Tag Archives: Recovery

Nothing But The Boring Shit I Did Today

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It has been a busy Tuesday for me. I had a three appointments today which I am all grateful for. They just wore me out.

I, first had an appointment with my regular doctor for our every two week check up. This is to help keep me out of the Emergency Room for both physical health and mental health stuff. Unfortunately, my next appointment with my doctor is going to me for my oh so not very lovely yearly exam. At least I’m not forty yet so I don’t have to worry about a mammogram as of right now.

I then saw my therapist for our weekly session and it well. We discussed a lot of topic regarding family and holidays. For me that is what needs to be discussed to help me put in a good self care. For me doing self care is especially important any time of the but more so during the holidays. So my therapist and I are going to come up with more ways for good way for me to do good self care when I am at my families places during the holidays.

I then saw my employment specialist. We specifically discussed my job and how it wasn’t turning out like I thought it would be. I’m not guaranteed a shift every week. It is an on call position that is at night. If I had a regular schedule with a I night shift I think I would be fine with it but it is not a regular shift so my employment specialist and I are looking for other jobs for me at the moment. We found one that would be great for me for now. Since my flash drive broke I have to rebuild my resume which is okay for me.

I am attempting to keep this post short as I am sleepy. I hope everyone has had a good Tuesday. I hope to blog again tomorrow (Wednesday). Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Good night and Peace Out, World!!!

It Feels Like A Monday Because It is A Monday

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It sure feels like a Monday. Yes, I realize it is Monday but it most definitely feels like Monday. It feels like a Manic Monday because of all the shit I have had to do today.

First I had to attend an appointment for my housing. It is for my annual review to continue on getting subsides housing. My rent is going up starting in February because of my job but I am okay with that.

Something else I had to do in regards to my job is fill out paper work for Social Security. I also had to send them my pay stubs. I really dislike paper work but I rather fill out the paper work and send in pay stubs than owe Social Security money.

As much as I hate paperwork I am glad I got it done for both my housing and my social security. As far as my job is concerned I am looking for a new one as being on call for a night shift is not exactly best for me and my mental health. I plan on actively looking now and start applying in hopes I can start in the New Year.

I also went out in the crappy Seattle weather to go get my meds. I wish I didn’t have to get my meds on the weekly basis but I do. The weather in Seattle sucks today. It has been raining and extremely windy. I just wish it was normal Seattle yucky weather which is overcast, cold and drizzly.

I don’t have much else to say. I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated. I hope to post again sometime tomorrow to tell you how my doctors and therapy appointments went. Peace Out, World!!!

It’s Officially Dead Turkey Day

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! And to everyone in the United States, Happy Dead Turkey Day, also known as Thanksgiving Day. I find myself awake at this hour in the morning due to insomnia. I have taken my Melatonin, sleeping meds and some sleepy time tea. I have also listened to some sleeping time meditation to help me sleep but it appears nothing is helping at the moment.

I’m not going to lie, today is the first Thanksgiving since my grandma passed away and it is going to be a difficult one. Or at least I expect it to be a difficult one for me and my dad’s side of the family especially for my grandfather. As worried as I am on how I am going to handle today with the emotions that the holidays normally brings to me, I worry about the grief that not only will be happening to me but to my family. I just want to make sure I am able to hold my emotions together for my family and let my emotions go when I am not around my family.

I do have a good self care plan in place specifically for Thanksgiving as my therapist and I came up with one during our session this past Tuesday. My therapist may have still not been feeling better but I am grateful that he is back even if its for part time for the rest of the year. He appears to be the type of person who is rarely out sick but am grateful that he is back. I just wish he was feeling at 100%. I am going to start seeing him twice a week till mid January to help me through the holidays. We might do the two sessions a week till the end of February since my grandma passed away in mid-February and her birthday was in mid January. He just wants to makes sure I continue to stay stable and improve. All he is asking for right now is to stay stable like I am at the moment. But with now pressure.

I am so grateful for you my reader. Thank you for reading my blog. Have a great Thanksgiving Day. Have a wonderful day all. Peace Out, World!!!

The Evening Before Thanksgiving

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Long time not blog. I can give you plenty of reasons why I haven’t posted in a while as well as plenty of excuses and have decided I won’t bore you with them. I’ll just go straight into what I am going to post about.

The last few weeks have been filled with anxiety. They have been filled with anxiety because my therapist was out of the office for three weeks due to health problems and finally came back this past Monday (11/19/2018). He still still didn’t look like he was feeling all that well when I saw him yesterday (Tuesday). But at least I was able to see him for a session without seeing him in almost a month. I had an extreme case of anxiety that my therapist wouldn’t becoming back due to health reason after what happened with Diana. Even though my therapist is back only part time due to his health issues, I am glad he is feeling well enough to be back. I just wish he was feeling back to his normal. But at least I will be seeing him weekly just as long as his doctors continue to say it is okay for him to work.

Another thing that has been causing me a great deal of stress for me is that my psychiatric nurse practitioner kept canceling on me due to a family emergency and a death in the family and I had ran out of refills for meds. But thankfully she refilled them before leaving to go to the funeral. I was finally able to see her last Thursday (November 15, 2018). She upped my new sleeping med and even with the increased, it still isn’t helping me fall asleep as quickly as I would like. At least the Melatonin appears to be helping me stay asleep.

Something else that I am not sure I have  mentioned but my regular doctor has been seeing me every two weeks as a precautionary thing to help me stay out of the Emergency Room (E.R) for both physical and mental health reasons. It appears to be helping. In my opinion it has been quite helpful.

Unfortunately, I did end up in the E.R last Wednesday (11/14/2018) due to an abscessed tooth. Thankfully, they were able to get the Dental Resident over from the Dental school to take care of the tooth and pull it. I am now on antibiotics for three weeks due to the severity of the infection.

On that note, I have been dealing with anxiety regarding the upcoming holidays. It is not just the anxiety I am dealing with in regards to the holidays, I have been dealing with the grief of this being the first holiday season without my grandma. I just wish the anxiety wasn’t so bad especially with the added grief. The one thing that has been quite helpful with the anxiety is my cat. She has been laying on my chest as I sit in my chair when I am high anxiety. She does this to help me focus on my breath. I find it quite helpful that she does this even though it hurts my boobs.

Well, I don’t have much more to say. Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end of things. I hope that I can post more often and not let things get in the way. Again, thank you so very much for reading my post. If I don’t post tomorrow, I want to wish everyone in the United States a very Happy Thanksgiving. Peace Out, World!!!

The Ways I Am Staying Awake

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! Right now I am trying to keep myself awake as I have work tonight (Sunday) 8:00 pm to 8:00 am tomorrow morning (Monday). The main thing that has been keeping me awake is watching a Harry Potter marathon on the USA network via Hulu. The other thing that has been helping me stay awake is doing some art work.

In all honesty I am enjoying staying up and watching movies despite really wanting to go to bed at the moment. I am enjoying the Harry Potter marathon immensely. At least I am not fighting off boredom and have something entertaining me.

I am also creating some great paintings. I finished one painting that I had already started and loved how it turned out. I also started and finished another painting and don’t really like it. I started another one but haven’t finished it yet. Not sure if I like it yet. I’ll see how I like it when I am finished.

Another thing that has been helpful with keeping me awake in my cat, Lil Gertie. She is active this time of night and I have been playing with her. I am so grateful that I have Lil Gertie in my life. She has been such help to me and my mental health challenges.

It is three o’clock in the morning in my corner of the world. So, I have two to three hours to go before I head off to bed. I hope I can make it as I don’t want to be a cranky bucket for work. So here is to hoping I am able to stay awake and able to sleep when I go to bed.

I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated from my end. I really am grateful for all of you. Have a good week. Peace Out, World!!!

Pulling An All Nighter

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! I was asked earlier this evening if I could work tomorrow night (Sunday) and I said yes. I am not sure if I am doing a partial shift or a full shift but I hope it is a full shift despite not liking the twelve hour shift. I could really use the money.

I’m thinking maybe that my lack of sleep last night was and is a blessing in disguise. I say this because I can now stay up all night tonight so I can sleep during the day tomorrow (Sunday) so I can be awake all night tomorrow for work. To help me stay awake a plan on reading. I will be reading a fantasy book and various comic books. I will also be doing different genres of art work. I am sure I will be doing some coloring as well as some painting but haven’t decided yet.

It is only eight fifteen in the evening in my neck of the woods at the moment and need to get something to eat for dinner and have a long ways to go before I go to bed. I first need to figure out what I am going to have for dinner but not sure what I feel like having to eat.

Before I go end this post I want to ask you favor. Can you please click on the advertisements on my blog. I ask this because every time someone clicks on an ad on my blog I earn anywhere from a couple of cents to a couple of dollars per ad. It is not much money but it is something.

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is very much appreciated on my end of things. I hope you all have wonderful rest of your weekend. I hope to blog sometime during my work shift tomorrow if I am able to find the time. Again thank you for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

 

The Sh*t That Is On My Mind

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! It has been a few days since I last posted. I have attempted to post but hit road blocks and writers block along the way. So today, I am saying fuck it to both the road blocks and writers block and just write what I am thinking at the moment. Yes, it is a scary thought. Yes, I will be writing what I am exactly at the moment. Yes, it might not make sense.

Right now I am dealing with some fucking anger. Anger over the mass shooting in California. Why in the hell is this shit still fucking happening? Why is the media blaming mental health challenges, yet again on the mass shooting? Why are people on social media sites doing the same thing? Seriously, people who have a mental health challenge are more likely to be the victim of a violent crime than a perpetrator of one. Why can’t mainstream media share that?

Okay, if you are a regular reader, you know I live in Seattle, Washington. Anyway a couple of initiatives recently passed here in Washington. One was for better gun control. I personally had mixed feelings on this initiative because of possible HIPPA violations. I would have voted for it if it weren’t for the HIPPA violations. I am all for common sense gun control but when it violates a persons medical privacy then its an issue for me. Another initiative  that passed and I voted for is better and more training for police officers in regards to people who are in a mental health crisis. I don’t understand why people have an issue over more training for police officers. Hell, I personally think any type of training for any career is a good thing.

I am having some high anxiety right now. I haven’t had therapy last week or this week due to my therapist being out sick. I can’t help but think this is going to be another repeat of what happened when Diana left unexpectedly two years ago due to a cancer diagnosis. I feel like I am have very similar conversations with the on call clinicians that I had two years ago as I “have no evidence” that my therapist wont be coming back which is true but when its happened before you tend to worry and be anxious about such things. I just don’t need another change in my mental health care. I hope my therapist gets better and does come back but I’m not holding my breath at the moment. I don’t think the clinicians I’ve talked to over the last two week really understand the fear I am having right now especially with having a new job and the holidays coming up.

Thanks for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope everyone has a great weekend ahead. I am grateful for each one of you who read my blog. Again, thank you for reading. Have a wonderful evening as well as a good weekend. Peace Out, World!!!

BEWARE: I’m On My High Horse

Posted on by Gertie

Good Morning, World!!! It has been one of them weekends that has been frustrating as hell. That is part of why I am on my fucking high horse. I think I’m going to tell you what I am on my high horse about.

First and fore most I am sick and tired of people complaining about politics to find out that they don’t vote in any election “ever” or “in years.” I am sorry but if you haven’t ever voted or haven’t voted in years then I don’t want to hear you complain about anything regard politics or politicians. I understand that sometimes people are unable to vote for various reason such as being in the hospital or loosing a loved one for example. I just don’t want to hear someone complain if they regularly don’t participate in voting. So please go out to vote tomorrow if you haven’t already voted.

Okay, I am now that I have stated why I am on my high horse I am going to end this post for now. I will attempt to blog later on today or sometime tomorrow. I think I need to blog more especially since that holiday are among us. Have a wonderful Monday and work week. Thank you for reading my post.

 

More Monday Moodiness

Posted on by Gertie

Hello, World!!! It is still Monday in my part of the world. I am still dealing the Monday moodiness I wrote about in my last post. I am still dealing with depression, grief and isolation as well as other not so good emotions.

I have been doing things to help me through the rough emotions since my last post. My cat is now back sitting next to me on my chair. She is purring right now and the purring is helping calm me down.

I have also done some art work. I have done some painting. I am painting something for a friend of mine to give as gift to her as she has been of great support to me. I am not finished with the painting and she has no idea I am painting her something. I hope to be able to give it to her by Thanksgiving.

I have also been writing. I have been mainly writing poetry. Poetry that I hope to share with you my reader someday but not today. Writing poetry is quite helpful for me and I wrote a poem for my grandma in regards to dealing with my grandma’s death on Valentine’s Day of this year (2018).

Thank you so much for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. I hope to blog again tomorrow. I hope to inform you how my doctors and therapy appointments go tomorrow. Thank you again for reading my blog. Peace Out, World!!!

Monday Moodiness

Posted on by Gertie

Good Evening, World!!! Right now, I am realizing that I have been moody most of the day. I have been moody for many reasons. My depression is acting up. My grief dealing with my grandma hit me like a tsunami today. Oh yeah and that weather sucks shit.

It doesn’t help things that I have been isolating myself today. Not sure why I am isolating today but I have. I did email my therapist and primary care doctor about the depression, grief and isolation. Both my doctor and therapist reminded me of my appointments with them tomorrow which I know will be quite helpful for me. My therapist also informed that I do have refills for my psych meds as he talked with the “shrink on duty.” So, at least I know I have meds for the next two weeks.

My cat, Lil Gertie, has been of great help to me today. She has been laying by my side on my share or laying on my lap. She even let me hold her for about ten minutes as I paced around my apartment. She usually only lets me hold her for about two to three minutes max. She is an awesome emotional support animal. Right now she is taking some “me time” by sleeping on my bed. Everyone needs some space at times and she has done a very good job with supporting me today so she deserves the “me time.”

I want to thank you for reading my blog. It is greatly appreciated. Knowing that I have perfect strangers that care about me and that I am able to help by sharing my story helps me get through tough days like today. I hope everyone has a good rest of your Monday. Enjoy your week with whatever you are doing. Peace Out, World!!!