Tag Archives: Depression

Fighting Off Depression With Humor

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! I have been up for several hours now and could really use a nap. The problem with taking a nap is if I do take one, I won’t be able to get up in time to go to my volunteer job and will not be able to sleep tonight. The sad thing is I woke up in a very depressive state. A depressive state that is quite concerning for me however if I am able to get through the next few days it is my hope that the depression symptoms with start to subside. I am pretty sure that the grief I am dealing with in regards to the loss of my grandma on Valentines Day of this year (2018) could have a lot to do with the increased symptoms of my depression.

Since I have been fighting off depression and grief I decided to watch the Netflix special that Ellen DeGeneres did and is so happened the show they made into a special was here in Seattle. I wish I was able to attend it in person however I was unable to do so. I am just thrilled that I was able to watch it earlier today on Netflix to help with my mood. Ellen is quite funny and I personally think she is relatable to people or at least she is to me. After watching Ellen’s Netflix special, it was quite helpful in lifting my spirits and not making the decision to call out “sick” for my volunteer job this evening.

Not only did watching the Ellen special on Netflix help me make a good choice to go to my volunteer job tonight but helped to blog about how I am feeling about shit. Shit like the depression and grief I am dealing with at the moment. Blogging seems to help and hope that sharing my story help you my reader some how. Blogging is a great outlet for me just like watching comedy is.

I don’t have much else to say at the moment. So, I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Just Check In Post

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! As many of you know is that today is the first day of winter in the Northern Hemisphere. This means it is the shortest day of the year which is never a good thing for me when it comes to the symptoms of my mental health challenges especially the depression. Despite it being a not so good day for the symptoms of my mental health challenges, I have created ways to make it a good day.

First and fore most, I am looking forward to spending the first day of Yule with my friends this evening. I love spending time with friends anytime of the year especially when it comes to celebrating them or their beliefs. I do have to mention that I am having anxiety over this get together and I am unsure why. I have done this get together with these friends for several years now. Granted, I may have anxiety over this get together for some unknown reason but I am really looking forward to spending the first day of Yule with my friends.

It appears that life is throwing me a wrench at the moment with increased anxiety, depression and PTSD symptoms. Symptoms that come when it is the most inconvenient of times but then again there is no convenient time for symptoms to surface. I did email my therapist about the increase of symptoms and that I am not in need of a check in at the moment. I emailed him just to make him aware of what was going on so if I need a check in, he is not surprised.

Before I end this post, I want to remind you my reader about the ads on my blog. I have ads on my blog to earn extra money. The only way I make the money is if you my reader click on to the ads. I am hoping that you my reader can click on the ads so I can earn a few extra cents to dollars. I am hoping that enough people click on the ads so I can get paid the money. The only way they pay out the money is if you reach one hundred dollars and if you don’t reach out one hundred dollars the money just sits there until you collect enough money that reaches one hundred dollars. I hope that you all can do me this favor. I need about twenty dollars to reach one hundred dollars to collect it. So I beg you to click on the ads so I can reach the one hundred dollars.

Thank you for reading my blog and I apologize for begging you to click on the ads. Once I reach one hundred dollars is the moments I turn off the ads on my blog. Again thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great Friday and awesome Winter Solstice. Blessed Yule to everyone who celebrates Yule. I hope everyone also has an awesome weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

Two O’clock in the Morning Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is two o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. I am not able to sleep at the moment. I am unsure why I am unable to sleep however I personally think it is part to insomnia as well PTSD symptoms. Having little to no sleep also does not help with my depression symptoms. All I know is I would like to get some sleep so I am not a cranky bucket.

I might as well as remind you my reader of why there are advertisements on my blog. I have advertisements on my blog to earn some extra money. However I don’t earn the extra money unless you click on to the ad and let it load. So with each little click to the advertisements on my blog earns me a few cents. I know it is not much money but it something. So, I don’t think I will discuss that advertisement thing again for another few weeks as I am sure you don’t want to keep reading about it as I am sure you are not big fans of the advertisements but they do earn me a few extra cents with each click.

Anyways it sounds like the wind is blowing hard and the rain is pounding against my bedroom window. It sounds like there is some nasty weather outside at the moment and it most definitely not the typical Seattle weather for this time of year although it is not unusual for there to be some wind from time to time.  I just hope this nasty goes away by the time the sun rises but I am not holding out hope for it the nastiness to stop.

Enough about the weather here in Seattle lets talk about it being two in the morning in my corner of the world and how Lil Gertie is happy that I am awake. She is happy I am awake because I have been playing with her to help me through the difficult moments I have been have due to not being able to sleep. This is the time of day she is most playful and usually doesn’t expect to play with me as I am in bed but I think she is happy she is able to play since I am up. I love my cat, Lil Gertie, so much. It is hard to believe that in three days from now it will be seven months since I adopted Lil Gertie. I love her so much and can’t imagine life without her right now. Oh yeah before I forget, I order Lil Gertie a new cat carrier as I have been using the box cat carrier I got when I adopted her. I bought it from Amazon last Wednesday and finally it was delivered last Friday. She still doesn’t like being in the carrier but she hasn’t fought going into it when I have but her in it and she has meowed when she has been in it. I have been putting Lil Gertie into the new carrier so she can get use to it and not so afraid of it. I keep her in it for no more than ten minutes to see how she reacts and no I don’t keep her in the carrier when I am not home. I keep the side entrance of the carrier open and down so she could go in and out of it if she wants. She has gone in it to sniff and quickly came out but hopefully she will know it is a safe place for her so when I do have to take her somewhere, it won’t put her in more stress. The last thing I want is to put Lil Gertie in stress out mode.

I think I am going to get going as I am wanting to attempt to get some sleep tonight. Hopefully insomnia gives me a break and that my anxiety, depression and PTSD symptoms continue to lessen so I can get some sleep. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. You guys are all awesome!!! Peace Out, World!!!

Sunday Evening Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It is Sunday evening and I don’t think I will have much to say in this post like I did in my last post. So, lets start with the work thing, I talked a great deal about in my last post. I ended up turning off my phone and took a nap. I really needed the nap as I didn’t get much sleep last night. Well, anyway, when I woke up from my nap I turned on my phone and sent the person who asked me to work for her a text as well as our boss. My boss texted me back saying it was no big deal and he understood that sometimes people activities required the phone to be turned off. But I didn’t receive a text back from the person asking for coverage which okay with me.

Well, tomorrow I am going to the person who does dentures to get a molding of my what little teeth I have left and they will refer me to a dentist that will pull my teeth out as the oral surgeon that was suppose to do it kept cancelling on me for various reason so the person who is going to do my dentures will refer me to someone who will pull my teeth. I am not looking forward to it but at least all I am getting tomorrow is the impressions of what little teeth I have left in my mouth.

I am still dealing with anxiety, depression and PTSD symptoms. Unfortunately, it appears the symptoms are starting to increase which isn’t a surprise to me but it is worrisome as I have been doing really well and improving greatly. I also know that the grief is setting in a little bit more as Christmas is in about nine days and it is the first holiday without my grandma. So with the increased in symptoms and the grief, I am striving to just maintain the next two to three months because of the holidays this month, my grandma’s birthday is next month in January and well my grandma passed away on Valentines Day which is February. So as much as I want to continue to improve and hope I do; all I can expect from myself is to be able to maintain how I am doing currently.

I do not have much else to say. I hope everyone enjoys the rest of their Sunday or what is left of it. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone’s work week goes well. Peace Out, World!!!

Sunday Randomness & Work Bullsh*t

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, World!!! It is a nice a lazy day with a bit of anxiety that I can deal with at the moment. I, of course of my typical anxiety that I deal with on the daily basis however I received a text from someone at work to see if I could work for her tonight. I always get right back to here saying whether or not I am able to work for her but I am not going to respond to her text for a two or three hours as it is her shifts I ended up covering. In fact all but one of the shifts I have covered were for her so I figure she can wait a few hours for me to respond. I am planing on informing her that I can not work for her tonight. I know I should tell her sooner than later but when I tell her my excuse, I want it to be more believable. I am not going to be lying to her as when I received her text I was busy at the time and have thing planned to do today but it is the type of plans that I can rearrange to go to work but my colleague doesn’t need to know that. I won’t be lying to her when I tell her, “sorry, I just saw your full text. I have been busy all day and am unable to work tonight.”  So, I’m not lying as I haven’t read her full text till I reply to her text. I am just frustrated that she is the one I have filled for every time except once. If I get into trouble for not responding to her text soon enough or covering shift then I will accept the consequences. Technically, on calls are suppose to cover at least one shift a month and I have had a handful of opportunities to do so this month but haven’t wanted to various reasons. Considering the other on call person hasn’t done a shift in months I don’t think I have anything to worry about in regards to getting fired but if I do get let go for that reason I will be disappointed but grateful at the same time. Don’t get me wrong I like my job for the most part. I just don’t like being on call and the irregular hours as it messes with my sleep. If I had a regular shift even if it is a night shift I would have a better sleep pattern.

So, since being on call for a night shift isn’t the right fit for me, I have been looking for other jobs. Even jobs I have had before and really didn’t like. I have considered going back to working at grocery store because at least they would be able to respect my accommodations I need for my disability. I am applying to various places and will only apply at a grocery store as last resort. I really want to become Peer Specialist again. I have been applying for various positions in the mental health field including administrative assistant and janitorial jobs at mental health agencies as once you have a foot in the door, you’re more likely to get hired within the agency.

It is the holiday season and Christmas is nine days away. I can’t help but think how difficult this Christmas is going to be for my family as it is the first holiday season without my grandma. Grief is hard no matter what but it seems more difficult the first year without the person who is gone. I hope all goes well over Christmas and that my family is able to handle it.

I just received another text from the colleague wanting me to cover her shift for her. So I turned off my phone. That way I can say that my phone was off and I didn’t receive her text or if she calls then it will go straight to voicemail. I know I should respond but I don’t want to come up with some lie. I just want to tell her that when she texted me I was unavailable and now that I read them I am unable to work.  Granted I have only read part of the text but not the full text as if I open the text then she will know it was delivered. I just don’t want to work tonight. I know I should just say I am unable to work but she is the type of person that will pressure you into working.

Now back to the grieving process of missing my grandma. I think that is part of the reason why I don’t want to work tonight. Plus, my depression and anxiety is acting up at the moment. Some of my anxiety is work related at the moment but the other part of my anxiety is PTSD related which sucks. It being winter and Christmas time my mental health symptoms tend to get worse due to past traumas, weather and shorter days. I really dislike grief, depression, anxiety and PTSD.

I think I will try to get some sleep since I didn’t sleep well last night. A nap will do me some good and then maybe I can come up with an excuse that is not a lie to my work colleague. I am turning off my phone as a precaution, just in case she or our supervisor attempts to call so it will go straight to voicemail. I informed my grandpa about it and his said “just lie saying you were taking care of me” but I don’t want to lie. I just want to say something like “I just got your text and was unavailable to respond and am unable to work tonight since I just saw the text. I am sorry for the short notice. I hope you understand” and hopefully she buys it. I did read some but not all of the message as I didn’t open the full text message so I am not exactly lying but it feel like a lie in a way even though I have been busy doing other things. An idea I have is to say I am unable to work tonight due to my disability acting up which is true or I have migraine which is also true. So when I do respond later I will most likely tell her that I’ve either been busy or been dealing with a migraine and won’t use the disability until I absolutely need to and using my disability in this case in not an absolute need to.

I think I really need to focus on making sure the symptoms of my depression, anxiety and PTSD don’t increase because I want today to continue to be another lazy Sunday. I love dealing with lazy Sundays and that is what I am gong to do despite the anxiety of not responding to colleague about working for her tonight. I will let it be a lazy Sunday and respond to her later. So here is to an enjoyable lazy Sunday despite others needs, increased mental health symptoms, grief and the expectations that Christmas brings.

Now, I am going to end this post so I can go take a nap. Thank for reading my blog. I hope you continue to read my blog and I will NOT lie to my colleague as I have been busy and have been dealing with a migraine. Not sure which truth I am going to tell her but I will text her later on. Again thank you for reading. Have a wonderful Sunday. Peace Out, World!!!

Yucky Weather + Depression = Desire to Isolate

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! I didn’t get much sleep last night but I did get more than the night before. Getting sleep is key to helping the symptoms of the mental health challenges I face. Yes, I may have gotten slightly more sleep last night and it is helping my mood just in the slightest, I just don’t think it is exactly enough to help beat off the depression symptoms.

I don’t think it is enough to be off the depression symptoms because it is the time of year they get worse and well the typical yucky Seattle weather ain’t helping much. In fact the weather today, I think is making the symptoms a little bit worse. Worse in a sense that I am wanting to isolate. Part of is cause of the weather while the other part is due to the depression symptoms which both really suck today.

As much as I want to isolate today, I am unable to do so because I have two appointments today. One with my therapist which is much need and the other is with my employment specialist. I really need my therapy today even though I really do not want to go, mainly because of my depressive symptoms and a little to do with the yucky Seattle weather. No matter how I feel, I need to attend both appointments today due it will ultimately help my recovery. All I can say is the depression suck shit.

I don’t have much else to say in this post so I think I am going to end it for now. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciate it from my end of things as well as from the bottom of my heart. Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone enjoys their day. Peace Out, World!!!

A Monday With Struggles & Other Randomness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Today has been a Monday full of struggles. Struggles that are of concern to me as well as my therapist. I went into my mental health agency to attend a group and was able to briefly check in with my therapist. My therapist has some concerns about the increase of depression symptoms and self harm urges. We only talked for about an half an hour as we have an hour appointment tomorrow.

As concerned as my therapist is with increased symptoms he was “happy” that I decided to show up for a group today. Not just any group but Art Group. My therapist thinks doing art is therapeutic for me and I agree with him. It puts me in a better head space even just all so slightly at times. I am extremely grateful that I attended art group today.

I have been doing some good self care since I got home from my brief check in with my therapist and art group. I came home and immediately put my pajamas on and made hot chocolate.  As I sat down with my hot chocolate my cat, Lil Gertie, jumped into my lap. Drinking hot chocolate and petting my cat are two very good self care activities for me especially at the same time.

Now I think it is time to go. I need to get me something to eat. It is time for dinner. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated from my end of things. I want to thank you for continuing to read my blog and enjoying what I have to say. I do not have much more to say in this post. So, thank you again from the bottom of my heart for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Still Struggling This Monday Morning

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It is still Monday morning in my corner of the world and unfortunately I am still struggling with depression symptoms which sucks shit. Since my last post and since I am still struggling I decided to email my therapist in hopes that he will call me at some point today to check in with me even though I have an appointment with him tomorrow (Tuesday) afternoon. My therapist is usually pretty good with checking in with me when I email and/or call him when I am struggling.

Since, it is only ten o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world and am waiting for my therapist to get back to me, I have managed to do some self care. The self care includes me cleaning out the cat’s litter box (yes, I know that is weird), taking a shower and getting me some food to eat. The shower was quite helpful as I had not taken a shower since Friday evening. I had left over pizza for breakfast.

Another thing I have done since my last post as I wait for my therapist to call me from the email I sent is I went and picked up my meds. I am still on weekly med pick ups and I hope when I see my psychiatric nurse practitioner next week that she will be willing put me back on monthly med pick ups. I am grateful that I don’t have to pick up my meds from my mental health agency and am even more grateful that they aren’t daily pick ups.

Now, I think I am going to spend time with my cat, Lil Gertie, as she has been attempting to get my attention as I have been writing this post. I love my cat very much. This is my first holiday season with her and I plan on spoiling her for Christmas. She is going to be receiving a lot of toys.

I don’t have much else to say in  this post. I want to thank you for reading as it is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I am grateful for each one of you for reading my blog.  Again, thank you for reading my blog. I hope everyone continues to have a great Monday. I also hope everyone has a great work week. For those who celebrate Hanukkah, I hope your last days of your holiday are well celebrated. Peace Out, World!!!

Nothing Like A Nightmare Early On A Monday Morning

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Well, it is Monday morning and people are starting to get up to get ready for their work day. I have been awake since two thirty this morning due to a nightmare and it is now five o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. Waking up to a nightmare is absolutely no fun. At least my cat did her job and woke me up from the nightmare before it got any worse. Some how she trained herself to wake me up from a nightmare by either licking my nose or licking one of my big toes. Not sure how she trained herself to do that but I am grateful for it.

Since I woke up from a nightmare, I have been reading comic books and listening to music. Specifically, I have been reading Wonder Woman comic books and listening to Christmas music. For some reason reading Wonder Woman comic books and listening to Christmas music has been quite helpful for me the last two and half hours which I am extremely grateful for.

Now that it is five o’clock in the morning, I will be watching the morning news as I haven’t kept up to date on the news via television all weekend. I did however read the newspaper over the weekend. Sometimes staying away from the news is quite helpful for my mental health and this past weekend it was quite helpful as my depression symptoms have been increasing which sucks shit.

I don’t have much more to talk about at the moment. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope everyone has a great start to the work week. I also hope everyone has a great Monday. Peace Out, World!!!

 

Still Fighting Off Fucking Depression

Posted on by Gertie

Good Afternoon, again, World!!! I am still fighting off fucking depression however it is slowing going away with the things I have done so far. I hung out with a friend. We went to Red Robin and had a late lunch, early dinner. We then walked around the mall and ended up getting pictures with Santa Claus. Getting a picture together with Santa was fun.

Even though the holidays bring more depression my way, I am glad I am coming up with new ways to fight off the depression and to start new traditions. My friend and I are going to do the Santa picture every year from now on.

I am now at my volunteer job waiting for five o’clock to come around as that is when my shift start. I only have about fifteen more minutes till my shift starts which is okay with me. I love my volunteer job. I have been at this volunteer job for four years now. It has helped me a great deal with my life and mental health.

Granted my depression is still acting up at the moment but I am glad I have decided to not isolate. Isolation is a persons worst enemy when they have depression. Fighting isolation and depression sucks shit but I am currently doing it at the moment.

I am just realizing this is my third post today. I have not posted multiple times in a day in a very long time. I am grateful that I am utilizing this great coping skill for me. I hope that me blogging helps you my reader.

I do not have much else to say. I hope everyone has an awesome Saturday afternoon and evening. Thank you so very much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of this. Have a great evening. Peace Out, World!!!