Tag Archives: Recovery

Everyday Inspiration; Day 18: Anecdotes

Posted on by Gertie

It’s nearly ten o’clock at night in my neck of the woods. I’ve been struggling to do todays assignment. I’m not exactly sure why I’ve been struggling to come up with anecdotes because they usually come easy to me. I’ve only come up with two very short anecdotes relating to two of my diagnosis.

Depression:

Staying in bed with the covers over ones head being served breakfast in bed. Not getting up all day with a book in ones hands. It appears to be a lazy day. Not at all so. Can’t get out of bed. There’s a weight on my chest. The weight of world. The weight of the world pressing down. Pressing down so hard that life was too tiring to face.

PTSD:

Its like its happening all over again. Its like a movie but its playing your head. You can feel it on your skin.

Sorry, I can add more to the PTSD but I’m struggling at the moment. I hope to be able to do this particular assignment when my symptoms aren’t so high. I hope everyone has a good night. Peace Out, World

 

Everyday Inspiration; Day 17: A Map As Your Muse

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today’s assignment is finding your inspiration through a map. Last time I took this course, Finding Your Everyday Inspiration, I decided to have fun with the map assignment and decided to do the same, this time around. Last time, I found a “map” for “career planning” as a way to have the topic of my career goals. This time around, I’ve decided to use “Self Management” to bring up the topic of how I am needing to come up with some goals for my life or least when it comes to my recovery, emotions and behaviors.

We don’t get a “map” for life and choosing to map out my own life can be challenging at times which is why I want to discuss this “Managing Self” (Self Management) map. Self management means different things to different people. For me self management is similar to self care. Self management means that we are the managers of ourselves.

To me self management means being in control of my emotions and behaviors as well as my reactions to other peoples emotions and behaviors. I may not have “control” over all my emotions when my symptoms of my mental health condition are high however I am in control of how I behave and react to them. Self management is not any thing for anyone but everyone’s self management plan looks differently for each individual.

My self management plan right now is to focus on my recovery. I may be in a “middle of a relapse” however I am choosing to continue to be in recovery by focusing on what I need to do to get back to do well. Going to and participating in my appointments and groups is something I am doing to get back to do well. Doing good self care like eating, sleeping (or at least having a good sleep hygiene schedule), showering, taking my meds and so on are is another way I am focusing on my recovery.

I do the above stated things so I can go back to the career I worked my ass of for as well as maybe get an education related to the mental health care field. The educational aspect of my career could and will be helpful for career advancement. Its a matter of figuring out how to fund my education. Or at least looking in grants and/or scholarships.

So, as you can see self management is about reaching for goals. Goals that might be interrupted or detoured due to unexpected events but goals to aim for. The big goals need to have small goals so one doesn’t give up on the ultimate goal. So that what my self management map looks like.

Again thank you for reading. I hope everyone continues having a good day and weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 16: Mine Your Own Material

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Todays, Finding Everyday Inspiration’s is to mine our own material. More or less its having us look at unfinished (and unpublished) drafts to use as todays post. I am more than will to finish a draft and post it as part of this assignment however I have a number of drafts in my “drafts folder” and am having trouble choosing which one to finish. So the idea I came up with is to write a brief paragraph (or two) about the subject matter of the majority drafts I have in my “drafts folder.”

The post I was working on last was about the Los Angeles Dodgers winning the National League pennant and going to the World Series. I being from Southern California am thrilled to see the Dodgers going to World Series. Now, maybe an L.A baseball will be taken seriously again. Last time any baseball team was taken seriously in L.A was when the Angels beat the Giants in the 2002 World Series. Hell, the Angels were the underdogs and shocked the hell out of everyone including their own fans. I am so looking forward to see who the Dodgers play against. I really hope its the Houston Astro’s for a multitude of reasons. One reason is because nobody likes the Yankees except for Yankee fans. Another reason is that I have an Aunt that lives in Houston, it I think it will be fan to have a little family rivalry going.  Weather the Dodgers play the Yankees or the Astro’s play against them, I really want the Dodgers to win the World Series.

Another post I have in my “draft folder” is about my session with my therapist on Wednesday. It was about how it went and how I felt and continue to feel after my session. I’ve been slowly working on it and hope to have it posted sometime over the weekend. It might be in my Weekly Check-in but I doubt it because of how much time I’ve already spent drafting the particular post. I really like my therapist. She is challenging me on a lot of things which is having me think. I’m still getting use to her therapy style but I’m okay with adjusting to it.

Something that was brought up in my session with my therapist was that of yet another blog post draft. That is my sleep or the lack there of. The post is about how the lack of sleep (insomnia) that I am experiencing is due to combination of the symptoms of my PTSD and Depression diagnosis. Right now there really isn’t anything I can do about my insomnia but the things I am already doing. So, yeah, sleep doesn’t appear to be my friend at the moment.

Now that I’m finished with my assignment and the interpretation of how it was post be done, I’m going get something to eat. I hope that everyone has a good weekend. Thank you again, for reading and Peace Out, World!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 15: Take a Cue from Your Reader

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! Today’s assignment for Finding Your Everyday Inspiration is to take a cue from you my reader. A few days ago I asked you to give me some suggestions. I didn’t get as many suggestions as I would have liked however I did get some.

It appears from what I received from the feedback I got is that the answers were all different however one thing everyone was in agreement with. That something is to continue with what I do in regards to sharing my journey. I guess it gives people “hope” even those individuals who “don’t struggle with mental illness.”

Another common theme amongst most of the feedback I received was the education piece of my blog. The part of my blog that I’ve pretty much failed to do. Something, I hope to start doing it again. It is my plan to start it no later than the New Year (2018). Yes, I realize that the New Year is two and half months away but it gives me time to do research. Research that realistically will be hindered by the upcoming holidays which is why I’m giving myself two and half months. An idea I have is to get suggestions from you on what type of educational topics you would like me to discuss regarding anything to do with mental health (i.e. Treatments, Peers, Clinicians, Diagnosis).

Education and sharing my personal journey may have been a common theme amongst the suggestions, I received however I got some ideas that are all great. Some are a little bit controversial however those topics are necessary to the subjects of mental health and/or a persons recovery.

One such controversial topic is one’s faith, spirituality, and/or religion. One thing that is in agreement among those who have a mental health diagnosis is that one’s faith is key to one’s recovery. Yes, faith or religion can be a controversial topic however spirituality is a topic that needs to be continued to be discussed. Discussed so those who don’t have lived experience know that it plays a major role in recovery and the treatment they may need and/or desire.

Another such controversial topic is politics. Politics play a major role in mental health. Maybe not directly to one’s diagnosis but in other ways. Ways that it could and have effected those with a mental health diagnosis. In one such political topic related to mental health is health care. Having the proper health care and insurance is key to one’s recovery and treatment.

Since we are on the topic of health care someone did bring up the topic of it and how both mental health and physical health can effect each other. This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. It’s near and dear to my heart for many reason and I am more than sure that when the physical health topic is brought up again, those reasons will be more clear.

As I end this particular post, I want to remind you that if you have any suggestions on any topics or educational topics related to mental health you will like me to bring up, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I want to thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a great rest of their day. Peace Out!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 14: Recreate a Single Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Today’s Finding Everyday Inspiration’s assignment is to recreate a single day. I can think of many day’s I could recreate however, I choose not for various reasons. If I recreate a single day even one of the best days of my life that means I would have to relive some of the worst days of my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I remember and recreate some of the great moments in my life when things get tough especially when PTSD symptoms occur. I just don’t want to recreate a single because everyday has made me who I am today and I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Yes, I would have loved to not experienced the trauma I endured throughout my life however those trauma’s helped shaped who I am today. I most definitely wouldn’t want to recreate the trauma’s I endured. I don’t think anyone would want to recreate the trauma’s they endured.

Yes, I would love to have certain positive moments recreated at the moment especially since I have been struggling as of lately however I know I will get through this despite the doubts I currently have. I guess what I am saying is all the experiences I have had in my life is what made me who I am today. As much as I want to recreate a single day; it means it would recreate who I am at this moment in time.

I should really get going. It’s four in the morning and I haven’t been to sleep yet. I have to be up in three hours. I have to be up in three hours so I can get ready for the day and attend my therapy appointment. A much needed appointment. As I end this post I want to thank you for reading. I hope everyone has a great Hump Day (Wednesday). Peace Out, World!!!

Choosing Recovery

Posted on by Gertie

Right now, I am fighting within myself. I’m battling the symptoms of my mental health diagnosis. I’m arguing with myself and the voices I hear that nobody else hears. See, one of the diagnosis I have is Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) with psychotic features. That means when my depression act up I hallucinate. Actually, I have what they call auditory hallucinations which means I hear things that nobody else hear and aren’t real.

I’m telling you this as I don’t choose to have a mental health condition/challenge but I do choose to be in recovery. I may not being doing well at the moment however, I am choosing to fight against the urges to self harm and what the voices are telling me to do.

My voices are encouraging me to act on the urges to self harm. I of course am NOT going to act on the urges or what the voices are encouraging me to do. I am choosing to NOT act them because I have the tools (or skills) to help myself. To help myself to NOT self harm by using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills.

Using the DBT skill I’ve learned over the last fourteen years is what has saved my life. It’s what has helped me start my recovery and remain in recovery despite set backs or “relapses.” I choose get back up and wipe the dust off when I do relapse in self harm behavior.

In fact when I realized that my self harm urges were high and that the voices were encouraging me to act on them, I contacted my treatment team to help me through. The person who helped gave me some encouragement as well as some suggestions they know that helps me. One of those suggestions was (and is) blogging. However, before I chose to take the persons suggestion to blog, I did a couple of other suggestions first so I could blog in a better head space. I first ate something and then I went for a three mile walk. After eating and going for a walk, it put me in a better head space to be able to write this blog post.

In fact blogging is helping me at the moment however, I am going to go do other DBT skills now. So, yes that means I will be ending this blog post. FYI: I AM CURRENTLY NOT DANGER TO MYSELF OR ANYONE ELSE. (In fact I’ve NEVER been a danger to anyone else.) I hope everyone has a good rest of their day. Peace Out, World!!!

Weekly Check-In

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!! I don’t have much to check in about as my depression, anxiety and PTSD have been.

I will however briefly check in about the town hall I attended this past Wednesday. The town hall was focused how who both The Division of Behavioral Health and Recovery DBHR) and The Department of Social and Human Service’s (DSHS) can be better advocate for us who not only seek services as a client of a mental health client but one who works as Peer Specialist who works in the system. It was a highlight because it felt like from my end that things were being heard in a lot of ways.

On a not so good note, my symptoms are starting to increase. Increase to where I’m thinking I might have to take myself to the Emergency Room (E.R) soon. Don’t worry, I am not a danger to harm myself on anyone else at the moment. I will never be a danger to anyone else as I don’t want to cause any harm to someone else. I can make this promise to you and this is if I feel like harming myself I will take myself to E.R. As I stated earlier in this paragraph, I am currently NOT a harm to myself or anyone else.

Thank for reading. I hope that you all have a good rest of your Saturday and weekend. Peace Out!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 10, Let the Scene Write Itself

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Today’s assignment appears to be easy. Or it’s a simple one for me. It pretty much ask to let the scene write itself. In fact it was and is the scene I am waking up to at the moment.

Junior woke me up in bed by giving me a simple kiss on the cheek. He then served  me some breakfast me bed. He made me French toast covered in banana’s and caramel, strawberries and cream oatmeal and chocolate milk. Junior made me breakfast in bed to reassure me that his love for me grows for me each day.

I already knows how much he loves me. I wish I was able to show my love for him a little bit more however as of lately it’s been difficult to do so. Junior understands and will be there for me no matter what. I love Junior with all my heart.

I think I should end this post for now as Junior is finishing up getting ready for work. He is doing his 24 hour shift as a firefighter. I love him so much. Both of our hearts goes to the firefighters fighting fires in California. Have a good weekend!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Happy Friday the 13th

Posted on by Gertie

Happy Friday the 13th!!! Well, it still is Friday the 13th for another hour and a half hours in my neck of the woods. I know a lot of people who have called in sick today as it’s Friday the 13th and they have some major superstitions regarding this day.

In fact I embrace Friday the 13th. I embrace it by watching movies in marathon mode like; Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street. Best way to spend a gloomy day that lands on Friday the 13th is by watching scary movies from the late 80’s and early 90’s.

I’m thinking I’m needing to get more snacks from the fridge. Time for some brownies, milk, candy and milk. Plus, I want to spend some quality time with Junior.

I hope everyone has a weekend!!! Don’t let such a superstitious day ruin such a great day. Happy Friday 13th and Peace Out!!!

Everyday Inspiration; Day 9: Writing and Not Writing

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I’m struggling to do today’s assignment for some unknown reason. A reason I am unable to come up with at this moment in time. Today’s assignment more or less ask what I do when I am not writing.

I perceive the assignment as a way to think about my self care and the focus I must have to continue on with my recovery that doesn’t include writing. Writing is a form of therapy for me however I know it’s not the cure all for my therapy needs.

When I’m not writing, I am primarily doing something regarding my mental health treatment. I attend appointments with my case manager and therapist. I also attend group therapy. The groups I attend are Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Healthy Sexuality, and Art Groups. In fact if I really wanted to, I could write about the various topics brought up in all the groups I’ve been in as well as topics brought up in my sessions with my therapist and case manager.

When I’m not participating in my mental health treatment, I am spending time with friends. Most likely my friends and I are having a dinner get together or out enjoying the outdoors. Many of my friends and I love the outdoors and love to hike as well as camp.

So, basically when I am not writing, I am doing good self care by seeking mental health treatment as well as spending time with friends. Preferably, my friends and I are spending time outside.  I think this assignment just gave me an idea or two to write about later on.

As, I end this blog post, I want to thank you for reading. You guys are my inspiration on why I continue to write. Thanks for being awesome. Peace Out, World!!!