blessed Solstice, World!!! It is the first day of summer in the northern hemisphere while it is the first day of winter in the southern hemisphere. I am so grateful that it is now summer and the longest day of the year. Sadly, tomorrow the days start getting shorter but am going to enjoy the summer either way.

As summer starts, I realize that this last week hasn’t been the easiest of weeks for me and that I have my mental health treatment team worried about and rightfully so. Monday started off like any other Monday. I had an appointment with my psychiatric nurse practitioner and that we okay. It only went okay due to the fact that I withheld information from her and that ultimately didn’t help me on Tuesday but thankfully, I found out on Monday that I didn’t need to work on Tuesday night which I was and am thrilled about.

Now on to Tuesday. Tuesday was not a good day for me. I am not exactly sure why but it wasn’t. Long story short, I attempted to die by suicide by overdosing on one of meds. Thankfully, my psychiatric nurse practitioner has me pick up my meds once a week at my pharmacy so it was only a weeks worth of one medication. I was in the emergency room for about eight hours according to the medical records that were sent to my therapist. Sadly, I only talked with the social worker for about ten minutes and she informed me that it was MY duty to notify the after-hours crisis team of the mental health agency I am a client of to let them know I attempted to die by suicide. She didn’t even call them to let them make the decision to come evaluate me to see if hospitalization was needed. So when I got discharged from the emergency room and got home I called the after-hours crisis line and let the crisis clinician know. The after-hours clinician was upset at the social worker in the emergency room I was at because she was there twice evaluating two different people while I was there and the social worker didn’t even inform her. Thankfully, the after-hours clinician wasn’t upset with me and she told me that it is her (the hospital social worker) duty to notify her and not mine which I already knew. We talked for about forty-five minutes to make sure I was okay enough to be safe at home.

On Wednesday, my therapist called me and we discussed my attempted suicide and what happened with the emergency room social worker. He wanted to make see what my side of the story was as the after-hours crisis clinician ended up going back to the same emergency room I was in to evaluate another client and “had some words” with the emergency room social worker about me. Apparently, the after-hours crisis clinician is “extremely protective” of me in particular because she “sees a lot of” me in her. So, I informed my therapist of my extremely limited interaction with the emergency room social worker. After my phone call with him I guess he got my medical records from the emergency room and talked with a social worker who is familiar with me but was not on when I was in the emergency room and from my understanding that social worker wasn’t exactly happy with her colleague and how she handled my care.

Thursday (yesterday), I had my session with my therapist and we discussed at length about my attempted suicide. We also discussed how my psychiatric nurse practitioner want me to get my med two to three times a week at the pharmacy located on the campus of the mental health agency I go to. I informed my therapist that I am not liking the idea but understand that is it for “safety reasons” and that even though I don’t like the idea I would prefer to go to the pharmacy I have been going to for the last nineteen years. I informed him that I won’t “put up a fight” about getting my meds two to three times a week if we could compromise on me getting my meds from the pharmacy of my choosing, if not then I will “put up a fight.” He said he would discuss it with my psychiatric nurse practitioner about it and I know it will all work out. Another thing I did yesterday was go to DBT group and am grateful for the group. DBT has been quite helpful for me and have been making an effort to do the skills that don’t come automatically to me. The DBT skills is one of the things the has been one of the most helpful things for me and my mental health recovery.

Something, I have noticed since coming home from the emergency room is that my cat has become more clingy. She has been laying on my lap or chest when I am sitting my recliner more frequently and for a longer period of time. I think she knows that I am struggling and is doing what she thinks is helpful in comforting me and it is quite helpful. I am so grateful for my cat and that she has picked up quickly without any training on what helps me emotionally. Animals are so smart that way. I love my cat so much and am beyond thrilled that she is my emotional support animal. Getting my cat, Lil Gertie, is one of the best decisions I have made.

I do not have much else to say. I am NOT currently suicidal am NOT at risk of any self harm acts. If I do have self harm urges or feel suicidal I will take myself to the emergency room and/or call the after-hours crisis line that my mental health agency provides for their clients. I want to thank you for reading my blog. I greatly appreciate your readership. I hope everyone has an awesome summer and great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Creative Type of Day Due to Mindfulness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Well, it must be one of those days where I am able to be creative and I am enjoying this immensely. I am extremely grateful that I have been able to be creative today.

One of the ways I have been creative today is by painting. I, finished two painting that I am really proud of. In fact of the paintings my cat accidentally helped me with. She stepped in some paint and then walked on the canvas which I think is very cool and unique. Sadly, I had to give her a quick bath in the sink before paint fully dried on her paws and fur. She is not a big fan of taking a bath but at least she “helped” me create an awesome painting even though that was not her intention. Maybe, one day I will share this painting with you someday.

Another way I have been creative today is that I have written several poems. Something I love to do yet struggle to do because I never feel like they are good enough. Sadly, I tend to throw away a good portion of my poetry due to the fact that I don’t think they are worthy of being read. I have been having others such as a good friend of mine hold on to my poetry as I hope that someday I can create a book full of my poetry.

Another way I have been creative today is play my flute. I love playing my flute and just like coloring, it is form of mindfulness for me. Playing the flute has been a life saver for me since I started playing at age twelve. It has helped and still helps me with my mental health challenges. It also helped me make friends in school as I was in the junior high and high school bands. And being in band is what helped me graduate high school. So you can say that playing the flute helped me graduate high school even though I am really not that good at playing it.

I think the reason why I have been so creative today is because I have done several mindfulness exercises today. I have done some much mindfulness today because of my anxiety and am learning that mindfulness not only helps with my anxiety but helps me be creative. I am grateful that I am slowly getting back into mindfulness on the daily basis.

I do not have much else to say. I hope to blog again this evening and if not then tomorrow. Have a great rest of you day. Peace Out, World!!!

A Sort of Lazy Type of Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! It has been one of those days that I have not really done much. It has been one of those days that I have been lazy and sitting on my ass. I haven’t exactly been “lazy” because I have done some shit. I started working on my resignation letter for my current employer but haven’t completed it for not finding the right words to put into it. Besides working on my resignation letter, I have also put in a handful of resume’s for jobs that would better for me to work.

One thing I have also been doing is art work. I have been painting and am almost done with one. One that I hope to give to someone but not sure who yet. Another form of art I have also been doing coloring. I love to color and is a form of mindfulness for me.

Since coloring is a mindfulness action for me, I have also done other mindfulness techniques. Mindfulness is quite helpful for me especially for my anxiety and PTSD. I highly recommend doing it at least twice a day.

Before, I end this post, I would like remind you all about the advertisements on my blog. The advertisements are a way for me to earn some money. The only way I am able to earn that money is if you click on the ad. The only way I can collect the money is once the money is at $100. I only earn a cent or two per advertisement and hope that you my reader will do that for me so I can reach the one hundred dollars. I only need to reach two more dollars for it to reach one hundred dollars so I can collect the money. Please to this as a favor me. It would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things that you read my blog. Have a great day. Peace Out, World!!!

An Update on How Life is Going

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It has been about a week and a half since my last post and I have been dealing with a great deal. First and fore most my mental health hasn’t been the best and sadly my job is not helping. In fact my job is not the best fit for me because it is an on call twelve hour night shift position and reeks havoc on my already horrific sleep schedule. Plus not knowing from day to day if I am going to need to drop every to go home and get some sort of sleep to be able be able to semi function at work and for me this is not helpful. Sadly, I am the only on call for this position so I get called in more times than I am able to work per my disability. I realize it is not my colleagues fault nor my direct supervisors fault as none of those individuals are the ones that have a direct say on who gets hired. And on that note, I am going to be putting in my two week notice at some point in the next couple of days due to the fact I know this job is not the best fit for me especially when it comes to sleep. Not only has my job been affecting my sleep, it has been affecting my physical health and this not a good thing. Worst of all it has been affecting my mental health disability which is not a good thing.

As far my job affecting many areas of my life I have decided I will be turning in my two weeks notice in the next few days. I am not really wanting to do so but since it is effecting my mental health, sleep, health and mental health, it is the best thing for me to do. Yes, I will be looking for a new job even if it is going back to working at a grocery for the time being.

Another thing that has happened is that the Beginning Comics Storytelling art class I have been taking has ended this past Friday (June 14th) which was really sad for me because I really enjoyed it. The best part of the class that everyone in the class got a copy of the comic book we put together. It has various types of comics in it as everyone had their own comic to put into the book and it is really cool. It is something I will cherish for the rest of my life. I am really going to miss my classmates as well.

I do not have much more to say so I am going to end this post. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and/or following my blog as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope you all have an awesome day, Hell, I hope your week goes extremely well. Again, thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

A Workplace Post

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Currently it is 4:30 in the morning in my corner of the world and I am at work. I am at work against my better judgement and that in itself is a long ass story. I just know that being on call at night for a twelve hour shift is reeking havoc on my mental health as well as my physical health. My therapist, psychiatric nurse practitioner, employment specialist (job/career coach) and doctor all agree that my current employer is not exactly the best fit for me and I have to agree with them. I just wish it wasn’t true but sadly it is. The people I work with are awesome however being on call for a twelve hour night shift is not good for me especially in the sleep department. If I had a more consistent schedule even if it is a night shift, I think it would be a better fit for me. When it comes to working nights I have my doubts to if it would be a good fit but it will have to be a more consistent schedule.

I don’t have much more to say or at least not at the moment without getting emotional about it. I hope to post later on today about what has been going on for me. I am just glad I have the support I do from my treatment teams. I hope everyone has a good day. Peace Out, World!!!!

Not So Good Mental Health Day

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! Today has been one of those not so good days in regards to my mental health symptoms. A day where I have experienced extreme loneliness as well as isolation. Of course some of the isolation is a protective fact so I don’t have an emotional outburst on anyone.

I just wish my depression and dissociation wasn’t acting up so bad. To make matters worse my voices are screaming at the moment. At least I am not suicidal nor do I have urges to self harm and that is always a plus.

My cat, Lil Gertie has been helping me a great deal. She has been been at my side or on my lap the entire day or at least in my waking moments. I have been sleeping a great deal today. Maybe because of the lack of sleep last night or because of the depression or maybe a combination of both. My music has been playing nonstop as it helps a great deal with the voices. I have also been doing a lot of art today. Mainly I have been coloring but I have done other forms of art. I just wish I wasn’t so lonely or even isolating. At least I have my cat, Lil Gertie.

I don’t have much more to say. I hope everyone has a good rest of their Saturday. Peace Out, World!!!

Dissociative State = Creative Brain & A Loving Cat Wanting to Help

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!!! Why in the fuck do I have be dissociating at the moment especially since I am wanting to be in a creative groove. I think, I will be in the creative groove. My art may not come out like I would want but it might turn out better. As for writing I can incorporate it to some of the art I am doing. Kind of like poetry. I could even work on my storytelling comics and use some collaging. I have so many idea when it come to my creative side.

I think when I am out of this dissociated state, I will have some awesome art work and writings that might have some poetry. May my next post will be the art work I have done or the poetry that was written.

I hope that I can be creative after this post. That is my goal. Thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Plans for the Weekend

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is the beginning of a three day weekend here in the United States. It is Memorial Day Weekend which is a holiday we honor the fallen men and women who fought for our country.

I plan on doing nothing on Saturday and Sunday. By nothing, I mean not leaving my apartment and spending some much needed alone time with my cat, Lil Gertie. I plan on doing some art. Not sure what genre’s of art yet but I will be doing some art. I will also be doing some reading. I will be reading a couple of books that I am in the middle of as well as some comic books. When reading comic books, I most likely will read Wonder Woman since I am a huge fan of Wonder Woman. So I plan on being a hermit this weekend.

On Monday which is Memorial Day here in the United States, I will be going to a service that honors our fallen soldiers at the request of my best friend who lives in another state but served our country. In fact when I told my grandpa what I was doing he wanted to attend with me as he too served in the military. He is “grateful and pleased” that I have decided to do this and hopes that I will make it a tradition for myself every year even if I am out of town. I informed him I would and make sure if I am on a trip that I would plan it to be part of the trip. My grandpa had a smile on his face when I said I would.

I think it is time to turn of the computer and do so reading and then some art. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Have a wonderful weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

A Busy Friday Ahead of Me

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Friday Morning, World!!! It is a not so pleasant Friday morning here in Seattle, weather wise. It is one of those days that you just want to stay inside and curl up with a good book while drinking a nice cup of hot chocolate. Sadly, I won’t be able this as I have a busy day ahead of me.

First and fore most I will be going go see my doctor for our regular appointment. My doctor and I have pretty regular appointments to help me stay out of the emergency room for both physical and mental health. It appears to be helping along with seeing my therapist and psychiatrist.

After I see my doctor, I have an appointment with my job coach. Actually, she is my employment specialist but most people understand that term so I just tell people she is my job coach. Today we will be working on finding jobs that are  better fit for me schedule wise.

Since it is Friday, I will be attending my art class. The class that is teaching how to tell stories through comics. The class is called “Beginning Comics Storytelling.” I love this class because it involves art, comics and writing which I enjoy doing all three. I will attending the class after seeing my job coach.

On my way home from the art class, I will be picking up some meds. As much as I highly dislike taking meds, I realize that my meds are necessary for me in regards to my recovery. Meds are are only part of the equation for my recovery.

I don’t have much more to say. I hope everyone has a great day ahead of them. Thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. Peace Out, World!!!