Tag Archives: Music

Tough Day = Doing Things I Enjoy

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I’ve been having a tough day. That means I’m doing my best to do the things that I enjoy doing. Things that bring me joy.

As many of you know art brings me joy. Its not just creating art that brings me joy its being able to give it away to individuals that mean something to me as a person. I just finish a painting for me case manager. My case manager hasn’t given up on me when she could have transferred me to another clinician but hasn’t done so. That’s why I am giving her a piece of my art.

Another thing that brings me joy is reading. I enjoy it because it helps me focus on something else other than being stuck in my own head. That’s why I love reading so much. Being able to be absorbed in a book is helpful to one’s imagination and not focus on what the realities of the world.

While creating art for my case manager and reading to get out of my head, I listened to music. I  love being able to enjoy music as I am being able to do things that bring me joy. Doing things that bring me joy is quite helpful for me and my head space.

Thank you for reading my blog. Its much appreciated!!! Peace Out, World !!!

Needing Consistency W/My Mental Health Treatment Team

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I’m a little sad as I’m having yet another change in my treatment team. It involves one of my DBT Group leaders is leaving. She was one of the biggest supports I had right after Diana left suddenly due to a life threatening illness. So it came to a shock to me when the female group leader said she was leaving. I am feeling sad. This makes the fourteenth change in my treatment team in as many months. As much as I am sad I know this group leader is going to make sure I have a goodbye with her.

Even though she is not a clinician who works with me a good portion of the time she has worked with me a great deal. That is why she is wanting to have a half an hour goodbye session with her. She say and I quote “You deserve goodbye from me. We have always had a good rapport and you deserve to have a goodbye and proper goodbye” unquote. I’m glad I’m having a goodbye with her.

I just want to have some consistency in my treatment team and not have so many changes in as many months. Realizing I was getting upset with the lack of consistency I decided to do a mindfulness exercise using the Calm app as I was on the bus home. After the mindfulness exercise I listened to music. So more or I used my DBT skills to help me not be so upset and/or angry with the inconsistency in my mental health treatment which helped reduced the urges to self-harm. So I am proud of myself for reducing my anger and self harm urges by using skills.

Thank you for reading about my not so good news. I am truly proud of myself for using my DBT skills. Peace Out, World!!!

Holding On To Hope Like My Life Depends On It

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I’m sitting here at my laptop realizing that due to the lack of structure I’ve had today is making the symptoms of my depression increase. Even though its ever so slightly. Depression sucks shit yet I’m still holding on to the hope that I finally got back. Holding on to it like my life depends on it because it does.

Something that helps me with hope is music. So most of today, I’ve been listening music. If I wasn’t listening to it, I was playing my flute or harmonica. For some reason I needed to depend on music to help me through.

Listening to music helped get into a creative mindset to where I did some art. I did some collaging and coloring. I also did some painting. It appears with all the collaging, coloring and painting I’ve been doing I can create my own art gallery in my apartment. The picture below is the most recent painting I did today.

IMG_0217

After doing some art I read Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. If you’re a Science Fiction or Fantasy genre fan I truly believe you will like this book. Its the first book in The Liveships Trader’s Trilogy. I read several chapters today and needed to take a break from it for a few moments.

Those few moments of breaking from reading turned in a couple of hours. A couple of hours updating my resume’ and cover letter so I could apply for jobs. I did in fact apply for jobs. I even got a response back today to have a phone interview on Tuesday. Its hard to believe I have an interview for Tuesday.

After updating my cover letter and resume’ I realized I wanted to look at some educational opportunities. So, I emailed and called a few folks about the educational opportunities and still waiting to hear back.

Thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a good rest of their day. Peace Out, World.

 

The Joys of Being a Homeless Advocate and Pearl Jam Fan

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! It was announced yesterday that Pearl Jam is going to be playing their first concert here in Seattle in over five years. I, as Pearl Jam fan am beyond thrilled that they are finally coming back to Seattle to hold a concert. Not just one but two concerts and am looking forward to attending at least one of them.

As being a Pearl Jam fan finding out that they’re coming to the city you live isn’t exciting enough but being a homeless advocate this is even more exciting. Pearl Jam having what they are calling “home shows” is going to be donating money to help fight homelessness. If you been following my blog for a while you know I am a huge homeless advocate. It just happens I haven’t blogged much about it since I haven’t been doing all that well. However, with the news that was announced yesterday, and the hope that I am slowly getting back, it reignited my passion to help the homeless population. In fact they will be donating one million dollars. That money can and will going really far if they know where to donate it.

So as you can tell, that as I end this post, I am filled with hope and joy that one of my favorite band is playing two “home shows” and fight homelessness at the same time. Thank you for reading my blog once again. Peace Out, World!!!

P.S. I want to thank Pearl Jam for their donation to help end the homeless crisis here in Seattle.

Another Sleepless Night

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I’m having another night with little to no sleep. Last night I finally got some sleep yet it seem that tonight I’m having trouble sleeping once again. Its just after three o’clock in morning my time and sleep haven’t been to sleep.

I’ve pretty much have been listening to music all night. It appears to be quite helpful for me at the moment. I’ve been listening to it as I’ve held my teddy bear and/or doing some art work.

Art wise I’ve been either coloring or collaging. I finished two coloring pages. I also have done six collages. So as for art I’ve been accomplished.

I’m going to go now. Thank you for reading. I’m going to try to get some sleep. Have a great work week. Good Night, World!!!

Sleepless In Seattle

Posted on by Gertie

It is two o’clock in the morning and I am unable to sleep. I’m blaming the no sleep on PTSD and insomnia. To help me through right now besides blogging is a multitude of things.

Music is one of them. I’ve been listening to some form of music most of the night even when I was trying to fall asleep. In fact everything I have done tonight included music.

As I listened to music, I started out doing some form of art. I did multiple collages. Some of which were poetry related. I also finished a painting that I have been working on. I am thinking about giving it to a friend but I’m not sure because I really like it and want to hang it up in my apartment. I also did some coloring.

Another thing I did as I listened to music was read Ship of Magic by Robin Hobb. I’m really liking the book. I realized that I’m really getting into the book and had to put it down or else I most likely would be up all night reading. When I realized this I decided to pick up my comic books to read. I, of course, read about four Wonder Woman comics before realizing I could spend all night reading comics all night.

That’s when I decided to start a Wonder Woman puzzle I received as a gift for Christmas from my brother Jay. All I have done right now of the puzzle is the sorting of end pieces from all the other pieces. I do have some of the end pieces put together. I think I would have stuck with it if the stupid fire alarm didn’t go off. In fact I might go back to my puzzle after I’m done blogging.

Thank you for reading my blog. Have a good night all. Peace Out, World!!!

Go To Hell 2017

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! In ten hours it will be 2018. All I can say is that 2017 hasn’t been the easiest of years for me. A year that I’ve experienced great pain and not one success that I can think of.

If I look back on 2017 it was the year of hell for me. I resigned from a job I loved and worked my ass off to get due to the severity of the symptoms of my mental health challenges. A job that I wish I didn’t resign from but realize that I can’t help others if I’m not doing well myself. How can I help people with their recovery if my recovery is a bit shaky.

As shaky as my recovery is and not having a job in the career I love, I’ve realized that art has played a major part of my life this past year. Specifically, painting. Painting has helped me through some of the more difficult moments I experienced this year.

Another thing that has helped me through the hell 2017 brought me was writing. Writing in various ways. Weather it was writing in my journal or a poem or even blogging. Writing helps me express myself.

In fact both art and writing have helped me express myself with how my emotions are. Music has helped me expressed my emotions as well. It appears that the creativity that art, music and writing brings to me has helped me through the hell that 2017 has brought.

As 2017 comes to an end like this post is coming to an end, I would like to tell 2017 something: GO TO HELL 2017!!! As this year ends I hope that everyone has a better 2018 than they had in 2017. Peace Out, World. See, you in the New Year!!!

 

There Is No Place Like Home

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Right now I’m having some difficulties with a number of symptoms from the various mental health challenges I struggle with. I’m coming up with ideas on what I know that will be helpful for me especially since I’m finally home from holiday events with my family. In fact my last three post were from when I was out of town visiting family for the Christmas holiday.

There is no place like home especially dealing with a dysfunctional family during the holiday season. Now that I am home I am able to have my access to things that I normally turn to when the symptoms of my mental health challenges are being quite challenging at the moment.

The first thing I’ve done was cooks some food. In fact I cooked some comfort food and ate it. Some of the comfort food that I ate was given to me as a Christmas gift, such as fudge and other such baked goods. At lets not forget the hot chocolate on this cold wintery night.

Since I have food in my tummy, I can now focus on other things that will help me. Most of it has to do with the creativity part of who I am. The first thing I did was play my flute and harmonica. No, I did not play them at the same time. There is something quite soothing about playing a musical interment. Soothing enough that it helped me become more creative.

As I became more creative, I turned on my recovery play list from Spotify and started to paint. Painting seems help me get out the emotions I need to be getting out, just like music. I hope to show you the finished products of some of my paintings as at later time.

Thank you for reading my post. It’s greatly appreciated. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It’s been quite a week. A week full emotions. The primary emotions I have felt this week have been fear and anger. In fact I think if it wasn’t for the fear and anger, I wouldn’t have been on my creative streak.

This week I ended up being extremely creative by painting, writing poetry and even started writing some music to play on my flute. Being creative has been proven helpful for me when it comes to dealing with the symptoms of the mental health challenges I struggle with.

Being creative is something I also that helps me when I am having some major sleep issues. I was unable to sleep for three days straight despite my sleep hygiene strategies. I do think that being creative is what helped me finally getting limited sleep last night.  I am grateful for the sleep I did get last night.

I don’t have much to say regarding my week for this past week as there is not much going on that I am willing to share. Thank you for reading. Have a good rest of your weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Figuring Sh*t Out While Being Creative

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! Today, hasn’t been the easiest of days for me. Especially, since I’ve come to the realization that my case manager’s supervisor is providing me with therapy. I came to this realization today when I saw him and at the end of our appointment we scheduled another one for this Friday. It appears from my end of things or perspective that he (my case manager’s supervisor) is attempting his best to gain my trust with him and the rest of my treatment team after what happened three weeks ago when my therapy services were pulled. The reason, I’ve come to the realization of him providing me with therapy is because this will be the third week in a row where I’ve had three appointments with him in one week. I am a little suspicious of this for several reasons but it appears that he wants me back in therapy services and working with me to get me back in it.

On that note, my “temporary” therapist and I discussed a little about my safety with self-harm and suicide ideation stuff which led me to showing him one of the mandalas I colored last night. I would have shown him the other one I colored but I gave it to the therapist I had right after Diana left but the one before my last former therapist. Anyway, my “temporary” therapist and I discussed how coloring is quite helpful to me. He thinks that me being creative is a good thing, whether its with writing or some sort of art work.

So when I got home, I rested for a while, ate and then went to a local art supply store. A store with in walking distance of my place of residence. I pick up some paint supplies including canvas. The picture below is what I painted this evening with my newly bought paint supplies.

IMG_0018I realize its not the best photo of my newly painted piece of art but it resembles what my recovery has been like throughout my life.

Another thing I did after my painting was write a couple of poems. Poems that represent the not so good head space I have been in lately. Below are photo’s of the poems I wrote.

The first poem is as follows:

Shit Hit The Fan

by Gertie

Shit hit the fan.

Nobody seams to hear, what the fuck I am saying.

How loud do I have to get to be heard?

How much shit has to hit the fan before its noticed?

Why can’t I get a break?

Even for an hour.

The second poem is as follows:

Searching For Lost Hope

by Gertie

Looking for a sign.

Any sign, for a sign of hope.

Hope that seems to be no where to be found.

Searching for the lost hope is becoming more hopeless as the search drags on.

As I painted and wrote some poetry, I listened to some music. Music that appears to be helping drown out the voices I’m hearing. Voices that nobody hears. I also am just realizing that when I am doing art, writing or even playing a musical instrument, my voices get quieter. They’re still quite intense but not as intense if I weren’t doing the above mentioned activities. I think I need to share this with my case manager and her supervisor.

As I end this post, I want to thank you for reading and allowing me to share my creative side with you. Peace Out, World.

(Side Note: I realize people might think after reading this post that I am suicidal or thinking about self harm. I am NOT suicidal and am NOT thinking about self harm.)