Mental Illness, Miscarriage and Recovery

Happy Friday!!! It’s the start of another weekend and not just any weekend; Superbowl weekend. Like many other people in America, Junior and myself are preparing to watch the Superbowl with friends. In fact we are hosting a Superbowl party. As stressful it is to prepare for such an event, I am looking forward both preparing for it and being a part of the party.

I am looking forward to it, not only because the Seattle Seahawks are going back to the Superbowl but because it is going to be an enormous distraction for both Junior and I. It’s going to be a distraction because, I miscarried. It’s been a rough couple of weeks for both Junior and myself. We were looking forward to becoming parents. We were really hopeful that I would carry to term this pregnancy because I had made it to 20 week mark and ended up miscarrying at 20 1/2 weeks. The reason why Junior and I thought I was in the clear was because I miscarried another set of twins at 19 weeks and were told that once I hit the 20 week mark that the risk of miscarriage goes down substantially. Loosing a child is the greatest pain a person can endure. I know this because, I’ve lost children through miscarriage and have dealt with some severe childhood trauma.

Grieving is not an easy thing to do especially when it comes to loosing a child however it is something I will be able to work through with the help of others. Asking help from others is not an easy thing for me to do, however it is a sign that I am in recovery. I would be lying to you if I told you I wasn’t struggling with the miscarriage because I am struggling with my miscarriage big time. Suicide has even crossed my mind the last couple a weeks. Don’t worry I am NOT going to attempt or commit suicide because I have too much to live for plus I have the skills and support that I need to help me through this pain. Part of my recovery is letting people who love and care about me, help me through this difficult time of my life.

Recovery looks differently to everybody and part of my recovery is this blog. Blogging about the miscarriage is a difficult thing to do. I think miscarriage, just like mental illness is something that people don’t really discuss. I am not really sure why people don’t discuss miscarriages but I know why people don’t discuss mental illness. Mental illness has a lot of shame and stigma attached  to it. It is for that shame and stigma with mental illness is why I share myself with you all (and try to educate). If I wasn’t in recovery, I really don’t think I would be able to keep myself safe from self-harm or suicide in dealing with the miscarriage. It is because of my recovery I am able to be doing as well as I am after loosing a set of twins due to miscarriage.

I was hoping that I would be able to blog more however it is getting a little difficult for me to do so at the moment. I need to go and allow myself to grieve. I hope to be able to blog sometime on Superbowl Sunday. Have good weekend everyone. Peace out and GO SEAHAWKS!!!

12 responses to “Mental Illness, Miscarriage and Recovery

  1. Hi Gertie, do you bet on the game? who gets to clean up after the party? I am so thankful for #blogboost because I am meeting great people like you who have something to share with others.From what I read in this and a few other of your posts, you sound like a Gertie, (one of my favourite aunts) so I am glad you have claimed it as yours, because I think it is truly who you are.
    As for “NORMAL”, I have read (paraphrased) that normal is the limitation that stops people from becoming great. Maybe it was Good is the enemy of Great. Anyway. I like reading what you have to share,helping more people to learn that what we already know may not be the whole truth and nothing but the truth. By teaching us what you are learning, you are understanding it better yourself. Blog on . . .

  2. I am so, so sorry that this happened to you. I know how happy you were when you found out you were pregnant. I know I’m on the other side of the water, but please know I am here for you. Whatever you need. If you need to talk, hang out, whatever. I’ll do whatever I can to help you through this. Sending love and hugs my friend.

  3. Gertie, I am so sorry to hear you lost the twins. You are strong and can handle this. So you had been pregnant previously with another set of twins? That is amazing that you were having twins twice. Please know that I am there for you if there is anything you need at all. If you need to talk you can message me on Facebook. Or you can email me at I have been bad about checking email but I will do better. Again, I’m sorry you’re having to go through this another time. I hope that you will be able to at least enjoy the weekend A little bit. You are in my thoughts.

  4. Oh, I am so sad reading this. I’m so sorry for your loss!

    You are in my thoughts, I wish there was more I could say, but there really are no words.

    Take care, praying for you and yours

    Kimmie x

  5. I am so very sorry for your loss. I’m glad to hear that being in recovery has given you the skills to grieve and to not hurt yourself while doing it. I too lost several babies due to miscarriage. A lot of people think because it was never fully developed or born that it doesn’t count as a “loss” or a death. That’s why I struggled in silence. I hope you have a good support system to help you through the grieving process.

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